Black Dogs 28

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- pleased your Aunt will be home again soon- hope she wasn’t too confused by being in hospital. Also good news you have been to Book Club.Life is beginning to get better for you both at last.DH enjoying his car and being able to do a spot of gardening. All those things are so important for your mutual health.
Ah your dear Mum - how we loved our Mums.
Doodle- been to see my friend again today as DH was at Golf.
She is so frightened and sad and physically unwell . But we had a nice gentle afternoon chatting with a cuppa.
Your walk sounds so nice- the river must look beautiful in the sun.
HVDY- my friend has one more chemo session left then immunotherapy. So much more to go through.
That sounds a low intake of calories - I am in awe of your strong will power.
LG looks so beautiful in the photo- the sweetest butterfly ever. Her hair must be gorgeous.
Hope your hearing improves soon - I can’t remember have you got tinnitus? I do 24/7 and that doesn’t help with hearing does it. Was the pub lunch good?
Willow- yes I drive but just normal local stuff. When I was younger and we lived overseas for a couple of years I drove backwards and forwards from Europe on a regular basis. I was braver then.
Your clothes sound like mine- even the shoes. I love jeans and baggy trousers and quirky sweaters. I like dresses sometimes in the warmer weather but loose and floppy ones. I,m 5ft 2 and just over 8 and a quarter stone.
You sound like you,ve got the workmen sorted- hope the work doesn’t take too long.
Good to get all that off your chest and realise that you are entitled as anyone to give your opinion- and the sky won’t fall in😀
You have been through a lot - enjoy the gym.
Nadateturbe - hope you’re feeling more relaxed today.
Ellie Anne- how are you?

Love to allxxxx

Wyllow3 Plastering is a messy job and leaves lots of dust. It'll be worthwhile to get it done properly, though. Some men are horrible, and you've known a few - me too - the ruining of your artwork was pretty spiteful. You can get things off your chest on here - we all do that. The Botanical gardens sound beautiful. We've got a lot of lovely places not far from us. Hope you got to the gym ok today.

SweetpeaSue Son1 is 6ft 2, Son1 5ft 11. My husband is 5ft 9. My ears don't hurt today (one did, last night), but my hearing is very muffled. It's been sunny and pleasant here - Jaffa sat on the patio for hours. Have you got gardens at the back and front of your place? Our grass needs mowing, but it's still wet, so that might be a job for next week.

Sold a couple more dresses on Vinted, so posted everything today (10 items). Had lunch at a pub, with DH. How has everyone else been? Nadateurbe, EllieAnne? x

Love aswell!

Doodle That round of anniversaries will bring so much back and must be so hard. Hope that hip isnt still playing up today and youve been with friends- youve made so many. It must be so helpful to be able to share with others that have lost their own DHs.
Anniv of my mum's passing coming up soon and falls v close to Mother's Day.
DH had dentist this morning( Deep clean- didnt envy him). Bit of tidying garden . So much better now the dreary rainy days have gone , though I believe rainy spell tomorrow.
Live to all.

HVDY Oh a bad ear-ache is nasty-hope youve had no more bouts today.
What a pretty photo of LG- shes a little princess isnt she.
My sons tower above me too. Their dad was 6ft. When they were teenagers and were ever acting stroppy I'd pull the hairs on their legs- they'd laugh but didnt want me to continue so would usually comply(didnt leave bruises either 🤣). Hope the ironing session was short.
Wyllow The chimneymen job would be something Id hate too. I fear you might be right about the dust when doing the plastering job.
Hope your letter was fully understood by the Quakers ,who surely must know that youve been through so much. I dont blame you for needing to get it off your chest. I think we all have things we regret doing, or not doing when we were younger. Oh that destroying of your art work was so spiteful and so unjust when the perpetrators went unpunished. A rotten thing to do.
Hope you managed the gym and felt better later.

Ignore the last large chunk. I was getting something off my chest having no where else to do it....I was fighting guilt and fear after what I wrote to the group it would bring armageddon down on me, which of course it wont....

The sun is breaking through the mist here, so I hope there is sun elsewhere with you.

. My cleaner is coming at 12.30, and I need to try and make the effort to go to the gym as missed yesterday and I can't go tomorrow.

Your poor, poor friend, Scaredycat. Your love will count, but how heart wrenching to see it and feel it. Nice to think your DS is up here enjoying it too. Can you drive now?
I actually dress like I always have - comfy bright casual, occasionally venturing into a skirt or gulp, a dress. Sketchers on my feet. Nothing tight except when I venture into tights and it holds my tum in a bit ….how do you dress?

I’m a sort of T shirt shape, *Sweetpeasue at 5’5” broad shoulders, neater lower down, but hips aren’t as slim as they were and it’s an effort to keep bits in shape. Well, you can’t have it all at 75…well done to getting to the book group. And DH having an angina free day. Well, the car is his new proud possession! Not my idea of enjoyment…
Sorry to hear about your aunt, I hope she is sorted soon. We are fortunate to be free of such things.

It’s so difficult Doodle as being heavier makes hips and knees tougher to manage but tired as well xx. I’m sorry they are “bracing” months. And this good weather is a mixed bag, memories of what you used to do etc. I get that much lesser of course re the good times with Ex, the fun and love there was at first.
But yes, please try to do that exercise. Choose that nice glass of wine over cakes if you can. I’m glad you are still going to the hospice, and yes, I can remember exactly your posts from that time. X. So, glad you got that walk in.

Yes, go for it, the 14-16. II used to be an 8-10 for years. Its what I buy atm because of my swollen tum which is so hard to work on exercise wise as it has 3 operation tram lines down the front as well as drugs acting against proper digestion and the erm…exit system. Sorry the earache kept you awake - what a lovely photo! I was wondering what my DGC had chosen for the day, but they are older than her.

The Chimneymen WhatsApp’d me first thing and they came round for the inspection. Up on a ladder, and inside my attic. They had to cut a hole in the wall of the inner room to get the the eaves. Messy, to be cleaned tomorrow. Basically - good bit, no rotten timbers, bad thing, really I should dhave the whole roof done, no way, so one day of repairs, OK except for the £££!!!. And I cannot avoid a plasterer to chip off the damp plaster , then it will be left to dry out, then replastered. I dont think that will take too long, but messy.

When the men were here like all last summer I had to re-adopt my Strong Managing Yorkshire Lass persona I do like to keep on top of exactly what they are doing and why and the process, polite and warm and interested, you get respect that way, but its very tiring.

Then I went to the Botanical Gardens as the sun was out. And it was lovely, lots of smiles in the sun.

But I’ve taken a risk. Today was the monthly “spiritual support group” of our Quakers which unfortunately has D, the woman who told me I wasnt assulted, in. Where we share out vulnerable feelings. I skipped the last one because of her.

I was going just to cop out and make an excuse, but instead decided to say the truth and wrote that due the the assault but worse the lies of what had happened, the fall to of the inventions, not being believed, AND someone telling me it didn’t happen. And that someone was of course D. And I got back 3 kind supportive messages that very much believed me (and not a word from D, who has quite a lot of power in our group).

And it’s a risk, but I don’t care. IN the past, I’ve let a bully bloke push me out of a job with a lie that I was cheating on money and nasty male bullying generally because I had got the team leaders job over all the blokes:
(eventually after he had bullied more women he was sacked but too late for me)

…my first “boyfriend” at uni slept with me aged 19 he was 28 then told me suddenly he was off abroad the next day and had a women there, I was assaulted before and my then boss told me (1980’s) to keep quiet:

In 2001 my work was damaged at art college because as piece of work was about women and men, and someone damaged my work badly, and the male course leader didnt act even tho he knew who it was,

I’ve had enough of NOT sticking up for myself. I know people have had worse on this thread but I needed to do this. Imagine if I had let the man who assulted me get totally away with it and had to face him every week doing his oh so charming bit and that no one had believed me?

Doodle Lovely to hear about your walk by the river with your friend and the coffee outside. So pleased you had a nice day, eventhough you have a constant underlying loss.

LG as the butterfly from The Very Hungry Caterpillar. World Book day tomorrow. Her hair is waist-length, but tied up

ScaredyCat Your poor friend. Chemotherapy is awful. Poor woman. How many more sessions will she need? So sad about her husband, too. We never know what's to come. I've sold 5 items on Vinted today. I've also bought a few things. I'd like to stick to this diet and get to size 14-16. We'll see. Did you go out today?

SweetpeaSue You're taller than I am! My sons and the 3 teenagers in the family all look down on me . Pear shape isn't unhealthy like an apple shape. Hope your aunt is better soon. Will she need help at home? Glad your husband has been OK, and felt alright to do some jobs.

Doodle Although I'm on these shakes, I count my calories as well. Most days I have 800-900, some days it's more like 1300ish. I take 2 Ibuprofen every morning to keep my hip pain-free. Do you take anything for yours? How nice to sit by the river and watch the world go by, particularly when the weather is good.

Didn't get to sleep until 2am because of such bad earache. It went, but now the sound in both ears is muffled. Stayed in and did lots of ironing (exciting stuff eh).

Hope everyone has been OK x

HVDY you’ve done an amazing job with your diet to go down so many sizes in clothes. I’ve been trying to cut back but not matter what I do I seem to stay the same weight.
Mine is all stomach and thighs. I’m huge. I’ve gone up 3 sizes.
Sit fit is good but I might have overdone it yesterday. Went for a walk today and my hip was playing up a lot.
Wyllow I still go to the hospice at least once a week. Went on Tuesday after seeing our son. It’s coming up to a round of anniversaries for me and that might well be affecting me. March, May, June, july and August are all months where I have to brace myself.
Please keep exercising. I’m sure it does you good. You’re right. Do need to do more but it’s difficult to find time.
Oh Scaredycat I feel so sorry for your friend. To have her husband on end of life care whilst going through chemo and all the side effects. Poor woman must be exhausted and already grieving for what’s to come. Must be hard to find a way to help. Being a good friend is what you’re doing.
Both our sons live nearby so I’m lucky. Son’s dog is a daft cockerpoo with doleful eyes.
Sweetpeasue sounds like a better day for you and your Dh. I went out for a walk with my friend this afternoon and we sat by the river and had a coffee in the sunshine. Peaceful and lovely and we both get to talk about our men.

Doodle Im really sorry for your very sad time. So many things must bring your DH to mind - the anniversary of this and that and the long time when he was so poorly. I do hope today has been better for you. Sending a gentle hug.
HVDY Were both shorties then ( or ,ahem, petite, height wise) Im 5ft 3. One of sister's an 'apple' and Im a typical pear. She has nice slim legs - Ive got the bum and big thighs. Only so much one can do to change our basic shape but Im a much bigger pear than I was. You've done amazing.
Wyllow Hope youve had a good day. .uch brighter weather now - that photo was beautiful and I loved the night sky one. Moon was a full one here and deep orange last night. We have porridge now in Costa. The Jumbo Oats ones in fridge has only 160 odd cals and I sweeten with canderal and ask for a little extra hot milk as its so thick.
When DH gets tight chest he uses the spray as instructed.
Scaredycat Aw your poor friend . What she and her DH are going through is so cruel. Not to be able to go through last years together and unable to help each other. Im so very sorry. Know what you mean abkut dressing ones age. I cant get into jeans now though so am wearing dresses all the time.
Nadateturbe So glad the scan is over. Its quite an invasive procedure but at least you now know everything is OK in that area. So wish Drs could sort the ME though but they need to know much more about it dont they. Hope you have been able to rest today.
EllieAnne Hope your day has been better.

My cousin text me this morning- aunt is in hospital( blockage in stoma bag) . She's been in a few dys and is due to come out soon thank goodness.
Been to book group and was OK. DH doing a bit more in garden and has washed his car( which he seemed to enjoy). No angina episodes today. What puzzled me is they can come on at rest which was why I thought it was the 'unstable' type of angina. Just hope he stays as he is last few dys.
Hoping everyone is reasonably well. Wishing a peaceful night for all.x

Hi all
Doodle- I,m so sorry life is difficult right now. Sometimes the memories and feelings of loss come back with a vengeance. But you are right - you’re sad at the moment and perhaps it’s watching another year coming to life .
Glad your DS lives near so you can pop in for a chat- what sort of dog has he?
My friend was in a bad way she is really struggling.The chemo is making her feel physically terrible and of course the mental anguish with her DH on end of life care and so not able to support her is more than cruel. She is not moany just worn
out.
HVDY- be proud of yourself you have stuck to your weight loss regime so fantastically - that is an achievement. You are keeping Vinted in business- good to be able to wear some old favourites again.
Your head must feel all stuffy still but at least your throat is not so bad now. You,ll be OK by Friday so you can enjoy your family day .
Willow- good news the work won’t be quite as bad as you feared. Good too not much indoor work. I too hate having workmen in the house . The Sky man came today and I couldn’t wait for him to go- poor man.
Your GP sounds great- wish there were more like her. Just what you need. Maybe you might have an under active Thyroid .but The Mr A saga certainly took its toll both physically and mentally .
Lovely view - so pleased you were able to get to your happy place. It is so beautiful there and we are lucky that my DS is there too. I didn’t drive till I was widowed and it felt like I,d grown wings once I could and loved it like you. Long may you continue to escape to the hills.
SweetPeaSue- what a treat for you to have a bit of a mooch round the shops. It must take a lot of effort when you feel so tired a lot of the time. Ha ha if I catch sight of myself in a shop mirror I think how old am I !!!! I refuse to dress old though.
I don’t think your DH has unstable angina but it makes sense that after a more energetic day he sometimes gets a twinge. So glad he is doing better .
Nadateturbe- at last the colonoscopy is done and you can start your Antibiotics. It all worked out in the end. You were so brave - they are horrible to go through but worth it for peace of mind. Rest and recuperate- .
Ellie Anne- I can only say what others have said. Living as you do is so debilitated and must wear you out. I so wish you had another option. Hope you,ve been able to get out and walk in this lovely weather.

Love to allxx

Wyllow3 What a stunning view there! Beautiful.

Hooray to come in and find the result was a good one, nadateturbe. You are brave and it takes energy but I think you are definitely doing the right thing to look at all possible reasons for your acute symptoms. Yes, they are lovely at the colonscopy, aren’t they? Back to trying to get rid of the UTI.

Well done for resisting the takeaways, HVDY. Vinted is serving you well as you change size! Well done on your sort out day. It’s so nice when it’s done. Getting down to 18 is really good.

What a kind thoughtful post, Sweetpeasue. Thank you for those really perspective comments on my situation. I can exactly understand that longing for the sweet hit. It’s quite hard to think up a way of finding an alternative, but my personal comments on the cakes in Costa are …..expensive and huge calorie count! Maybe when the weather gets warmer consistently you might find it easier to resist it? I don’t like myself in the mirror in that way either. How does DH cope with the chest tightness - breathing carefully and it passes? I know its scary cos the fear is It Might Be something Bigger.. xx

It is a bad patch, Doodle, isnt it. Had anything in particular happened? It just occurred you haven’t mentioned going to the hospice recently, and it used to help? You are in a tough “Hobsons choice” as regards weight, because you need to keep busy in one way, and thats tiring, keeping up a front at times, and maybe reach for the sugar for energy, then weight goes on. And I now only too well one you are very low, its really, really hard to exercise - when I was in my depression, I did NONE, yes me, none. Now it raises my mood. No easy answers xx

Had a good day. Hardly dare say that…I often manage to wreck it the day after….but I went to the gym for one hour 10 mins to “do my bit”, and then got in the car and sailed into a lovely sunny day in my loved High Peak. Just a short walk, a long sit with the peaceful view, on the little walk I could dsee and hear the larks flying high above in the blue blue sky. (I like driving, I do it well

SweetpeaSue Thanks. I'm still obese - I was a size 24 (and some clothes in that size were tight) and am now 18. I'm only 5ft 1, and all my weight is around my bust, waist (or lack of one) and stomach. I've got nice legs, though. I've got a long way to go. Don't be so hard on yourself - you've had a lot to cope with, with your husband's medical things, as well as your own health. You just need to care for yourself. My ears have been like this before - blocked eustachian tubes - and the advice years ago was to keep blowing my nose, with nostrils pinched closed, until it clears. It took weeks.

nadateturbe I'm glad the procedure went well. You must be relieved to have it over with. Hopefully, the results won't take long, and things will be sorted out. You will be able to take the tablets for the UTI now, too.

Doodle We've got CCTV cameras on the front and back gardens - Son1 loves gadgets and he put them up when he lived here the last time. His house has a lot of electronic stuff. Nice that you called in to see one of your sons. Your sit-fit class is good exercise and not too strenuous. I must try to go to Aqua next week.

EllieAnne, Wyllow3, ScaredyCat and other NDs - hope your day has been alright x

sweetpeasue i think I’m going through a difficult patch at the moment. More tears today. I’m ok but just sad I suppose.
Like you I’ve put on a lot of weight. I don’t care as much about my appearance as I did but I seem to be getting bigger and bigger. Too tired to exercise so getting fatter.
Nadateturbe that’s good news about the colonoscopy. Hope they can find some treatment that helps you.
HvDY my BiL lives in the country and has one of those night time cameras. Not sure what he’s seen but you sound as though yours is quite interesting. Pleased your throat is better but now your ears playing up. Staying in is a good idea but maybe resting.
Wyllow I saw the moon last night very clearly. In fact I sat and watched it quite a while it was so clear.
Hope your damp patch doesn’t turn out to be too serious or costly. Glad your Mr Chimney finally turned up.
Scaredycat how did your visit to your friend go yesterday, you’re good to keep visiting. Hope you’ve had a good day today.
Ellie Anne thinking of you too
I went to sit fit this morning then popped in to see our elder son and dog, had a nice catch up. Bought a drawer unit in the way home and have been trying to tidy up a bit.

Good result thank you Sweetpeasue. There was a real possibility it wouldn't be. Such a relief. Lovely staff, consultant so considerate and adjusted things for my concerns. Watched the whole thing, pain but able to cope.
Other causes also been ruled out for low iron and tiredness. . Hopefully GP will help now. Although with M.E. not much can be done, but at least I'll know.
Antibiotics now!

Will hopefully read and chat to everyone tomorrow. Thanks for being patient and listening to me. It helped.

HVDY That weight loss is truly amazing - you must be so proud of your new size . Im quite miserable about my weight - never been this heavy before. I seem to be constantly tired then I find something sweet picks me up but of course that's only v temporary and then I crash . Im ashamed of myself for getting like this. I know men dont usually care so .much.
Wyllow Im glad the problem with the dampness isnt going to be as bad as you thought. I absolutely hate having workmen in the home so I can understand how you'd feel with that happening for long. Hope it can be sorted reasonably quickly. I can def understand the CF -- I believe I have it as a Fibro symptoms as when I feel exhaustion and so tired cant think I just have to go to bed and Ive never been like this before. Its certainly not a laziness its something very real - I hate it. Just be kind to yourself - youve been through an awful lot with the Mr A thing and it must have also affected you physically aswell as mentally.
Doodle Do hope its not been as bad a day for you and you haven't been too heartbroken.
EllieAnne I wish I knew what to say- your situation must be unbearable. Are you still in the choir? It must help if theres something you enjoy outside the home. Im just so sorry.
Scaredycat Hope youve been OK today.

Had a browse around some shops- Next and M&S . Caught sight of self in mirror and just thought- that's not me- so big.
We went to a Costa and DH had chest tightness just while sitting. Hes had it before during rest- think its called 'unstable' angina when someone gets it at rest aswell as exertion. Overall hes not been as bad the last couple of dys.
DIL had Marie Curie nurse overnight. They are such amazing people.

Hope everyone has had a reasonable day. Thinking of Nadateturbe and hoping things went well.

Nadateturbe I hope by now the colonoscopy is over for you- it will be such a relief. Do hope your UTI can be treated properly now if you are still having symptoms. You are no coward , for sure
I dont know anyone who hasn't been nervous and scared of having a colonoscopy though most say afterwards it was the prep that was most unpleasant. You will most likely be quite tired after the experience hope you can sleep tonight.
HVDY Fancy Jaffa going after the food put out for the fox,probably feels quite put out that another is on his territory. Your camera is amazing and must be fun yo watch the wildlife that's been in the garden. That ear doesnt seem right at all, especially if you're having problems with hearing. Have they said what you should do about it?
Yes, I have Buscopan in always though rarely does it make much difference.

Doodle I know. I only sat and waited all that time because the GP had thought I might have a perforated eardrum - it's apparently "bulging", though. Hope you slept well last night and that today has been good for you.

Wyllow3 Glad Chimney man came and that the job can be done (hope it won't be too expensive). Hope your thyroid test comes back ok. Apparently, it's sometimes tricky to get thyroid levels right. I'd thought of having a takeaway, but I've decided not to - I've now lost almost 3st and have been trying on some dresses I hadn't sold on Vinted - and they now fit well! I now need to sell the ones I bought on Vinted last year .

My throat is fine today, but my hearing in both ears is very muffled. Stayed in and cleaned the place up (and sorted out clothes). Hope everyone has been ok x

I’m sort of glad your GP persuaded you, nadateturbe. To get ti out of the way, when its happened will be a relief, and it may add important information for your condition.
It’s completely natural and necessary to be self centred when things are very difficult. It’s the way we get through things. It doesn’t mean you don’t care, no one thinks that. Cry away….I had a colonoscopy and remember my tum didnt hurt but had to hang around the toilet rather.

But afterwards I was on a high for an enjoyable evening as I had had pain control. (Fentanyl - works well)..

I’m glad you made yourself sit down more, and appreciate its frustrating…I hope you had plenty of furry company. Congratulations to GGD in the concert. I hope your visit to friend helped her…it’s a difficult time for those who love her. Just keep up the coffee and DD’s as much as you can, getting out enough for nice things is essential when difficult things are going on like your friends.

It makes me so sad, Ellie Anne, hearing of that exchange with your DH. Has he always been like this and got worse since the children are not at home? I wouldnt stay, honestly.

That was really frustrating, HVDY. They are very cautious handing anti biotic out. She must have assessed it would get better in its own time - not what you wanted to hear. Take care..I know how hard it is for you not to be busy, have LG and so on…can you be naughty calorie wise and get takeaways in a couple of days for foodie treats - if you throat means you can eat?

MrChimney/Roofer did come. But he thinks the timbers aren’t rotting.

He was concerned abut the damp patch as it was clearly very much for real. He thinks it could be a couple of tiles further up the roof.

They could be letting in water and the water running down the inside built-in sealed attic room wall. (He has a good drone).

He couldn’t get to the eaves of course due to the inner room built in, and I sending two of “the lads” to unscrew a panel of it to get into the crawl space to see what is happening at the edge of the eaves from the inside.

So something will need to be done and if its the tiles - pay for them to be put right and scaffolding, so its £££ but not disastrous, or too intrusive indoors which of course was what I was thinking

(and telling myself off for) half the night.

I was so tired all I did today was have a shower and go to my GP MOT appointment where I did get a diagnosis of chronic Fatigue. She was quite shocked at the difference between me now and how I was last summer when she last saw me (glowing, bouncy, energetic, never any infections, just getting hearing sorted and so on)

So some tests for thyroid which might cover energy and hair loss but she took details of the assault and so on and the MH effects on me. (She’s on of the best GP’s I’ve met, she takes the “whole person’ on board inc MH for physical stuff).

Rest of the day in bed, but tomorrow is supposed to be sunny and a dose of fresh air possible.

Waving to BD’s not in today xx

There should be a full special moon tonight - but only some of us will see it...cloud here...

nadateturbe that’s a long time to go without food and presumable little in the way of liquid too. I hope it all goes well. Try to do some deep breathing tonight and relax. By tomorrow night it will all be over.
Sweetpeasue hope you’re feeling better today, IBS is such a problem.
HVDY what a ridiculous amount of time to wait to be told to take paracetamol which you were presumably doing anyway.
Scaredycat glad you had a more relaxing weekend with your family.
Wyllow I hope the chimney man came. Did you get out to the gym today.
Ellie Anne I can’t imagine living in a relationship like yours. I would be very depressed. Sorry that leaving doesn’t seem to be an option.
Very tired tonight I’ve had a long day, only just finished dinner and now it’s bedtime. Sleep well all

nadateturbe Thank you. I'll keep taking the tablets . I've had Tonsillitis just about every year since I was 9, but somehow it seems worse now I'm older. You aren't a coward at all. I hope it all goes well and is done quickly. That's a long time to not eat! Be sure to have something delicious after your ordeal.

I mean I hope