Black Dogs 28

I had to wait till 3.45 for a call from my CPN but it was worth it, so rushed out after for a walk in the park and now in Costa, until they chuck me out.

I’m glad it read like a phone natter Scaredycat. All I need is for people to read it unless something g startling is said.
I’m glad for your friend. I hope you and her can get some garden time in during the long haul.

I’m so glad you came in Ellie Anne even with tough news. What a week. Thank good ness the MOT went OK.
But oh my… I’m so concerned about your DGD. So easy for them to get pulled into something… I’m sure the police will be understanding? X

You are like me HVDY… any chance of a natter….its such a hard balance for you and meds with your immune problems. So glad you could help out with LG.

I’m glad Aunt is being sorted, Sweetpeasue ……
Back later too, as about to be chucked out….

EllieAnne It must have been a shock for you to find out about your DGD like that. Posting on social media is the thing that worries me too , about my own grandchildren. Oh dear then your DH falling like that - what a worry for you . A&E placeis horrible to wait in isnt it. As you say thank goodness you had good news about your car.
Doodle Things are being sorted with my aunt as we speak though shes deteriorated fairly quickly. Glad about your art day yesterday and hope youve had company today too. So good to have caring and kind friends around you.
Scaredycat I hope your friend continues to find some pleasure in her garden as the warmer days arrive.
Actually the 2 houses aren't so little by the field and woods. They began as homes for huntsmen and their horses and dogs. Kennels were knocked down yrs ago .Estate that owns them didnt modernise.
Such a true statement there in your post about man's inhumanity to man being beyond our comprehension.

Back later.

EllieAnne All this stuff on mobile 'phones and computers, etc., can be a worry. Teenagers, in particular, can get into trouble on social media. I hope the police have advised about how to keep safe. Your poor husband - regardless of your relationship, he must feel shaken up, and I bet his hand is really painful. At least you won't need to worry about the car.

ScaredyCat Thank you. I haven't got time to see my brother tomorrow, anyway - shopping to do, ready for all the family coming for tea on Sunday, then we need to buy a few fence panels and paint. Going to watch LG's sister in a play in the city centre in the afternoon. Brother is visiting his son in Norwich on Sunday for 4 days. How has your day been?

Hi all
EllieAnne- you,ve had an eventful time. Such a worry about your GD. There are so many unscrupulous people online and she is particularly vulnerable. Sometimes they do things just to be included. Her Mum must be very worried.
It must have been a shock when DH fell. However you feel about him it’s not nice seeing anyone hurt or in pain.
Good MOT result- one less thing to worry about.
HVDY- LG is such a sweetheart isn’t she.
Immunotherapy side effects sound many and varied and varied so hope the benefit of it out weighs the effects.
I,m taking her Tuesday for her first session - of 18 months!!
Then wait and take her home.
That day centre meal sounds delicious- hope you enjoyed it.
I,m sorry you feel so deflated- that’s a nasty feeling and quite hard to shake off. Maybe postpone your visit to DB for a couple of days- you don’t need bringing down any further.
Hope DiL gets better soon.
SweetPeaSue- your Aunt has had a very special life but it seems that now the company and warmth of a kind care home is what she needs now. You must have such lovely memories of times spent at her little field house. Her DDs will do what is best for her they sound kind. They would probably appreciate some input from you too.
I know what you mean about the state of the world right now.
Really all we can do is see after our own loved ones and help each other as best we can. Man’s inhumanity to man is beyond most peoples comprehension.
Doodle- Happy Birthday for your Son- what a lovely sunny day it was.
Maybe you and your friend could have a night away at the sea later in the year when the weather is a bit more stable.
Did you do something different at Art this week- no boats.
It must have been lovely by the Hospice lake - peaceful and warm.
Wyllow- reading your post was like a good old phone natter!!
I saw my friend yesterday and she looked brighter having been able to walk in her garden for a while on Wednesday.
I hope D responds to your What’s App, she doesn’t sound manipulative but rather thoughtless and doesn’t think before she opens her mouth. Making peace with her would be good for you both. Oh dear sorry you had to mop up after F- you sound quite fond of her.
That little Art Group is a great idea especially if you can all sit round that table and natter as you draw or paint.
Well done wit( the Guest House it could become a bit of a home from home for you and enable you to see your family more often.
Seeing the Psychologist will be helpful for you - those rapid mood changes are so difficult for you and a good coping strategy is the key. Do try and keep seeing people - it’s such good therapy and the most chance encounters brighten up our days.
Nadateturbe- how are you today?

Love to all - hope the weekend stays sunny for you all

Wyllow3 Thank you for the advice. I feel it's more likely to be the betablockers. Yes, it's sad about my SIL, but more of a blessing really, for her. You had the company of your son and his family recently, and now you're alone again. That must be difficult, even though you're used to living alone. Try to go out, if possible, if only to Costa. I sat chatting with a man in Asda the other day - I was collecting a prescription but the Pharmacist was on her lunch break, this man was sitting on a bench - we chatted about tv, the weather, all the usual stuff, and he said he's never been married, no children, no siblings left, and he'd never learnt to drive, so was very alone. I asked if he'd like to meet for a cup of tea one day.

The plans DH and I had for today (fence painting, possibly seeing brother) will have to wait -DIL rang at 8.20 to say she was unwell (V & D), asked if we'd have LG. We picked her up straightaway. Went to soft play, played with cars, and did colouring. She's dozing now, so DH gone to pick up big sis from school (she gets out at 2.30). Hope everyone is ok x

Sorry I ve not been around but I have been reading.
Have had a difficult time and couldn’t face writing.
Found out that my gd 15 has got herself in a mess and the police are involved. I’m not supposed to know but the police turned up when I was there on my own. Wouldn’t say why but d in L told me later. Just to say it involves snap chat and photos etc. gd has been lonely and having bother at school lately so she is vulnerable and naive. But she has shared info that could put her in danger.
Then yesterday Dh had a bad fall in the garden . I managed to get him to achair but he lost consciousness so I had to call an ambulance. 5 hours in an And e. Concussion and a very swollen hand possibly a broken bone but it will heal itself.
At least car passed its mot!

Yes HVDY That indifference feeling is a sign to watch out for...you have had the big trigger of SiL's death.

But BB (I just checked it out) can result in that flatness, it's so hard to work out the pros and cons, isn't it? But if you feel today that seeing brother will make matters worse - be wise...

I had such a bad night that I will ring my folks for someone to chat to when they open. It's not restful sleep, which is whats needed as its depression and huge anxiety

Because a sign is, although I have been "picking up" a bit in the day, that when good things happen like arranging family or the art idea with N cleaner (the previous round the corner art group has folded,

(I'm not currently going to anything to see people but the gym and quakers just feels problematic right now)

Its not making me feel better, its like its not registering

just making me afraid and no confidence about them being of any help - I recognise the bad signs but can't tackle them alone.

Wyllow Your poor friend. I hope she gets a follow-up appointment/news later. Perhaps there's a backlog of patients in that particular department.

ScaredyCat The day centre was ok, thanks. LG was playing with toys when we got there at 6.30. She was pleased to see us and asked where Jaffa was. She was no trouble at all (never is) and went to bed at 8.30. I'm glad your friend seems to be better than she was. The immunotherapy should help her a lot, but will have some side effects (nothing like the ones with chemotherapy).

SweetpeaSue I hope the increased dose of tablets for both of you helps. I purposely don't look at the news, and skim through things online. All wars are terrible and go on all the time. Nothing we can do. Your aunt doesn't seem to be settling down and it may be that the Alzheimer's is at another stage (it's not the same for each person), but she perhaps got used to having a lot of people around in hospital and is now very lonely. It's a sad situation and hard to watch a loved one deteriorate like that. She would be safe, warm, well-fed and looked after in a good care home, where there would be others to talk to. I've known people who were adamant they didn't want to go into a home but then were really happy there.

Doodle Nice that you spent time with your son. Was it his actual birthday yesterday? I find men are sometimes difficult to buy for The meal was chicken breast with a garlic sauce, then banoffee pie. LG always says "not yet" when it's bedtime, apparently, but we let her stay up until 8.30 and then she went with no bother. Parents went to see LG's sister in a play in the city centre - DH and I are going on Saturday.

Wyllow3 Your cleaning lady friend sounds like a lovely person. It would be another little group for you to belong to if you took her up on her suggestion. Your mood swings must be difficult to manage, but you know the signs and what to do/avoid. Booking the guest house will give you something to look forward to. We all need that, and family is what keeps us all going.

I've felt really flat lately - not depressed but just indifferent to most things - and yesterday like it. I wanted to go home by 11am but I stuck it out at the day centre (didn't want to be there though). I suspect it's due to the Bisoprolol (beta-blocker) being increased. I'm going to take my original dose (my BP hasn't gone down on the new dose but isn't massively high at 140/78) Going to buy stuff to paint the fence today. Might see brother, although don't particularly want o. Hope ALL BDers have a better day x

"I believe her DDs (2) just want her to end her life where she wants to be"

Thats very understandable. Is she having carers?

About my aunt- the house she lives in has never been modernised. She has loved being there and has liked the privacy. Aunt and my uncle had lots of holidays in Highlands Scotland. It has no CH and an outside loo. I believe her DDs (2) just want her to end her life where she wants to be. Though shes now making it clear ( as clear as someone with Alzheimers can be) that she doesn't want to be ' without neighbours' and alone. Im sure her DDs want the best for her.
Sorry, I'm just so very tired. So much happening. Xx

As ever, I've gone on at length, so speed read, it's as I live alone and dont have people to "pick up the phone and natter with" yet. I sort of need to "tell someone" significant things. so speed read or skip the end bits.

I’m so glad that your friend was weller than you have seen for awhile, Scaredycat. I looked up immunotherapy…it’s very complicated, isnt it? It does seem possibly to have difficult side effects, but unpredictable. I’m just so hopeful, with you, they are not significant.
I also hope you found today nice in the sun - did you manage to get out?

This is such a very hard time for you Sweetpeasue. I always found Amitriptyline - back in the day when it was one of the few around as an anti—depressant very, very helpful actually, so hoping it is for you. Actually took it for some years.

But Aunt ringing in distress when there is a limit to what you can do to “put things right”. And she was so very lovely for you for so long and such a significant figure, she sounds lovely.

If she doesn’t settle soon and the carers coming in are not enough, I completely agree with Doodle. I guess her calls to you do actually help, but OTOH you are vulnerable too, you cant be the one who “makes everything all right for her” which is what she sort of wants.

Unusually for me the current wars and news is affecting me and I am limiting input. Oh, I “understand” - but the “evil that men do” is great atm.

I understand you are very, very scared of being left alone. Its not easy living alone - some gransnetters on other threads either really like it or cope well, doing this or that, but we are all very different and having MH problems most certainly makes it much harder.
I know DH’s illness has triggered those fears - keep talking, we are listening.

Doodle glad the sunny day and the Art group and the hospice helped you pass a better day.

Yes, I’d love to hear from absent friends/BD’s but if you are reading this then you are not lost from our thoughts.

Had a dreadful night again, I have sort of worked out the trigger, but also woke with a resolve that I have to make my peace with D (the one who told me I hadn’t been assaulted). Because its time to put it behind me, because I want decent relationships in Quakers:

And because although she did great damage at the time it was inadvertent, but which I mean, totally unintended. Well meaning, utterly thoughtless in one way, but she is basically always well intentioned, no deviousness in her, and she will self examine: whereas I consider MrA to be manipulative and realise that Safeguarding consider that too. I’ve WhatsApped her, we will see if she responds - but I cant go on dodging her, missing events.

Meanwhile today poor F went and put her foot in it big time - she is clearly being invaded by guilt and only went and sent an email around ALL the people who know anything re the initial lack of support about MrA, responding to an email sent out by me - a very, very long time ago. So I had to act quickly to mop that up!

But I had a good gym - it is a lifeline really of friendly faces and not just people I’ve met before but generally a sociable visit. Then I came home and cleaner N came and we sorted more stuff to help (I’m very bad at it as get stuck)
But we were talking doing art and out of the blue she suggested that me, her, an friend she knows, and her daughter might like to have a little fortnightly art group.. it would be have to be an evening, but that is doable and its round the corner and her friend has a nice big room and table.

Then I rung and booked the Guest House - which is just that atm tho licensed (my guess is the pub was no longer viable).

Then I had a nap and woke feeling hell and I mean whats the point stuff - I’m really trying to cope with my rapidly cycling moods so did as much googling around it as possible:

and or course its all about routines, avoiding triggers, alcohol, doing exercise, the right meds…so will try to do my best but glad I’m seeing psychologist next week on this. I really cannot and must not put my meds up.

Sweetpeasue I had a nice morning at art. Went to the hospice for a while to sit my the lake. Then went to sons with his birthday presents. Lovely sunny day.
Your aunt needs care. Surely she’s not living in her own. She needs someone with her or she needs a care home. Poor lady how confusing thing must be for her.
Scaredycat my friend doesn’t drive and I’m not sure I’m up to driving that far. We may well have a trip to Bournemouth on the train though when the weather is mor consistent.
Glad your friend was looking better, hope she can cope with the treatment ok .
Wyllow could you ring the hospital for her if she’s agreeable. Poor lady. Waiting for results is so stressful. That’s a good idea to find somewhere comfortable to stay while you visit your son.
HVdY how was the day centre? Did you have nice food. Is LG good when you babysit, does she settle ok or become overexcited? Your Dh has had a productive day. Good price for his metal

HVDY Hope your ear soon gets better, must be so awkward not hearing full conversations. Sure LG has made you smile today - theyre such a tonic at that age.
Doodle So glad you had a nice afternoon by the river with a friend. Yesterday was so sunny here. Hope today has been OK too without too much sadness creeping through.
Wyllow Oh your poor friend. Enough to cope with having the cancer let alone bi-polar. She must find it so comfortable to be able to talk to you about MH matters.
Scardycat So glad your friend was looking better yesterday. It makes your heart lighter and less sad . Thankyou for thinking about me , thats so kind.

Both had appts. DH has angina tablet dose raised. Im going to take an extra Amitriptyline for depression but if that doesnt help will take higher dose of AD med. Am to have XRay on finger.

So worried about aunt. Lost a lot of ground since discharged from hospital. Ringing her DD lots of times a day and me too. She wanted me today and she was in tears. She lives at the edge of a field in one of the 2 houses. Her sister died 2 yrs ago and used to live in the other house thats being demolished. Shed gone looking for her sister .She couldn't remember her dying. I spoke to one of the labourers and he said she had def been there. Been in touch with her DD.
Its shocking how quickly her memory has now got. Feel quite choked about it.
Spent many overnight stays with aunt and cousins there in the school hols. Its part of my childhood. Met my first DH when he lived in one of those houses.
Im getting depressed. So many people around dying and Im having nightmares abkut being left alone.
Sorry if Im a bit depressing.
Hopefully my mood will lift. I dont see the point in anything and the waste of innocent human lives because of the wars I cant understand.

A
Im sure we all feel the same.
Anyway hoping everyone has been OK today and wish all a peaceful night.x

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- hope you managed to see your GP this morning. Was thinking of you.
I saw my friend today and she looked the best I,ve seen her for ages. Just hope the immunotherapy doesn’t affect her like the chemo when she starts it.
Hope you,ve had a moment to enjoy the sun today.
HVDY- it must be so nice in your garden with all the critters coming and going. Squirrels are so sweet to look at especially their little hands.
Hope you enjoyed the day centre - it’s a nuisance for yo7 though with restricted hearing.
LG must love having you babysit- will she be awake when you get there? I expect one ear is enough to hear her😀
Wyllow- Poor F- yes you really do have insight into how she feels. It’s such a shame as her MH was improving to have to deal with one of life’s big trials. You understand that too. I hope she gets her results soon.
It would be an adventure for you to drive to DS and good to have a bolt hole once you’re there. Maybe you could have a stop somewhere nice on the way so you can have a little rest.
Yes check the guest house out and see what’s what- once you,ve done it once it won’t seem so daunting for the next time.
Doodle- would it be possible for you and your lovely neighbour friend to go for a day at the sea together? Ah if we were nearer we could take you.
It must be lovely though to watch the river through the seasons
With all the comings and goings.
I,m glad you were able to sit and enjoy the sun with your friend yesterday.

Love to all- I,m sure I,m not alone in wondering how our old friends are getting on. Hope life is treating you more kindly.

She's not well enough HVDY and may very well acting against what may be best. No one can"make" her.

Happy Squirrels!

It's more of a guest house that used to be a pub HVDY by the look of it. No mentions of pub or menu etc etc on the site.
But I will check it out whilst I think over "am I up to the drive as well as the high energy children".

Enjoy your LG day.

Wyllow3 Won't your friend ring the hospital to try to find out what's what? Like you, I'd have been asking someone by now. Could she contact PALS?

Our patio has had LOTS of peanut shell remains, from where I feed the 2, or sometimes 3, squirrels every morning.

That pub near your son would be a good idea - but would it be noisy with customers during the day? You could take earplugs.

Up at 6.15 again. Going to the day centre place, although my hearing is still not back in one ear. Babysitting LG this evening, at their house. Hope everyone has a decent day. It's going to be sunny again x

My friend is very aware of the MH treatments etc, it's if she reaches the point of being unable to make good decisions. Cancer wise, she has an idea of the treatments, and it's not chemo, but she desperately needed to know if there had been any spread now her lump has been removed. Dreadful really - I'd have been kicking up a fuss on MH grounds for the results - costs the NHS far more if they have to shell out for MH inpatient never mind compassion as in a mind in hell.

Hey, good for DH today - super progress, both of you. something about the sun gives you a get on with sorting things feeling. Is your patio troubled by weeds in the cracks like mine or OK?

Just been ringing DS about going up earliest April. Miss them so much. it's just my shortage of energy for the drive and then full on family, but I have found a place nearby to stay that allows one to have afternoon naps. Nice local pub+ ...Thinking about it overnight as it really is a huge undertaking for me.

SweetpeaSue Sorry about your aches and tiredness. Hope you manage to get to see a GP tomorrow. You need something sorted out.

ScaredyCat Yes, it was that SIL's sister - she's in Nottingham for afew days, sorting out my SIL's body donation forms, will, banking, notifying PIP, etc. My brother hasn't had to do anything at all. How lovely to visit the beach and have fish and chips. Perfect. The weather's been great, hasn't it.

Doodle Our garden is long and South-facing, so it is sunny all day. Nice that you were able to sit outside for a coffee. No lunch?

Wyllow3 A worrying time for your friend. Does she know yet what treatment she'll be offered? It's good that you understand each other.

DH has worked very hard today - sorted out some scrap metal (old bed frame, bits from a washer, etc) and took it to be weighed and sold (got £30), then took the car to be valeted, so it's beautifully clean now. I cleaned the patio and sorted out LG's garden toys, emptied all the tubs/planters, ready for new plants (which I hope to buy on Friday). Hope everyone has a good night's sleep x

Sending hugs to you Sweetpeasue and other absent BD’s, whatever the reasons might be, in my mind. I’d glad you are contacting your GP for yourself, tomorrow, may it be helpful.

Just the weather for the seaside and fish and chips in the salty air, Scaredycat. It will be so difficult waiting for the results, for both of you, the ill one, those who love her. So DH did the grass, without being nudged…😊 this has to be encouraged further..

I’m so glad the sun touched you a little today, too, Doodle, sitting out quietly with your friend.

I am seeing an eye person, not sure how long to wait, but not long I think. It’s a new scheme where you see an “advanced optician” who knows about eyes and not just option stuff.

Sadly my Quaker friend F, the one I get on with best, her breast cancer, and the long wait for results, (should have been 3 weeks, its now week 5, cancer stage 1 borderline 2)

and has triggered a pretty serious manic episode. And she was only just getting better. Doing what I can, and she does trust me because of our both having MH stuff - the way she is doesn’t “throw” me.

Later, or tomorrow BD’s

HVDY been a beautiful day here. How nice to be able to sit out in your garden. Do you get a lot of Sun. Glad Lg is better,
Nice to see your SILs sister.
Wyllow that is a wonderful view. I could just sit there for hours looking at that,
Sweetpeasue better day today. Church always helps then went for walk with friend and we sat out side a pub by the river and had a coffee. I hope you can get those GP appointments.
Scaredycat ooh how I envy fish and chips at the seaside. I would love to see the sea again………and have fish and chips 🤣
Glad you had a nice day.

Hi all
Wyllow- Oh your,poor,eyes that must be so uncomfortable. Do hope,the meds help.
Cute card - love a man who loves cats.
Your Gardner and Cleaner both sound so lovely - I,m glad you have them in your life.
So glad you got to sit in the sun in your happy place. It looks so beautiful on a lovely day but even wild and windy it’s enchanting in those hills.
Glad Mr A has been put in his place.
HVDY- believe it or not my DD cat is also called Basil! Don’t know if he would wear a jumper though.
Poor LG and poor mummy- glad she feels better today.
It,ll be nice to see your SiL sister . Is that the Sister of the one who passed away last week?
I have to persuade DH to tidy the garden too if this weather keeps up. But at least he cut the grass the other day - without being asked!!
Doodle- what a wonderful 59 years you,had together. He will live on in your thoughts always and would be so proud of the courageous way you have dealt with everything thrown at you.
You are so generous hearted Doodle- your friend must have loved having you there to help.
Hope you had a good day today and enjoyed Church.
We went to the sea with DD and SiL. The weather was so nice and quite warm. I felt very fortunate as we sat and had fish and chips in the sunshine.
SweetPeaSue- hope you get an appointment. It’d help for you to have a chat with your GP - you have had so much to deal with lately.
I,m seeing my friend tomorrow. She had a scan on Tuesday but I don’t think the results will be ready yet. I,m so nervous for her.
Ihopeyou have a peaceful night.
EllieAnne and Nadateturbe- thinking of you both.

Love to all

Lovely place Wyllow
HVDY Oh thats a really early morning. . Glad LG is alright now.
Doodle Thankyou for condolences. Hope youve had less sadness today.
Scaredycat You help your poorly friend so much and it must be so hard to cope with the sadness and the illness.
EllieAnneNadateturbe Think of you as I do all here and hope you're OK.

No change with the full body aching and extreme tiredness. Will make a GP appt for myself too tomorrow.

Take care everyone .love to all. X

Beautiful scenery, Wyllow3

It's lovely out.
I hope its benefitted BD's, I drove out to my High Place in the sun.

LG much better today, but is staying at home (usually at other granny's). My SIL's sister is coming here soon - not seen her for a couple of years. Then later, DH and I will get the patio and garden tidied up. It's quite spring-like out