BLACK DOG 26

Evening all. Please forgiv m I am totally shattered. Ive been in my feet for hours and am totally worn out . It was a wonderful service and all went very well but now I can hardly keep my eyes open so I’ll catch up tomorrow.xx

Doodle Hope you've had a good day at church and you haven't had to work too hard.
HVDY I've never seen so much rain today - cars had to pull over- it was torrential. Still raining now. Oh your poor GD1- her mother is being so cruel. Hope your not having sane dizziness.
Nadateturbe Such kind words to Doodle. You really don't need to worry, you express yourself very well. Hope you're feeling better today after more rest.
Scaredycat Glad you're getting some nice cat cuddles - sorry, what are head bumps? Yes ,I love vast expanses of sky , whether it's in the country or beside the sea. Your DD is very clever- I once made a Swiss Roll at school and it was very complicated ( think I had to roll it up with greaseproof paper in the middle first and it all cracked like an earthquake when re- rolling it) Never made it since.
Wyllow Oh its good to hear your heart is at peace and I hope it's long lasting. It's so nice that you're having long chats with your sister too. You must be so looking forward to seeing your son and family. This month seems to be flying by. My dad used to sing My Old Man's a Dustman and did a little tap dance in the kitchen. 🤗 Fond memories.

A deluge of rain today. Not been able to get out and sit in the garden yet as so wet. DH enjoyed a Full English in Kendal this morning ( made all the more special as he (I?) has been watching his cholesterol). He wasn't great at all after just a half hr stroll. He's recovered a bit now.

Hope everyone is doing OK.
Warm wave to Flippinheck Hope you're OK too.

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SweetpeaSue That's a beautiful photo. Hope you're both managing to relax a bit and that the weather's ok.

ScaredyCat The step-sister is a horrible girl, like the mum, and calls GD some nasty names. She, too, has been very badly affected by the mum but is now the same as her. A mug cake is made in a mug - I did it in a measuring jug - flour, baking powder, cocoa, sugar, vegetable oil and milk. Lovely. Cat cuddles and head bumps are great. Jaffa's only just got up from his slumber since 10am!

How are all the BDers, particularly the ones we don't often hear from? It's rained on and off all day here, so I watched Mrs Doubtfire (one of my favourites, albeit rather schmaltzy) and did some ironing x

Good afternoon everyone. I hope everyone is ok. I'm trying to catch up from Wednesday. I'm sure I'll miss a lot that people have said, so forgive me.. and it will be a little bit at a time.
Wyllow yes foot massage is good. I do it myself sometimes too. You will have to try a fish finger sandwich, I highly recommend it! I think we should all use our MPs more, and let them know our views.
I'm sorry Wyllow, I'm afraid I don't know who little L is. But the photo is lovely.
Scaredycat can you not turn off the heating on your steering wheel? Maybe check the manual.
The retinal scan thing is reassuring. I usually have it. Eyes can be problematic when we're older, but thankfully treatment has improved. I hope you get seen soon about your eyelid. Life is definitely not simple. It's a continual process of conquering fears! I laughed at your description of eating roast chicken. I honestly don't know how people are eating in this weather. My DS and DiL had mini fries (frys?) and husband had chowder when we had lunch out. I had a cheese sandwich.
Doodle you're right, it is uncomfortable either way in a caravan. But it's nice to have somewhere to go and relax.
I'm reading your post from last Wednesday about remembering the past, and thinking what you should have done etc. I often wonder would I feel like that. I think it's only natural to wonder what could I have done differently.. We are human beings and we don't do everything perfectly. We can only make the best decision at the time. And we don't know what the future would hold if we made a different choice, did things differently.. And if we feel guilty about anything, we know that God will forgive us. And wants us to give our problems to him. I also know from your past posts that you looked after your DH with loving care, and I'm positive that he felt that love. I hope that all makes sense. I'm not very good at expressing myself.
Back in a while.

Hi all
HVDY- what a truly nasty person your GD mum is- thank goodness she has her kind stepmum and your lovely family to support her. I,m sure she appreciates that but she’s dreaming and wishing for what will never happen- that’s sad. Does she get on OK with her stepsister?
The Swiss roll was lovely but didn’t last very long with 4 of us attacking it!! What is a chocolate mug cake?
Nadateturbe- Blow the housework - you had a lovely few days and that must have done you so much good. The dust can wait. Just have a nice rest and recuperate ready for more nice times.
SweetPeaSue- what a wonderful sky- great photo. It was your welcome from the Lakes.
Have a peaceful day today and enjoy that beautiful place.
Doodle- No one deserves a good friend more than you- she sounds a lovely lady.
Hope you are enjoying your busy day at Church- it will be a good tired at the end of it.
Wyllow- your mind can rest much more easy now your heart feels at peace over your ex. You have come so far and your own welfare is your priority- you cannot, and now don’t need to, worry about him.
Soon you will see your family- that’s something to really look forward to and wonderful for you all. Yes don’t wear yourself out too much and don’t forget to eat!!
Had a lovely cat cuddle lots of head bumps and closeness.
Hope you have been to Quakers today and enjoyed that peaceful and kind atmosphere.
Flippinheck- how’s it going today?
Candy,Allsorts, Nanny2507, EllieAnne,Whiff, and all those other friends whose names I can’t remember hope life is treating you more kindly.

Morning everyone.
Reading your posts and keeping up.Will come back later.
Yes ,we left in the rain and arrived in the rain though so extremely tired.
Beautiful sky from house last night.

I'm so glad the dizzy ness eased, HVDY

I'm hoping Sweetpeasue has arrived safely and they have some sun

Wyllow3 Glad your mind is at rest re your ex now. You're getting yourself better and we all want you to stay well. Good to are going to get back into the Quakers group. I bet you're excited to see your family. It's been a while, hasn't it? GD's mum is a very unpleasant person (would you believe she works in a school) and so is her 17 year old daughter (not my son's child). Last night, I listened to music by a bloke by the name of Teddy Swims.

Been to feed Grandcats. The dizziness has eased a lot, and BP is much better, at 137/73. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

A little night music - Mozarts Piano Concerto No. 21 - Andante - and superb visuals
It’s sad but redemptive - played by Hélène Grimaud.
She experiences synesthesia, where she sees music as colour, poetry
www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8e0fBlvEMQ

Lonnie Donegan - My Old Man's a Dustman (Live) 1/6/1961
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODEShfdxoR0&list=RDODEShfdxoR0&start_radio=1
Totally brilliant as its live and he gives an intro and a double act.

Ready for the night essay...

Oh HVDY - so confusing and damaging for GD1 - her own Mum calling her fatty - she is imo a sick lady, taking it out on her own daughter - whatever the reasons I - no excuse possible.
But I am confident you are “on the case” of healing and bringing as much positive things into her life as possible. What music were you listening to?

I now have Classic FM on every night between 10 and 12. It’s very laid back…and I’ve not noticed an advert. I know so much of the music and it speaks to me and I feel back.

But - if GD1 believes her Mum will treat her better one day, she is basically a “glass half full” person, and she will not be likely to go bitter. A fair wind and seas.

I’m glad you are well enough to go cat feedings and a family lunch. Sensible choice there, I’d have gone for the same.

(Its not too long now - mid August - I see my family - for a whole week..must rest up before!)

You are welcome with the photo, Doodle. It was in an article about choices by a Quaker.

Your friend is a very special lady, but probably feels, in giving you support, your loving friendship, back. (What comes around goes around x)

All the best for your big day tomorrow -dont overdo it….

I am, of course utterly determined to go to Quakers, but it doesn’t start till 10.30am so no early get-up

Scaredycat, you say, “Doodles words are very caring and thoughtful. So they are, and it’s so nice you can manage with your wrist and your feelings to post as you are now.

Ah well, I hope people are reassured re my Ex, now.

Oh my, Swiss Roll - do trebuchet some over for my pudding, I’m only just eating my meal. Not that there would be any left.

I bet you had a good old cuddle with the cats - what is the time scale for you getting one?

Aw, nadateturbe…the price of being active. But it's so good to see RL friends not the phone.

You always write enough, loving and to the point as well.

A wave to Flippinheck, thinking of you and hope you are following BD’s, as you are welcome.

And of course to all other BD’s - reading, posting, in a good or bad place. xx

I've had a long, emotional day with a lot of "tying ends up" of things started. (although I did order more stuff from Amazon, there's nothing there I'd had to send back.

The emotion is because of a complete sea change as regards my deep concerns and anxiety about Ex. Partly triggered by a phone call with DocSis last night, I decided to text Ex's best friend, whom I had definitely asked too much of before in terms of "saving Ex.

Here is how the texting went:

Me
I’ve talked it all over with my advisers including my wise sister They said it’s just fair to ask you if you see Ex tell me if the “light has still gone from his eyes”.
I’ll then decide with others what can be done- several approaches in discussion- that mean I am "safe" emotionally,
Sorry to be pushy before.

Friend
"I spoke to him this morning and he sounded ok He isn’t going to X's funeral as he mumbled something about cricket!"

Me
I’m feeling a sense of relief, as in, he is off in La La Land, but not it appears in a self-destructive one.
I’m so very grateful, because this is just what was needed for me to not worry.

Friend
"Yes he’s definitely not self destructive" 👍

Me
I can’t thank you enough I was worried having heard him talk about suicide in the past.

Me2
No reply needed. It took some time to strike me that the “ light out of eye” day could have been a tactic.

I've seen him use it, he used it on me: I have it in writing... he did it frequently with people - I didnt realise this until very late in our time together, and even saw it for myself as well as in WhatSapps from him.

Yes he is still damaged and maybe a life for now in an induced haze, watching cricket, makes me feel far better - its something he always turns to with deep appreciation:

It allows me to carry on my life with more peace in my heart.

As BD's can imagine, there were tears, anger, panics but controlled ones (rung Sis), sorted my clothes out all nice, printed out a backlog of admin etc.

In the end, of course I won't go away and forget, not at all, but my feelings are now in a good place about him not a bad place.

I'll be back later to catch up with days, I haven't eaten yet x

You're right HVDY thanks. Enjoy your music.

nadateturbe You had a nice time with friends and then your son and his wife, that's what matters. Housework isn't important and can wait for a better day. Take it easy and rest.

Doodle GD1 knows what her mum is like but naively thinks she might one day be a good mother. Your friend sounds like the kind of person one rarely meets. Very special. Hope your day goes well tomorrow. What will you be doing to help out at church?

Fed Son2's cats some cooked chicken and got them in for the night. Nothing of interest on tv, so I'll listen to music. Hope everyone has a restful night x

It's understandable that you get worn out easily Doodle especially today, thinking of all your lovely memories with your dear husband, and feeling so sad at the same time.
J hope you manage to have a good sleep tonight for your full day tomorrow. You are doing so well. Hugs and love.xx

Scaredycat I have the most amazing friend. She lost her husband 6 years ago and has been there for me from the beginning. I couldn’t have got to where I am now without her. She is so kind and caring, funny and supportive. I am very lucky in my friends and family.
Have a lovely time with your DD
HVDY that’s so good your son’s wife is caring. Your DGD will soon be old enough to realise what her mum does hopefully she will see the difference between the two and learn from it.
nadateturbe it’s easy to do too much. I am exhausted tonight but have done very little. I get worn out so easily.
Full day at church for me tomorrow. Big get together in the afternoon and I am helping.

Hello everyone. I've done too much. Had coffee with friends Wednesday afternoon, went to opticians to arrange antiglare specs to see if it helps screens and had lunch with DS2 and DiL yesterday. Only 2 hours each day, did very little in the house but just too much. Hopefully be able to write tomorrow. Thinking of you all and what you are coping with. Sending love and hugs. Prayers as always. xx
Hello to Flippingheck. (I say that quite often).

Doodle I despise the woman so much. GD1 still stays at her mum's once a week and longs for a nice relationship, although it'll never happen. She's got a very caring stepmom in Son1's partner, though. What have you been doing today?

ScaredyCat Home-made swiss roll . Lovely. I was craving something sweet earlier so made a chocolate mug cake in the microwave. It was good.

Had a nice lunch (salad, quiche, jacket potato for me, steak pie & chips for DH). Gave friend some presents for her birthday. Hope everyone is ok x

Hi all
HVDY- what an unkind person GD1 mother is. The damage parents can do,with such cruel names at that age can last a lifetime.
Glad your dizziness is easing- the cats will be pleased to see you.
Hope you enjoyed your lunch .
Wyllow- lovely photo. Always a dilemma taking the right path.Also the choice between light and dark.
Great you have another person in your new army of helpers that’s building up.
Doodles words are very caring and thoughtful .
Doodle- A day of memories and reflection for you yesterday. But also celebration of the wonderful marriage you and DH had all those years. He would be so proud,of you.
Glad you had your friend for company- you must be very fond of her.
Please always say how you feel - not good to hold things in.
Sensible advice for Wyllow.
SweetPeaSue- have a lovely and peaceful holiday xx
Flippinheck- thanks for kind wishes. Nice to have you here.

Now off to DD - she’s made a SwissRoll for us. Hope,the cats don’t think we’ve gone to stay again!!

Love to allxxx

!

HVDY I despair of your poor DGDs mother. What a horrid thing to do to your child. Shame she doesn’t try and support her. No wonder the poor girl has troubles.
wyllow. Lovely photo thank you

WEyllow3 A beautiful, and telling picture.

I feel less dizzy (although it's still there) this morning so am off to feed Son2's cats. Meeting Son1's original ex and her husband and their son, for lunch later. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Doodle A bittersweet day for you - wedding anniversary, and of course, you miss your husband. I'm glad you find the hospice a comforting place to be. GD1 is very troubled - past traumas involving her mum, etc. She also lacks self-esteem (even her mum calls her Fatty). Between Son1, DIL and us, we'll try to help her.

SweetpeaSue Hope you get off ok today. Try to have a restful time, away from the usual things.

I found this pic and found it rather beautiful, all about choices, when we are able to make them

Thank you Sweetpeasue it’s not been a bad day. Sad bits of course but nice to spend peaceful time at the hospice. Xx

Doodle Just realised it's your 55th Wedding Anniversary. I hope you can remember all of those happy times and memories you've shared together over the years. I'm glad you had the hospice to go to. Sending you love and hugs dear Doodle and you must never stop sharing how things are with you here on BD.x

Go not GP!