being well enough to look after grandchildren

My daughter wanted me to have her baby overnight so she could get a good nights sleep when he was just weeks old and i was in bed ill for months,she thought it wouldnt be a problem for me,just tell her no your just not well enough,i never got over the way my daughter treated me when i was ill for nearly a year.

I have to say I’m the other end of the scale my dd is the opposite, she says mum you had your time looking after children go and enjoy your retirement. My children, my responsibility is what she tells me. So I do sympathise with those who are expected to care for grandchildren.

That unfair and only makes you felt guilty.
But in fairness I think they don’t see us as getting old and slowing down
You need to let her know how and why you are slowing down

Just be honest.My daughter wanted me to do a simlilar. Thing.which i wasnt up to doing..

I think if you re-read what you wrote aloud “ ^not well enough and walking difficulties^”, you will see that the only rationale next step is to say exactly this directly to your daughter. Common sense says it simply isn’t safe or fair to you or the child under the circumstances.

There seems to be an epidemic of entitled young parents expecting free childcare from family with little consideration of the aging parents. Part of that entitlement stems from them not being told plainly that sorting paid childcare comes with the territory of becoming a parent. They can’t learn to be independent parents if grandparents are still doing the heavy lifting for them, no matter the cost to our own physical health. It also teaches them to remain inconsiderate and self-centered. I love my grandchildren and my children, but if ever one of mine would dare to be aggressive about requesting childcare while I’m unwell, they will have lost me as a regular childcare option altogether. Families should respect and be considerate of each other.

Sorry but I would say 'Hurry up and find a childminder'. I never expected my mum to look after my children when I was working. I either worked around school hours or had a childminder. Sure they went over for visits or a weekend, but by invitation not expectations from me.

Same as everyone else, you must tell her. If it’s easier to do a text…if that’s a common way of communicating with her..that would be ok. I know people say no texts for stuff like this but it gives her time to digest the information rather than just fly off the handle if that’s what she’s likely to do. Your health has to be a priority and your daughter simply must realise this. Don’t feel bad about it. As others have said, she chose to have children so they are her responsibility. For other reasons, I had to do something similar. It was tricky at first but then blew over and my son and DIL found their way through. We all get on fine now. Be brave!

I too second the advice to tell your daughter that right now you are simply not well enough to look after your grandchildren.

Add that you realise this is inconvenient for her, but you cannot either tell her when you will be well enough, or even if you ever will have the energy to child-mind again.

Say you feel the time has come for you to step back and for her to make other arrangements.

She may, of course, take offence, but it was, I assume, her decision to have children, not something you asked her to do.

You tell her by opening your mouth and letting her know. I am on the same page as Babs, AC should not expect parents to
be always available for childcare. You are not well enough and your DD needs to respect that. Be brave and just tell her.

I told my children, before they even had children of their own, that although I had been very happy to bring up children (them) once, I was not prepared to do it twice. It was their job. As it happens they live at the other end of the country, so it never arose.

she may know the situation but being kind by encouragement after all we wouldn't want people saying 'be carefall' all the time.. just an idea.

Your daughter needs to know that if you push yourself you could end up feeling a whole lot worse and be unable child mind period.
I really get cross with ACs expecting their ageing parents to step up the pace. We did all this decades ago when like them we were younger and healthier, but we’ve done our time at the coalface, now we want a slower easier pace of life, as they will when they get older.
You need to have words with your daughter about this, and if she gets the hump she gets the hump, no doubt she’ll get over it.
Take care

Say "I've no idea when I'm going to be better so please don't rely on me

Then continue to recover guilt-free.

It's priceless, isn't it? You and I are in the same boat by the sounds of it but I am still helping out with the 4 youngest GC, ages 11-16.
I would calmly but firmly tell your daughter exactly how you feel. At our ages we have no idea how we are going to be from one day to the next. Hand in your notice and see your GC when you are feeling well enough to enjoy it.
You need to look after Number 1 sometimes.

You use your doctor and consultant and say what they have said and keep repeating that you are not yet well enough. She will have to accept it because you will be the one who pays the price down the line and from what your daughter sounds like, she won't be very supportive because you won't be able to dance to her tune.