Broken Femur Head

You poor thing! I do hope your recovery won’t take too long. In the meantime, 💐and xx.

ReadyMeals

At least now you know you don't have to try as hard. Just tell him "its good enough" when he's got no clean socks in his drawer

Love that! He has no right to get impatient with you when he has to do those jobs he’s taken for granted have been done for years by you.

At least now you know you don't have to try as hard. Just tell him "its good enough" when he's got no clean socks in his drawer

Bestgrammaever

I'm not sure why they didn't do a hip replacement.

It may have been for a number of reasons? When you break your hip it is classed as a medical emergency and surgery has to be carried out urgently to prevent further complications (unlike planned hip surgery)
It might be that the surgeon who performs the full replacement surgery isnt available at that time?
In my case I had a partial hip replacement when I broke my hip - I had to make a quick decision but the surgeon’s opinion was that in the case of my trauma injury this was the best option and a quicker recovery time. In his opinion sometimes full hip replacements following a trauma injury can ‘go wrong’ and they are then difficult to rectify. It must also depend on the severity of the injury.
He also said if I insisted on a full hip replacement I’d have to wait as it was a different surgeon.

I'm not sure why they didn't do a hip replacement.

Dear Nuttynanna2, As someone who has broken her foot and back I understand how you are feeling and unless this has happened to others people cannot understand your frustration and feelings of depression. Let your standards slip don't get into arguments its not good for your recovery, it probably doesn't feel like it but you will recover just don't expect it to happen quickly its a serious break as the pain can linger even when you are back on your feet again. Take this time to be selfish and let it all just go for now.

You poor thing. Really hope you are over the worst sooner than later. As everyone above has said, it does get better - just takes time unfortunately. Sending virtual flowers and loads of get well wishes

MaizieD

So sorry you had a dislocation, JaxJacky. Really unlucky (and painful) for you.

Have you any idea what caused it?

No Maizie I’ve been told extremely unlikely to reoccur.

Not belittling the pain and discomfort you are having you have to be patient with your body. You will get there probably not as quickly as you want, but you will. Never mind DHs attitude, you've surely lived with it for a while now though your accident no doubt a new experience for him. Ignore!

3+ years ago I fell over a pipe in the garden and sheared the top of my femur off, after xrays etc it was decided that I needed a partial replacement as I have ostoporosis and screws and things wouldn't be a good idea. I had to wait 48 hours for the op and was discharged 4 days after the op with no physio or instructions for when I was home. The only advice I was given was not to bend more than 90 degrees at the hip, no timescale though. A week later I went on holiday, my sister did all the driving, and had a great time. £ months later still in pain I was referred to physio after visiting my GP. Needless to say everybody was horrified by the fact that I hadn't had any form of physio before but things did slowly improve. Now I am suffering with pain deep in my groin when I walk more than a few hundred steps and I have had an xray, waiting for results this week, but it is possible that I did too much too soon.

As you can see, we all have different experiences and the only advice I can give is to say if you are having physio and monitoring please do what you are told, If you haven't are not getting help from your GP then you can self refer to NHS physio who should be able to help. Good Luck.

My physio told me that medical advice seems to vary on whether a person needs to sleep on their back for six weeks after hip surgery. One of my friends who had a planned hip replacement was told she could sleep on her side straight away.
I was never told I needed to sleep on my back but when I tried rolling onto my side I found it too uncomfortable even with a pillow between my legs as someone suggested.

A fall is so debilitating and it takes time to get back up there. The identified problems are not the whole story. I consulted an osteopath recommended to me and he re-aligned my neck and rib cage. Physio did not do that.

Give the poor man a break. For a short while good enough IS good enough, and he does need to be able to do for himself in later years if he ends up on his own.

You also have a preview of what things will be like when they eventually do replace it. So perhaps start putting a little aside for home help when you do.

So sorry you had a dislocation, JaxJacky. Really unlucky (and painful) for you.

Have you any idea what caused it?

Although intended for Nutty I’m gratefully for comments, down days after the dislocation, I feel I’ve gone backwards. But,,physio appointment Friday will help this tentative person, I am doing some exercises and walking on crutches.
I hope Nurry is improving too.

You absolutely do not have to sleep on your back for 6 weeks. The advice I was given by the hospital after my THR was that side lying was OK with a firm cushion between the knees and, don't 'cross the mid line'.

Mind you, sleeping for the first week or so isn't that comfortable whichever way you do it. But it can only improve over time.

PS The physio at my centre said that the 'keep a no smaller than 90 degree angle' at the joint between thigh and hip wasn't, in the light of research on post op dislocations, particularly valid. He had me trying to hug my knee to my chest after about 3 weeks..

However, don't act on what I say, Do take professional advice.

I sympathise with you for the physical pain you are coping with, made more difficult by the mental stress of not being able to run things as you would prefer and having to put up with frustrating attitudes and behaviour from your husband which do not help matters. So these are some suggestions that might help you a little to get past these first few days that are so difficult.

1. Can you get your helpful son to get you two simple notebooks different colours so clearly distinguishable for you. Then also make sure you have several biros not just one, so that whenever you want you have one available. I found when I came out of hospital that a little self sealing or clear bag with a zip in it to put these essentials in ,made sure that the absolute basics , such as painkillers, sweeteners, lipsalve as my mouth seemed to be very dry, a small pack of tissues etc. Then you can keep these with you and that will stop some of the frustration or having to wait for someone to pick things up for you,
2. Send someone out asap to buy you a grabber or even 2 grabbers, as you will probably find different sizes better for different things and also the grip will be different, so that you will have one that can pick up a piece of paper, a coin, or a biro from the floor, whilst you need a sturdier one to pick up your slipper or your book. These are NOT luxuries but absolute necessities so dont let them buy cheap ones that dont work well, or you may be able to borrow some from the physio people at the hospital, But it is money well spent for the future in any case and will help you reach things more easily and be more independant.
3. Now you have your notebooks they are for very different purposes. The public one - the brightest coloured one - you can use to write things as and when you think of them. So when you cant sleep and you suddenly think that the library books are due back or the tv license needs paying. You can also divide that book up into dates and notes. Notes are just as and when you remember something or need to ask something, Dates you begin by putting the next days date and what HAS to be done that day, with underneath also what you would like to be done that day. Begin to train them both to look in the book either the night before as well or just in the morning to see what needs doing and dont let them leave it all to you but ask them to check things such as how much coffee is left ,or whether there is any fish in the freezer etc.

The other book is for you privately. When you feel that you could either explode with fury or want to scream or cry for ever at the situation then use this book for your eyes only. So you can write how you are feeling, what is the most frustrating thing that day, your annoyance at what has been done or not done. But also make a note of how you are feeling day to day yourself, try and look objectively at the subtle differences you will find. One small cheering situation is that the nights are getting less thank goodness. It will seem hardly perceptible yet but it is there and improving, so that if you wake very early you will begin to see that light in the morning, and perhaps you could try some simple breathing exercises, where you take a deep breath to the diaphragm to the count of 4 and then slowly let it out to a count of 6. If you can do this at various times of day that will be a help but even if you just do it in the morning it is worthwhile. Also when you are very uptight and angry, then firstly , when you are on your own, clench your fists as hard as you can, screw up your eyes and your face, tighten your shoulders up towards your ears, Then totally let go of all tension. Tightening up first lets you notice where the stress is and now you know where it is you can then totally let go, and do a couple of the breathing in and out and I think it will be very good on lots of levels. You feel more in control, more aware of your body and how to release some of that stress. Then on other occasions you can notice how you are getting stressed and look for a way to change that.
3. Again on your own look back over a day and try and decide what is the most annoying or frustrating thing in that day, and also what you and your husband get upset about. Then look at it practically. So if the kitchen is being allowed to be unhygenic and messy and disorganised, this can be a problem for you all. If you dont know anyone who is very good, speak to your friends and acquaintances and find a good cleaner and firstly get them to come in and get the kitchen back to the way you like it to be, and then come in perhaps a couple of hours a week or if possible on two separate days if that can be sorted so that the end resultis that yes you have to pay for this service, but not only will you have a better place to live in, both you and your husband will have less to argue about or get annoyed with. If he objects and says he can do it, accept that but say it has to be to those standards and not his standards. If he complains about the cost you then say I can see that I have saved so much money over the years by my exacting standards that you have all been happy to live with, why should I be expected to put up with far lower standards now. Also remind him that feeling calmer and more peaceful will help you to heal quicker , whereas stress will slow things down.
4. Accept that you cant have everything as you would wish but decide what areas matter most to you. So for me I would want the bathroom and kitchen kept very clean and clean bedding ironed so that you are comfortable as you can be. Plenty of other things could be done but they are most important to me. So then try not to be in the same room as them doing the less important things. What the eye doesnt see etc! Now is the time to get in touch with your close friends. They probably know more about your likes and dislikes than your husband if he is not very observant. So ask them to buy specific things that you want, and accept with graceful thanks any offers to make a casserole or a pie.
5. Collect as many take out menus from all sorts of places such as chinese, curry houses and check on local pubs who often do a take away version of their lunches. Accept that just for the moment you will use them more than normal. It is the balance that counts. You neither want your husband getting endless take aways and making no effort, but nor do you want him to feel exausted and resentful, so such things as friday fish and chips might be popular, and do you have a friend whose cooking your enjoy? If you have a freezer you could perhaps ask her to do one large cook for you, where you could buy good quality minced steak , a larger amount than normal. Then she could either make say some bolognaise sauce and some curry sauce and a good mix of vegetables to make up just a decent mince. Then you could have something in the freezer that could be easily used with simple jacket potatoes or pasta or rice .

In the meantime for yourself, what would you like to do? Can you think of things that you thought you might learn or do when you retired? Well you have been given an opportunity to try out some things now. You could play whist or bridge and pick up some ideas from books and look on the internet. Have you ever fancied learning copperplate writing, embroidery, painting - or at the moment drawing and using coloured pencils while you have difficulty getting about. Try writing a diary of your days noticing any and all improvements that happen and include any setbacks. In years to come you will be able to look at this and see how you coped so that whatever comes later on in your life you can see that you can get through things. But also this is your private book and it is the chance to write down just how you feel about your husband or the friend that hasnt come to see you, You can call them all the names under the sun, swear if you want or whatever, but also note how kind someone you hardly knew has been. When you are past all this you will have discovered lots of things about yourself and your friends and family that you might never have known and you will be a better help to someone else in the future.

Sorry if you think I have gone on too long but you can ignore all or whatever you want , but you will certainly find out what really matters in every day life to yourself and when you are better you may change some things.

Whilst I like basics clean etc I am always ready to down tools when there is a day worth going out, whether I am able to walk or even only manage to go on my yellow peril buggy.to get out and enjoy the fresh air and the gardens cheers me and I actually find I can get on with jobs in a better frame of mind.

(Oh and of course, dont mention this at all at the moment, but once you are back on your feet, you can be seeing how you can share in the basic housework and jobs and not returning to the chief cook and bottlewasher. Hopefully your husband will come to see that he has been very lucky to have all the good efforts you have put in. If he thinks his way is better - so long as it suits you - great he can now do that job for the foreseeable future. If he protests then you can discuss how much it will cost to have someone to come in every week and do the work he doesnt want to do. Remind him that you are HIS wife not a HOUSE wife.

Let us know how things go and dont forget that Gransnet have all sorts of people looking on here at all sorts of odd times of day or night so you will find you have sympathetic and thoughtful support as things go on. Best of luck

In February 2018 I slipped on icy grass whilst on a walking holiday on Harris& Lewis with my daughter.
Had been there less than 24h!
My left foot twisted as I fell and I knew I had broken my ankle before I hit the ground.
I'd done a great job ... Tri malleolar fracture plus fibula fracture.. my ankle was in shreds.
I ended up waiting 4 days for surgery but they did a good job .
I was told I WAS NOT TO WEIGHT BEAR on my left foot for 12 weeks.
I was also told it would take a year to heal and I would be disabled as it was a very " poorly " ankle .
I struggled home via plane, train and car.... No easy deal when you can't put your foot down at all .
I arrived home. My husband is fabulous and did everything he could do to help and keep house.
One evening, about 10days in I was sitting on the settee again,foot up, in pain ..... and, suddenly the deepest, darkest despondency descended on me
I threw my knitting across the room, crawled up to bed ( crawling being easier than crutches)
I lay there , not speaking, not wanting to sleep.
I was so depressed, poor husband feared. I had lost my mind. It felt like it.
At my next fracture clinic visit I was told this is not uncommon..a form of PTSD .
I did recover.
I succeeded in not weight bearing for 12 weeks plus ( using a Zimmer was great for the bingo wings )
I did my physio religiously. I was utterly determined I would not be disabled!
It did take almost a, whole year but I was able to get my walking boots on and now , 8 years on I am fully mobile, pain free and very grateful for the expertise of my surgeon in Stornoway.
I still have an ankle full of metal wire and screws but the only outward sign is a slightly wider left ankle.
I am telling OP all this , not to boast but to encourage.
You feel at your lowest ebb now but it will get better.
12 weeks feel forever, a year eternity but it does pass.
I'm sorry hubby isn't the best but let him do as he will.
You must concentrate on yourself, do your physio and absolutely everything you have been told to do.
Don't be tempted to do housework when you shouldn't.
If I had put my foot down once in those 12 weeks I wouldn't have the excellent outcome I have...and it would have been my own fault.
I wish you all the best for an active future, OP and sending many hugs .
You will get there . Xxxx

I know how you’re feeling Nuttynanna. I had a ‘partial’ hip replacement in July after tripping on an uneven pavement whilst on holiday - luckily it was in the uk.
The first thing they told me in A&E was that a ‘trauma’ hip replacement is nowhere as quick a hospital stay or recovery time as it is for a planned operation.
Most of my friends didn’t seem to grasp this because they’d seen others in and out of hospital having planned hip replacement surgery - coming out sometimes the same or the next day and getting back to normality really quickly. One friend couldn’t understand why I wasn’t back to line dancing after six weeks although my physio had told me it might be six to eight months.
I told the surgeon that I was really active before and he said I would be again - but I’d need to be patient and work hard at the physio.
I know exactly what you mean about life all of a sudden seemingly coming to a full stop after rushing around doing my active hobbies and looking after GC.
Like you I found sleeping on my back for six weeks particularly difficult as I seemed to seize up in bed, in fact I seized up just sitting in a chair during the day and had to keep walking up and down the living room to ease the pain.
I went through a multitude of different emotions but am back to all my hobbies now as you will be too 🙏🤞.

Virtual hug. Can you make certain pain relief is always at it’s maximum don’t settle for anything less. Health is the most singular important thing and if we don’t have that I know for one I am the most miserable person. Most ungrateful to my shame as well when it’s very unfair on others.

I feel for you NuttyNana2. I think slipping on laundry on the stairs is quite common. I now call ‘timber’ at the top and throw the laundry downstairs in a cotton sack!! Being fit and active one minute and then suddenly in pain and reliant upon others is a huge shock but you’re not alone and you sound tough. You’ll make it through. I wish you all the best for 2026

Nothing to add really but sending you a virtual hug and loads of sympathy. Hopefully, you’ll get some e rest. Let everything else plateau

Sleeping on by back for 6 weeks was uncomfortable for me as im a side sleeper. For me, pillows either side didnt help much, but I'm sure it does help others. I was always active too, but managed to stay positive most of the time. I was determined to do my exercises, and NHS physios were brilliant. I actually enjoyed going as it meant i got out of the house and socialised with others even though it was all medical!! Stay positive if you can, it really does help, as you will get better as time goes on, and try to be patient the DH

Thank you Lucky. I slept a bit better last night on the sofa. I am feeling more positive and turning a blind eye to the neglected housework. It will wait. I have always run a tight ship but things are a lot looser these days.

That truly is bad luck - but thank goodness for speedy treatment on the NHS.

I have found that after surgery things seem to drag and spirits flag then suddenly you turn a corner. Stay strong - your corner is not far away!

I feel for you Nuttynana
I broke my arm at the stables 20 years ago and have lost confidence ever since.

Accidents happen. Even today I slithered on slippery decking horrible stuff

I hope you recover quickly and completely. Keep doing the exercises. It will improve.