Black Dogs 29

HVDY Thanks for the tip for leaving aunt- sometimes white lies are kindest.

Scaredycat Thats really not good enough - that your sister is still recovering from the sore wound. It sounds as if its been a pressure sore and they can be very stubborn to heal , especially older people. I am sorry , you must hurt for her.
The beach they were going to has parking at the bottom of cliff but often full which necessitates a steep drop down many steps from the top and of course up on way back. One of my sons would have driven down for us but I dont like to be a nuisance. Good song that from King and I - love those old Rodger and Hammerstein films.
Wyllow Hope youve had a better day. Its just awful how the Mr A assault has had such wide reverberation through your precious Quaker meetings and caused so much suffering for you. Yes, your swim was a good choice between that and dosing yourself up to keep your mind from anxieties. I wish a decision - the * right* decision for you- can be made soon. Do keep your gym going as I know how much that means to you and you can chat with others there.
HVDY Had a nice time with son's and an overdue catch up with my 15yr old DGD. Went to beach this morning with them and there was a fresh breeze and not so many people about. ( more family health concerns though) .
Thank goodness for Fluffball - pets do keep people going dont they.

Hope everyone else has had a reasonable weekend. X

Hi all
HVDY- I expect who he feels physically will influence your Sons food choices now he knows the facts. It won’t. Be easy but he,ll get used to it. Do hope he finds a way to deal with what are difficult conditions.
My 12 yr old GGS1 has Crohns and manages pretty well but it’s not been easy for him.
I hope you are having a lovely family day- you have made sure there is something for everyone. It’s not always easy with DiLs but you have a big heart and a lot of love for your family.
You personally are so brave with the many physical problems you have had over the years- I really admire that.
SweetPeaSue- those hospital mistakes are scary.
My Sister is now in her 8th week of recovery from her Hip Op. T he wound sustained in the hospital from the leg separators is still far from healed and necessitates 2 dressing changes a week from a nurse. It is really hindering her recovery.But she won’t complain to anyone though it was caused in the hospital.
So nice to have both your boys around- don’t blame you for giving the crowded beach a miss and you know how I love beaches!!
Your DiL will be glad of your company sometimes when your Son is away- not easy for her the first year without her Mum.
Fluffball will work her doggy magic as usual.
I do try and be optimistic but often it’s a case of”Whistle a happy tune”! !!!!
EllieAnne- lovely little cat- what’s his or hers name?
I wish there was a pill for your unhappiness- you need some joy in your life.
PurplePixie- HVDY got it in one with the ADs . That’s exactly how I feel - they are worth a try.
You have obviously done your best with your step children in the past- not easy. As for your own children I don’t know how you cope with the estrangement from your DD- it must tear your heart in two. I,m glad you have your 2 dear GDs in your life.
Doodle- it was brave of you to drive yourself to your pre Op assessment.Will you have someone to go with you when you have your OP. I can’t quite remember what it is for but I believe heart related.
Hope you enjoyed the play- nothing like live theatre is there.
Hope the air con was good in the theatre.
It’s still hot today,isn’t it but a lovely breeze making it feel more bearable.
Wyllow- you did well choosing the gym and the exercise- lovely cool water to soothe mind and body.
Yes sooner or later a decision has to be made regarding MrA.
He is a pathetic and devious man to be touting for support as he is when deep down he knows he’s done wrong.
A clear set of guidelines is needed and then stuck to. You and all the other women deserve to worship in peace and safety.
Hope you have had a relaxing day.
Nadateturbe- thinking of you.
Candy- how did your move go?

Love to allxx

I mean it was 12 weeks after that it all kicked off with the Sexual Assault in October.

too exhausted to post much about today: I did fight the urge to take extra disazapamand alcohol and made myself go for a swim which was a good move.

Safeguarding have not made a decision about MrA returning.

They want to do this quaker thing called a "Meeting for Clearness" with Quaker HQ and one of the support group of the meeting: the one suitable person says she wont do it alone

(I dont blame her, but if they are all involved all my personal details of the trauma and my past will have to be some part of it)

Basically sooner or later however many meetings they have to talk they will have to deal with the reality of what MrA is doing now, which is "canvassing for support amongst" Quakers who dont know the situation including of course other women having complained about him.

The way the way this is going has meant that its almost reached the mark when I managed to bravely walk back into Meeting late June 2025 after the Depression - and just 12 weeks after it all kicked off.

I was talking to my cleaner who is a christian and knows a fair bit about these matters - apparently many C of e churches have guidelines already which include things like no people of the opposite sex (or same sex if thats the inclination) should go alone to another house, and so on.

Sorry- lots of 'toos' there!

DoodleGlad you had a nice day. It must have been very warm where you are. Hope uou sleep well.
HVDY You are all genned up on what GF food to prepare for you son.
Yes it was a nice afternoon with them all and lovely to see older stepson too. They're going back tomorrow. Son 2 goes back to work Monday too leaving DIL alone for a while. Hope shes ok. Will be looking after fluffball reg too next few weeks.

EllieAnne Thanks for that. I've bought gluten-free pasta, sausages (they all seem to be GF), bread rolls, pizza, and crisps. I'll make some burgers tomorrow.

PurplePixie Things must have been difficult, and you did what you could. Sorry your daughter chooses not to be in contact. That must be very hard to bear, but your GDs are obviously pleased to be in your life.

SweetpeaSue Son1 is very much the alpha male in their house, sees it as having to be strong and take care of the household and family. His partner, nice as she is, is rather weak and not at all maternal (she's got 1 son), which I find odd. I've bought various gluten-free foods and have ordered a GF cookbook for him. Hope you had a nice catch-up with your 2 boys. It was too warm to be on a crowded beach, anyway.

Doodle Glad you had a good day, hope you sleep well tonight.

Wyllow3, ScaredyCat, * Nadateturbe* - how have you been?

Sorry all not posting much tonight. I’ve been out all day and just got in and had some food. I’m hot and exhausted but had an enjoyable day, catch up tomorrow. Much love

HVDY 'Drippy' - yes, understand.
Hope all goes well tomorrow with family.
EllieAnne Your cat looks very cute indeed, thankyou.
Purplepixie Im sorry- theres a lot of history there and things must have been very hard for you through all of it. Youve done so well helping with your step- children in the past so youve certainly done as much as you could. Im sorry about your own DD - that must hurt terribly, I cant imagine how much. The Estrangement thread is full of parents who are estranged through no fault of their own. I can only think that when these AC live their lives as parents themselves they might get experience of how hard it can be , especially with mixed families. Im glad you're in contact with your DGDs - shows how well they care about you too.
Sometimes ADs can help take the edge off a really low mood and help you cope a bit by giving you a real lift, but its a personal choice.

Son 1 is down and staying with son 2- came last night. They all went to beach together this morning - we didnt go as we know it will be absolutely packed with no parking places and no seats and DH won't manage. Just going now as they've come back.
Hope everyone is ok.

My now husband is not my children’s dad. He is estranged from all 3 of his children and I am not surprised. Both him and his previous two ex wives were rubbish parents. I did my best when I first came along with two of his children from his 2nd marriage but they were impossible and I havent seen the daughter since 2006 and the son since 2010. He is not in contact with them. His eldest son he had with his first wife and he turned his back on him when the child was 6 months old. I have always been there for my 3 children and 4 grandchildren but it is in later life (about 11 years ago) that my daughter became estranged from me. I tried everything but she doesnt want to know and it blooming well hurts. I am in contact with her two daughters. My beautiful granddaughters.

Just missed your post, Sweetpeasue. I'm guessing that if it's arthritis in his neck then it's possible his hips have arthritis too?
They are typical spots to have it? I am really hoping, as of course you are, that the steroid injections have a powerful and helpful effect. xx

Oh, it's heartbreaking for you to see aunt and especially the related requests to go home. When I was an inpatient (it was a MH ward, but there were a couple of elderly people there, and one could not cope after her husband had died mentally or physically. She also begged to go home.

They let her go home for weekends with frequent carers 3 times, for her to try it out. Each time, she simply could not cope, and begged to go back to the ward. but once on the ward.....in the end, they found a very good care home, but she had the same response as Aunt. She wanted to go home.

You are doing absolutely everything you can by listening and caring. It's one of those life situations that you cant "make all right" and the combination of DH and Aunt is bound to make you feel all life is sad and uphill.

Yes, thinking of Nadateturbe too.

Doodle all that concrete is bad, but it's the local councils who have to give planning permission. It's up to them to demand a balance of green spaces.
(Having said that, I think it should be demanded by law so they can't do that. As well as adequate doctors, schools etc)

But I've just checked the law - they do have to provide adequate green spaces on Greenfield sites, but I suspect city centres are brownfield sites - and people need homes, but its not the right way to go about it.

If I recall correctly you a while back either you had to postpone the operation for medical reasons or its wasn't the right time for other reasons. Please do remind me of what it's all about - sorry, dodgy memory. x

Hvdy for many years now.
It used to be hard to get sausages but now most supermarkets have them.
Things are a bit more expensive but I look out for offers..
Eating out is getting better too.

SweetpeaSue I like Son1's GF but she's rather drippy, if you know what I mean. He's supported her with things - she's lactose intolerant - and she should have been with him. DH and I didn't mind at all about taking him, though. I hope your husband gets something sorted out about his chest pain.

EllieAnne thanks for that. When Son1 was a toddler, I had some tinned bread and then Juvela bread (it was vacuumed packed and not nice), as well as flour and pasta, all on prescription. GF foods weren't in shops then. Has your husband been Coeliac for long? What a pretty cat, by the way.

And since we are sharing cat pictures

My dh is coeliac and over the years it has got much easier.
You can get gf beers. I don’t think the bread is great but he says it’s ok toasted.For gravy I buy the bisto in the glass jars.
You get used to it.

I was on sertraline and a couple of others.

Wyllow Im sorry those angry/ upsetting thoughts of the Mr A fallout amongst Quakers keeps niggling you and spoiling your recovery. You are so much further on now though. Glad youve had a mostly good day today.
Doodle Sorry but I must have missed something. I didnt know you were having an op. Hope its not too serious.
HVDY Oh dear- families. It does seem a bit unfair though that your son might have been left to his own devices without your help. No DH hasn't lifted anything lately. A past scan on shojlders/ neck showed inflammation and arthritis but the chest pain ( not his angina pain) has been there bothering him for a good yr.

Doodle I had this problem before, when I was in my 40s. It was pre-cancerous cells on my cervix, which they treated. I expect it'll be the same thing. Glad your assessment went ok. Perhaps it won't be long until you have your operation. Will you be in hospital for long?

Jaffa's has a tin of tuna, but as soon as I put the oven on, he thinks I'm cooking him some chicken (we had pizza), so he's hanging about and following me to the kitchen a lot. Greedy boy. x

SweetpeaSue Son2 and DIL are angry that Son1's partner didn't take him to his hospital appointment - she'd said she didn't feel confident about driving there (she drives several miles to work though, and has a satnav). It doesn't bode well for the future if she ducks out of things like that. Anyway.... they'll all be here on Sunday, so I hope we don't have any arguments. Glad your husband hasn't got a Polymyalgia flare-up. Has he lifted anything recently? Sad about your aunt - it's best to tell a white lie such as you've got an appointment somewhere or you've got visitors arriving but you'll take her another time (she'll forget that conversation).

Wyllow3 Son1 will have to shop carefully now, and lay off the beers that he loves. I've bought gluten-free pasta and rolls, and I've paid for a year's membership of Coeliac UK for him. Glad you've had a better day. Seeing your family, if something can be arranged, will do you good.

HVDY must have been a shock for your son. Still now he knows he can take steps towards a diet that makes things better. Well done him for being proactive. Glad you’ve got your gynae appointment. Hope they can help you.
Purplepixie how lovely you’re going to spend time with your friend. Nice to have something to look forward to. How do your children get on with their dad? I’m on antidepressants. There are many different ones. I am weaning myself off them on my own. They can help. Ellie Anne I wonder if you’ve had old school antidepressants that just dope you up, maybe if you speak to the GP and explain about just feeling flat they might be able to find something that makes you feel better.
Scaredycat I remember how scared you were to start the antidepressants but what a difference it made to your life when you did. I agree pointless to build all these new homes with no increase in doctors, schools or hospitals. We need green spaces, parkland otherwise well all be suffering from depression living in concrete jungles and the Government will wonder why.
Sweetpeasue nice you visited your aunt. Does she seem settled there now? Good Dh hasn’t got poly myalgia again. Muscular things can be so painful. Hope you have a restful weekend.
Well I managed to drive myself to hospital today for my pre op assessment. Not one I’ve been to much before. Assessment fine so should be set for op soon.
Wyllow so good you’ve got a cleaner you like. When is your next Quakers meeting? I hope things get easier for you.
I’m going to see a Noël Coward play tomorrow. Not sure if I will enjoy it or not but it’s a day out.

Thank you all for your kind and positive words.

Yes you got it Doodle tho remember my own "leaders" include D who tore a strip off me but that has sort of has come back to bite?
So yes it is very much up to Safeguarders which feels at at last some progress - and they also must be aware that had they really believed me/taken it seriously well it might never have come to this. But truly it has set me back a long way and that man is not going to get off the hook.

I was naive thinking cos he was a Quaker he would want to "own it" and other Quakers would believe me but it is so classic a sort of the nastier misogyny - ie powerful, charming but failing male acts out a fantasy and expects to get away with it to the extent they convince themselves and some others its "poor little me" "she exaggerated/made it up it was just a hug".

Stats show exactly that, time and time again, BD's.

Oh my, you are well out of being at the town centre, Doodle if I am not mistaken it is being "commuter belted", and flats like that generally mean "young professionals". (My city centre has canal/riverside central town flats but not many as they only feed our own moderate size city is all.) My that was a bad mistake re the hospital meds! They will really be on the alert on that ward he could have kicked off to the press.

Are there nice out of town retail parks and other parks? I do think living by water is a good choice tho. Something about it. (note to self for a shady river walk except all get the same idea at weekends 🤔)

Yes HVDY you must be careful now with the bending down cleaning. Now a little kick up your DH's bum for that bit?
Now its so light in the morning it's an easy mistake to make that early but I'm glad you were able to get a bit more sleep. Jaffa is naughty.
There is lots of gluten free stuff now, the bread can be a bit boring but there is some nice stuff but ££££. I'm laying off it a bit, no need for a ban here is just helping is all, and have increased my potato intake.

But best of all Son has had the wake up call and is responding and taking responsibility..

Now dear PurplePixie
you say, "I should be happy but I’m not*. This is a "beat yourself up depressive putting self down thing"

" Shoulds" of this sort are rarely benign. I'm glad you are going to see your friend, have good old natter with her and a think, away from DH.

Other BD's have said all that I would re anti depressants, which is we will always support you whatever

but let me ask you
what is wrong with being dependent on a drug that is life changing? Or giving it say a 4 month try? (it would need that long to judge imo?)

Today was mainly a good one for me. I have been better at parking thoughts aside despite wobbles and it was nice at the gym socially and then a Costa. And trying to get together ways to see my family more ie focusing on that not the usual (tho always welcome feedback here of course)

You are as ever lovely with all Scaredycat, but how has today been for you (except perhaps very hot and cats lying about somewhere cool).

Wyllow Thankyou for the Vaughn Williams piece- it was just what I needed.
HVDY Hope your son is able to adjust to the gluten free diet - that must be hard for a young lad ( I still call mine young lads) to change. Glad your Gynae appt has come through - youll be glad to get that over with.
Doodle What you say is so true. When my DH was in hospital a nurse came round and said here's your inhaler. He said I dont have one. She insisted it was his. He said Well I didnt need an inhaler when I came in! It was meant for a man 2 beds up. I hope you have had a reasonable day and been accompanied by good friends.
Purplepixie How you describe those inner thoughts must make you feel quite lonely. I seem to have those not wanting to get out of bed days lately. I think we've all had them here. Glad you have your friend to have some good chats with and you can look forward to seeing her soon.
Scaredycat Hope youve been OK today. You always seem to manage to sound optimistic and Im sure you must feel otherwise at times. How is your lovely sister? Hope her wound has healed now. Yes, Jaffa looked so cute with his tongue out.

DHs blood tests dont show high inflammation so not Polymyalgia. When Rheumatologist pressed his left side of chest lightly DH had strong pain so Dr seems to think it was something muscular and might need v carefully guide injection there. Also waiting gor ultrasound guided injections in shoulder. Thought it was cervical arthritis ( neck) thats causing pain in shoulders and even chest. Can't think why that should affect hips aswell. We'll see.
Feeling low. Visited aunt again yesterday. She was surprised and wondered how we knew she was there. Same scenario when we left- tears and and pleading for us to take her back home.

Hope everyone is ok and thinking of Nadateturbe too. X

Purple pixie I have been on a few different antidepressants over the years. I wasn’t addicted but they made me ,very flat. I don’t know if I am genuinely depressed or just unhappy. There is no pill for that.

PurplePixie Antidepressants aren't like they were many years ago. I'm been on mine for about 8 years and don't care if I never come off them. Life throws some sad and bad things at us all the time, and the tablets give me the ability to cope with them.

ScaredyCat Son1 has got to adjust his diet accordingly, which will be quite difficult for a while. He knows he won't feel better (although there isn't a cure for Coeliac disease) unless he does. The dentist appointment was a waste of time - she asked me a lot of questions (I've answered them all before), took some photos on her mobile, of my underbite, and suggested I pay privately to have an operation to correct my jaw (I won't be doing that). How's your day been?

Bought some plants and potted them in troughs and hanging baskets. Son2 nipped here for a chat. Got a gynaecology appointment through (the 2-week pathway) for next Tuesday. I'll be glad to get that sorted out. How's eveyone been? x