What can we as grandparents do?

Oh golly, we had many years of battling bulimia with our gorgeous, talented, ADHD daughter. Don't give up, but he prepared for the long haul. I'm a psychologist but it took a doctor from outside to help her learn how to recover. Sending your family love. BTW she has a wonderful husband and two amazing children now, one of whom is also ADHD but absolutely magnificent 🥰

Why on earth should CountessFosco report this to Social Services?

You can report this to social services..she has builimia where she makes herself after eating ....you could also raise concerns s with her school.dobt let this ride .she needs help

Tenko

OP ,this sounds like an eating disorder and the situation is classic , stress of exams , patents divorcing , moving home and possibly school. It’s her way of gaining some control over the situation.
Find a time to talk to her about your concerns . And talk to her parents. They maybe so wrapped in their concerns, they haven’t noticed .
Just a thought about her clothes . It’s summer , is she wearing baggy clothes or joggers , hiding any weight loss.
Despite any acrimony with the DIL , your dgd comes first .

I agree with Tenko.

It could have been primarily anxiety about her exams but with her parents splitting up on top of the stress of that, it is probably too much for the girl to cope with.
She is trying to exert some control over her life.

Another thought is whether she is accessing websites online? Some of them are quite sinister, encouraging youngsters to self-harm.
I think you should see what the situation is like when they return from holiday and perhaps raise your concerns with your son if she is still doing the same.

This website could be of help:
www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/get-help-for-myself/i-need-support-now/helplines/

There may be others.

Her parents have so many worries they may not have noticed, particularly if she is hiding it well. Happened to friends of ours and fortunately her lovely best friend raised the alarm with a teacher. Don’t delay taking action, raise it with DS so he can watch her discreetly on holiday. Hopefully it’s a given that he will raise concerns with her mother.

The girl is sixteen, do why do you not ask her what is wrong?

Nicely, saying you have noticed she suddenly has to rush to the toilet after meals, so you are wondering whether she is allergic to something you use in cooking, stressed about her parents, or is she worried about something.

Sounds like bulemia. Often a response in young people to stressful unmanageable situations that they have no control over.
I think I would tell her parents who sound caught up in their own difficulties.

V3ra

That behaviour suggests bulimia to me 😕

This is what I think and it is all about control. She cannot control her parents relationship, but she can control what she eats and gets rid off. Bulimia can be life threatening, I know only too well having had a GD with an eating disorder, not Bulimia, but all the same an eating disorder.
You need to speak with you son about your concern.

Whilst you cannot do a great deal about the situation she finds herself in, just being the granny and grandad that she has always known. Slowly the stability and familiar conditions you provide will help her to get through this time. Dont try and do extra and unusual things, but the normal routine and the usual food that you make will be very comforting, because it is the same as always. Mentally, having the familiar things will reassure her that not everything is changing and that you will be a safe place for her when she needs it. I would look back and think what you might have done with her over the last couple of years and do that. So perhaps you used to go swimming and have a picnic. She may say that she doesnt want to do that now, but knowing that not everything is changing and that she can still go back to a happier place could be comforting.

You pass on direct facts to Dad without speculation because there are also lots of health conditions that can cause this too. "We have noticed X and wanted to let you know so you can keep an eye on it".

CountessFosco

Thank you all sincerely for your wise advice and comments. Without wishing to be too forthcoming, we feel it is bulimia. The two girls are off on holiday today with their Dad alone. Perhaps that will bring some stability? If not, we shall speak with him when they return.

A holiday might be just what they all need. I hope it gets resolved favourably for all concerned.

The sooner the young lady gets appropriate help, the sooner she may recover.

Stay out of it ... it is a very difficult thing to advise anyone about it ..let the parents handle it ...

That sounds a sensible approach. Years ago I had a teenage relative with similar behaviour which was concerning. They have recently been diagnosed as coeliac and have to avoid gluten.

I agree that it sounds like an eating disorder, and you should also watch out for her wearing baggy clothes, exercising excessively, etc. However, it is possible that your first guess was right and that it is actually a tummy problem.

Conditions such as IBS can be exacerbated by stress and it certainly sounds as if she has a lot of stress in her life. There are also conditions such as Crohns or Ulcerative Colitis which often begin when people are young - I speak from experience regarding the latter. Is she complaining of tummy pain? They're auto-immune conditions but they too can be made worse by stress.

Whatever the problem is, a visit to the GP is the best place to start.

My daughter went through a period of ana - so I later discovered did a large number of girls at her high achieving newly mixed school (just a side issue). But before I knew anything (yes we were over busy too) - she had contacted school health - they helped her get to see a psychologist, who helped with listening and gave her a relaxation tape (new thing then) - she sort of pulled herself round - so there is help and hope.

Thank you all sincerely for your wise advice and comments. Without wishing to be too forthcoming, we feel it is bulimia. The two girls are off on holiday today with their Dad alone. Perhaps that will bring some stability? If not, we shall speak with him when they return.

So, the parents are divorcing and the family home is going, all while she is taking ten GCSEs.
Poor child.
I expect working for her exams has kept family worries at bay; now the exams are over reality is flooding in and everything that was stable in her life is disappearing.

The parents appear to have no concern for their child, only themselves. Obviously no thought for the effect the timing of the marriage split will/may/is having on their daughter.

Have a few brief words with them, share your concerns and make your home a safe haven for your granddaughter and a refuge from stress.

Sounds like her response to family trauma. Most important, be there for her. Provide a strong, secure presence and she will find her way through it all.

On the face of it this sounds like bulimia. I'm sure this has occurred to you, too. It is a mental health condition and often a cry for help from the victim.
Your GD who you describe as sensitive finds herself with her world being turned upside down. Quite apart from the studying and pressure of 10 GCSE's with those results determining her next steps in education, she is about to lose her home and the family life she has led for as long as she can remember. Maybe with everything going on with your DS and DIL they have not seen the worrying signs that you have. Speak calmly to your son about it. If it is bulimia then her parents are the ones to make decisions in the first instance but may well need your support. What your GD doesn't need is to be made to feel any more hurt and uncertain than she already is. People with bulimia often feel out of control with what is going on in their life. Eating is one of the few things they can control. I wish her well and you too.

You definitely need to speak to your DS and tell him your observations and fears as this appears classic signs of an eating disorder.
Maybe he has noticed it too but doesn't know how to approach it with his DD and needs your support and help as it can be difficult for Dads to talk about this sort of thing with teenage daughters. Stay in close contact with your GD so she knows she has the stability of you as adults in her life.
Hope she will be OK once the current stresses have subsided a little.

We went through this with our daughter when she was 18 having just finished her A levels. She decided that she didn’t need to eat anymore. Her grandfather had just died and she wasn’t an expressive person. She hid her feelings and they came out in this way. She did tell her young brother that she didn’t need to eat anymore as she had done her exams. We didn’t think that she was bulimic but later on found out that she was. I would reiterate what others have said, that she should be taken to the GP urgently. And the GP should be told how important it is that she is referred immediately in order to stop this from getting worse. Just to let you know that our daughter did recover after a year or so of therapy and went on to have four children. It will pass but do get the right help now? My mother ( her grandmother) ‘interfered’ and insisted that we got her help. We were burying our heads in the sand, not knowing anything about eating disorders and hoping it would go away. Good luck

Shelflife

The best thing you can do is make it very clear to her that you are are there for her. Speculation on what is happening is dangerous. She is under huge emotional stress just now and will benefit from some stability from you. I wish her well, good luck.

Agree with this. Stability is what she needs. Also someone needs to sit her down and explain exactly what is happening such as where she will live and how she is not losing anyone.

OP ,this sounds like an eating disorder and the situation is classic , stress of exams , patents divorcing , moving home and possibly school. It’s her way of gaining some control over the situation.
Find a time to talk to her about your concerns . And talk to her parents. They maybe so wrapped in their concerns, they haven’t noticed .
Just a thought about her clothes . It’s summer , is she wearing baggy clothes or joggers , hiding any weight loss.
Despite any acrimony with the DIL , your dgd comes first .

Talk to her , tell her about your feelings.. "Ann, this is a really hard time emotionally, isn't it. I 'm terribly sad about the divorce, cried buckets and can't sleep. "

This shows her she's not alone and its safe to talk about being unhappy. . She's probably holding in all her distress to protect her parents and not be an extra worry to them.

Go to the bathroom straight after her "rush" , and see if you smell either vomit or telltale airfreshener.

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/bulimia/

Both her parents need to be told asap. Don't assume they have noticed what you did; they may be totally distracted by their upheaval.

and from experience; despite what ex DIL had done to ds and gc and another family, my hard job was and remains to grit teeth and maintain cool civil relations with her for the GC sake.