Black Dogs 27

ScaredyCat Someone else cooking the dinner is always good. Christmas Day should be a relaxing time for you and your daughter. You have a busy social life.

Doodle I do almost all present shopping online. The 2 couples have got vouchers to use at restaurants, as well as personal things each. The only person I haven't bought anything for is LG - she's got so many toys, etc., so I'll just get bits and pieces for her. You don't need to apologise for not posting a lot. You've been busy, and I'm glad you have - you've got a lot of social things happening.

nadateturbe Nice to "see" you in.

Wyllow3 I'm glad the meeting went well and that you felt backed up. Jaffa has already ruined the settees, the sod. Not to worry.

Glad you all like the photo of LG, and don't mind me posting pics of her. We all think our own grandchildren are gorgeous, but honestly, I feel so lucky to be involved with her (we didn't get that with the other GDs), and she'll be the last GC, so she's extra-special to us.

Got the cancelled holiday deposit refund today! Hours of ringing, emailing, complaining, and threatening were worth it. Booked a holiday in Zante in May. Off to bed now. Love to all x

Scaredycat it's a nice kind of tiredness when you've had a good day out, I think. I loved visiting NT properties in the South. So many interesting places. And tasty good in the cafes.
Gosh you're well organised with presents already delivered!
You're so busy, and yet still taking time to think of others. I'm sure your friend really enjoyed her visit.
It's lovely that your GD is hosting Christmas Day and you just have to relax and enjoy yourself.

Ah, but will a Jaffa scratch post stop him from attacking the furniture...lovely photo, HVDY

Naps are good, Scaredycat ? - well, unless they stop a night sleep. it enable me when t happens to have a more active rest of day. Aw, tis great that GD1 and super OH is hosting and cooking.

Loving hugs to Sweetpeasue and others in need but not posting.

The Restorative Justice two women were very good. They won't need to see me more than today as I was able to convey enough and had written quite a bit.

Next, they see MrA who has apparently already agreed, at least to seeing the same two women, and then, if he still wants to proceed, probably early in the New Year, the meeting. MrA was known to the older woman as very well known locally for his "good works"

Men who work in compassionate roles, make themselves a name for it, then in their private lives push themselves unwantedly on women (the odds of it being a new event are very, very small indeed statistically - remember he'd been warned already by Quakers)

It happens so much - the man who is "all fellows well met" out and about, then turn into a different creature at home/in private..... it's not exactly new, is it - it isnt to me, of course as regards Ex. If he refuses to go with what I want, I'm just not sure where things will stand. I'm well aware there will be some who know MrA who wont like it, but frankly, it didnt happen to them.

Its new for me to take matters this far and not run away, in my whole life, really

I chose to go out and poddled round shopping a bit as had some M n s vouchers, got the rest of my Christmas food and drink there: I had to hang out in a cafe for some clothes repairs I'd taken to the repairs shop as I couldnt do one bit of the trouser alteration.....and he had left a "back later notice". but it was quite relaxing.

also to some extend avoiding the framing for tomorrows do - but I did a long stint so only have a couple of hours on it tomorrow. If they don't sell well....then I will have a lot of presents to hand.

My "bottom line" is that MrA confesses to Quakers, ie, it becomes known, and he becomes active in some way in tackling problems of this sort of behaviour.

He is a man of god: an ex Minister his beliefs alone demand it: forgiveness demands honesty: "by their fruits shall ye know them"
and our Quaker beliefs :

I quote "Quakers widely believe that an "Inner Light" or "that of God within" is present in every person. Sexual violence is seen as fundamentally incompatible with this core belief because it denies the inherent worth and dignity of the victim.
Many Quakers describe abuse not only as physical or psychological harm but also as a form of spiritual violence".

And so, it felt. the workers today were very aware of the interruption in my recovery from depression and thats it put that recovery in danger, and that MrA knew how things were with me.

I felt a burden lifted, as they also backed me that I should be able to go to any Quaker meeting and MrS not be there.

Wyllow I’m glad you’re feeling more at home with the Quakers again. You do seem to be in a much better position mentally. Hope the meeting goes well for you.
HVDY if you’ve finished your shopping I wish you’d do mine. I haven’t a clue what to get some people and I don’t have the time for shopping yet. This weekend I will be at church so no time then either.
What a lovely photo of LG. I can’t believe how grown up she looks. As you say a lovely little angel. Good you had a nice time at the day centre.
Scredycat pleased you enjoyed such a good day with your family. I love castles. Was it a ruin or one you could go inside?

My friends I want to apologise for not writing a lot when I post. I get so tired these days and apart from out lovely group I’ve also got the Lockdown group to keep up with, which amazingly still going plus an online bereavement group I belong to and three friends who are in touch every evening by text. I do read all the posts but just can write so much. Hope you’ll forgive me. x

Sweetpeasue your Dh wants to be in control of the situation I imagine. So difficult when you want to help but not all men will allow it. Also don’t forget that pain will make him fractious and depressed. You could try phoning thr British heart foundation for information. I know it’s not his heart but they might be able to point him in the right direction. Like you, I doubt there’s a different procedure or it would have been mentioned. You could ask your GP to explain it a bit more to you I know they’re not specialist but the GP must have some idea. When my DH had prostate cancer I went to all his appointments with him and supported him throughout but when it came to deciding which of three treatment options he would take i made it clear i would support his choice of whatever he wanted to do. I think that’s your best bet. You’ve done everything you can. I’m sending you a big hug as I know what you’re going through but sometimes you can only trust and hope. X

Hi all
I,m really tired tonight after a very busy but lovely day with DD and SiL . We went to a NT castle about an hour away and had a delicious meal in a stable cafe. DD had organised it for us .
When we got home I was so tired I dropped off to sleep and have just woken up. I very rarely do that - have had a very busy week.
SweetPeaSue- it beggars belief what you and DH are going through at the moment. You are both really suffering.
So hope that something will be done soon - there is no excuse for the way you are being treated.
Doodle- yes it’s was lovely to have my friend with us for a couple of hours. She loved seeing the boys as she is a cat lover too.They love new people coming and are very sociable.
No I don’t go to Art any more but stay in touch with 3 friends and we meet up about every 2 months.we just had our Xmas get together.
The Tree Festival sounds lovely. The Christmas trees in the castle today were beautiful. I,m glad your charity is Alzheimer’s - it’s very close to my heart at the moment.
HVDY- ha ha Jaffa was being a typical cat wasn’t he- bet he liked the box the bed came in though.😺
Hope you,ve had a nice afternoon with your friend.
Wyllow-GD1 is hosting Christmas Day - her DH loves to cook as it’s relaxation for him it’s so different from his work. Nice rest for DD and myself, done all presents just hav3 to spend hours wrapping. We posted all family in NE their things - they took less than 24 hours to arrive- full marks to Rpyal Mail!
Great you have a Xmas ‘do’ on the horizon- what a change for you.
Hope today’s RJ meeting went well.
Assertive Wyllow shows you have become more confident and able to stick up for yourself. Glad Quakers is feeling more comfortable again.
Yes the moon has been beautiful this week- shining on us all wherever we are.
Nadateturbe and EllieAnne - your kindness towards others is lovely.
Oh HVDY- just seen the pic of LG. What a little sweetie she is.

Love to all

This did too HVDY 😊

"I buy for our GrandCats and GrandDog . I got Jaffa a cube-shaped bed that's got a dangling toy and a scratching post, both attached"

SweetpeaSue I think your husband will be so much better once he's had the procedure. I hope he'll be able to have it done soon.
Wyllow3 Your hearing aid/tv set-up sounds great. What clever technology these days. I hope the Restorative Justice meeting went well.

How has everyone been today? It was day centre - quizzes, Hunter's Chicken, then a small portion of chocolate pudding with chocolate custard. Lovely. We've had torrential rain ALL day. Got a refund of the holiday deposit, so I'm looking for somewhere else now. x

This made me smile HVDY. She's a lovely child. Nice photo.

Our little angel

Sweetpeasue I could cry for you both. Its simply awful watching your dear husband suffer. And not being able to fix him. And everything taking so long. I pray he gets the procedure done soon.
Sending love and hugs.xx

Just seen your last message Wyllow Thankyou for that.
Hope the RJ meeting is going OK.
So pleased about the nice Quaker meeting.

Thank you for the Christmas Tree festival description Doodle - it's great, I bet you get lots of families coming? I would want to take kids with me.

Can you do the absolute minimum in your flat? what ever feels right, however strange.....I imagine you will be out with family quite a lot, so when you get back comforting things have to count most not what convention demands.

I imagine LG will find things great fun "in the present" as it were, too young to anticipate a lot, HVDY, did you enjoy you time.

Today was very busy partly anticipating tomorrow as the Restorative Justice people are coming at 10am, I got my (2) hearing aids and they are set higher which is great, but should I need them higher they just do them on the computer, I dont need to be there..... amazing stuff. I've also bought a small device that bugs into the TV that enhances the sounds by communicating with my hearing aids

...then I went to the gym and a trainer called me out for wrong "gym etiquette" and got a pretty vigorous response as she got it all wrong (its Bradly to do with people sitting on weights machines using their phones and not getting off, holding up their use.
she then apologised by WhatsApp on the way home as I said next time its going to the manager - where is this assertiveness coming from...shopped...got home to talk to 31:8 and went out for a very late drive, just caught the end of the day and lovely moon
rushed around getting ready for tomorrow ..went out, last of all to a little Quaker meet up which was very good re MrA and feeling part of Quakers again more

I don't think I'll be out a lot after the Restorative Justice tomorrow.

Dear Sweetpeasue.

I think you are right.

Yes.

❤️💛

Because leaving things as they are, is worse.

I'm up for another 30 mins or so if you want to PM.

HVDY Thankyou. I think theres a risk of him not having it done too. He's in so much pain there's no question really. He's going to have to go through with it.

SweetpeaSue Oh, what a worry for you both. The sooner your husband gets a procedure done, the better, I'd think. He needs something sorting out quickly.
Doodle I've bought presents for everyone now but will buy a bottle of something and some tasty food items for each of the adults.

Hope everyone has a restful night (not easy for SweetpeaSue and husband) x

EllieAnne Thankyou x❤️
Doodle The consultant has expressed no wish you see us again. The answer to DHs email was short and to the point and left it in DHs court. I personally want DH to email him again and ask for a quick phone call to find out if there are alternatives but Im guessing there can't be or he would have said, surely. DH says he no longer cares and just wants rid of the pain and the whole ridiculous saga of fighting for treatment. He has said he'll try for a phone call ( ask him by email). Im hoping he wont change his mind about that. If theres a different procedure but it means more waiting I dont think my DH can do it.
You might have noticed dear Doodle , and others, he wont let me speak for him most of the time. I only wish he would but it is what it is. He let's me if we're there in front of someone but seems to want to take control otherwise.
Im scared of the outcome but feel little power .
Sorry for being so down. Its all everyone needs. Take care.

Scaredycat nice to have your friend round. I bet she loved the new additions. I’m happy spending time at church. The people are friendly and nice and it gives me something to do.
Do you still go to your art class? It’s my last lesson for this term tomorrow. We’re having a party next week. Do you get together for Christmas?
Wyllow it’s a Christmas tree festival. We have 60 trees sponsored by various organisations and decorated by them and people come to see them. We serve cake and hot drinks and people vote for the tree they like best. The money raised goes to a charity. This year it’s Alzheimer’s.
You sound a bit brighter today. Keeping busy helps me perhaps having more things to do is helping you too.
Candy good luck with the house move. It’s always a fraught time. Hope it all goes through for you soon.
Love to Ellie Anne and nadateturbe too.
Been out for lunch with DIl and her mum today. Very nice. Tired and full now.

HVDY I can remember our younger granddaughter at her second Christmas. She loved the tree and lights. It’s a magical time for children.
Have you finished your Christmas shopping yet? I need to get going. I buy presents for all the dogs in the family too.

Oh Sweetpeasue not the news you wanted. Your DH can’t continue with this pain. You need to know what can be done to ease the pain. I’m so sorry for you both I can well understand the stress you’re both under.
How is the situation left? Are you getting to talk to the consultant again? It’s an awful situation to be in I know I’ve been there. Sending love hugs and prayers.

Oh sweet pea sue I have no words . It goes on and on. I hope you can get help soon. You deserve better xx

DH just had reply from Consultant to his email. Consultant says the scan showed blood flow was not going away from brain and he said there's more chance of a stroke, and does he still want to go ahead.
When Consultant spoke to him last week he said the team wanted to know but they he was pretty certain that blood flow was away from brain. Now , after second scan, he's not.
More scared than ever. DH is now so stressed and said he doesn't care what happens to him he can't put up with this pain anymore.
I feel Im being consumed by fear now.
He's just gone for bath. He's absolutely fed up of it all.

Sorry HVDY The cardigan is multi-coloured , another toddler one.
Aw LG must feel quite bewildered by the Christmas activities. Hope Jaffa takes to the new bed with time.

Thankyou all for your concern about DH- Im so touched you all care.
DH called hospital to make sure Dr had the scan he had done last Wednesday. D(Consultant had said he'd receive the scan the following day) Hospital said they'd sent it to him but not received any word yet. DH emailed consultant to ask what's happening, said it was getting worse,us Cardiology wont investigate any more until the stent procedure is done, so waiting to hear back from consultant.

Went to book group and just wanted to leave- stuck it out. Last one next week, book read now, so it was arranged for everyone to take so.ething food wise in and do a Christmas Quiz. I dont want to go. Im not in any mood to put on a 'Christmas jolly' face. Everything is so shallow compared to my DHs illness.

Sorry, I feel helpless and just want Christmas over with. I dont think anyone can help me feel better. I cant- when DH is going through this every day in pain. Im scared to death.

Sorry all. Hope you're all OK.xx

SweetpeaSue LG is a bit young, I think, to realise what Christmas is, but she knows something's happening. The tree and decorations are up at their house. What colour is the cardigan you've knitted? We're all concerned about you and your husband and hope he gets an appointment soon. Please keep posting.
Wyllow3 I'd never heard of ThirtyOneEight (I suppose being a non-believer, I'd never have known), so Googled it. It seems a helpful organisation. It's good that you're going to a Christmas "do" and are ready to be fully into life again. Do you wear 2 hearing aids? Well done on the sewing. Trousers are usually long on me (5ft 1), but I use WonderWeb stuff.
ScaredyCat You've had a busy couple of days. Are you buying your boys a Christmas present each? My mum used to buy for my cats, and I buy for our GrandCats and GrandDog . I got Jaffa a cube-shaped bed that's got a dangling toy and a scratching post, both attached. He's ignored it[grin.

It's a grey morning here. I'm going to do more online Christmas present shopping, then seeing a friend this afternoon. Hope everyone has a decent day x