BLACK DOG 26

Well, your sorting out and cleaning was I suppose good exercise with a nice neat end, Scaredycat! Ooo, a nice day - a walk and later your photography group. Now if memory serves, have we had a pic from you, something you've done in the group?

HVDY LG is so bright I thought she would be enjoying arty stuff. You must be absolutely tired out, but I bet it all looks really super.

I like going up into the hills alone when it familiar territory. Depends how I feel. Sometimes another person can spoil the experience of being in nature, sometimes it's fun.

I am a bit better, have quietly pottered, it cheered me up when the organiser came to collect the painting, I think that when the self hater disappeared: not tried to do anything demanding, just gone quiet. and just pottering doing not a lot. I've gently pushed the chimney repair man as next doors drive has my scaffolding in it.

I'm waiting for a phone call from the GP as my cystitis has come right back, one of the reasons for vv broken night and its just getting worse, if possible I'll ask her about something flagged up in my notes already, which is slow growth cataracts I'd like to get fixed sooner rather than later: its safe to drive atm.

I talked to a young woman whose gran had laser eye treatment on the NHS -I didn't know that was possible, but it's probably for special conditions. I've got my skin appointment a week tomorrow, hoping the dodgy bits pass muster, but been through their removal before.

The garden is all twinkly (pix) with raindrops, one photo is halfway down the garden, the next the very end bit.

I always wonder how BD regulars are managing, since its always nice to hear - lots of "I wonder how this or that went" from previous posts.

Morning all
Wyllow- you,ll have lots of fun when your GC come. Something lovely to look forward to.
Your garden looks great- pebbles and rocks are so effective.
Yes I,m sure doing your painting has awakened much emotion. There is bound to be some feelings of loss but now you understand yourself better and yes Mr C was a lesson well learned.
Your painting depicts so much of your story through life.
Please love yourself - you are a very lovable personality.
Perhaps your dear cleaner or carer would would go up into the hills with you. I know it’s very evocative for you but also it is the beautiful world to be part of - when they are a bit bigger your GC would probably love it too.
Hope the day gets better
SweetPeaSue- perhaps you could take some of the pressure off yourself and think that the letter doesn’t have to be done yet.wait and see what happens - you have so many concerns and that is one you could put to one side for the moment.
Glad you had an enjoyable Birthday meal and were able to get out by the sea. It must have been rough with all that wind.
If possible try and enjoy the small pleasures of everyday life- one day at a time. You should not have to fight for every little thing . As Doodle said don’t hesitate to call 999 .
Doodle- your church is such a wonderful example of the comfort and companionship for all.A place of refuge and love.
Tomorrow you will be there again .
I was tired but had a bee in my bonnet about our very large messy airing cupboard . So we took everything out and hoovered etc and found stuff we could throw away. Guess who fell asleep watching TV😀
Glad the family meal went well - how old was your Grandson?
It’s my Sons Birthday today who lives abroad- can’t believe how old my children are getting!! Had A Face time chat yesterday - thank goodness for FT.
Freed- I was a young Grandma so could keep up OK but when the GGC arrived - Oh my word the difference. As you say endless energy and if we had a day with them we were done in!! I think that you should do as much or as little that suits you. Better an hour of fun than a day you can’t wait to finish!!
HVDY- it’s funny how deliveries happen like that- they’re like busses - none or all at once. Your bedroom will be lovely when it’s done - will Jaffa get his eye on it!! Zoomies at 5.30 - oh that’s a bit early. Hope we get a dozy cat!
I think it’s great that LG likes to paint and draw- it’s something you can do with her sitting down😀
Been for a walk this morning and photography group this afternoon. DH at Gym.
Nadateturbe- how are you? Have you been to your Art Group this new term!? I suspect as we haven’t heard from you that you don’t feel too well. Sending a hug.
Candy- hope you’re OK too.
Love to all- present ,missing for whatever reasons and those just reading.

Freed Our grandchildren range from 2 years to 15. We see the older ones fortnightly, but have the little one for a full day (sometimes, like this week, 2 full days) every week. She keeps us busy, is on the go all the time, but is adorable.

SweetpeaSue Glad you had a nice birthday with your son and his family. It's awful that you have to keep chasing things up about your husband. You fight his coner all the time, but it shouldn't need to be like that.

Doodle Are you up to much today?
SacredyCat Hope you're taking it easier, you've had some busy days.
Wyllow3 LG loves crayons and paints. She's very good and sits at the table to use them. Your garden is looking pretty. Hope you have a good day today.

The carpet fitters came at 9.45, and the bed turned up as they were here - they had to put the 2 halves in separate bedrooms, then DH and I sorted it out later. Good day with LG - missed playgroup, so went to 2 parks. Jaffa woke me at 5.30 this morning, running up and down the stairs, so I'm tired already. Hope everyone has a decent day x

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202509/medium-d0amfe-7733ec58-f7ed-4938-9708-0f1fadd8bb84.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202509/medium-esmlhz-fd82954f-48c3-4e3d-8574-38ee22f1716b.jpg

I woke up early after a really bad night. Partly some cystitis troubles but mainly I woke up soaked in grief and confusion about X. It wont go away. It means I haven't finished working through the pain bits. Last night I felt it a bit but pushed it down but have to "sit with" it.

If I cant do it alone, I may ring MH, there is a bloke J on the answering line who knows me well (otherwise you have to start from scratch).

11 years from a blissful beginning to a slow pattern of abuse that I didnt "see" and left me with the two year depression. Engaging with the MrCostas of this world is not the answer. I have to learn to love my self and be sufficient unto myself with my spiritual leanings.

Undoubtedly, doing the picture has been a trigger for both loss and celebration because of its contents. I'm putting it in again in two halves so you can recognise the bits. Ex down bottom left...my sister who died, the grey sibling of the four. ..my parents not with us, curled up, a Dove with a heart in its mouth, flying away. Friendship and family recognised. the Doves represent transitions and the top right wounded Dove still flying very clear.

Got it

trying to post it

Thankyou all for your birthday wishes. Can't reply to all personally tonight.

Went out for a small walk between showers on sea front. So windy. Then had nice meal with son, DIL and DGS andSGD. Always lovely to see them.

Doodle First thing I told DH is all I want for my birthday is him to go to A&E. He phoned for blood test results and to ask York hospital if they'd received it-- ' no'. Our surgery had sent it to the consultant's private sec so rang her to ask her to send it to York hospital. York hospital had said they can't arrange scan till they get it . Time is going so slowly. I know you understand too well.
Will ring Cardiologist secretary tomorrow to ask when private scan is on heart arteries. Feels like living with a time bomb. Thakyou Doodle.
Thanks for hugScaredycat
HVDY Hope carpet came before bed.
Wyllow So sorry for your feelings of deep loss today. Tomorrow is a new day.
Freed My DGC are growing so fast but I remember the exhaustion when I had DGS when a toddler though it was only a couple of days a week. Take care of yourself and don't try doing more than you honestly feel able to.

Love to all.x

the deputy gardeners design (he's never tired this sort of thing before)

My answer to Freed is that I have very limited energy and take things accordingly, like

next time I go up I will stay in a wee hotel round the corner

I can't take full on at all, far too tiring and I am vulnerable to what DS and DiL may think of me.

Ah, cross posted Doodle. Very kind and wise things there for Sweetpeasue.

Having a good spiritual home is so nurturing, if it's something that is part of one's personality..

I am truly so glad for you

How has your birthday gone, Sweetpeasue? Love to know.

Ah, an LG day, HVDY. I can't wait to see them again, it's 6 weeks. I've got so many ideas of the crafts I'm doing with them especially M aged 11.
Does LG like crafty things (age suitable!) the big acrylic pens on bits of card are great fun. Like these, washable. tinyurl.com/2u6jy5c7

Today was a big day. I was really, really fortunate that the sun actually cam out when the gardeners were here and it looks just fab, they dug over areas, planted out the ones I've bought, and the gardeners assistant was delighted to be given the task of creating a pebble based different colour areas, he did a great job (pic).

Then I went to collect my framed picture from the Framers, and the stand in one for the exhibition. By mutual agreement the framer is going to hang my work up in his studio hoping for buyers, he likes and understands it, I wouldnt mind making money to cover the framing costs.

Relaxed time at Costa followed with NO complications and a quick visit to the bike shop as I need a change before riding it safely.

On a real high, have been very non stop for quite a time now - I came home, pottered clearing messes and then went to sleep.

I woke up feeling real, deep loss and sadness for Ex. I told myself, "so thats what you have been on the run from, W".

(last time I crashed in depression, it was because of avoiding facing loss, so I was relieved that it turned up today and I can go through the process instead of carrying on the run. MrC was a powerful learning way station, don't get involved with men in very unstable situations big time!!!)

I played music, wrote diary, thought of events we'd gone through (good and bad) and went onto making the house cosy and a mixture of distraction and feeling what I can.

How is everyone else today? tis quiet in BD's......

Evening all.
Sweetpeasue you know you can always post as much or as little as you like here.
Happy birthday. 🎂 I hope you managed to relax enough to enjoy time with your DS and family and had a nice meal. I wish I knew what to write to you. You are under so much stress and I totally understand why. You and your Dh haven’t been treated well by the NHS. I’m so forgetful these days. Has your Dh had his scan yet or were you waiting for the blood test results first?
Just make sure your Dh doesn’t overdo things. Hopefully the artery will be sorted soon and it will help his breathing.
If you get really worried then phone 999 and get an ambulance
Sending a big hug.
Scaredycat I bet you’re tired today after the party weekend. Hope you’ve been taking things easy.
Wyllow our church is a very friendly one. Lots of people stay for coffee after and we all chat with each other. Glad you are back with the Quakers again and find it helpful. Good that you got the paper you needed too.
HvDY some shops are incompetent aren’t they, hope you get y,our deliveries in the right order. Did you have a nice time with little girl too. We were talking yesterday about the day our grandson was born. Can’t believe all those years have passed.
Freed my grandchildren are all grown up now but when they were young we used to see them regularly especially in the school holidays when we would take them out somewhere. Yes it’s very exhausting keeping up with them.

We are all really, really different, Freed. I don't think any of us could summarise an answer to this, but if you like, you could read back a bit and may find answers, and get an idea of what Black Dogs is about?

your grandchildren keep you busy?

I’m curious to know how much time other grandparents spend with their grandchildren. Do you see them regularly, or mostly on holidays and special occasions?

Mine always seem to have endless energy — I can barely keep up sometimes! How do you all manage?

SweetPeaSue- Happy Birthday!!! I know how worried you are feeling but try to enjoy your day as best you can. Birthday Hug coming your way.🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂❤️❤️
Back laterx

ScaredyCat 100 people at the party! I don't even know that many people! The aggressive, paranoid phase my DIL went through lasted about 4 years . Not all dementia patients follow the same pattern, and some phases are shorter or longer than others.

Doodle Nice that you saw your GS and enjoyed some cake on his birthday. Hope your day goes well.

SweetpeaSue Happy birthday . Going out for a meal, especially with the grandchildren, might be just what you need to take your mind off things. Keep telling yourself that you've done everything possible to get help for your husband. He will surely get the treatment he needs, very soon.

Wyllow3 Glad you had such a good workout at the gym. Yes, the weather was bad all day. I'm glad you're enjoying being back in with the Quakers again.

LG here today. The bed is also being delivered from the same company. I've 'phoned the shop and warned them that if the bed arrives before the carpet, it will be turned away. The shop bloke was of no use at all, so we'll see. Back later x

Oh really sorry, Sweetpeasue - I put Scaredycat instead of you up thread. No deep meaning, just tired - its nearly 11am and have the gardener at 8am.

Nice that she was talkative, HVDY

Oh my, Scaredycat, 100 people - wow - phew - I bet you are tired but happy today. I did tai chi seriously for 2 years when I first came to live here - loved it - dropped out when my first (and worst) depression hit, but there are classes at the gym twice a week if I want. It’s a fun happy class too and afterwards if you stay they do a bit of martial arts. Have you stopped doing it altogether? I guess it never leaves you. The qi gong warms ups are worth keeping going on a gentle level?

Staying on after the service is nice too, Doodle - do you find you get nice nattering then?
Good painting, if you do it.

I thought you might like that piece, Scardeycat. What joy and energy. Yes, I can see the anxiety driven by past failed complaints. But I do see value in this one. Can you try and phrase it as “suggestions for better handling matters” than full on complaint? It usually goes down better.

You can always, always, just call an ambulance to take DH to A and E of course. If there is breakdown. But is it positive or negative to say stuff like that to DH?

Yes, a great day, becuase of quakers really. Yet another young couple turned up, probably friends of the young ones who joined meetings and are clearly here to stay. Lovely to have the young ones with us: we are a quiet quite contemplative meeting, and name young people prefer the bigger busier town one - but not if you have the temperament that the first young couple have.

No good going for a walk in the park, it was raining on and off, so I did a very energetic session at the gym. I am getting stronger all the time physically which does translate mentally. More interesting conversations with T the male cleaner and B who is a tall, proud woman from Nigerian “Royals” - her parents weren’t in favour so she was born here…a young strong woman helped me do what I used to, thats an upside down bridge, she has to lift my middle, in return for a tip for shoulders.

Biggest and best news - I bought some very good quality paper from Amazon, and its printed off my shoe picture perfectly. Slightly smaller by and inch all round than the original but I will frame it myself as I have A3 frames to hand, and that mans no risk to my original picture. Tuesday morning is the deadline.

Mood - good, most of the day, and spiritually lifted by Quakers.......after waking up really not great at all. Tired, doing too much, but it didnt feel like that today as I worked off the nervous energy.

Scaredycat That was a huge party- young people seem to have so many big celebrations now.( Guess that's showing my age) The nurse was really lovely- an older person close to retirement - but knew so much. She knew my DHs dizzy spells and chest tightness was due to Carotid artery occlusion.
Wyllow The Pachelbel's Canon was a really beautiful thing to listen to , thankyou.
HVDY My aunt is a bit like your DSIL though her illness not as advanced. You are very kind and patient with your DB. Aunt has 2 carers a day coming in so she can take her meds, otherwise forgets.
Doodle Hope you have decent day tomorrow with your painting practice and- ugh- housework.

Sorry just not up to posting much today. Another sleepless night and anxious about DH. Just thinking about writing a letter to dept at hospital and GP practice about failures brings on so much anxiety- it's just so close to what happened before. Im feeling such a failure. So scared for DH. Re- read letter from private Vascular surgeon- he says clearly he suspects full occlusion of Carotid artery. I googled it and it can/ does bring on tightness of chest and breathlessness.

Sorry, knew I shouldn't have come in.
Birthday tomorrow. Told DH I'd like him to go to A&E as a present. Made him feel bad, I think. But it's true. Just can't believe this is happening again.

Son has booked table for dinner for us tomorrow, with DGC after school as birthday present. Just going through the 'motions' .
Wishing all a peaceful night. Xxxx

Sweetpeasue glad your Dh has had his BT. Hope the scan is soon too.
Wyllow sounds as though you had a good day. Nice to have friends in the gym. Got your saddle sorted too. A positive sort of day.
HVDY glad your SIl was in such good spirits. Must make her DH happier that she’s in a place where she’s safe and cared for,
Scaredycat so pleased the party went well. So many people, that’s amazing. Well organised. Went to see our grandson tonight. He had a good birthday. Had a piece of his delicious birthday cake.
Church this morning. I was doing coffee so it took longer than usual but I don’t mind. Nothing else to do and it helps pass the time. I’m always happy to be in church.
Day at home tomorrow. Might try some painting if I’ve time after housework

Oh my, watch this, the energy in Pachelbel's Canon usually so restrained

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ptk_1Dc2iPY&list=RDk7PNFDrcqmY&index=2

Except I think I know now, "The role I've been given"...

This "The" Mental Health song for me, I return to it in every good patch.

"Feel". Robbie Williams - live here

www.youtube.com/watch?v=cI0Pov_dIgg&list=RDcI0Pov_dIgg&start_radio=1

Hi all
EllieAnne- could you perhaps fit in one of those big squashy bean bags to sit on more comfortably. I can’t bear the thought of you having to sit on the floor when it’s cold. Doodles words to you were so spot on- there are many people who,would love you as a friend.
Doodle- the party was really good thank you - very noisy and busy as there were over 100 people there. GD1 had done a really good job organising it all and keeping it a secret too!
Such kind words for EllieAnn and so true too. You always know what to say to help.
So sorry it was a bad day yesterday- sometimes you feel lonely with people too don’t you.
Hope today has been better and you,ve had a lovely family time. Happy Birthday to your Grandson.
SweetPeaSue-What a difference a warm caring person can make. That nurse must have made DH feel relaxed and cared for there which hasn’t happened lately for him.
Hope the outing with your Auntie went well.
Wyllow- lovely picture on my mind of you and your 2 friends doing yoga and having a laugh at the same time. That’s how it should be. I did Tai,Chi for a while and we used to laugh too but that was mainly cos we couldn’t remember the sequences.
What a lovely day you had - full of satisfying moments. It will be nice one day to have DGD2 stay. You can paint together,watch films and eat goodies. But you certainly need energy for the young ones.
HVDY- I must confess I had help from M and S with the cake! I,ve got so lazy lately.
You remembered well - my Son in Law is a real Forest supporter - not a good result yesterday was it.
Thank you the party was a lovely surprise for Grand Son in-law
.youngest there was a few months old - oldest was me😀
Glad you had a good lunch the girls must have been pleased to see you.
Hope your SiL

enjoys your visit. How,you described her earlier behaviour is much like my lovely mild beautifully mannered friend is at the moment😩

Love to all - hope those missing are Ok. Time to dish up Dinner. Xx

Just got home. Saw brother at 1pm, went to see his wife. She was in a cheerful mood and talkative (for a change). Her conversation doesn't make much sense, but she enjoyed looking at photos of the family cats and dog. It's been raining heavily for the last 3 hours. How's everyone been? x