Black Dogs 27

nadateturbe

Hear soon. Not here!

You must have caught my poor spelling and grammar when under pressure, don't worry. As for going full out to get what you need, a big well done you! BD's all trying their best against various "authorities"

LaCrepescule You have to put * immediately before and after a name or word, to get it in bold. How long have you been on antidepressants? Perhaps the dose needs to be increased, or a different type of antidepressant is needed. Either way, please see your GP. If you feel unable to talk to him/her, write a few bullet points about your feelings and hand it to them (I did that) I do think that genetics play a part in mental health problems. Alcohol doesn't work - it makes things worse, as it's a depressant.

Good morning lovely people. Can I ask, how do you get someone’s user name to appear in bold in a post?
I took the dog with me on the train and tube yesterday to visit my daughter in London. It took two hours both ways but went well. We had a lovely day but I’m so consumed with fear at the moment that I wasn’t fully present.
I feel ashamed and selfish but can’t seem to help it. Or is that an excuse? I’m utterly consumed with dread about dying and death and I feel awful saying it because of the health problems some of you have.
All this fear went away after I stopped drinking but in the last months has reappeared with a vengeance. My dad had OCD and clinical depression and my brother is long-term severely clinically depressed and I wonder if it’s a family thing.
Anyway, I must make myself face the day and stop feeling sorry for myself. I have so much but can’t seem to see it at the moment. This is what used to make me pick up a drink - to change the way I feel - and I can’t go down that road again.
I know how hard things are for some of you and please forgive me for banging on about myself. I find it hard to share this with friends and certainly keep it from family.
Sending love to all.

ScaredyCat What a let-down for your friend. Can anything be done to boost her immunity a bit? I'm glad she had you there to chat with.
Doodle Vasculitis is inflammation of the blood vessels and can affect any part of the body (including heart, lungs, brain, eyes, etc. Mine affects my limbs, but only mildly. Cardiomyopathy is inflammation of the heart. Glad you had a good exercise session at Sit Fit. A lady goes to the day centre every fortnight to do that, which is good.
SweetpeaSue Doodle is right - the Consultant will probably be supervising the procedure. It must be worrying for you both, but those things are done every day, and the doctors are highly skilled. They have to tell patients about any risk, but your husband can't go on as he is. Hope the appointment and drive there both go well today.
Wyllow3 Good news about the restorative justice. I hope it will all soon be dealt with properly. Your gardener lady sounds great. She got quite a lot of work done at a reasonable price.
nadateturbe We, as patients, shouldn't have to complain, but sometimes it's the only way to get someone to listen and understand. Hope all goes well with your GP today.

Saw my brother, visited his wife - she was fine, chatted (a glimpse of how she used to be was there), but was tired. Several of the residents shout out or wander about, muttering. I'm glad SIL isn't like that (she's quite quiet and relaxed). Chatted with my brother at his house for a further couple of hours. Hope everyone's day goes as well as it can x

Hear soon. Not here!

Wyllow3 thank you. Just a quick reply. I have emailed my GP and complained, also I saw a very good consultant who has written to my GP with a very detailed explanation of my blood tests. He is not happy that they didn't accept what he said about my iron level. I also intend to complain to my MP, he was meant to be in his office yesterday and wasn't! Also I see GP tomorrow to discuss, they tried to fob me off with an appointment on 12th! And consultant next week. There may be nothing that helps but I have to rule out everything before accepting that it's simply M.E. And that I have to accept this extremely limited life. But it does use up all my energy.
As you know well from what you are going through. As you say, if you couldn't speak up for yourself you would get nowhere. I hope you here more soon about a referral. But it's taking so long!

Yes, I think the consultant phoning himself is a recognition of your concerns being "heard".

Doodle is right, you are doing so well xx

Sweetpeasue if the consultant said his team is doing it he will probably be there supervising or actually with the team. I’m sure it will be safe with the team they know what they’re doing. I just hope things get done soon. There is always a risk of stroke in virtually every operation it’s listed as a possible with all the operations I’ve come across. Try to be positive and hold on. You’re doing well. Good thing the consultant phoned your Dh himself . That’s good news.

Oh, your poor dear friend, Scaredycat. Just having had a respite and a laugh and choc bikkies just like the past, then a chemo message - it wont stop her having more of course, but it's not good to hear. they are always so careful calibrating treatments with the ability to cope with them.
Is it stage 4?
I hope you had a lovely time with DD.

Such a very, very tough time, Sweetpeasue.

Now you know why tomorrow is happening, it's necessary information about treatment directions

- but you aren't being given enough information...OTOH is sounds like they can only give limited information, as its a puzzle to them.

I just wish you had a decent GP to regularly chat over it, to refer back to, to ask questions, to support you, that you actually feel supported in all this - I know my GP would be giving that support.

Finding something is "interesting" isnt bad news inasmuch as clearly they want to undo the mystery - but of course more uncertainty for you both.
It does occur that there isnt a simple answer, it is a medical mystery, not that he is being always neglected.

Sweetpeasue they might not be able to give you the "odds" - my sis says they are not going to give information they cannot know. Your biggest worry (that you have said here) is that he will die.

I think you might consider asking it point blank - is DH at risk at that level? You may get an uncertain answer, or you may just get some reassurance

It's so natural to want to know, I doubt whether it will occur to them as odd.

meanwhile, ginormas hugs coming your way.

Doodle, you say "Been to sit fit this morning. Very energetic. Just had cleaner round so everywhere spic and span. That will last 5 minutes. Going to wash my hair now. Oh the excitement"

That made me smile. I manage to last about 2 days before the good work the cleaner has done is undone. But well done you going to sit fit as we oldies at the gym remind ourselves from time to time "use it or lose it".

Well rather a wait there HVDY one never knows if someone is just ill and off that day or its a shortage of staff. I am just keeping fingers and toes crossed that the results will be helpful not bad news and that there are treatment options for how its affecting you.
it wont have been an easy afternoon for you with your brother and his wife: just hope his wife is still in an OK minds space, but I know your brother cuts himself off for the world rather and thats never easy for you.

nadateturbe, I think its quite right to demand some more support: I hope it does turn out to be iron levels that are treatable and might help a bit. You are one of the many :lost" with no easy treatment options trying to cope - please do kick up a bit of a fuss. When did you last have some emotional support about coping? always lovely to see you in and never mind about replying to all.

today - phew. Well yes, am beginning to relax. Last night - this is absolutely extra ordinary for me - I dropped off to sleep in front of the TV and woke up at 10ish, and thought, its not going to be an easy night: but slept from 11.30 to 5am and then after morning tablet dose to 7.45!.
Just as well I got up as there was a delivery I'd forgotten at 8am prompt, start of the time slot.

The gardener came in the end at 12, and has made a lovely job, she's a lovely person so natters happen of course. the garden and paths are clear of leaves. Bushes trimmed neatly. Ivy clipped. My winter planters planted up/replanted - some weeding - the patio cleared of most weeds in the cracks - total cost £50, northern prices.

but the big news of the day is that I am to get Restorative Justice. the policeman was back.

But it wasnt at all straightforward - he texted that it could be an internal police Restorative justice. WHAT I thought and googled it.
It's for minor offences like anti social behaviour! And you get put in a room with the offender pretty quick no counselling and proper support.
OH really I thought and gave them chapter and verse, I quoted google on the "minor offences" bit and then reminded them politely as per

"it probably hasn't come through to you I am a Vulnerable Safeguarded Adult with quite severe long term MH issues that the offender knew about.
Here is my psychologist 's name and telephone number please ring her for confirmation of both, she will want to intervene"

Next text back - you will be referred to proper organisation.

me than you ever so much.

and again, a reflection - the police are in many ways doing their best. they will have a budget and proper Restorative Justice is not cheap, all fair enough...... but they didn't take time to look properly at my case,

and above all....if I hadn't been articulate...how many women would have just backed down...

so of course another sleep. Relaxing shows how utterly exhausted its made me.

Thankyou Nadateturbe You are so thoughtful and I know you are struggling . Journey is 60miles - well share the driving. Take care of yourself now.xx

Sending you much love and hugs and praying always for your DH and you, Sweetpeasue. I don't know how far you journey is tomorrow, but I hope its not too tiring . xx

Sorry can't write to everyone,- I feel so weak and just lost a post.
Things are beginning to make sense. We were told yesterday that DHs op had been blocked as consultant wanted another scan. We're told this morning we hav yo go to York tomorrow for it and been awful day as we couldn't find out why- even secretary couldn't help.
An hr ago the consultant called DH. Apparently his 'team' is doing procedure and was concerned about which way blood was flowing with the SS. They'd sent for first scan done here 18mths ago.
Consultant said if it was flowing towards the brain theres more risk of stroke but he doesn't think it is. He said DHs case was ' interesting 'with him having the SS.
Anyway he made DH aware of risk again ( DH didnt ask him how much risk, the odds) and tomorrow's ultrasound should give more info to the team about blood flow.
Im so scared -- wish it was consultant doing it and not others. But DH can't go on like he is.

Take care everyone have read your posts and love you you all.xx

Sweetpeasue I could weep for you myself. What a shambles.
I hope by now you’ve heard from the vascular secretary. If not keep phoning . It’s appalling they see messing your Dh around like this.
I f the surgeon emailed you then perhaps you could email him back and say what’s happened.. Keep fighting even though you’re worn out with it all.
Wyllow glad you enjoyed your facial. You sound calmer which is a good thing.
Scaredycat I’m so sorry for your friend. What a shame her treatment has had to be cancelled. I hope her system can cope with more soon. Have a lovely catchup with your DD and
family.
HVdY not a condition I know much (anything) about. I hope the results when they come through are good news,
Hope your SIL is able to recognise you today and you have a good visit.
nadateturbe yes KOKO we don’t have much choice do we, glad you’re able to post a little it’s nice to hear from you. Hope you get treatment for your iron level soon. That affects energy levels doesn’t it?
Been to sit fit this morning. Very energetic. Just had cleaner round so everywhere spic and span. That will last 5 minutes. Going to wash my hair now. Oh the excitement.

Good morning everyone. Keeping up with everyone's lives although not the energy unfortunately to post much. Good news HVDY so far about your results. So sorry again about your DHs slow treatment Sweetpeasue. Hugs. Hello to Wyllow3 Scaredycat Doodle EllieAnne (waffle is good EllieAnne, thanks.) And hello to LaCrepescule. and anyone who, like me, is just reading.
Waiting for tests for low iron levels. Also complained to surgery about getting no help. Fed up. But..reading your posts really encourages me that we can be strong when things aren't going as we want, and to KOKO. , a phrase I learnt from BD.
Sending love and hoping you all have the best day possible.

Doodle 5 hours of sorting through your friend's paperwork? That's a lot*. You are kind to help her.
SweetpeaSue Oh, what a mix-up. There's a real lack of communication between the various departments, it seems. It's so poor. It's no wonder you felt so upset. Can you imagine how much worse it would all be if you hadn't badgered these people? It's awful.
Wyllow3 The blood tests are for ANA Vasculitis, which I've got, but this consultant wondered if it's now affecting my lungs. Also, looking for cardiomyopathy. Glad you enjoyed your facial treat. What will the gardener do today?

Went for the blood tests - got there at 8.15, and was seen at 9.45! There were only 2 Phlebotomists working at the out-patients department. Going with my brother to see his wife this afternoon. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Hi all
Wyllow- my friend is fighting a huge battle. Yesterday’s outing was really nice. Just for a couple of hours she could just be her old self and have a light hearted chat. Our friends DH made us tea and chocolate biccies - such a nice man. Even their little dog joined in for a while. Then later that day she got a message from the Hospital that her immune system was too low so today’s chemo was cancelled - that’s always a worry. I care for her so much and we can say anything to each other- and frequently do!!
Ooh the facial and yoga sound just the ticket- you need those lovely relaxing times and a giggle too.
So glad to read that you are enjoying more being your “own master” - if you can feel that then life is there for the taking.
HVDY- So glad that your consultation didn’t throw up any of those suggested problems and hope you get the letter soon.
LG sounds a typical toddler- NO is way up in their vocabulary isn’t it. Hope you have a good day today after your blood test . It’s lovely and sunny here.
SweetPeaSue- what a heartbreaking afternoon for you- no wonder it made you cry. I can’t believe how inept and uncoordinated the people you are having to deal with are.
I do hope the Heart Nurse took in how very badly this is all affecting you. Wishing you a better day today.

Love to all. My DD is picking me up and we are going to have coffee and a catch up with GD1.
Candy,EllieAnne,Allsorts, Nadateturbe,LaCrepescule and anyone I,ve forgotten hope the sun is shining for you todayx

Sorry message sent twice!
It was still in my post box when I got up , so assumed it hadn't posted.
Thanks Wyllow. DH just gone to dentist.

Hoping secretary will get back to us today.

LaCrepescule A big welcome. Everyone here is kind and all have various things that affect or have affected MH. I feel apprehensive to post about the heath issues that we're having as you have health anxiety but do post whenever you you want to - we can only offer a listening ear which is so valuable when you feel alone.

Sorry Doodle. Been awful afternoon. Phone call resulted in.more problems and hospital has said there couldn't be appt for Vascular procedure unless DH has scan on Subclavian artery, which has already been done. DH rang secretary of Vascular surgeon to tell them. Surgeon emailed 2 weeks ago that he'd booked DHs stent procedure and wouldnt take more than 4/6 weeks. When we saw him he said op would take place in 4/6 weeks. That was 2 weeks ago.
I felt like I was going to faint when I heard that from phone call today. DH had appt with Heart nurse at GP surgery today and Im afraid I just broke down and cried , having just heard an hr earlier the bad news.
Dont know how much more of this NHS failures and mistakes we can take.
Im not good .

Oh, you poor dear Sweetpeasue communication is terrible! makes me so angry for you. Tts that having to be on the case all the time, so wearing out. I find it utterly confusing, too and you have to live with it. Of course you aren't good (massive hug).

I'm glad you haven't got the real baddies, HVDY. but an explanation, which is helpful. What will the blood tests show?

The facial was lovely, Doodle, and also I think our giggles must have been heard well beyond the door of the little beauty room in the gym. Yes I relaxed today.
I dropped off most of the evening do no early bird, as the gardener coming tomorrow is not an early bird either and comes after 9.30 am (avoids the school traffic)

(and a big yes about the hierarchy thing.)

5 hours paper work! Oh my goodness. Shattering indeed, and pretty heroic. Fancy coming north for a repeat?

Sorry Doodle. Been awful afternoon. Phone call resulted in.more problems and hospital has said there couldn't be appt for Vascular procedure unless DH has scan on Subclavian artery, which has already been done. DH rang secretary of Vascular surgeon to tell them. Surgeon emailed 2 weeks ago that he'd booked DHs stent procedure and wouldnt take more than 4/6 weeks. When we saw him he said op would take place in 4/6 weeks. That was 2 weeks ago.
I felt like I was going to faint when I heard that from phone call today. DH had appt with Heart nurse at GP surgery today and Im afraid I just broke down and cried , having just heard an hr earlier the bad news.
Dont know how much more of this NHS failures and mistakes we can take.
Im not good .

Evening all.
Welcome La Crepescule you must miss your daughter so much. I lost my darling husband last year and have found it a struggle to keep going. Well done you for trying to overcome your alcohol addiction. I can’t imagine that has been easy.
You will find no judgement here. No hierarchy of problems. We are all suffering from different anxieties and troubles but try and help each other through chat and understanding. Hope you can find some support here.
Good your daughter isn’t too far away. Having a dog is good company and a way of meeting people.
HVDY gift experience days are a good idea. People don’t often fund them for themselves so it’s a treat to do something different. Your weight loss is amazing. You must have been very strong willed. Good news from your appointment. Sounds more positive. Hope the BT results are ok.
Scaredycat how was your friend, did she enjoy her trip out?
I’ve been helping a friend today. Helping her to sort paperwork. I’ve been at it 5 hours. I’m shattered now.
Wyllow what a lovely post. You’ve summed us up very well.
You sound a bit brighter and more calm today. Are you relaxing a bit. How was the facial.?
Sweetpeasue how has today been. Did you make your phone calls and get anywhere? I feel for you I really do. You have been amazing caring for your Dh and doing all you can. It is worth it believe me.

Wyllow3 The Consultant was a lovely man, explained everything. I haven't got COPD, heart failure or Pulmonary Fibrosis (different GPs suggested those things). I've got 3 small nodules, which they'll keep an eye on, and some inflammation, possibly caused by the Vasculitis. I was meant to have had a blood test, but there was a 45 minute wait,, and DH and LG were in the car, so I'm going to go tomorrow morning instead. I've got to wait for a letter about having another chest CT done. Hope your facial was refreshing and that you felt relaxed after yoga. LG says "No" a lot, but also GaGa for Grandad.

How has everyone else been? x

LaCrepescule What type of dog have you got? They are a good idea for making friends with other dog lovers. I've always had cats, and our current one has been here about 14 months now. I was on Citalopram for about 20 years, then came off them suddenly (so went right back to square one of feeling terrible). Been on Mirtazapine, 45mg, for about 7 years now. I'm stable but have the occasional low moment, like anyone else. My husband has always been my rock. Glad you're seeing your daughter tomorrow. Do you drive?

ScaredyCat Hope the visit went as well as possible.

(Said too much as usual, but forgot to say I was in a Co-ercive abuse relationship until 2022/3 which set off the depression -

enjoying being on my own gets better all the time. My music, my TV, my time to go to bed and get up, my choice of food..chatting on GN and one other site.

I hope the visit goes as well as it might, Scaredycat. It won't be easy - do tell us how friend is "in herself".

I hope the lung appointment goes well, HVDY, that you get the best way possible ahead. what are you hoping for? LG is at that delightful age with speaking. Just wait until she starts saying "why" about everything.

So very exhausted this morning, I slumped and watched history TV. but I have a real treat this afternoon, a facial at the gym, and will do do some easy yoga not my tough weights routine.

LaCrepesule - yes, Scaredycat is the big sis here. I'm 74. I've been within the Mental Health system since 2002. My official diagnosis is now bi Polar 2.
Bi Polar 1 is the more well known: thats when people can get psychotically manic in the "high" and things get totally out of control if untreated.
Bi Polar 2 means long profound depressions, suicidal, and in between a sort hyperactive high.
(there have been many times in Black dogs when people have indicated "whats the point in life" or worse feelings, it is OK to talk about them.
The moderation team will step in, not to shut you up, but to remind you to go get help if you dont say you are getting help. but mostly we comfort and support each other. I take a lot of meds and have done shedloads of psychotherapy and have been an inpatient which means I have met people with many different conditions and situations.

I'm in a sort of high stage but struggling because of recent events, but do get a lot of support given the situation in Mental Health atm.

I got so much support on here when I was in my last major depression it was comforting and I wasn't alone and it helped me recover

Just sometimes we dish out a spot of advice, but if it isn't wanted, just carry on giving support (*Sweetpeasue*, you there 💛?)

I live alone and am learning to like it! Like others, I get comfort from music. I suppose my biggest place to go and be sociable is my gym, I a physically in good shape because of years of yoga and basically liking exercise.

I guess we do encourage each other to get out and see others if possible, if its a problem:

sometimes some of us feel we are not a likeable person and thats hard to live with, but I'll let others tell their stories.

The time to ask questions about "are my anti depressants doing the job" is when those feelings of "no point living coming back?
Other have been helped by counselling.