Black Dogs 29

Ds2 and family were here today. They were talking to Dh about his brother dying and it came out that he’s having a pure cremation. I think he’s known for a few days at least. Never thought to mention it to me.
I don’t know if there will be a memorial service sometime.
I was a bit upset about that and Dgs wouldn’t speak to me. I know it’s because he’s on the autistic spectrum and mum and dad try to encourage him to speak to me. It got a bit better as the day went on but he’s very demanding and has a meltdown if things aren’t going the way he wants.
My cat didn’t come home this morning. I keep checking round the garden but still no sign.

I'm glad you had a decent day, Doodle. It's so hard for you, but you have the sort of character that people warm to, and I'm glad you have a lunch to look forward to.

Yes there is a Q group, a big one, at the centre of town, and I'm not good at getting into town, and not ready to face a whole group of mostly (but not all) new people, some of whom will have been involved ad "know" - like the Safeguarding people! but OTOH has the benefit of possible people I "click with".

Will have to see how it goes. Atm I know I'll be very freaked out in anticipation - things seem unreal - and it might or might now be easier than thought! Again, I have th option of exposing him, but guilt and expectation of disapproval will get in the way unless it's very obvious he is out of order. But others might reign him in not me.

You do well on Vinted, HVDY. It must be quite a lot of fun in a way. And you've found an author you really like - thats great too. when I was really withdrawn all I did was read nearly all day and got attached to David Baldacci, a very good thriller writer.

DGD got butties and lots of her favourite fruit (blueberries, which are restricted at home due to having to share with 3 others) and dipping in mayo carrot and other sticks. I knew she would be getting "a proper dinner" later.

ScaredyCat I must get around to buying some plants soon. What's the RSV jab?

Wyllow3 Glad you had a nice time with your granddaughter. What did you do for her lunch?

Doodle You had a good day and plenty of friends for chats. That's what life is all about, I think - company, chatting and food.

I photographed a lot of clothes (13 dresses, 2 swimsuits, a few tops) and uploaded them to Vinted. Time-consuming, but I sold 3 things within 2 hours. Read another Bob Mortimer book, "The Long Shoe". Chatted on the 'phone with 2 different friends - one for 30mins, the other for an hour!

Scaredycat I hope you have no unpleasant side effects from your jabs. I haven’t had my covid yet but have had the RSV. Hope you had a nice time un Costa.
Wyllow I hope your dear Quaker friend is sympathetic to your need for support. Please try not to go on the downward slope with all this Mr A business. I don’t know much about Quakers but is there another group you could go to if you find you can’t tolerate being with Mr A in meetings?
Ellie Anne I do hope the walks continue and you find some companionship there. It’s a good idea.
Purplepixie what is the problem with your Dh? I understand you’re missing your friend a lot and the relationship with two of your children must be difficult. Why does your Dh not help?
HVDY I can’t believe it would take so long for that service to take place. Your BIL needs to have some Ceremony much sooner than that. I wonder why it will take so long.
I hope your exercises help. I must admit I am useless at doing exercises. I give up too easily.
Sweetpeasue hope you’ve had a pleasant day and DH’s pain has been minimal
I went to meet up with two friends this morning and had a surprise visit from another friend. The four of us had a most enjoyable morning chatting over coffee. And then lunch before weekly shop and home. Church for me in the morning then going to DS1 for Sunday lunch

Thats actually a pretty demanding day, Scaredycat.

Isn't it great to have the sun? and tomorrow too, I hope you are able to do a little. Have your Covid and RSV jabs affected you? My Covid arm was a bit sore was all. a not too busy costa on a sunny day is generally very pleasant - I

like the way they give one space around chairs and have a choice of chairs. dont you find a garden centre full of temptations? You did well to restrict yourself to the gravel you went for - it's very timely to get the gravel down before the weeds get a grip.

Hello to absent BD's, and any readers who may encounter this thread.

(I mean above I was the one with the severe depression in that time I describe)

I'll be back in later, a lovely time with DGD but I need a sleep.

Just to say, Purplepixie, there are a lot of triggers in there and of course as we get older there is well, what of life to come, it's been often very sad, how do I find hope?
The biggest trigger is the dear friend, isnt it?

I wish for you that you felt DH could meet your needs more. It's a difficult one. I certainly had lived with someone in the past in a severe depressive episode who couldn't fill the gap of enough love - but then, I'm not sure at that point, what could. its worth thinking how that might be made better...

What comes to mind - because it's been key to me getting somewhere (I'm bi-polar2 and do have MH support) has been counselling/therapy. Sometimes with the best will in the world we cant work through things alone.

BTW, it's OK to come in and say stuff like that"I'm having "whats the point in all of it - dont feel can take a lot more" moments - we do, and understand whats meant, for sometimes the best we can do is sometimes "keep on keeping on" and people on here have all had periods of that.

Back later to catch up fully, must lie down.

EllieAnne- I meant wasting his life in so many ways.

Hi all
Wyllow- hope you are having a lovely day with your DGD. That’s a great thing to do together. What a beautiful lasting memory she will have of her “Gran” day.
D,s idea is really pants - just play it cool and other people will see that she’s not as kind or thoughtful as she makes out. The older gentleman sounds like he could be a calming influence for you and a good confidante. Mr A is not worth a minutes thought - you have so much to look forward to so keep looking forward.
EllieAnne- well done with the walking group- the more things you try the more there is a chance that one will be just what you need. So glad you will go next week.
You sounded cosy in bed with tele and a drink. It’s a pleasure you can enjoy at the end of the day.
Your DH needs more to do - unless of course he is unwell. He seems to be wasting his ways.
SweetPeaSue- by now you should be in your little cottage. Hope there’s lambs already. Wishing you a happy and relaxing week. The Lakes are special and one of our favourite places too.
It’s a familiar place which lessens the stress about where to go and what to do. The hills will bring you peace I,m sure - just soak up the beauty and tranquility.
The cardiac nurse sounds like she is on your DHs case and a very thorough person wanting to help your DH as much as possible. Don’t worry if you don’t hear from her straight away - as you say the consultant will be busy.
Doodle- I,m so sorry the days at the moment are full of such sad memories. You are riding those waves of sadness with much bravery.
Your hair must be lovely to cut- I remember you said it is very thick. Hope you are pleased with it.
It’s lovely how your walking group has grown - more new friends.
Hope you are doing something nice today.
HVDY- I,ve never made a rice pudding either . Neither of us like it so it’s not going to happen any time soon.
Dental visits are never fun are they. It’s so expensive too - talk about adding insult to injury!!! I have a check up next week.
Jaffa under the wheelbarrow- trust a cat to find the daftest place to sit.
Sunny here too today. We walked to the surgery today for my Covid and RSV jabs. Then had a Costa visit. Went to our little local garden centre to get some gravel for the rockery as well.
Very tired now.
PurplePixie- so pleased to see you here - I think I remember you too from way back.
Hope you will come in whenever you feel like talking - there’s always someone around.
Ah no wonder you feel so lonely - and sad too. Being estranged from your DD must hurt so much.
Are you able to visit your Sons at all?
I,m sorry too that you have lost your dear friend. Some friends are so special - like Sisters. You knew her a long time so she’s left a big gap.
Is your DH in good health?
It might be worth you seeing your GP in case a change of ADs would help.
Take care of yourself and don’t forget we are here.
Nadateturbe- always in our thoughts and hope you,ve had a few better days.
Candy- how are you. Have you moved now?
Love to all present and pastxxx

It isn't the same as having a "real" friend, but there's a scheme called Re-engage that puts people in touch for a weekly telephone call. I used to ring one lady, for about a year.

PurplePixie You sound very depressed but also lonely, and it's no wonder. Your friend died fairly recently, and your family is a bit fractured. Do you and your husband go out together at all? Have you got any hobbies? You say you've been on antidepressants for some time, but perhaps you'd benefit from being on a different one? I was on Citalopram for many years then came off that and started Mirtazapine about 8 years ago, which suits me.

Thank you for being so kind and welcoming. It brought tears to my eyes but anything does these days. Yes, I have posted on here before and it was a while ago.

I won’t bombard you with all of my misery but here are a few things

DH - retired in 2019 - we met 2005
Me - retired 2014 - I’m now 74 - black dog days all my life - long story
Daughter - estranged 11 plus years
Eldest son - blows hot and cold but I try and keep that bridge open
Youngest son - lives/works 100 miles away but he does phone once per week. He is such a lovely person and we are very close and I miss him so much.
Best friend from school - died in December - she had been really ill for a long time with complications with MS. Miss our chats on the phone. She lived 200 miles away and hadn’t seen her since 2019 because she was prone to picking up infections.

Thanks for reading. Today I just want to stay in bed.

Wow, I'm still trying to wake up with my first latte.

Ellie Anne has your DH seen a Doc since it all kicked off? Probably totally unwilling. Yes, it's leaving you as a carer. If it gets really bad I'd contact the GP to see him/her about DH.
Don't rule out, in the long time, carer help.

You are doing the right thing in building your own life as far as possible. I know you are on good enough terms with DS - there may be a time when you feel you can share with him x

I'm so tired am not rushing off to the gym, soothing music etc.

I am very afraid that seeing MrA will trigger a depression. I woke with that, not the usual anger. I don't cope with my own anger well, I turn it inwards and blame myself.

There is just one significant person in the Meeting (one of the organisers) I could share this with, a quiet older man who used to be a GP.

He won't get involved a lot, but has sympathetic ears and is kind - I also have known him 20 years on and off and was friends with his now deceased wife: he found another lovely Quaker to marry after a number of years. But it will take some courage to approach.

Wyllow3 Hope you have a lovely time with your granddaughter. Special times.

EllieAnne My husband likes New Tricks. Perhaps your husband was asleep because he was bored? Mine sleeps for more hours than I do (he gets up an hour or 2 after me, usually). Hope your drink helped you to relax.

It's sunny and bright here. Up since 6, so did the washing and hung it out, and have finished reading a Bob Mortimer book, "Hotel Avocado". Hope ALL BDers have a decent day x

Having a drink tonight in bed and watching the very first episode of new tricks. I’ve been trying to cut down on drink this is my first in three days. So I feel ok about it. Got a new dishwasher installed today.
Had to wake Dh for his meal tonight. He was sound asleep at 6 o clock after doing absolutely nothing all day!

I hope you get an easier day tomorrow, Doodle, tho I’m glad you spiffed your hair.
Trying to walk with you for the memories of that time, told here, staying by his bed x

Good words for Purplepixie we’ve got quite a lot of experience between us and have had other Black dogs in the pst coming and going, which is fine. Just ask.

It’s natural to be a bit afraid of losing something promising, Ellie Anne. I hope it remain viable and right for you.

D is a leading figure in our meeting and rather oversteps meddles clumsily. And at some level, just doesn’t “get it”. But neutralised it today with help of others.

Glad I’ve got DGD awhile tomorrow 🙂

It’s demanding doing all the exercises HVDY. I quite like my knee ones, but I cant say I’d enjoy yours! Yes, Jaffa is probably an all weather cat - when he chooses…

Wyllow3 Jaffa stayed out there for a while. I suppose as a former stray, he's been used to being out in all weathers.
My GD1 and GD2 love any veg (broccoli, peas, peppers, etc) chicken breast fillets, all chopped and cooked, mixed with cooked & drained pasta, all mixed together with creme fraiche and grated cheddar. Strawberries, grapes, melon, and kiwi fruit mixed with yoghurt are good, too.

SweetpeaSue Did you have much cut off your hair? Sorry your husband hasn't been good today. How kind of you to make and take ginger snaps to your DIL. I bet they're delicious.

Doodle Yes, I've got to do things like put my tongue to the roof of my mouth so many times a day, and also massage the muscles around my jaw where the top and bottom jaw open. I'm dubious, but I'll try it. It should have been addressed a long time ago, but my regular dentist wasn't interested - a quick 2-minute in and out appointment is all she does. I'm seeing someone different now. Your walking group is quite big, isn't it? It must be good to get to know several people like that. Glad you had a nice lunch at the hospice. A good haircut is lovely, it makes me feel all fresh.

My brother's SIL has been in touch - apparently, a service at the hospital chapel for my SIL could take up to a year to happen!

Doodle it’s a pilot scheme so may not take off if more people don’t come. I think the walks will vary a bit but always start and end at the same point and we can have a cup of tea.
It’s a day that suits at the moment but that could change too.

Evening all. A mixed day for me. Busy but a bit sad too. I expect this will carry on for a few more weeks as each day brings back a memory of it he surgery, ICU, and all that went on.
Went out with walking group this morning and overdid it a bit. My legs ache now. Quick trip to the hospice for lunch then to the hairdresser for my haircut.
Purplepixie that’s a name I remember from years ago. I think you have been on this thread before. Nice to see you posting here but sorry you’re so low. Do you know why you’re so fed up (you don’t need to explain) are you on any antidepressants? That can help sometimes. Also you need support and it seems your Dh isn’t providing that. You are always welcome here to chat. Sadly we don’t have any cures but we have a variety of MH problems between us from general anxiety, health anxiety, depression and all sorts, sometimes it just helps to chat to others who understand.

Sweetpeasue pleased the cardiac nurse has been in touch and is going to talk to the consultant. I live ginger snaps. How nice of you to take them to your DIl.
Wyllowi would have thought the best way for Mr A to return would be for him to keep a low profile. Seen and not heard I think. Does D have any standing in the Quakers? Is she part of the safeguarding team? Her interference seems quite unwarranted.
HvDY are the exercises jaw exercises? I have never heard of this before. It would be good if the exercises help . I had to laugh at the image of Jaffa taking shelter under the wheelbarrow.
Ellie Anne well done you. That’s a brave thing to do and I’m glad you enjoyed it. Our walking group started with about 8 of us and we’re now about 18 or 20 every week., Everyone gets on and we have coffee and chat after. Do you do different walks each week and do you have coffee after?
Scaredycat have you been out today. It brightened up here this afternoon but was a. It chilly this morning.

I hope they get back soon to you, Sweetpeasue. Nice thought for DDiL. Anything ginger is OK with me.

and... I wish for sun and a good enough time. Safe travel now.

Purplepixie You are most welcome. Sorry you're feeling so low. Sometimes we can feel low for no particular reason or because of our situation. If youve been feeling this way for quite a while and nothing seems to help anti- depressants can help sometimes though not everyone wants to go that route.
Hope you start to feel better soon - it cant help that youve no support. Sometimes it helps to just to talk to someone.
HVDY Your dentist visit interested me about your 'bite'. My dentist ( who retired a couple of yrs ago) said shed not seen anyone with my bite as my front teeth dont quite meet together. She didnt suggest anything though.
At least Jaffa is under the wheelbarrow. We just had a small shower here.
Wyllow That sounds a lovely way to spend the time with your DGD. I bet she'll love that and also takes home a reminder of your time with her. Crossed fingers everything goes well. Good DGD likes blueberries .
Oh dear -Quaker D again. Sorry theres been another run in there- it must be so difficult to keep things friendly though its the only thing really.
EllieAnne Well done you for going to that walking group. Sounds a great idea and as Wyllow says you can talk or not , whatever you feel like and can be more comfortable just walking.

Decent day today though DH still having chest episode and also dizziness. Hope he'll be OK next week.
DH cut my hair today ( just length) and I did just a bit of house tidying before weeks holiday. Made some ginger snaps and took some round to DDIL as shes on her own now while son is away at work. I texted beforehand to make sure was OK and said Id not stop. Commented we could go for a coffee when I get back.
Nurse not got back to DH yet. Sure consultant will be busy.

Hope everyone is ok.

Well it’s not the ideal shelter…did he stay dry there? If I were Jaffa I’d scoot indoors. Unless there was an interesting mouse hanging out nearby……

Gosh , that’s very complicated mouth wise. But I do understand the consequences of an over strong underbite.

Very cross having to deal with he QuakerD: no point going into it but she’s trying to manipulate and control the return of MrA and had even suggested to him he makes some kind of public statement in a worship situation (ie the gospel according to MrA)
I mean how daft can you get? A huge trigger, he may say something I have to respond to, and what on earth would new people there think? 🙄 😡
one can’t shortcut a situation like this. So long conversation with QuakerD who agrees blah blah stupid waste of my time today.

See other BDs later on, am about to make a guess which healthy food a nine year old will eat. I know already she will wolf down blueberries.

Wyllow3 Aww, your granddaughter will love that. It's a lovely way to spend a bit of time, and you'll have a keepsake afterwards. There's a place like that not far from us.LG and her big sister have been. Anywhere where they have cake is good! The dental check-up was about my underbite - the previous lady I saw wrote to a hospital specialist for advice - I've been given exercises to do every night for 6 weeks, then go back and probably have a retainer/splint, and see a dentist who deals with these things regularly. Surgery (hospital) is a last option.

It's been raining nonstop since 3pm, and Jaffa has chosen to sit under a wheelbarrow, silly boy.

Hi Purplepixie, you are most welcome indeed. Maybe you could tell us a bit more about your situation? If you look back a few pages you'll see we are a mixture of travelling along with each other on our journeys through life, and sometimes offer advice if asked, and sometimes just chat on everyday things

We need to know you a bit and whats brought you here? You dont need to say a lot but basically I guess we help each other to keep on keeping on in a variety of situations.
You wont be the only one who finds an unhelpful DH: nor so fed up you wanted to reach out.

We are a bit irregular popping in, so don't be disappointed if you don't get quick responses x

HVDY got to dash but...tomorrow afternoon me and DGD are going to a lovely new pottery painting place where you paint on blank plates, cups, rabbits, dishes etc, then they glaze and fire them, and of course then you have your very own object to treasure that you have "made".

I saw rather a lot of cake there too.

I really really hope the dentist went OK for you.

(Just had yet another bruising encounter with QuakerD about MrA's return - my she is one to try and squish any conflict down and actually very controlling with a few spikes - but didn't let her get away with it. Basic premise, just discussing arrangements for Sunday which was necessary, she is in charge that day)

Hello. Welcome. Is there anything in particular causing you to feel so low? Are you and your husband retired? It can be hard to get motivated to do things when you no longer work, I've found.