Dad cold, tired, sleeping a lot, little appetite

Sorry a lake.

Allie2 your Dad sounds fairly good for 90s. I think your very cold winter and lack of sun must be a contributing factor. Here in the UK I think we have all suffered in one way or another with a long grey, cold rainy winter.
Apricity was a word which came up here recently. Meaning the warmth of the winter sun on your face. So with extra vit D supplements and warmth on his face and 3 meals a day...and a loving daughter I am sure he will pick up soon.

Yes lots of good advice which will help others in the same situation. It's always good to have a rethink about a problem. When its close to home you can often get a bit blinkered so a different slant is helpful.

My very good late friend had relations in Ontario and used to stay in their cottage by the lake. Which made us both laugh as it was not our UK idea of a "cottage". But a lovely very large house with beautiful views. And their lake was certainly bigger than our picture of an lake!,

Thank you for all of your replies and your suggestions. I enjoyed reading them.

I am 63 years old, and my mom is 84. We live in Canada in the province of Ontario. I retired this past June due to my parent’s health. I only live a 3 minute drive from them and I have a very understanding husband who is ok with me up and going to my parent’s home. Often, I invite him to have dinner with us.

My dad had blood tests and a urine test recently. His iron levels are good, so no anemia. However, vitamin D was very low. He’s been taking soft gel tablets, 2,500 iu per day (as per the doctor’s recommendation). He also takes B12 daily. He also had a pelvic ultrasound and everything looks good.

Since writing the post, I have had my dad outside for fresh air. Yesterday, it was much warmer and sunny and both of my parents sat outside with me for 45 minutes. My dad has eaten 3 meals a day this week. He does get up a lot during the night to pee and I believe that this is why he’s tired during the day.

My dad regularly sees a urologist in London, Ontario and he’s an excellent urologist. He’s helped my dad a lot. We see him again in April.

My dad still drives and I’m thinking that when he regains his strength, I may have him drive me to the grocery store. He misses going outside. We had a brutal winter here, lots of snow and extremely cold. At one point this winter, Ontario was the coldest location in the world!

I enjoy taking care of my parents and I am taking care of me too. I go to acrylic painting classes every week, I get a massage once a month, I’m raising 2 cute kittens, and I enjoy cooking and baking. I often make pizza while at my parents. Every summer, I fly down to Florida with my parents for a 3 week vacation. My husband and I also make time to go on holiday. My sister takes care of my parents when I’m not there. But, 95 per cent of the time, I do. Keep your replies coming as I’m getting great suggestions. Thank you all

lazydays

Elvanse medication
I’m 71 and just been put on it.
Does anyone have any experience about this medication.

I was put on this for my ADHD but it made me feel too tense and didn't really do much for me so I stopped taking it.

I am 73 and it sounds like you are describing me

It is just that time of year as much as his age. However, the less he moves, the colder he will feel. I have managed to be out in the garden this week - could you suggest a walk around theirs or offer a few spring flowers to plant?

My mother was prescribed Forti sips drinks and Forticups a sort of mousse desert to build her up when her appetite waned.

My dad suffered very similar symptoms due to heart failure - DD had been gradually worsening over several years, but is it possible that your dad’s has come on more quickly? DD also had some issues with anaemia, and had a few red cell infusions which were transformational in restoring his energy and well being. I agree with the person who spoke about small amounts of strongly flavoured food.
I think it’s definitely worth involving his GP.

Chc has to be agreed with GP or palliative care team. It's only paid if they (possibly other medical professionals) assess that the recipient is very unlikely to survive beyond 6 months.

In our case our parent went into nursing care from an unrelated care-at-home package, when they suddenly lost mobility and an overnight stay in hospital revealed that a long-standing cancer was on the rampage.
They self-discharged before the palliative care team could see them, but I and the patient & the hospital discharging team knew it was close to the end & they wanted to be in nursing care rather than trying to manage alone at home with what help their carer and the family (all working full-time) could offer, which would have been a lot but not comprehensive.The GP, despite the hospital discharge letter, refused to believe that this was life-limiting so we didn't get Chc funding but it was a really good decision as they felt safe and were local where we all could visit and had access to end of life meds as a matter of course, when they were needed, sadly, 4 weeks after admission.

My dad started a monthly injection treatment at the age of 95 . Called Degaralix . It brought his psa from 678 to 6!!!! I couldn’t believe it .
He had the injections monthly until he died at 98.
I agree with the adult services assessment, the break in a home, get a jolly one, they vary a lot.
Attendance allowance is not means tested .
Pension credits if income is under £13,000 a year .
There is f n c ( funded nursing care) a monthly payment of £1000 if care in a home is needed. This helps towards fees .
Which are high , mum would probably qualify for all this too . Towards the end chc ( not means tested). Is paid by the government to cover full nursing fees .
This can all be assessed by a home or in your case adult services assessment.
Nb: be there at the assessment and drs as these oaps are v v likely to paint a good picture and say everything is ok “ I get a bit cold, my daughter cooks for me, I do everything “ this is not giving the “ I’m not eating, I’m falling asleep, I’m wrapped in blankets “ message !
And these services do like to accept the elderly person’s voice. Because funds are tight . But your parents deserve them

275men

Get thyroid, 9am cortisol and B12 checked.

Did you read how old the gentleman is?
So if they find that his B12 levels are low he will have to have an injection 5 days running.
If you’ve had this done B12 injections can be very painful. Plus the gentleman will have lost muscle mass, even more pain.

It's a good time of year for him to regain some vigour and motivation, if that's what is causing his lethargy and decreased appetite. If he's eating less he will be colder, as digesting & metabolising food generates body heat.

He may be closing down, but my FiL & MiL, both cancer survivors & lifelong smokers, with many co-morbidities, lived until 90 and 92 respectively, so 94 does not mean that that's what it is. Depression, especially in his circumstances and after a long grey winter, could also be the reason. I'd agree with Monica & suggest he should have a thorough check up with the GP.Hopefully a home visit.

What a lovely positive post Graunty7. For all of us it's not over till it's over.

Yes my dad started failing a bit at 94 . He was still looking after mum, driving etc.
If you want intervention a body scan to see if his prostate has mestatised will help . But although my dad had bone cancer he refused treatment and drs often say it’s not worth the upheaval. At 96 he went into hospital and then we moved him to a nursing home given weeks . He lasted 2 more years with the regime of the extra calories posted above. And most of those years he was walking 2 miles a day, Singing, going to church, generally having great fun.
Good food full of fats protein etc is the key but as above easily digestible.
Dad died in sept at 98 .
He also looked after mum and we have just moved her to a nursing home.
So a visit to the gp may help, but a discussion first is necessary.
Also a d n r would be good and power of attorney for health and welfare absolutely essential if like me you like to be in the know. The nhs app is brilliant for finding out what’s going on with dad’s tests consults etc. for warmth I find thermal thin hikers and thermal thin gloves, from a place like Trespass, great also electric hot water bottles from Amazon . Safe and cosy.
Give him a big hug
All the very best. ❤️❤️❤️

I’m sorry I think I added this to a different post
I meant to start a new one

Elvanse medication
I’m 71 and just been put on it.
Does anyone have any experience about this medication.

The body's thermostat breaks down when you get older and if he is not eating much, he is probably losing his fat reserves which keep him feeling warmer. Lack of appetite may be just the body winding down but he really needs to see a Dr for a health check just in case it is something simple. He should also get a carer's assessment done through Social Services and they will suggest ways he can find/get help. They can also liaise with his GP if he gives them permission. Perhaps he can also get the Council Tax to a nil balance as his wife has dementia. He just needs to apply to the Council, the GP needs to countersign and he will be able to use the money he saves to buy in help.
My mother's partner experienced much the same thing and it turned out he had sleep apnoea but resolving that didn't completely refresh him. It was only when Mum went into a home that he really started to recover. Sometimes you just have to admit it is too much for you.

AllyTrevally

I hope you are in a position to let his GP know and perhaps they can run some tests to check he doesn’t have any infections or underlying problems. There may be hopefully some community nursing support available via the GP for your elderly dad which will give professional support and keep an eye on any deterioration. You want to start thinking about his care needs as he is quite elderly, as was my father at 95 who was doing really well then suddenly wasn’t. Call his GP and ask for their advice and input. If he gives his consent you can discuss his situation with his GP. Perhaps send something to them in writing to reflect your post here.

There is nothing to stop OP putting all her concerns into writing and posting it to GP.

I hope OP has POA for both.

I hope you are in a position to let his GP know and perhaps they can run some tests to check he doesn’t have any infections or underlying problems. There may be hopefully some community nursing support available via the GP for your elderly dad which will give professional support and keep an eye on any deterioration. You want to start thinking about his care needs as he is quite elderly, as was my father at 95 who was doing really well then suddenly wasn’t. Call his GP and ask for their advice and input. If he gives his consent you can discuss his situation with his GP. Perhaps send something to them in writing to reflect your post here.

*I tried everything.
I wore myself out*

Yes, very difficult indeed.

Get thyroid, 9am cortisol and B12 checked.

As hard as it is for you, like previous posters have said, it sounds like he might be coming to the end of his life- 94 is a brilliant age to get to.
Is your mum a similar age?
I have been where you are. It’s jolly hard work, & stressful.
Don’t burn yourself out like I did.
If your dad does go anytime soon, ((hopefully not), you sound like you have done your upmost, to support both parents.
Sending you a huge hug 🫂

Allie2

For the past 4 weeks, my dad has not been feeling well. He’s always cold and sits with an electric heater beside him. The house is extremely hot.

He gets up 2 to 3 times a night to use the bathroom, and he has done this for years due to his prostrate. In the daytime, he is tired and now takes long naps. What worries me is his lack of appetite. Before, he would eat every few hours. He loved his eggs, vegetables, potatoes. But, now he says that he doesn’t feel like eating and that the food doesn’t taste the same???

My dad is 94 years old and in pretty good health. He takes no medication and is on vitamins. The doctor diagnosed him with low Vitamin D, so he’s been taking 2,500 ui per day.

I feel that it may be a touch of depression. Winter has been long and he helps my mom a lot who has vascular dementia. They both live in their own home. I go over to clean, cook, do laundry, buy groceries and spend time with them. I also take them to all of their medical appointments and tests. Tomorrow, I will cook them lunch and dinner.

I hope I can get to the bottom of why my dad feels unwell. He says that he goes to the bathroom ok. I have to remind him often to drink lots of water.

What a marvellous daughter you are 😊👍🏻

I agree with Bluebell and butterandjam on this .
I've been through it twice .
Neither of my parents would listen to me .Neither would they listen to the Doctor nor the hospital .
I tried supplement drinks and they couldn't tolerate them .
They refused physiotherapy.
I tried everything.
I wore myself out.
I realised the day that they didn't want holy Communion at home - that they were giving up .
Visitors tired them.

I had a very hard time coming to terms with the fact that they'd had enough and were winding down .
It is very painful for the long term carer of a parent .
Sending you hugs .

Everyone may be right.
Or he may live to 104.

A GP appointment?
See if he will go outside in the fresh air. And a view if there is one?
A visit from someone?
Some little treats he likes?

Good reply butterandjam.

This is a normal process, as life comes to a gentle end. The body's organs and their functions slowly wind down. He's tired because his 94 yr old heart is in decline, napping because his 94 yr old brain is shrinking. Less responsive.
He's not hungry because his worn out body no longer needs to build new cells; his digestive system will slowly stop processing food.

He might enjoy some very tiny snacks that have quite a strong flavour; a little marmite or gentlemans relish on a finger of buttered bread. A tiny bowl of rhubarb ad custard.
A small glass of his favourite tipple. But don't be disappointed surprised if he's not interested and completely stops eating or drinking. That is normal, natural,.

Keep him comfy. A heated lap blanket. Now, peeing;

Almost all old men develop an enlarged prostate which presses on the bladder, reducing its capacity, so it feels full and needs to empty far more often. (It's not cancer, just old body) Getting up to pee several times at night results. There are ways to manage the frequency of night pee disrupting sleep.

DH is in full remission from prostate cancer and has learned to live with the numerous permanent side effects of his successful treatment; includes reduced bladder capacity . By day he just pees more often. (Bushes, bottles; no blushes) He's found by experimentation that if he drinks no liquids after 7 pm, then a bed time pee leaves bladder empty enough for good unbroken sleep all night long. Wakes up rested.

Some one nearing the end of life, no longer needs to " eat well and drink lots of water to stay healthy" . Their body cells have stopped renewing; their organs are reducing function ready to shut down. That can happen very quickly.

It's time to switch the carers mindset away from " Keeping them alive" to " letting them go gently'

"Staying hydrated" is now less important than a very old man being comfy and safe at night. Then he doesn't worry about pee accidents, can get better sleep,and doesnt risk falling on sleepy /exhausted night trips to bathroom.

See what works; reducing evening liquids; incontinence pants, a bucket or urine bottle beside the bed .

I'm afraid the time is fast approaching when he physically can't carry the responsibility for mum when you're not there. He may already sense that and be struggling with guilt and fear there will be some crisis when they are alone in the house. You're no doubt sharing that same dread. Talk to him.

Can you afford to buy in additional day time visits by a team of carers? Or seek help from Social Services. Their GP should be able to help.

Or, they might need residential respite care.

Do you know any retired nurses, unemployed family members, students on study leave, experienced friends who could move in to dad's home for a few days/ week/ pick up the slack while you sort something out.

If ever there was a time to call in a favour; deploy all your work skillset( organising and communicating).. now is it.