Black Dogs 27

My last post was a crisis one, so it would help me if you can catch up:

meanwhile we look forward to poorly ones that only come in so often, or people who have been in a lot in the past and pop in now and then, and we are aware that some read but dont want to post, and that is fine too. Not everyone is free to say a lot about themselves for many reasons.

I couldn't pass by without saying I hope today is a better day for you Willow. You sound like such a lovely person who sadly has experienced a lot of trauma. Reach out to those who can help you on your journey of recovery. I sincerely pray they can give you some support to help you through this difficult time.

Hi all.
I,m off for a blood test but just wanted to say.
Wyllow- please hang on in there . You have such insight into yourself but maybe need to go into a lower gear and move slowly not at breakneck speed!,
Everyone who loves you- including us are still all with you albeit at a distance.
1- keep going just at a gentle pace
2- love yourself- reach out for help if you need to
3- you’re not going to crash again you’re having a massive wobble
4- inside fragility is something us BDs have in spades
5- think of all those who gravitate towards you
6- they said one day - not today
7- chill out with G - give your lovely cleaner a hug
8- consider you haven’t messed up with G
9- you understand yourself.
Put that old Dog back in his kennel. Better to care too much than not care at all. It’s the price we pay for living and loving.
Massive hugs for you and I know we all send them and are here for youxxxx

Wyllow3 You're going through a wobble, but you can get through it. Keep posting on here - we all care.

Slow down, there's no rush to keep doing things.
Relax, practice your breathing and Yoga.
Stop yourself from being too intense with people or tasks.
Talk to your lovely cleaner friend.
Read, or listen to uplifting music.
Have a relaxing bath.

You're not going to go back to how you were. You're doing well.

Wyllow Tried logging in to GN last night but for some reason it was down or I'd have seen your post.
Can't really say much more than others but just wanted you to know my thoughts are with you . You've been doing everything far too fast and getting onto high ground I think. Now youve just realised where you are and having a wobble .
Do reach out to G or anyone else you think can help. Of course we're all here for you so keep posting.Hugs your way and love too.xx

SweetpeaSue Have you managed to get away?

How's everyone been? It's been warm and sunny here today. Got washing on the line this morning, went to see my brother at 1, and we visited his wife - she was cheerful but kept saying she needed to go home (very common in mid-late stages of Alzheimer's), which upset him. DH going out with Son1 soon. x

Hi all
HVDY- it’s been nice here too so did a bit of garden tidying. Tomorrow the hedge men come to cut and level our hedges and a couple of trees. We have a little garden so it gets overgrown at the end of the Summer.
It must be nice when your SiL is cheery although very understandable that your DB gets upset . My friend has gone to a different home now but her husband whose Alzheimer’s is much worse is staying in the original one. It has been a terrible couple of months for them and the family but I can’t write about it here. We hope,to visit her soon.
It’s nice for your DH to go out with the boys- I expect you and Jaffa cuddle up together. Hope you are feeling better.
SweetPeaSue- I do hope you have felt well enough to get to the Lakes. I,ve not been in the Autumn it must look lovely as the leaves turn.
Doodle - how has your day been? Hope fully you,ve had the nice weather too.
Wyllow- been thinking about you all day. I do hope,you,ve been able to get out and have a chat in Costas or do a bit in the garden. Let us know how you are. More hugs .

Wishing all a peaceful nightxx

Wyllow Hoping youve been able to speak to someone today and are feeling better.
HVDY So terribly sad and very upsetting for your brother to see his wife like that. Its such an terrible disease.

Yes thanks, we got away but what a tiring long journey . A crash on A66 left us having to detour and then stuck in heavy traffic.
When we passed Grasmere lake it was like a mirror with reflections in the water and DH loved it and wanted to paint it. Was pleased to see some interest from him- he's been so down.

Feeling very tired right now and still have heavy cold and sore throat but it should be a bit better tomorrow hopefully.
Love to all.x

Wyllow we are all here for you. So many of those things you listed I feel too. Scaredycats wonderful post says it all I think. You are loved, people do care. Slow down a bit and spend some time with your family.
Believe me I know what it’s like to want a hug from one special person but here’s one from me.
Scaredycat you are the wisest one of all of us. You have suffered more than most but have such an understanding of others needs. You are kindness itself. So glad we’ve got you with us.
Sweetpeasue I’m so sorry you’re not well. Last thing you need but I expect you’re run down with all the worry. Please look after yourself and try and relax during your break.
HVDY one of the hardest things is to visit someone who asks to be taken home. Home is where we all want to be. The word itself conjures us such a depth of feeling. No wonder it upset your brother.
So what are you going to binge watch while your Dh is out with your son?
Scaredycat I went to my sitfit class this morning then met a friend for lunch and cake so undoing all the good of the exercises. Spent this afternoon sorting through some videos. Found one that DH recorded in Switzerland, a place he loved. So lovely to hear his voice again.

ScaredyCat Hedges grow quickly, don't they. We've got a big garden, with a very tall (about 80ft, I'd guess) fir tree at the bottom, but it doesn't block anyoes light. The grass needs cutting (DH's job). Jaffa has gone to sleep on the pouffe .

SweetpeaSue Glad you got there ok in the end. Travelling is tiring. Nice that your husband seems more relaxed. Hope you feel better after a good night's rest.

There was an incident at GD1's school today - the school was put in lockdown, children told to hide under desks, police called, because the aggrieved parents of a disruptive pupil threatened a couple of teachers with a hammer and spanners . What the hell is wrong with some people??

That's a huge question to answer, HVDY. I think social media has made some people feel empowered to act so aggressively and not think of the consequences.

I think the answer lies in very big social issues, a quite divided society, and suspect that matters in the USA, and possibly other big world events, "big people" cheating and fighting and lying - lead some people into adversarial action rather than going in and asking to talk to the headteacher and so on. Very hard for your brother, to find her being in a good space, but not with him.

Sweetpeasue I'm not surprised you are absolute tired out. It was so good to hear you say that DH is thinking of painting. Well done for the courage in going away for the break.

It's very grim to hear your news Scaredycat. I'm thinking particularly of finding out things like it's a worse home, ^because all we want is to know they are being cared for as well as possible. I won't ask for an answer, but hope those who are supporting your friend find a better home. Any thing like that reminds us all of possible futures as well as...... fragility.

Yes: I'm quite aware that what I expressed is felt by all BD's here.

If I didn't, I wouldn't have posted it, but I still felt empowered by others' kindness and sharing. And a couple of excellent lists there, particular that sand I will be printing them out and pin o the wall..

. and knowing that we all mostly know those lists, but it's the doing of that self care that is hard (and partly why we are unwell!............Lovely to see a new face, Annapops, sounds like you understand bits of this sort of " journey. you are welcome any time.

I decided to just stay in bed, and from this safe place reflected on the talk I had had with the CPN. From this safe place I got bits and bobs organised (building jobs to be finished, trying to get the environment picture into an appropriate place, chats to DocSis, some music, but nothing under pressure.

Then came the main thing, which I don't regret. The opening of the show with my autobiographical pic was tonight at 5 till 7. It had gone in rather a cheap frame, and I had a better one: I'm going with my carer tomorrow, but wanted it there for the opening. I tried to get someone to collect it.

I just had a bad feeling about it.

I suddenly decided to dress, get a taxi, and go. I havent been onto town since Covid, but in a big taxi I just let them get me there (£££ 🙄). ..and was glad I went. My picture had not been hung in a good place at all.

As its is extremely detailed, being perched above peoples heads was rendering it "unreadable".

I kicked up a fuss. It will be sorted....I'd also let them know my "status" in the art world (ie before ill in 2002/3 was shown internationally etc)- I shouldn't have needed to, but it made a difference.

I didn't point out, but the organiser had put her picture at eye height as it was also detailed....hummpf.

Anyway it was great after that, talking to some of the other artists, all who have MH problems, enjoying their work and they mine - that was the bonus of the day.

Yes the fragility will return, but taking about it, sharing, reduces the fear...and talking about my art work meant also sharing some feelings, as I heard other share theirs tonight...lot of fragility there, but the openness of BD's too.

One young woman who'd gone to the same uni as me but much later had made this incredibly fragile little crumpled pillow shaped container, (she wouldnt show it to me at first, but I found her later - lifting it was like lifting a tiny vulnerable bird, and inside were little objects that faintly rattled - the whole thing shouted "fragile" and looking at her you could see why, and we talked about it. Outside, waiting for the taxi, she came out with her bloke, who came over to shake my hand? So I did, and hers too.

simple gifts?

So difficult to lose someone -when they haven't died: like the pain of estrangement that we read on those threads. Hard for your brother, HVDY
Home may be your actual home, but it may be an expression of wanting to be "at home" in their/our own hearts.

I had an image of Switzerland in my head as you wrote, Doodle. it is truly lovely to have those videos....a lesson to us all about documenting you life for others who've loved you..my family send me videos of the children....I expect he made some videos of past cruises you took? You're ahead of me today on the exercise front.

Good night BD's xx

Ps Doodle you are right about our wise one in here who has been through what few of us have had to bear.

Wyllow3 Alzheimer's patients always, during the later stages, ask to go home - they are usually referring to their childhood home, as that's where they think they still live, and they believe that their parents are still there. It's very sad. We don't tell my SIL the truth, but simply distract hr as best we can, or say she'll be going there soon (knowing SIL will have forgotten that conversation shortly afterwards). Hope you get your picture moved to where it can be properly seen. Will it be shown for long?

ScaredyCat It's very sad about your friend and her husband. Alzheimer's (any type of dementia, really) is terrible.

Doodle I didn't watch tv at all last night - I looked at things on YouTube, listened to music, and did some internet shopping. You had a nice day, by the sound of it. You obviously get a great deal of comfort from the videos and photos with your husband in them.

A lazy day ahead. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Hi all
Annapops - so sorry I didn’t say hello yesterday! Nice to see a new face - it’s a kind place here.
SweetPeaSue- So pleased you got to the Lakes and hope your cold is clearing today. So good to hear too that yourDH felt some enthusiasm seeing those beautiful reflections. Reflections are one of my favourite thing s to photograph - trouble is it’s not easy to stop the car in the Lakes is it as there isn’t many parking opportunities.
Enjoy every minute you so deserve some happier times.
Doodle- thank you- you are the heart of us all .
Cake is never bad! My DD and I love a bit of cake - she stays mega slim though- grrrr.
You must be so glad of all your photos and videos . Wonderful to see and hear your DH s voice in a place he loved so much.
HVDy- the hedge men are here as I type. The garden looks like a bomb has hit it but they are great tidiers up so I,m just not looking til they are finished. Your tree is enormous it must be very old.
That was a very scary day for your GD1 . As you say what is wrong with some people- no wonder the child is aggressive with parents like them. Poor teachers - my GD1 is a teacher and very tiny she wouldn’t stand a chance with some of those parents.
Internet shopping is such a temptation - it arrives so quickly. What did you buy?
Wyllow- So happy to see your post this morning.
Yes it’s been a terribly upsetting time for my friends and their family and as you say it’s one of our worst fears isn’t it.
Good to hear you have relaxed and sorted stuff as well.
Glad you were able to sort out your picture placement- bet you had to bite your tongue. Sucks to that organiser she should have known better.
Just think how your bravery getting the taxi into town paid off. Meeting kind like minded people who you wouldn’t have met otherwise. I love your expression Simple Gifts- they re what makes our days worthwhile.

I saw my dear friend this week and she wasn’t well enough to have her chemo and her DH is in ICU at the same time. But we always have lovely chats and a laugh despite everything.

Love to all- Candy,Nadateturbe, Allsorts EllieAnne and everyone I,ve not mentioned have the best day possible xx

HVDY what an upsetting and frightening experience for the children. What is the matter with some people. Hope your DGD was ok.
I tend to flick through things and do some internet shopping in the evening too. I love hearing my husbands voice and seeing his face. Sometimes it hurts so much but mostly it makes me happy to see him or us together. I am in a lot of the videos too and listening to them I sound so happy.
Scaredycat I hope the tree men cleared up after themselves today. Are you pleased with the result.
It must lift your friends spirits to see you. What awful circumstances with her husband in ICU as well.
Sorry for your other friend and her family. Such a difficult situation finding the right care home.
Sweetpeasue hope you’re enjoying the Lakes and relaxing a bit.
wyllow so pleased you made it to the art exhibition and were able to enjoy some time chatting with others. Good your picture will be hung in the right place. Sounds like an enjoyable time and worth the taxi fare,

HVDY What a frightening thing to happen in your DGDs class. As you say - what is the matter with some people, indeed.

Can't write much. Went to Kendal this morning and really not well. After coffee returned and DH was shivering and I felt worse. Went to bed for afternoon, DH with 2 fleeces on and laid there with hood up in bed. He's not too bad now.
Im still feeling terrible. Took covid test- positive. Hoping tomorrow will be better. Night all.x

ScaredyCat I bought my GD1 some new bedding, with pictures of cats on - I've got a set myself- and she loves it. Your poor friend and her husband are really going through a bad time. Will she be able to have the chemotherapy she needs soon? How was your day today?

Doodle GD1 is fine, thanks. She gets upset at shouting and violence (thanks to her mum, who is like it), but she said school was good today. I'm glad you've got a lot of happy memories of holidays with your lovely husband.

SweetpeaSue Oh, no, I'm sorry you're both unwell. How long does this Covid last? Hope you'll both feel brighter tomorrow.

How's everyone else been? No day centre tomorrow - it's shut as some of them are going on a boat trip. I didn't want to go and was going to meet up with a couple of friends, but they're both unwell. DH and I will do something instead (I'll have to think of something). x

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blimey, So*s law, Sweetpeasue. I'm still glad you went away tho - are you having to cook your own food or is it laid on? I just hope you can both get something out of being away, you both needed a break - tuck up warm, be cosy, and take good care, and eat cake freely x

Maybe a pub that does great curries, HVDY? and a stroll...? What a lovely comforting treat for GD1.

You know, dont you, that as she grows up, she will know she is loved by you, and whats important for her its that she has one significant person in her life who loves her unconditionally (that doesnt mean to say no boundaries, but that she isnt being messed about).

What sorrow you face, Scaredycat. Not being well enough for chemo is not good. But you are so very important for her. I'm sure you talk with her in the way thats right for her....all you can do, is be ""you" - for them. I hope your garden is looking super and neat now. I love it when it's all trim.

The evening is when I also go online, browse, chat, Doodle. Atm I have classic FM on after 10pm as its "Calm classics" - lots of old favourites.

Today has been very busy but very successful.

It started well when I got a WhatsApp from BiL, who at last has got a bed in the right hospital, and he was so happy having a lovely shared room with a view and a decent breakfast ( he was moved in the night) and free newspapers ..

He started chatting a lot (we three sibs have a joint WhatsApp group) and jokes and pix were exchanged.

Still waiting for results of tests, so we dont know the way forward, except for now he is comfortable and OK - he's notion to catastrophise or speculate. Its all about needing dialysis or not and if so how often, and maybe other treatment?

I’ve also had 3 work people on the house contact me since yesterday and all are coming this week, but 2 are just for estimates. The 8am tomorrow is not a popular one

I went to the show today for general meet ups, free lunch, and a chance to do a bit of art work.. I networked a bit usefully as bits of press were there… should I decide to try and do a solo show of life’s work.

But best of all chatted to other artists…and got into town!!! and walked back through town tot he gym where my car was past (K my carer had got me there, its our last time) .

I've posted the pic I did - we had 45 mins and chalk and wax and a 4ft square surface.

I walked back brought town to the gym but got so tired I stopped at a cat cafe.

Wow, it was lovely, the only place to get a coffee, but so calm, relaxing. then I had a long shower and pamper at the gym chatted to yoga friend from Eritrea, swapped numbers so she could have another session, and didn't need to cook as had left the exhibition with some spare wraps of very nice food.

I'll some time to take it all in.

As its is the first time I have been into town since before Covid. It's a really really big advance.

I just found so much confidence today. Not new, but returned, in I hope, a more realistic way.

The pic was done when a 4ft big square box, painted black, arrived, and we were invited to use chalks and wax like pens to do what we wanted, this was mine.

Night night, BD's.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202510/medium-7smr7j-mother-mary.jpeg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202510/medium-3r7ojs-193ff8e4-4245-4cce-b82b-6b041120ffed.jpg

the pic from yesterday

Thinking of you all, everyone coping with so much personally and with family and friends who are ill. Sending hugs to you all.
Energy so very poor, but no one can find a reason for it, at least not one that can be treated.

How lovely to see you in, nadateturbe. It must be such a struggle to keep going. Did you suffer covid wise? I must admit, I just cant recall.

I heaved myself out of bed early - not enough sleep - because Roofer No one was coming at 8am. I then find a text at 8.10am asking me to ring...can they come at 9 to 9.30. 😡

Well at 9.30 the other set of roofers are here completing the inside of the big Bay window roofing job. And we'll be giving me an estimate for the Roofer 1 job.

Whoops. I am so tried after yesterday but the boost in my confidence - well just walking around town alone - makes me feel - gosh, I can do things.

Wyllow3 Thanks. GD1 and I have always been very close - she messages me most days. It's the Goose Fair (a 700 years old thing in Nottingham) at the moment, so I've given all 4 GC money to go (not LG, she's too little). Son1 is going to take them (4 kids) after school today - he finishes work at 2.30 on Thursdays. You had a very good day yesterday - well done for going into town. Have any shops changed? I love your picture. It's so big and bold, and the subject is great. Hope the roofer gets on well with the job. Typical that the other lot wanted to come later, after you'd got up so early. Have a good day.

nadateturbe Keep going, as best as you can. Hugs for you.

Hope everyone manages to have a decent day, especially SweetpeaSue and husband. x

Oh my, they will have a great time.

The roofer situation is even more bizarre - Roofers 2 turned up early, and Roofer 1 not arrived. Not only that, but there are 2 sets of Roofers 2, not one. 🤣