Black Dogs 28

Oh, PS...in the last post on 27 I got two Black Dogs muddled up very briefly (Scaredycat and Sweetpeasue) as to a post. Sorry....bad brain moment, and I couldn't correct it as they had closed the thread!

Well done Wyllow thanks for opening up. I shal go and read a bit of the old thread and the. Come back

Wyllow Christmas and New Year is a difficult time for many of us. I’m very tired and flat at the moment so it’s good you recognise the need to slow down a bit and take things one day at a time. As you say, the gym is better for you than shopping so spend your time doing what you like. Leased you had a nice chat with F and hope you meet up more often. It’s good you’ve finished your final draft of what you want to write to Mr A . Hope the meeting goes well

HVDY how is poor Jaffa now, is he feeling better? Like you I don’t wear white either. I’m pale enough as it is I’d look like a ghost in white. I. Tend towards pastels particularly lilac and pink. You were quick getting all your decs down. Mine are all still up I’ll start tomorrow

Sweetpeasue yes do wrap up warm if you go out. Your Dh mustn’t get a chill.
Good to hear your sisters DH is home hope he continues to improve.

Nadateturbe sorry you had such a painful evening, Hope things have settled down now and you feel more comfortable,
Scaredycar thank you for your lovely messages to us all.
Hope you had a pleasant evening with your DH.
Ellie Anne I too hope the new year brings you more companionship and peace.
I keep nodding off so going to bed now sleep well and hope 2026 is a good year for allergy

Doodle Thank you for starting a new thread. Jaffa has got to see the vet again on 20th, so we'll see what's what then - he wouldn't let me look in his mouth (and I wouldn't want to try). He's been eating well, including poached chicken breasts. My favourite colour is pink. Because my hair is now almost all white (a bit of grey), anything dark wouldn't look good. Have you been anywhere today? It's been so cold.
nadateturbe Not nice to have to be in A&E at any time, ut particularly on NYE (I once spent hours one NYE with GD1 and her mum, when GD was 6 months old and had Croup). I hope you're more comfortable now. Did they give you anything?
ScaredyCat You write such caring words to us all. You're such a lovely lady.
EllieAnne How have you been today?
Wyllow3 A short gym session will perhaps help you to sleep later. Glad you had F to chat with. Hope you might meet up again.
SweetpeaSue Did you have a nice day seeing your sons?

I felt the need to have some fresh air today, so we went to Newstead Abbey park, had a good walk around. Fed the geese, ducks and swans. It was bitterly cold, and we were glad to get home again.

Nice thoughtful posts, Doodle. I'm not surprised you feel tired and flat after the busy Christmas. Do you like a powder blue to wear as well? It's pretty if you like pastels, as does a pale primrose yellow.

I hope you can resume your hospice visits soon and get into the regular church rhythm including the exercise group, which I assume will have closed over the Christmas.

I can wear black, but not without a pretty scarf at my neck. Having saids that, red looks good on me with white hair too, but thats maybe as my skin colour is not pale, always more brown than pink.

HVDY I googled Newstead Abbey, it looks beautiful and full of character. Good to get the fresh air, although yes it was cold.

I'm driving a coffee as I felt like going to bed at 8pm, but that would mean waking at about 3am, which is Simply Not On.

Brain fog. "driving coffee" Oh dear....

Nadateturbe That sounds really horrendous . Ive been getting terrible pain in bowel for good few weeks now and Ive had A&E visits in past. I really feel for you as bowel pain and be so severe. Hope you dont get any more and everything settles.

Didnt go to son's today. He'd overdone new years festivities so it was called off. Actually I had foreseen it so messaged him to help him call it off.
Son 1 coming tomorrow. So glad this year is finished.

Oh, sounds like a :just as well" situation, Sweetpeasue but I'm so glad that Son 1 is coming over instead tomorrow.

I'm currently waiting for a date for son and possibly some/all the family to come down right at the end of the month as its my birthday and I usual go to theirs.

Well, it's hardly surprising you are glad to see the back of 2026. I can recall when you both were still able to enjoy a holiday then just downhill. You are starting 2026 with more support than over quite a number of months, but still you. must be feeling very fraught with 'unknowns" and fears.

It's been a day in for me - I still had flu symptoms after an afternoon sleep so clearly it's steady as she goes. Tiring just to walk much even round the house - Thai massage tomorrow for injuries. Its in town so quite a Big Venture Out for a currently small Wyllow.

I have had to spend time yet again on a final draft of what MrA reads when meeting the Community Justice people on Tuesday, and some resentment, but getting it really right is worth it for this precious process and the two good women trying to bring it about.

Well the Christmas tree etc are away. I m still quite low and very tired. I keep falling asleep. But don’t sleep well in bed.
Sat in the car by the sea for a while today. The sea was quite wild.

DH used to complain about Black Dog and I’m afraid I got very annoyed with him lying in bed mainly sleeping though I didn’t say anything. I would wake him up with bacon sandwich or breakfast toastie and feed him in the evening steak and chips. I know it was bad for him but he loved food which was bad for him. He is now being very stoic as his eyesight is failing but I am now not coping at all. Whenever he says angrily I can’t see I feel as though I’m being punched in the stomach. I have to do all the driving all the paper work and today he has insisted that we work out how much money we have ,all our assets, and I could have done it in a matter of minutes ,well about 30 but he insisted I read everything out and it took three hours of my life. I can’t even cry . I’m just too sorrowful .i just want to go to bed and sleep and not wake up. It would be such a relief to have it all over and I can’t as I know he can’t manage even simple daily life . I’ve had to cut his toenails ,and now his fingernails. He soiled himself today. I married for better for worse but I once asked him if he would always love me and he said he didn’t know . I’ve never tried to be a good person just live a decent life but I feel I must have done something really bad to end like this.

HVDY I didn’t start the thread Wyllow did but good thing so we all had somewhere to go,
Always a bit precarious trying to look in and animals mouth. I’m not sure I’d take kindly to anyone trying to look in mine either. 🤣. Been out with art class for lunch today. Had a lovely bacon and egg bap. It was huge.
Good you got out for a walk but it was really cold .
Wyllow I suppose I stick to pink and lilac and purple as they were Ken’s favorites especially purple, Yes I’m looking forward to getting back to my usual activities. It’s good you’re still going to the gym. Do you meet anyone to chat with there?
Enjoy your massage I hope it helps.
Sweetpeasue I think a lot of people over indulged on New Year. Did you get to see your other son today? Hope you’ve had a restful day.
Scaredycat I had lunch with my art class friends today. Can’t wait to get back to art next week. Do you still go to yours or meet up with people from the group?
Ellie Anne lovely photo,.I do miss the sea. I could sit for ages watching the waves.
Stansgran I expect your Dh is very frightened. Loosing your eyesight is a terrible thing to happen. Maybe he wants to feel he can still do things and wants to keep control of some things like your money.
I’m afraid I don’t understand your problem with cutting his toenails or fingernails. I did lots of things like that for my DH and it never bothered me one iota. I loved him and he me. I would have done anything for him. Miss him more than words can say.
You don’t say how long you’ve been married but most people realise that at some point one or other is going to need help. Due to age we all have failing health.
Having said that, coping with someone else’s depression is really difficult. Had your Dh seen a GP. Perhaps he needs some antidepressants.
Are these difficulties you are experiencing only since his eyesight started failing or had he always been a bit difficult to cope with. A lot depends on your situation. Do you have family who can help or support you?
Feel free to post here he ever you like. We all have our troubles and can understand how hard life can be.

What a glorious picture, Ellie Anne. I want a magic carpet. thank you.

Living with someone who is that severely depressed for a very long time - but wont go for Mental Health or admitted it help is utterly, completely wearing, Stansgran.

It's clearly gone on for a long time and you have tried to help by becoming a kind of servant to it. Severe Mental Health untreated can wreck not just one life but sometimes whole families.
I do get your point about caring Doodle, given your long and loving marriage, where you tended to each other lovingly and in turn when needed -but this doesn't seem to be happening here?

but this has gone well beyond what its realistic to expect a person to cope with on their own, especially when the depression turns to anger and controlling behavioragainst the person who has cared for them, not a loving thankful response.

He's taking it out on you imo.

You need some help, especially now his sight is entering into it.

You'll have to start with your own GP. Write it all down like you have for us with details as in some ways he is abusive. Make it sealer you ar enow yourself so low you wonder whats the point in life.

Yes, he "Cant help it". But when all the life is being taken out of yourself a line, somehow, needs to be drawn.

Have you got adult children? What has their response been?

If you are both over 65 any mental health referral will go to Older Adults section of MH support, which is generally better than Adults (a huge fishpond of 16 to 65 in each area). But to get help you will have to cry out very loud, on your own behalf, but that will spread out int an assessment of your joint situation, as resources are very short and if you underplay it then the help is less likely to be there.

(I have to add that I lived with someone who was mentally ill, now my Ex, and coercive in his behaviour, so my reaction is bound to be strong, but he was bi-polar. I'm not sure your husband's condition is depression alone.

I also remember in the last years asking him a few times if he loved me and getting annoyed responses), I do think you need to engage with GP and if possible MH services)

Wyllow3 Newstead Abbey is 6 miles up the road from me, and very nice.
SweetpeaSue Did you manage to see your son yesterday? It's no wonder you were glad to see the back of 2025. What a rough year for you and your husband. I really hope this one will be better for you both.
Doodle Nice that you met up with some people from your art class. When does the class start up again? My husband loves bacon and egg cobs (Cob is a Nottingham word).
EllieAnne What a great photograph. I bet it's very cold where you are. Have you had any snow yet? My brother only lives 8 miles from me, and had snow yesterday, but there hasn't been any here.
Stansgran Sorry to hear that you feel so low. Caring for a partner can't be easy. Losing his eyesight must be terrifying for your husband. How long has his vision been affected? You might be able to claim Carer's Allowance. You could either Google it and apply online, or perhaps ask your GP.

Hvdy the snow is all further north and I hope it stays there it’s lovely to look at but treacherous for driving and walking.
It is cold though.
Earlier my living room temperature was 13 degrees. It’s gone up to 15 now. I’m trying not to have the heating on all day but even with it on it rarely goes over 19.
The place I watch the sea is lovely.
There are often a few cars there .
I always have the line from Eleanor Rigby in my head.
‘All the lonely people
Where do they all come from’
Though they probably aren’t lonely at all !
I ve made lemon curd but not sure if it will set. I made a pavlova for the family coming on Thursday so was left with egg yolks.
Stansgran I understand a bit of what you’re saying .l have problems in my marriage too.

Hi all
Doodle- I loved it when the Art classes started again. Although we don’t go now I meet up with 3 other ladies from the old class on a regular basis.
Very practical and kind advice to StansGran. Your relationship with your DH was such a special one.
I,m a pastel,person too - I love that pink to blue to purple spectrum.
EllieAnne- Wonderful picture. Maybe you could join a photography group . I belong to one in U3A - no technical stuff just people who love to take pictures and share them.
HVDY- Fresh ir becomes a necessity after a couple of ‘in’ days doesn’t it. You certainly have some lovely places you can go to..
It’s nice when you get back in the warm too.
Poor Jaffa - probably a good move not to poke about in his mouth. Cats don’t really let on much if they have pain do they.
Hope you have sunshine today.
StansGran- life isn’t like that you haven’t done anything wrong.
You,ve been a good wife for many years but finding the present situation too much for you. It’s not easy when you’re tired and worried to always be patient. Losing his sight must be very frightening for your DH and for you too as you face even more to deal with.
A call to your GP and a chat about help for you both is urgent I think. I know it’s not easy to always get an appointment but say it like it is as you have to us . You need emotional and practical help. There’s always someone here to listen.
Wyllow- really empathetic words for StansGran .
I hope you have enjoyed the Thai massage even though it is a bit of an adventure for you. You are bigger than you think Wyllow- in bravery as well as heart.
Do hope you are able to arrange the visit with your family for your Birthday- something lovely to look forward to.

Yesterday I couldn’t see my friend as she had to visit her DH in hospital. Their situation is heartbreaking. Then today my Friend with Dementia and her Son couldn’t come as they both have the lurgi. So we went out for a while and bought a new tele for the kitchen then I made a house with the packaging for the boys to play in.

Love to all- keep warm.

Stansgran, I think there is mixed feedback a bit here, but possibly its because we don't know if these difficulties have been going on a long long time,

and made worse by his sight issues, or whether they started at the time his sight issues did. There is a deal of difference in this, maybe you could clarify?

I went to town, which is ginormas for me, (yup, worried a chunk of the night, coud I manage it) and had a Thai massage (deep tissue) to try and deal with some body health issues. It was wonderful, feel good as well as healing my trapped shoulder nerve as well as helping my knee and ankle my short leg side. highly recommended, and it as £45 for an hour, which I think very good value.

I did a bit of a gym and have a coffee after. also tackled by WhatsApp the Difficult lady quaker, thing I ve got somewhere, but lets see.

Ellie Anne I think there are a lot of lonely people, putting on a "good face",

I think there are others who are not, have come to terms somehow with an alone situation, or even like it:

but there is a difference between a severe depressive loneliness and what is a normal part of life, for we cannot, as we've mentioned before, have very deeply happy times without facing their dark side sometimes in life.
Pills cannot take away the loneliness, but they can ameliorate the very worst so we can function and appreciate some of the better bits.

I have my thermostat on at 16.5 in the day and 17.5 in the evening, due to huge fleeces, but that will probably go up when we have a really cold snap. I've never tasted homemade lemon curd, it must be delish.

What a lovely park to have so close, HVDY - the layout of the garden, the bits of sculpture, a pleasure to walk around, wish it were that close to me. What did you do today, I've forgotten if it is a big family day or a meal out or stay at home for you.

Evening all. Ellie Anne it’s funny you mentioned that song. It plays in my mind a lot. There are indeed many lonely people around. We all need company and to engage with others,
Your lemon curd sounds nice I like it whipped up with mascarpone cheese and double cream. Yummy.
HVDY is cob a largish flat white roll. That’s what a bap is like. It’s good to have some lovely local places to visit. The closest to me is Cliveden NT.
Scaredycat art class starts again next week. I’m really looking forward to it. I’ve got some nice friends there and we often meet for coffee or lunch.
Sweetpeasue hope you and your Dh have had a restful day. It’s been so cold out. Keep warm and safe,
Sorry for such short posts. I’ve got a really bad headache due to getting upset taking down the Christmas decorations and finding one DH bought for me,
Sleep well all

Just crossed posts with you, Scardeycat.

It is heartbreaking, a long life and good marriage of your friend, dissolving into this...life can be very cruel. And I hope you can re arranged the lurgified Friend and son. Is this TV number 2 to allow for selective viewing if footie is on or similar? I bet the boys have fun. Nothing like big boxes for the imaginative cat or toddler.

Wyllow well done in getting out to the gym and tackling the Quaker lady. Hope you made some progress.