Black Dogs 28

nadateturbe Got the photos done at Max Spielman, and they've done the passport applications. We're going to Zante, a Greek island. The reason I mentioned a Dermatologist is that I have Hydradenitis Suppurativa. It's inflammation/infection of the sweat glands, and when it's "active" it's very painful.

Jaffa's gums are still red and inflamed - no treatment today, but advised to use painkiller liquid. He'll have this most of the time, to do with the FIV. He's also got Arthritis in the base of his spine - poor old boy. x

I think Sweetpeasue meant it metaphorically HVDY. But it must have been awful feeling like that for real!
It's fun preparing for a holiday isn't it. I can't remember where you're going.
I'll ask about a dermatologist. But I think it's more than a skin problem.
I can't wait to feel better. Even my trip to the local shop seems exciting now.
I agree. EllieAnne your husband needs to have your number for emergencies.

SweetpeaSue The "wading through treacle" - I mean it as a physical thing. My legs were so weak, and I had such a loss of muscle, after the stroke, that walking was really hard work. Did you mean something different? There's a drug-free gel called FlexiSEQ that's meant to be good (Amazon etc)

ElleAnne I hope you told your husband about the number being wrong. Even though you don't communicate much, you should be able to contact each other at times.

nadateurbe How unpleasant and uncomfortable for you. Have you ever seen a Dermatologist about it? I hope it clears up soon.

Another grey day. Jaffa's got a check-up at the vet's, and DH & I need to get some photos done and apply for passports. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

xxx

Thank you Wyllow3. It has had me in tears.

Goodnight everyone, I hope we all sleep well.xx

Horrible experience, too, and so frustrating your body is taking a longer time to heal and so on. 4 times a day is an awful lot of anti'b's. Where is it? I really hope it's good bye to it asap.

Sweetpeasue that "wading through treacle" feeling, so difficult at times. You've had to do it for such a long time. And you've coped amazingly well. Sending hugs. I do hope DHs treatment helps a bit. I wonder has your finger pain eased. This cold weather doesn't help.
Wyllow3 well done, good outcome, could hardly have gone better.
HVDY great to hear LG is better today and enjoying herself.
Just as I thought EllieAnne wrong number.
Doodle so sad for you. Some day you will be reunited. But your dear husband would be so proud of how are doing and thinking of others so much. Sending hugs. The prayer shawls are a lovely idea. I've never heard of that.
Scaredycat hope your having a good time withyourson..

(Sorry, horrible topic )
I've got an infected boil, which seems a small problem, but I'm exhausted dealing with it. I had one 15 months ago. GP said there's nothing I can do to prevent them, it's my autoimmune system. Its swollen around it, on strong antibiotics. Liquid antibiotics 4 times a day, which are absolutely horrible. Told to take full glass of water after the dose, in case the liquid burns my throat.
Nightmare hygiene-wise and exhausted taking care of it. Have a review appointment to make sure it's healing. What a week!

EllieAnne At least now you know he tried? Perhaps he might have rang you though when there was no reply. I feel such sympathy for your situation- theres a big wall between you and I wish one of you could blow it up.
Wyllow Thanks for the suggestion. I dont seem to have arthritis anywhere else except the spurs on my fingers but the spur on one has a swelling like another lump below it.

I'm glad he tried. Ellie Anne, would you both go to relationship counselling? people cant change their character, but any increase in understanding? Any easing?

Doodle.. you can share how you feel, its utter profundity, however many times you want to. I can only stand as witness to a relationship as close as yours. Also any special memories you have! Those Shawls are very, very special indeed, with the love and prayers in them. x

You have been so battered in so many ways Sweetpeasue and to keep going and keep going yet again and all you can do is be gentle with yourself and seek little comforts that might help your hands etc. I may be preaching to the converted but Tumeric is the go to natural help for osteoarthritis. Tablets, but also oil that you can warm and massage into your hands and knees and so on.

I was so glad that LG was better today HVDY and you had a fun day. what a relief. Well, there's no telling our adult children some sort of things!

Yes, I think this is the beginning of better things. what is good (as a guilt type person) is that although it has disturbed MrA, he has gained himself from the counselling. (and he can do the b. leg work at last).

Might be wrong Ellie Anne but he did try, that’s the important thing.

Scaredycat I bet you’re over the moon having your son with you. Hope you’re getting lots of hugs and chat.
Sweetpeasue so sorry you’re down and depressed and in pain. What a lot you and your Dh have been through for months now, let’s hope things are finally looking up a bit.

I’ve had a sneaky look at his phone. He’s useless with technology. He’s got my number in wrong.

Ellie Anne well he did try that’s obvious so that’s something. Maybe you were out of reception area or something.
Wonderful news about Mr A Wyllow you obviously did and extremely good Jo. In putting forward your thoughts. You’ve worked hard on this so I’m glad the outcome is as you’d hoped.
Scaredycat

Doodle I can't imagine how empty and painful it is without your DH - it must be the worst thing to happen . So sorry about your ongoing grief and loss. You have been living your life as best you can and your DH would want that for you. Just sending you a big hug.x

Wyllow I knit prayer shawls for church. They are given to people in poor health or in need. We pray over the shawls as we knit and they are blessed in church before being given to someone.
nadateturbe I miss DH more than anyone could imagine. It’s a loss like no other. I am managing day to day to get on with life but it’s not the life I want just the one I’m left with.like many others in the same boat we do what we can. I’m just waiting to be with Dh again.
Yes charcoal itself is so messy I had it up my arms, everywhere.
HVDY your poor son. How painful and distressing for him. Skin is so difficult to treat, pleased lG is feeling better.
Ellie Anne I’m glad you and your DD parted on good terms
That should help.

EllieAnne I agree with others- your husband should have tried to contact you by calling your phone. I'd not be able to rest if my husband hadn't answered both text messages after leaving on a long journey. Its good he tried ,though I dont know why the messages didnt come through. You must be glad to be home- hope you have a quiet restful night.
Wyllow So pleased that the meeting went so well and Mr A really appears to be taking responsibility for his actions. You've tried so hard to sort it all out and you really needed to see contrition shown from Mr A. Glad he realised how much the fall out from it has affected you.
Its Nadateturbe that has the keyboard.
HVDY Aww Im glad LG has been so well today and has been able to be active and has an appetite back. You must have been quite worried and upset to see her so unwell. Hate to see little ones unwell.
I think we all know, here , that feeling of 'wading through treacle' that feeling of dragging one's self through the days.
I think its Osteoarthritis, the lesser serious one, that I have in my fingers- sister has it too.

nadateturbe Child's Farm moisturiser was one of the creams I got for Son2. He didn't have such awful skin when he lived at home (he was 28 when he left home). I used to do his washing in Surcare liquid. It's impossible to advise him ( same with DIL), so I don't, any longer. How are you feeling today? Does this weather make any difference to your sondition?

SweetpeaSue Sorry you're having pain. I understand the "wading through treacle" bit. Could you have Rheumatoid Arthritis in your fingers? Or Osteoarthritis?

EllieAnne Your husband tried to contact you, then. Strange how some messages don't reach the recipient. I use WhatsApp, the 2 ticks show when a message has been received, and 2 blue ticks when it's been read. As you say, he could have/should have rang.

Wyllow3 Great news. Mr A has finally realised and has admitted things. A good result.

Took LG to a soft play place. She ran around with DH, played with a football, went down the high slide several times, and ate everything we gave her. A good day. x

sorry some spelling slips.

Lovely posts all day, nadateturbe when you’re tired. 🙂

You got me thinking, EllieAnne. It actually happens quite a lot - aspects of ones nearest and dearest irritate one sometimes now and them sometimes for longer.

And parting on good terms - now that is quite something! Keep on doing whatever you are!
Irritation does not preclude love. Love is bigger than that, the bonds of blood are strong, and you handle them well despite all. Because you so often put a downer on yourself, I’m wondering if your DD does actually feel as irritated as you think, or it’s more complicated due to her pwn MH issues? I wish you felt you could go with DH to some counselling - would he go?

Yes, a drizzly non day, HVDY So hoping that all went well for LG in your care and you had a good time together. You’ve done more “nursing” as a mum than I had to do, DS didnt have any problems.

I hope you get to play some more of your keyboard Sweetpeasue. Yes, yesterday was a bit if a watershed moment. It takes time it sink in, doesn’t it?
Please wade slowly through that treacle as one day, when the stress is less, the treacle might soften a little x

Well today was the Big Meeting of the Restorative/Community Justice process

MrA has “got it” ie now understands there is a difference between an over enthusiastic hug and sexual assult and accepts he di act aggressively even violently.

As I suspected it was because he had constructed a sexual and romantic fantasy, and at that moment, wanted me and tried to grab a bit.

(We both had a bit of a laugh later as the counsellors are in 40/50 age range and I was very upfront about sex that for some it doesnt stop because you are 70’s or 80’s - my being that upfront allowed it all to come out from MrA - so some gales of laughter at their faces just at one point)

No surprise - this is not the first time it has happened to MrA

But he really did taken board the faith aspects of it and horrified he had caused me to have nights with suicial feelings and ashamed as he knew I was vulnerable when he did it. He also owned up to avoiding facing the truth for months, and letting other quakers take the “overenthusiastic hug POV”
Also queried - why is he obsessed with hugging women all the time….

So he now has to finalise a statement of what he did in full and the consequences that will stand as a record of it all. Not to be "flaunted about", as I out it, but to stand as a written record that another of us can try and embroider on:

and he is taking responsibility for telling the truth to a number of influential and pertinent Quakers (like out Servants), and that there will be a measure of public accountability: and he will also echo what I am saying to Safeguarding, its an issue, not to be buried, matters between men and women in a faith community.

I was at my most effect I’ve and powerful - thank you my good education - not to mention thinking carefully about it for weeks - and of course being complimentary where possible

The mediator said I was awesome. Gulp.

So the discussion about him coming back to my meeting will follow the final meeting in around 2 weeks time when MrA has completed tasks he’s set out to do. But I did get a sense of genuine respect and understanding.

Strange. Perhaps he has your number wrong. Maybe get him to send one now and see what happens EllieAnne.

Well I did speak to him about not contacting her and he got really angry and said he’d sent me 2 texts that I didn’t answer.
He showed me on his phone and it said delivered but I didn’t get them and I’ve had texts from other people this week so I don’t understand.
So he tried. But if that was me I d have contacted dd or tried phoning.
Glad to be back in one way but not another.

Excuse the error. Wish we could edit!

Wyllow3 sounds like you've achieved some satisfactory progress, after a very lengthy session! Still more to do, but hopefully it won't be so stressful now. We'll done on not giving up. Others will benefit from your efforts.
I hope you enjoy the art group. Look forward to hearing more.

Art class

EllieAnne Glad you're on journey home. You have done your best though I must admit it must be difficult staying at your DDs when she has withdrawn so much into her own world because of her MH problems. Take care of yourself now.
HVDY Oooh your son's eczema condition sounds so hard and must be so difficult to keep on top of, especially having to treat so many different areas. Can understand your son feeling like giving up on it. Glad LG is home now. Made me smile , too, about the nodding and and going along with DILs plans for LG when you have her- we all understand.
Nadateturbe Good you have little booklet of tunes for your keyboard - its nice just to pick out things and play away on your own - now matter how long it takes. Yes, I did feel like crying with relief about the reaction of nurse yesterday though initially I think we were both stunned. Hes waited so long to be taken seriously.
Scaredycat Hope you're having a nice time with your son and family.

Feeling so very tired with the Fibromyalgia and so painful on mornings. I must keep going ,even if it feels like Im wading through treacle. DHs shoulder pain reduced by about half he said though no difference to lower arm / hand. I have bone spur on most fingers but one of them seems to have swelling underneath ( trivial compared to other things) might have to see about it.
Hoping everyone's day is going best it can.

.

Shame he won't try anything HVDY. He's obviously lost hope. Something might help .
I came across Childs Farm in Boots one day whilst looking for something else and it really helps.
EllieAnne glad you parted on good terms. Safe onward journey!