Black Dogs 27

Evening all.
HVDY I do hope you’re feeling a bit better, Hope the haircut improved things. Is Jaffa ok? Good you’re getting him. Checked over. Is LG looking forward to Christmas? Now she’s older she will understand more?
.Nadateturbe how lovely to meet with your relatives. So many families don’t keep in touch. I have one cousin I meet up with. She’s 89. We two are the last left from our side of the family, I’m sure it did you good and was worth the effort.
Thank you for your kind thoughts. I do miss my DH so very much. I strike cry most days but not like I used to. The sadness however, is always there.
Sweetpeasue how lovely of you to respond so quickly to your aunts call. Her family, must have been pleased you got to her so quickly. Hope she gets her check up today and all is well.
Wyllow so pleased Mr A has finally owned up. It’s in writing and he knows where he stands now. I hope the Quakers take a firm stand with him regards his return. I hope this means now you feel a little more settled.
Ellie Anne I can assure you I’ve done many things wrong, things I’m ashamed of and things that cause me great upset. I am really sorry for what I’ve done and the guilt I feel . I doubt there’s many that have led a sin free life, we all make mistakes as we learn going along.
I’m so pleased you had time with your son and DGS. I’m sure your DGS appreciates you but it’s a common theme that children spend more time with one grandparent than another. Our granddaughters spent a lot of time with my DILs mum for a variety of reasons but that doesn’t mean they don’t care so much about me. I know they love me and DH . Of course you deserve happiness. Please don’t be so hard on yourself.
Also I find in church that people talk to others about things that don’t include me. Again for a variety of reasons. Just smile and be as friendly as you can to all. That’s all you can do.
Scaredycat wow those two are beautiful. What a lovely pair. You must be so pleased to have them.
Yes the service at the hospice was lovely. There were a few patients there in wheelchairs. I felt so sorry for their families knowing what they were going through. Christmas is starting to get to me again. I’m better than last year but I can feel it creeping up. So many reminders.
Sweetpeasue the hospice is set round a large lake .it is so peaceful and tranquil. It is easy to just sit and look out across the water. I can sit quietly there by myself for ages.
We have a memorial tree in the hospice with leaves dedicated to those who’ve died. I have a leaf there for DH. I was watching today as so many people walked past. They kiss those fingers then touch their own special memory leaf. I do it myself but it’s amazing how many others do too.
Hope aunt is better tonight.

Dgs is 5 and extremely clever. Has a reading age of 12, knows all the numbers, all the countries and their capitals and more about planets and dwarf planets than I will ever know.
We think he is on the autistic spectrum and is waiting for an appointment but that could be years. Other gran is much younger and lives near.
Nadateturbe I’m sorry you aren’t close to your grandchildren. It’s hard.
Wyllow I’m thinking of you and all the others. I value this group so much.

HVDY I'm glad your haircut turned out all right. Will you go back to the lady?
I can't believe you haven't been to a hairdresser in all this time Sweetpeasue gosh!
It's funny how both you and HVDY don't like looking in the mirrors.
I've had to do all the meals today as,DH is in bed, so no housework as it would tire me too much. Just a little jigsaw and tv, and posting here.
I will say goodnight now, hope it's a peaceful one for you all.xx

Your two boys are gorgeous Scaredycat.

EllieAnne I have tried to put a reply together, hope it reads ok.
I have never got to bond with any my grandchildren who live here in NI, but they were close to my DiLs mum who lived nearby. I have never been really included.
Perhaps your GS lives nearer to his other gran. I don't know. If not perhaps you could mention you would love to see him more.
The four who live in England are the same. None of them are very relaxed with me, the rare times I see them. I can't travel now.
The point I'm making is, it's not personal. It's like that for many grandparents.
Life doesn't always work out as we want, unfortunately. And HVDY is right, boys are very uncommunicative.
I just get on with my own life.

And of course you deserve to be happy. If I listed all the things I've done or thought wrong I'd be writing a long time. We're human, we all make mistakes. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Those ladies who do not speak to you? Have you asked why they stop talking? Told them how you feel?
You come across as a lovely thoughtful caring person, who isn't content with life as it is. Perhaps it's time to sit and think, what would make you happy. And talk to your husband. And maybe a counsellor. You owe it to yourself. Time soon passes and you don't want to look back and feel you've wasted it.

WyllowSo glad Mr A admitted his disgusting offence. Surely he wont be able to come to your own smaller Quakers meetings- if he goes to the other meetings further afield you should never have to see him again. Im so sorry youve had to face all this trouble after youve come so far with your illness.
HVDY I haven't been to hairdressers since before Covid lockdown and main reason is looking in mirrors- hate it- but I should really go and get it sorted. Glad Jaffa is now eating. Yes, imo aunt should nit be living alone- she has carers twice a day.
EllieAnne Sounds like you're always feeling ' left out' on the outside of things . Im sure the others dont realise how you're feeling. Please dont take offence as doesn't sound like they're talking about you at all. I think whispering in front of someone else in certain circumstances can appear to be rude though I know lots of people do it. I think you're very sensitive right now because you're so down. Xx
ScaredycatIm sure youll be glad to get the cataract procedure out of the way . Glad your new furry friends are feeling at home with. They look beautiful together in that photo. Yes, my aunt's pain was bruising after fall. Unfortunately she didnt tell me shed fallen a few dys before so I was on verge of ringing 999 as chest pain can be serious at 91 yr old. Her DGD called her just as we got there so I could speak to her and find out. Her other DGD arrived and we left.
Doodle That hospice is such a special place for you. Im so glad that you can find such peace when you're there. It must be in a lovely setting if it has the river near by. I too have one of those warm snuggly coats - great for warmth aren't they. Hope youve been OK today.
Nadateturbe So nice to see your posts. Sending you love.

Love to all and hoping all have a peaceful night.

EllieAnne Of course you deserve to be happy. We've all done things we shouldn't have done - I certainly have- but you can't punish yourself forever more. How old is your grandson? Boys aren't always very talkative, especially as they get older. It isn't anything personal. As for the church women whispering - if it isn't about you, try to ignore it. Otherwise, ask them if you can share their chats (Confront them). Your thought are due to depression. Please see a GP. You needn't feel the way you do.

ScaredyCat I had my hair cut, so it feels and looks much better. It was a lady in her 50s. Nice enough, but I hate having to it and look at myself in those mirrors. I'm not sure if FIV affects a cat's appetite, but I'm taking him to the vet tomorrow and will ask them to check his thyroid. He ate some Sheba this afternoon, anyway. Your boys are stunning, so very handsome. What breed are they?

SweetpeaSue, Wyllow, Doodle and others... how have you been today? x

Our 2 lovely boys to give you a smile

Hi all.
Doodle- Thank you- I know just how your friend felt. Goodness knows how many wrinkles will leap out at me after Thursday!! As for the dust 😩 2 very fluffy cats are no help. They are settling in very well thank you and are so sweet.
The service at the hospice today must have been lovely. When the Last Post is played it is always so touching.
HVDY- Wow Jaffa was eating a lot. Does the FIV make him more hungry? Cats can be so contrary over food can’t they. What they stuff down their faces one day they,ll turn up their noses to the next.
Oh I,d love some Candyfloss hair- it must look like a lovely halo. Hope the new Hairdresser is someone you,ll enjoy visiting. Is it a man or lady?
Good idea to have somewhere to store LG toys . I,m the same as you I keep Internet Xmas shopping - it takes ages doesn’t it.
Nadateturbe- so good to see you posting. It must have been so nice to see your family on Saturday and just relax and chat together. Plus eat yummy food. Having them live close must be lovely and enables you to visit easier when you are well enough.
SweetPeaSue- Oh poor Auntie. It must have given you both a fright too. Good job the GDs could come and help.Hooefully the pain was from her previous fall but a good idea to get her checked in case it was her heart. So difficult for you all when she can’t remember so well.
Hope you both managed to sleep when you got home.
Wyllow- It is such a shame that an unthinking,selfish man’s actions have had such an effect on you and others who mean a lot to you. I think you are probably right that for him it’s been a pattern of behaviour he’s somehow got away with up til now.
A case of wait and see. As HVDY said if there’s a wife what a life she’s had!!
I really hope that today you have been able to get out to the Gym And do the things you enjoy. Costa and a chat.
Please don’t let this episode eat into you and ruin all your wonderful progress. I feel as Doodle does,please focus on the many good people in your life- you,ve worked so hard and come such a long way.xx
EllieAnne- of course you deserve happiness. None of us has led a blameless life but the Good outweighs the bad in spades.
Your DGS is probably at an age when it’s difficult for him to talk to adults. It’s not his fault he doesn’t see you as often as others. Just make sure when you do see him that you and he try to find some common ground and chat about what he enjoys etc. what are his hobbies ?
If you know that the ladies at church are not talking about you it doesn’t really matter. Would it be possible to just explain to them how you feel? I,m so sorry you have such a down on yourself- ADs would help I,m sure as many of us need their help .

Love to all xx

Nadateturbe I don’t think I do deserve happiness. I’ve done too many wrong things and have horrible thoughts.
I did meet up with son and grandson . It was good but grandson doesn’t relate to me very well.
He sees much more of his mum’s family. I try not to mind and never say anything but it still hurts.
At my church thing this morning.
People whispering in the kitchen again and stopping when I go in.I know it’s not about me but still makes me feel excluded.
Feel very low today.

EllieAnne I hope you got to meet your son alone, and had a much needed relaxing time. You must think about yourself a bit. You deserve some happiness. xx

Sweetpeasue hope you've recovered from yesterday and that auntie is OK.

Oh that's right, I remember now, hairdresser going to prison. Fingers crossed this one works out for you. I would hate to have to change.

nadateturbe How nice that you're all fairly close. My 2 remaining cousins live a distance from me - one on Isle of Wight, the other down south. I absolutely hate going to the hairdresser's. I haven't had it cut for 3 months (my regular hairdresser went to prison for 5 years, so I've had to find someone else). I'll keep an eye on Jaffa - he's still in bed .

SweetpeaSue Hope your aunt is ok. It was kind of you to dash off to see to her. Should she be living alone? Would it help for her to have carers calling in sometimes?

I've sat here, done some internet shopping for Christmas presents, and have ordered a large ottoman to have here for Little Girl's toys. Off to sort my face out x

HVDY you feel better when you get your hair done, don't you. It's harder to manage when you're older.
I'm 74. We all live relatively close. 30miles at most. We have seen numbers falling. I couldn't stay the first time we met after my mum died.
Hope you find something that suits Jaffa, and he's OK.

Wyllow3 its a start. He's admitted guilt. I do hope things progress satisfactorily. I haven't managed to read everything unfortunately. But it's an awful time for you.

nadateurbe I'm glad you were able to go out and see relatives (I wonder if you're quite young - I'm 66 and haven't got any aunts, and only 2 cousins not seen for years). Even though you had to rest the following day, it must have been nice.

Wyllow3 So Mr A has admitted things. I hadn't heard of Reparative Justice (times have changed, thankfully), but it means that advice/help is there, perhaps online or in meetings? Is Mr A married? I wondered if there's a wife who has put up with that behaviour all these years.

Jaffa is off his food (I changed it recently as he was scoffing 6 pouches of Sheba a day!). This new one might be too rich. Going to get my hair cut later - it looks like a candyfloss; a bit of moisture/rain and it's unmanageable. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Tired now, good to read todays posts.

MrA has admitted and signed to a Sexual Attack. If he commits another offence in the next 12 months he will be arrested.

When I spoke to the policeman last night, he muttered somethings about Reparative Justice, but tonight he said it wasn't available.

So I've been chatting on helplines and will see what their advice is.

Quakers do have reconciliation processes but thats sitting quietly until people speak, not Reparative, when I get a chance to say "why", on a number of things, and certainly shame him, and press him on things. He's messed up not only my life but that of our little meeting and further afield in Area Quakers.

Frankly, I doubt he can suddenly switch from thinking he just did rather an enthusiastic hug and really admit deep down it was a sexual attack. That behaviour of men if it pops out, is ingrained not the whim of a moment imo.

He offered to stay away for 4 weeks, but it will be fair far longer as regards out little meeting, see what Safeguarding say.

Nadateturbe So glad to hear you got out to see your cousins and aunt.
EllieAnne Thankyou for your concern. No need for words .
Scaredycat Thankyou for such reassurance. It means a lot.
Doodle You understand Im sure. Awful to see someone going down and have no power of influence. Cardiologist emailed Vascular surgeon to say it was safe to go ahead with stenting Subclavian artery. Just waiting for date of op now. He'd said4/6 weeks.

Bit of an alarm tonight. Aunt rang at 9 to say she had pain in her chest and her DD was away. We flew down in my nightclothes ( couple of miles) and sat her down and her DGD called. Shed had a fall a few dys ago and bruised her ribs. Her other DGD got there about an hr after us. Thing is Aunt can't remember things. She thought shed pressed the wrist alarm but she hadn't. Her DGD is taking her for a check up tomorrow. Phew.

Thankyou everyone for your kind words. Sleep well.x

Wyllow3 thinking of you and hope you hear from the police and have managed to get some support today. I don't feel qualified to offer advice, except you have been doing so well and are stronger than you think. Nada te turbe.

Doodle it must be good to have somewhere quiet to sit alone with your thoughts and memories of your DH. You still miss him so much.
You made me smile at your description of getting ready. On Saturday I tried to put some makeup on to look well, and I could hardly remember how to.
Wishing you a peaceful sleep.

HVDY I actually got out to meet up with my aunts and cousins on Saturday for 2 hours. Best time I've had for months. Spent yesterday in bed but worth it. We went to one cousins house for afternoon tea so it was very relaxed and lovely food.

Scaredycat Your post about wrinkles made me laugh. I hope you're not too shocked after the second cataract op. I assume your furry friends are cats. I'm sure they're great company. My DD has one and she loves it.
I do envy you, it's lovely to meet your DD for coffee and I'm sure it was an emotional time when everyone stopped for the 2 minutes silence. So respectful.
Best wishes for Thursday.

nadateturbe Yes, I'm fine, thanks. We all have these low moods now and then, don't we? How are you keeping?

HVDY sounds like your feeling a lot better, I remember you were quite ill recently. Sorry I've missed a lot. Can't read everything. Re carbs, you get used to less, after a while. I have one slice of bread each day now, and a tablespoon of carbs at dinner.

ScaredyCat I've been OK, thanks. LG was here, 8 til 5. Playgroup, supermarket, then played at home, as it has been pouring all day. Aww your boys are lucky to be a part of your family.