Black Dogs 27

Can't post much, need to recover. Will look for Scrabble online Scaredycat .
EllieAnne waffle is good? Your card is lovely.
Thanks Wyllow3and Doodle, don't feel so bad now about my easy lunch. Sorry you're feeling down Doodle.
Wyllow3 I echo what Doodle said. And please don't feel guilty.
Hello to Sweetpeasue and HVDY and any others reading.
I do hope I feel a bit better tomorrow. Supposed to have blood tests at 9.30am.
Night everyone. Hope you have a peaceful one xx

Ellie Anne that looks lovely the new babies parents will be pleased. We have change going on in our church too and I agree it is unsettling.
nadateturbe I like puzzles too. I do the NYTimes. Pips and Spanagram and Wordle . Pleased you had a good time with your friends. My days of cooking are long gone too,
Sweetpeasue it’s funny, lots of people say it doesn’t seem like 18 months. For me it feels like forever and the longer it goes on the worse I feel in some ways. I’m coping better but the loss hurts more now. Difficult to explain. Sorry I’m a bit down in the dumps tonight. I’m going shopping with my friend tomorrow so that will get me out of myself,
Yes I find knitting keeps me occupied too. I go to knit and natter but can’t do both at the same time or I make mistakes.
Hope the car gets mended soon at somewhere more reasonable,
HVDY how worrying about LG. I do hope it’s not asthma although, as you know, it can be treated. Glad the girls had you to be with. Sorry you didn’t get to see LG today. Hope she’s on the mend soon.
I would have had the ham egg and chips too. I don’t like salmon. Did you have pudding?
Scaredycat my good friend and neighbour has certainly been a Godsend to me. She’s so kind and caring but at the same time funny and understanding. The fact that she’s lost her husband too means I can talk to her knowing she understands,
Lovely your DD and S’il live so close. Have they met your new arrivals before? No I won’t be making Christmas cards. I don’t have much free time by choice. I will buy them from the hospice.
Pleased your eye is feeling better. Sad news about your friend. Sometimes photos can be helpful. My DB used to recognise himself but didn’t know who he was if you see what I mean,
Wyllow your statement sounds like a good idea. Is it today you read it or tomorrow? I hope it makes others realise what you’ve been through and also hopes it helps you to get some of it off your chest as it were.

Thank you scaredy-cat. It needs ironed and put in a card. I’ve started another now
Nadateturbe waffle is good too.
Wyllow I hope everything was okay with you

Hi all
Doodle- I didn’t realise it was that friend who has had her eyes done. So glad you have her in your life.
It’s good to use different mediums in your Art sessions. Acrylics in particular are very forgiving. Will you make any Christmas cards?
Yesterday we went ‘cat’ shopping then DD and SiL came over for mince pies and coffee. It’s so nice that they now live so near us they can walk round.
Hope Church was its lovely ,friendly self this morning. Will you help decorate for Christmas?
Nadateturbe- Wordle is good isn’t it - also Scrabble.
My friend has got more confused this week . Her SiL and I keep in touch and she took family photos on her visit today but there was no recognition at all. That’s so sad.
We love M & S . There is a big food hall 5 minutes from us which continually tempts us in. Oh those dinner parties we all used to do- all made from scratch too. Those days are gone my friend😀
HVDY- Cars are money pits aren’t they. Unfortunately we can’t live without them.
Poor LG- she must have been a bit scared. I bet she charmed everyone though.Hopefully she,ll be much improved after a couple of days with the inhaler.
So nice that the dog even went out to dinner! I like the sound of the hasselback potatoes must give them a go.
Cooked chicken for Jaffa - what a lucky boy he is. Kai has decided to hide up when it’s bed time even dreamies don’t cut it.But Yuki would sell his soul for a dreamie.😻
SweetPeaSue- I don’t think your DGS cares who makes the pies as long as there is one. We like the chicken,ham and leek one with veg.
That garage is having a laugh - much better to use a local man who you can trust. Hope it’s soon back on the road.
My eye is feeling better today thank you . So pleased it’s over with though. Must admit it’s not the best fun. DH said one patient who was done before me came back out to the waiting room and announced to all “I,m glad I don’t have 3 eyes!!!!”😀
Hope you and DH have had a relaxed weekend with no Auntie adventures.
EllieAnne- that card is so beautiful. So lovely of you to do that work. Your Church sounds welcoming too . Try and hold on to that feeling of hope. Don’t worry about things changing - they may not.
Wyllow- I will need new reading glasses as my old ones were varifocals and I don’t think I will need them again. Have to wait a few weeks though.
Anger is such a destructive emotion although often fully justified. You have dealt with everything as best as possible. It will take courage to read it out loud but will have an impact.
It will be a fine and fair statement however you do it. I hope then you can start to move on.

Love to all- those mentioned and all who visits when they can

eases (still half asleep)

Sorry, little GD, fingers crossed it saves off.

Sound lovely HVDY thanks. Yes, B&M have a lot of erm....essential 'stuff' . 😃

nadateturbe Thanks. The inhaler seems to be helping. DIL told that if LG is still wheezy by about Tuesday, to go back to the hospital to (hopefully) be seen by a respiratory doctor. Hasselback potatoes left joined at the bottom, then baked until the layers fan out into crispy rounds. Very nice! Hope you have a relaxing day. Just going to B & M for - - stuff we don't need - - essentials.

Trying to waken after busy day

Just a quick popin to say poor LG, I hope she's OK. And what are hassleback potatoes HVDY?

Wyllow3 Hope all this business with Mr A is soon resolved to your satisfaction and that you can move on from it. The gym sounds like a good place to release some pent-up anger. No curry last night! DH and GD1 had ham, eggs and chips, I had salmon with hassleback potatoes (lovely) and veg. GD2 had pizza and chips.

No LG today, after all - they had a restless night with her, so are staying at home. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

I'm very nervous but have my statement ready for Quakers. At alludes to the incident as just "happening in a very safe space, and the man concerned knew my history", it gives the background of Ex, it goes on to say how as Quakers we dont deal well with anger and guilt, it gives a very good quote from our book, and suggests that possibly Quakers might regard it as we do other Concerns, political not individual. One and a little bit of A4 pages, and I can read out if it feels right or hand it around.
It will at last mean that everyone there will know whats happened without breaking any trust. Hopefully feed back dont feel guilty, anger is OK. Then the gym? I've postponed the teaching sesh I was going t do there until Wednesday.

HVDY I am sad to read it looks like LG has a family trait. May I guess that curry featured on your evening out? 🙂. enjoy LG, today, I know you'll take good care of her.

Wyllow3 I hope you can manage to find some inner peace. Anger IS exhausting, and can make a person very unwell. Please don't allow the actions of one man to do that, when you've been doing so well.
SweetpeaSue I hope the car is fixed soon. I think some garages charge more than others. Son1 has just spent more money on the car he bought recently. Good job you've got your car to use.
EllieAnne That's a lovely card. What a kind thing to do. Hope you enjoy church today.
Doodle I'm glad you find such comfort from being at the hospice. They really are wonderful places.
nadateturbe I had potatoes on my dinner last night. Nice that you had friends to the house last night.

We didn't see all the children - DIL took LG to casualty yesterday (on the advice of 111), as her breathing was laboured and she was wheezy. Oxygen levels turned out to be low, so she was given an inhaler and monitored at the hospital, all day, before being sent home at 6pm. They said Asthma isn't diagnosed until about 5yrs of age (Son1 was diagnosed at 9 months!), so to see how she goes over the next 3 days with regular puffs of the inhaler. DH and I stayed with Son1's 2 girls (and the dog), went out for dinner and got home at 11pm. LG here 10 til 2 today. x

M n S are tops, nadateturbe. It is indeed much more comfy than eating out. And cheaper 🙂...

Ellie Anne what sweet embroideries, I just love it! Well yes, feeling OK comes and goes. Baby steps.......

Its OK - I've found my soul back today, and have written something to say in MfW tomorrow that speaks of what has happened to me without alluding to who and where.

But it also calls on Quakers to consider my Concern (that a Quakerly term) that although we have official testimonies on Anti Racism, Climate Change and Peace, and our stand on Womens Equality and safety has always been absolute from the 1600's,

...but well when something happens on home ground...so those there "in the know" will get my message - why is it considered a purely personal concern or is it part of our social concern?

for others no aware of whats happening, a simple statement of where I am at (as it includes past Abuse from Ex too) its part of simply all knowing where each one of us is coming from as time goes on.

Anger is anger and exhausting when it happens Sweetpeasue - I'm glad your past anger has been processed to some extent,, thats a healthy situation, just that in terms of "one thing after another" it been a long haul bearing it.

Doodle I really doesn't seem anywhere near as long as 18mths since you lost your dear husband. The hospice is certainly a Godsend for you and Im so pleased you have that and your lovely friends. About the knitting-- Ive found it helps me to keep my thoughts wandering of into deeper troubles as at times you need to focus on pattern. Hope you have a nice time at church tomorrow.
Nadateturbe You've written so much- please dont think you need to write more when you're so tired. Its so hard for you- we all understand. Yes, the Vauxhall garage price is far more than the car's worth. Ridiculous.
Wyllow Im not as angry now over my .own treatment at hands of Drs -- just more aware of the secret side of the NHS-- but hugely angry at the pain my DH is suffering because of all the cock ups and rejection.
I do hope you get a chance of Restorative Justice , for your own peace . I hope you can find a way of having some peace at your quaker meetings - you need that spiritual calm in your soul. ( oh dear hope that doesn't sound too airy fairy)
EllieAnne Glad you felt uplifted at your church last night. Dont give the doubts too much thought - its natural at times. I too dont like change , there's some security in routine, but sometimes we can get a nice surprise from changes that end up being good.
Thankyou for showing us your cross-stitch card - that's so lovely. I once did a Xmas cross-stitch card for ,yes, a lovely doctor. The brilliant GP I had who believed me and said I had cause to write letter of complaint. Hope you enjoy church service tomorrow and can chat to a friend.

Sorry everyone, might try posting more later, very tired.

Sweetpeasue gosh the Vauxhall garage sounds super expensive! Better to wait for the other one. My DD has often been in the same position.
M&S ready meals with added veg is a good idea. Why not!
I had our best friends for lunch today. I have to confess everything including sandwiches was from M&S. A far cry from my days of dinner parties. I loved having lots of friends for dinner and trying new recipes. How time has changed. But it was lovely to have them here. Much more relaxed than eating out.
Some good advice and sympathy for Wyllow3. It's so difficult going through something and being hurt/ angry and not understood.
Hope DH is ok.x

HVDY I'm no expert, but I think we all need a little carbohydrate in our diet, not necessarily bread, even if you have a lot of fat. But as I say, well done on your achievement so far.
Hope you're enjoying today and not too tired.

Oh Wyllow I wish you were not going through all this. You have people supporting you so try to lean on them and don’t dwell on thoughts of those who don’t understand.
I know how easy it is to doubt your faith when going through painful times but try to hang on to it because it’s so important.
We had a praise and prayer night at church last night to pray about the way forward. We have so many new people that our building is nearly at capacity for safety so changes will need to happen and I don’t like change.
I felt uplifted last night but today am full of doubt again.
Am making cross stitch cards for 2 babies in the church family due in January.

That sounds just the right kind of day for you, Doodle. there must be many there, who have experiences to share, and empathy which you are very good at.

Sweetpeasue I know you have understood because of the anger you have been through for a very long time, firstly your stuff, and now DH's stuff.

You know just how corrosive anger it is, even when justified, how it has affected your physical health and mental health - you have recorded this journey over a very long time.

Your situation is far, far more pernicious than mine as there is a chance for me at Restorative Justice - some close quakers currently are not reacting enough but I have a plan:

But also I have so much MH support for the emotional fall out and at least time at the gym most days to work off the anger and find some calm in yoga..

I know you don't want to take the MH support way forward, but at least sharing as you did at the book group is a step towards "a problem shared" etc etc. Are there other places for this?

Yes, I'm hoping your eyes Scaredycat are not troubling you post the operation, but you might be finding that it's not easy to read and write, as well as tiredness.

It would be good to hear from you Ellie Anne as another church day Sunday approaches. Believe that most people are preoccupied with their own "stuff" and you aren't the focus of the critical anger that you feel at times, if you can manage it.

HVDY I love watercolours too. I’m not very good at art but I enjoy the lessons. Nice of you to have all your DGDs together . Hope you enjoy the evening. Hope you and Jaffa have a good nights sleep.
nadateturbe thank you for the tips. I.l check out that site on Facebook.
Sweetpeasue hope your Dh gets his car fixed ok then that will be one less thing to worry about. Nice you got to see your grandson for a bit. Yes my friend has Ben a wonderful support to me. Don’t know how I would have got through the last 18months without her .
Scaredycat how have you been today. Hope your eye is ok.just take it easy and take good care of yourself. I bet you’re glad it’s all done now.
Dear Wyllow I was hoping you were feeling more settled now but obviously the anger and upset are still ongoing. Please don’t stop going to Quakers over one man. If he’s not going the you won’t run into him and Quakers was doing you some good,
I have a feeling you want to lash out at him and tell him all the harm he has done to you. To let it all out but obviously that won’t happen for a while now. Try and put yourself first and your need to relax a bit and lower the risk of depression, glad you found someone you could talk to who understands.

I’ve been at the hospice all afternoon with friends. Had a nice chat and did some knitting. Hope for an early dinner and early bed. Church tomorrow

Just wanted to say to Scaredycat Hoping you're not in too much discomfort with the eye that was operated on yesterday. X

HVDY Im sure your meal with all the DGC was lovely. Sounds like the older ones like to look after the younger ones. Hope you have a nice time with LG tomorrow too.
Yes, DGS is a good eater. He likes Shepherds/Cottage pie ( not sure if he knows but its an M&S ready meal) so I often do that with veg.
Nadateturbe Hope youve not been too bad today. You're not missing much of the outside world today - just rain and mist here. The car is still in the local small garage that DH often uses. The large Vauxhall garage said it would cost 3,500 quid to fix! This garage said the second hand ABS would be 200 , but he's busy so car still there.
Wyllow What Mr A did must have been extra terrible as you felt you could trust him.
I dont really know what to say as I haven't experienced a sexual assault ( though a previous in-law was always trying to hug me when I was alone and I was frightened).
I only know when the surgeon botched my Hysteroscopy procedure and turned into operative procedure from investigative when he wasnt supposed to and the deceit that followed was incredible( many Drs keeping things back and deliberately taking some medical records) I have to say I felt very alone.
I dont think ,unless someone has been through the same thing others really understood or even believed me. It helped immensely that here on BD people did.
Im sure there must be some Quakers who do fully believe you but there will be some who dont understand.
Its hard for you as the Quakers are , as you say, ' there for the sinner' too , and you are the victim of the assault.
As for the fight/flight , can you see a middle way?
Sorry if my post doesn't help but please dont let this drag you back into your depressive illness. Mr A isn't worth that.

I found the UTube about the 'holding in the light' very interesting and it sounds a lovely way to meditate or pray for people who you care about ( or for those you dont too much care about?)
Take care, Wyllow, know that we care.

Hoping everyone has had a reasonable day and sending love to those not mentioned here too.

This is how quakers "hold in the Light"

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEu4PCtt_2s

It has threatened my faith in quakers and Faith in general, this "Man of God": a former Methodist preacher: who spoke often of Jesus, yet Jesus was extraordinarily supportive of Women for a man of his time: a man who repents himself as a hero (as in all the help he has given to homelsss etc, and don't we know it) and turns out to speak one thing and do another (as its wasnt just me: last night I found out he had also tried to kiss married women, when he was still married himself.

Fortunately this morning it has returned as the anger cedes to simple, utter, exhaustion.