Black Dogs 29

Doodle It's good that you've got your faith and enjoy going to church. You do seem to keep busy, and I expect it helps a bit. My brother sits alone all day and only goes out to get groceries or petrol. No life at all. He's coming here for dinner tonight, though.

SweetpeaSue I'm definitely an apple shape, although my MIL used to say I was barrel-shaped . Tactless, but not wrong. In a way, it's good news that the consultant has discharged your husband, but it's disappointing that nothing more can be done. Has he at least suggested any effective painkillers?

Wyllow3 My husband tends to misplace things. I put things in a certain place so that I know where they are. Good that you won't need a new PIN, though. My pyjamas are a thin cotton material, and too big, really, but I'd rather have that than too small. They were from Temu, apparently.

Nice day with LG yesterday - playgroup, Asda, then here for lunch, then duck-feeding, which she loves, and the play park. She's always so happy. DH are having eye tests today, then I'll do some boring housework before my brother comes for dinner. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Hi all
Doodle- yes such good news from our friends. But there are many hurdles and difficulties to be overcome.
Today I took her to Hospital for an immunotherapy appt. We had to wait 2 hours afterwards for a prescription from the Hospital Pharmacy. A trip of 4 hours. I,m so tired now but just pleased to be able to help her.
What lovely times you have with your Church friends - it is how Church should be.
HVDY- you certainly try with your brother. I bet he looks forward to coming to dinner but finds it hard to admit he enjoys anything.
My DH says “ where have you put my……..” I,m like you and put
Stuff in the same places.
What nice times you have with LG- her childhood memories will be such happy ones.
SweetPeaSue- perhaps now that DH knows the situation with his hand/arm isn’t really going to get much better he will be able to accept it. Without the worry of something else being wrong with them he can eventually come to terms with it.
Not easy though.
What a beautiful diversion you had to take- any diversion round here is traffic and more traffic😩
Wyllow- the weekend away was full of nice memories for you.
Yes,it took energy and courage - but you have gained insight and confidence as well as practising your Gran skills!!
Please consider carefully any meeting with Mr A especially alone. If he has any sense he must see that he needs to tread carefully in future.
I,d have panicked big time if I,d lost my debit card -good job the pin can remain the same. We have so many things to remember.
EllieAnne- hope the weekend hasn’t been too hard for you.
Nadateturbe- thinking of you and hope life has been kinder to you.
Love to all

HVDY I wear mostly nighties but, like you, prefer night clothes too big so Ive lots of room to kick around- I 'm a bit of a restless sleeper.
LG has a wonderful fun- filled day when she comes to yours. She must love it.
I hope your brother appreciates your dinner, you are so good to him. No ,consultant never suggested anything for DHs pain. He did say that DH could ask for another steroid injection in shoulder when he seems Rheumatologist.
Scaredycat Oh 2 hrs for a prescription to be given- thats a very long wait. After 4 hrs no wonder you were all beat.
Its very hard for DH to accept but he doesnt have much choice. Its difficult to use that hand and he tries to hold is across his chest tucked in his coat when walking. He had a brief - 2 weeks- after stetoid injection where it wasnt as bad. Plan to ask Rheumatologist for another.

Hoping all have had a decent day.

Thank you for clarifying DH’s situation, Sweetpeasue. Its one thing of course living with it, and another knowing its shouldn’t have been allowed to go on without treatment for so long. Anger and acceptance - all complex. I can understand DH reluctance to accept that “it's like this now”.

But if the injection in the shoulder helps - go for it…if its something a GP nurse could administer regularly could the Rheumatologist ask for it?

HVDY I’m glad brother is coming over tonight. Your DH was so good with him last time, and it really is a credit to you that he has come out of his shell as far as he has.
PJ’s need to be big, it’s more comfy, and a bargain too. Is DH’s eye visit for a change in Specs?
Everyone needs an LG, and a happy toddler is such a gift.

That was a long exhausting trip, Scaredycat - phew - with the wait. Yes time to chat but too long, yet you are right, her feeling as supported as she is by you, given the situation with her DH, is priceless, cant be measured. I hope when she has been taking there meds awhile the impact is not too substantial.
So you are good at putting stuff in the same place? I would drive you spare at times 🙄 although I try to train myself.

I had a dreadful night, one of those “I’ll have to ring for help ones” but as I am due a CPN visit tomorrow morning just rung to find out the time and got on with my day:

Basically there is no way round it, the strength of my reactions

(this time, my actually quite good emails that I’d sent I was thinking I’d destroyed all quaker relations for ever etc, will be lonely for ever, and so on)

I have come to believe that it’s clear it’s a longer term type of PTSD, because the level of my reactions are NOT normal for my MH diagnosis. An element of course goes back a long way to childhood, then other collected experiences that I have not come out well from MH wise (eg, being badly bullied at work, but running away, not challenging, always on the run not standing up for myself or dealing with my very own anger well at all.

So I am finding best ways of dealing with a situation that has been packed with triggers from the different characters in my Quaker group and leading figures as well as MrA.

Running away is not on, but I shall NOT attempt to see him alone. and yes I have thought through, "do I need this group in my life" and atm the answer is "yes" as of course my worship group is only part of a larger network which share my faith and other values.

Hmmm. I’m not sure there is a fuit to describe my shape. Maybe water melon for the bottom half and ordinary melon for the top.
Yes very lucky with the church people. All so kind and nice.
Shame the vascular chap can’t help with your DH’s pain in his arm. Perhaps the heart chap has some ideas.
Wyllow I think you’re a fair person used to being sensible about things and you are looking to resolve the issue to an acceptable level with Mr A. Unfortunately I don’t think he will understand at all. I think he is so lacking in empathy and understanding of how it is to be a woman who is assaulted in such a manner that he won’t ever accept full responsibility no matter what he says.
I just hope you can find a way forward for yourself.
HvDY how have you been today? I’ve been to Windsor and had lunch at the farm shop, had a salmon and cream cheese bagel. It was nice enough but the bagel was quite chewy and dry. Church tomorrow which I’m looking forward to.

Scaredycat so kind of you to help your friend I’m sure she appreciates it. Oh I know only too well the wait for hospital pharmacies. DH had two medications that could only come from the hospital and couldn’t be prescribed by his GP. One came from Charring cross which was quite a journey to get them the other from our local hospital but always both were a long wait.
HVDY I feel sorry for your brother. Being on his own all the time must make him very miserable. If I’m alone at home for too long it always brings me down. I hope he’s nice at dinner tonight. He should be so grateful for all you do for him
Ellie Anne I hope the lighter days are helping you to be out more maybe in your garden

Thank you doodle. It’s been raining a lot and quite cold so no gardening at the moment.
I’ve been feeling incredibly lonely these last weeks. My usual groups are off and I don’t go to s1 during the holidays.
I’ve been out walking a bit and sitting in cafes reading.
No word about the funeral yet and I’m not mentioning it because he started to get annoyed when I tried to tell him it was too much for him.
Since his fall he doesn’t even walk to the shop for his paper. It’s less than 10 minutes away. He goes in his buggy. I just see my life being looking after him which would be ok if we were happy together but we’re not.

It's a grim prospect, Ellie Anne. He is blind to your needs. Was he always like this or has it got worse as the children grew and left home?

You have a limited choice, but you can refuse to do what you know he still can dog or himself. I know this might generate guilt and all kinds of nasties, given your history, but it does him no favours either. I just feel sympathy for your situation, and to carry on doing those things which you do do to keep yourself as well as you can.
I wish there was some kind of a support group for you, as I have come to suspect you have been coercively abused in your marriage. It creeps up on you: a lifetime with a man who doesnt recognise your needs and acts that way, like you dont count, gives only negative feedback for who you are, is very, very powerful x

Yes Doodle MrA wont want to look inward and acknowledge the damage he has done.

It may be the only option I have it to make sure that as many people in our little group as feasible and reasonable know what happened.
Create a situation that is uncomfortable for him. and not by getting angry, but by showing the fear and the disturbance in his prescience so that others notice, instead of pretending to be invulnerable.
I wouldn't put it past his to do the "poor me I only did x and y" - well - I have people there who believed him like D and then had a go at me for inventing an assault who also don't really want to be shown up. Oh, the pressure to "move on" when I am not ready - it's so well documented by women who have experienced it. But I would like my psychologist to write to Safeguarding attesting to the fact I was already Safeguarded when he attacked me, and the trauma it has caused. I should not have had to rely mostly on my MH people to support me.

More should have come from Safeguarding. Levels of denial "it couldn't have happened amongst us people we are good people" were marked all along.

Hindsight.

the trouble with most Bagels Doodle one is just that - all chewy. Probably "best homemade" are wonderful but I've not encountered one of them.

Windsor must be an interesting place, with its royal connections, I can't quite imagine a place like that as have never been there or anywhere like it.
When you were looking after DH it had become very full time - you never left his side xxx.

thoughts to to Nadateturbe who is probably not able to pop in, but not forgotten, and others from the past recalled. x

ScaredyCat You are so kind to your friend. Two hours to wait for a prescription is bad, and all the travelling on top of it must have made it a long day for you. I hope you manage to rest well tonight.

SweetpeaSue I don't wear pyjama bottoms in bed, only a top and some knickers. I don't like feeling too hot. I hope your husband manages to get a steroid injection when he goes. I've had them in my shoulder when I had rotator cuff damage (caused by the hospital when I was in), and it helped a lot.

Wyllow3 DH and I both had an eye test - he's ordered new varifocal specs and sunglasses, as his eyes have changed. My sight hasn't altered, but I've ordered a cheap pair from Glasses to You or whatever it's called. I roasted peppers, courgette, onions, potatoes and tomatoes, with a honey spiced mix from Aldi, and we had tuna steaks. Trifle to follow. Those horrible nights you have must be very unsettling. Could you listen to some soothing music at bedtime? Or watch a nice tv programme? I've just watched an Attenborough programme about wildlife in gardens - foxes, hedgehogs, various birds, etc. It's on BBC on Sundays.

Doodle Nice day you had, by the sound of it. Are you far from Windsor? I find the texture of bagels to be odd. I prefer sweet stuff, though. What's happening at church tomorrow?

EllieAnne Are there any new groups you could join? Hobbies? I think a lot of people (myself included) feel nervous about falling and injuring themselves after it's happened. It's understandable, I suppose. Would you look after your husband if he had a life-limiting condition? Would he look after you?

I'm considering getting microblading so I can stop pencilling my eyebrows on! Has anyone had it done or know of anyone who has? It's DH's birthday tomorrow (68), so we're going for lunch at a lovely country pub - been before, but it's his choice. This diet isn't going too well! Hope everyone has a good rest tonight. x

Ellie Anne I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. I would do anything for DH and care for him as much as needed because e were happy together. I can’t imagine how hard it would be for you in your relationship.i think resentment would build. Not sure what the answer is but I feel for you,
Wyllow I think that is the best plan. Keep your distance from me A and make sure everyone knows why. Don’t put on a brave face.
Windsor is lovely. Lots of shops and cafes. The castle is beautiful and there are often guards marching around or something happening. So many tourists from all over the world so it’s always really busy.
HVDY no I live about 30 minutes from Windsor. I can get there by bus or on the river by boat although of course that takes much longer. Happy birthday to Mr HVDY . Hope you have a nice meal out and he enjoyed his birthday.
Scaredycat and Sweetpeasue hope you’ve both had a good day. Church was lovely this morning then my friend came and helped me with my jigsaw this afternoon. Tomorrow I’m eating friends from art. Looking forward to it. K

So tired and have had pretty bad day with Fibro pain so just a short post

Sorry cant reply to all but Doodle You really caused me to smile. Bon appetite!

Sending love to all and hoping for better times for those feelings lonely. Peaceful night.x

8Doodle* Thanks. We had a lovely lunch - it's all home-cooked and comes with huge portions. He had Beef Stroganoff and ate half of my Chicken Tikka Masala as well! Both sons came with presents for him and a present of afternoon tea between us, and an Indian tapas meal between us. LG was here, too. I bet a river boat trip is lovely in the summer. Glad you've had a nice day. The weather turned funny here this afternoon, and we had a thunderstorm at teatime. Not sure about you "eating" friends for lunch, but I know what you meant grin].

SweetpeaSue Hope you have a better day tomorrow. Take care.

I like a long loose cotton mix bright single colour nightie, HVDY.
I’ve seen people at the gym with the eyebrow treatment, it’s very much a case of how well it’s done - so do think hard - if it is permanent and your remaining eyelashes turn white later in life?
What a lovely meal…Have a lovely time out with DH tomorrow, a mere young 68! Have one day off the diet for that?

I can imagine that Windsor is a lovely place to wander round, lots of history and lovely cafes. Ooo, a boat trip - wow. Your art is going really well Doodle, you used to be more nervous before, and self critical of what you did, it sounds the sort of group I’d like, accepting and friendly.

Yes I had a little smile there too, Sweetpeasue - BD meets cannibal… sorry to hear it was one of those days.

I had a similar one too, except it was OK just as a one off. another bad night, but my CPN came at 11am and I did get quite a bit by talking to her, but I need help she cant produce PSTD wise. Then I just went to bed for the rest oft he day with my lap top

Her, “what do you need for us to help you” (stock CPN question)
Me, “ if I knew I’d be asking you” (she knew very well I was likely to say that, given my levels of self awareness - if there was something I knew would help, I’d be trying to do it. It’s a psychologists area really. Well, mine, who knows me well.

Yes HVDY night wise, I have a choice on my computer - lulling wave sounds, or some quiet classical music compilations (U tube - I have a subscription so I dont get advertisements interrupting)

if its really bad and its has to be distraction, an old Death in Paradise, get up and do something, anything, or in extremis take extra diazepam. Its just that disrupted sleep patterns every single night are not good for anyones `MH wellbeing. It’s better in summer tho, isnt it? Early light not endless night.

Good night to all. I had a quaker Zoom (no one local) quite interesting, tired me out rather concentrating, but interesting as it was quite international - subject was spiritual supporters (someone to take thoughts/dilemmas to - goes across Quakers and often C or E.

Wyllow3 Microblading is semi-permanent, so it fades after so long (18 months to 3 years). I've been thinking about it for years. The woman who owns the salon has 13 years of doing the procedure and assures me she'll consider my white hair and fair skin and won't give me jet black brows.

Foxy came early last night - only one of them - at 7.30, so we saw him before it got dark. Beautiful animal, looking so healthy. Day centre today. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Hi all
HVDY- what a great Birthday lunch- DH really went for it.
Such lovely thoughtful pressies too- it lasts the Birthday out as well.
The eyebrows sound a good idea - do people’s eye lashes really go white? Something else to look forward too!!!
Mr Fox must feel so safe in your garden- that is so lovely.
SweetPeaSue- if the steroid injections give your DH some relief it sounds like a good idea particularly if they could be at regular intervals. Poor man he has had a lot to put up with. As have you.
Hope today has been more comfortable for you and you have been able to get out.
Doodle- I,d love to visit Windsor it sounds so lovely and lots of
History too which I love. The river trip must be beautiful.
I love to hear about your days - you have put so much effort in to helping yourself cope in this new situation . Good people like you deserve good things.
As for your outing today- I shouldn’t think you could eat a whole one!!!
EllieAnne- you always put yourself last- your DH is draining the life out of you. If you do intend to stay with him you have a right to happiness on your own home. Only you know how you would feel if DH was incapacitated but I suspect you would soldier on . So this is the time to try and make a comfortable space in that home.
Wyllow- I too think that this plan you have to deal with this sad excuse for a man and keep on attending and enjoying your meetings - never hiding the truth about his behaviour is a sound one. You love your Quaker meeting and other Quaker times - long May you do so.
I think you are coping extremely well after this massive upset- may you have a peaceful night and be up again in those hills very soon.

Yesterday we went to a Garden centre in the morning then after lunch had a couple of drinks with DD and SiL in the Village. It was impromptu so a lovely surprise. Tired doesn’t cover how I feel but I take all opportunities while I can. We planted the few little rockery plants we bought yesterday this morning - that’s me wiped out😴
Think of you all often and how important you all are to the day. Take care all and hope Allsorts and Nadateturbe and anyone else we see are having a kind dayXx

ScaredyCat I suppose eyelashes go white, I don't know, but I use mascara . I've enjoyed watching the BBC1 Attenborough programme "Secret Garden" on Sundays, which features different animals, birds, and insects that frequent gardens.

You had a nice day yesterday, then. I agree, it's good to take any opportunities that present themselves.

Day centre was good. Beef stew, mash and veg, then rice pudding (she makes it with cream). Hope everyone has had a good day x

Oh, I didn’t realise it was only semi permanent, HVDY. It appeals a bit actually, I have plucked my eyebrows rather overmuch, tho they are OK, but I have a small surface scar running through one that means an actual break in the brow. Well, go for it.
Oh my, rice pud made with cream - yum. Do you recall when it used to be always or a lot of condensed milk?

I have some white hairs in my eyebrow, like only 4, *Scaredycat, I don’t know what happens to eyelashes.
Now that was a lovely day, the lunch and the drinks and chat - and yes, very frustrating to have to “compensate” today. When I spot super active women at the gym of my age and more I do go green at the gills somewhat.
Sigh - it’s a lottery, isn’t it? Things we didn’t think of when young that much.

My last night was a bit better, tho in the evening I was untactful about DiL to DS, only slight but when will I learn. I’m having DGD on Saturday afternoon and its DiL who will be collecting her - but DS is requested to ask me about it - I went and said why not DiL…I did apologise for being grumpy but no reply yet.

Since my first DH does get on with both well, is very perceptive indeed (we’bve both done therapy and stuff so have the “psychological language” as it were I’ll chat it over again to see if there is anything in particular I’ve done or said.

No replies from Safeguarding or MH people about MrA so it’s down to me. I’m going to have a very short chat with the perosn in charge that day suggesting that MrA be asked to come in, in a very low key way. (Not his style). If he tries to talk to me I’d say after the damage you did, I would like to talk but only with Safeguarders: and only if necessary remind him I am free to disclose anything to anyone present. I dont know if I can pull that off, we’ll see.

But has a super day - got up and dressed and went for a covid injection, and have had no bad result: I did a pretty decent session at the gym: I came home and it was my cleaner for an hour and we not only swept up and hosed down after pebbledash but did a spot of gardening together, it looks neat and nice.

And then because she said she was going for a bike ride tonight it at last made me get the bike out of the garage and have a ride round a couple of blocks (it I go beyond that I hit severe hills) but a confidence boost.

I haven't been on my bike since the Assault, and there are complex triggers involved and I broke through them 🙂 I hope.

For me, its definitely the case of needing to exercise to keep my mood reasonable. Fortunately I do like exercise most of the time.

Oh Sweetpeasue I didn’t spot that mistake. Made me laugh too although I doubt my art friends would be pleased to be eaten🤣🤣. I had a nice morning with them and the. Bereavement group this afternoon.
Bit of a sad day. This was DH’s last day at home and I’ve been quite upset today thinking back two years. I do miss him so much.
HVDY glad your Dh had a nice birthday. Hope he enjoyed it all. Did y,ou have a good lunch for you at the day centre too, ?
Wyllow sounds like you’ve had a good day today and worked out how to handle Mr A,. Hope it works out in a satisfactory way.
Scaredycat yes I seem to have amused everyone with my menu choice for my meet up with art class. I’d add they are all still in one piece as I had bacon beans and toast instead.
Sounds like you had a nice day yesterday. Rest when you’re tired and don’t overdo it.

Scaredycat Love reading your posts- you sound such a fun person. I hope youve not done too much but you certainly - seize the day, every day. Ive planted my sweetpeas out in the ground today- crossed fingers theyll be OK ( we go to the lakes on Saturday)
Ive actually not known anyone's eye lashes go white though Ive lots in my eyebrows.
HVDY My youngest sis had her eyebrows micro-bladed and shes extremely pleased with them. I thought they looked nice last time I saw them . She had plucked them all bare many yrs ago and it always bothered her. Id be afraid of having them too dark- but sounds like youve already discussed that with the lady who does them. Love that your fox is still coming- I bet his coat looks beautiful. Glad your DH enjoyed his birthday.
Wyllow Im sorry you have such angst over MrA coming back and its so unfair. Youve had to claw your way up from such a bad place and have dine so well. I totally get that place where you are not believed- inasmuch much as I felt that acutely when Drs wronged me and lied, gaslighted me. Some men who are held in high esteem by others appear to be squeaky clean and definitely Teflon characters. Im sure his reputation must have been tarnished somewhat after you have brought so much to light and even the safeguarding people ,who could have done so much better , probably do see him in a different light now. Perhaps some Quakers are reluctant to share those feelings with you in case it upsets you too much. Of course ,I dont know , but its worth a thought , even though you'd feel more vindicated by them revealing their true feelings. Please dont let it bring you down further.
Well done you on the bike ride. I hope you can get out in the , hopefully, warmer weather to come. Ive quite a lot of white hairs in my brows- think its cos I went white very early on. I use a grey brow pencil but Ive been thinking of dyeing them myself. Scary or what.
Doodle How have you been today? Hope the art class was enjoyable and you didnt get indigestion afterwards.
EllieAnne So glad you're getting out and about a bit. You shouldn't feel that you have to leave your home so much though. I think Doodle is right- to try and make somewhere just for you. Anything to make yourself comfortable. I feel for your situation - its just not right and so very lonely for you.

Not too bad a day today and the sun has shone which makes such a difference. Tied some things up in the garden- Rose and Clematis and planted out Sweetpeas.
DH had phone appt with Cardiac nurse who wasnt too comfortable about DHs continued angina episodes , though we did tell her the stents had made some improvement. She's going to relate info to the Cardiologist who did DHs procedure and get back to us so I do feel better about that.

Hope everyone has had a reasonable day. Love to all and not forgetting Nadateturbe. X
*

Crossed posts * Doodle*
Those anniversaries must be so very sad and the reminder of when he left home to go to hospital particularly so. There must be so many things that come round and take you back to those awful times. So sorry for your heavy heart today. Warm hug coming your way.
Glad the art class was nice. Xx

Today has been another big milestone, Doodle. You were with him all the way, and it really touched me today thinking of that memory. I'm glad today was a fairly full one. What are you working on in art class at the moment xx

Indeed, Sweetpeasue - not being heard, being lied to or about, very powerful and indeed you were gaslighted and by someone with a lot of power. 😡 re other Quakers - I think I expect too much. I'm most happy really, when it comes down to it, with people who have a degree of self awareness/self reflection..maybe assuming..people are wrong about me, yes, I like to deal with feelings as they are and it can be difficult with people who avoid it overmuch..... but some people are then afraid you might "see too much so close you down^......and I am tougher than they may think, just very open.

That phone call for DH with the nurse is indeed quite reassuring - she is on the case, and I presume, if something were to happen to suddenly concern you, could you reach out to her?

Sunday is supposed to be a lovely day everywhere, are you got up on Saturday? I remember you planting Sweetpeas last year.

Oh my yes, sun makes a difference - I think more than ever, really: maybe the appalling February we had. It made everything worse!
The streets and gardens are full of blossom at the moment.

Something to look forward to - I have DGD M aged 9 awhile on Saturday, more on that another day.

I have white hairs in my eyebrows so I use a bit of brown powder on them . I wish I could find a good mascara. They all seem to leave big clumps.
I saw a post on fb about a pilot for a new walking group today so I gave it a try. There were only a few of us but it was good to meet new people so I will go back next week.

Oh, well done there Ellie Anne. so much easier when out on a walk to drift in and out of any chats, and it's OK to be "a quiet one" if you want, or otherwise. x

Wyllow3 I've only ever had home-made rice pudding at the day centre -I've never made one, and my mum wasn't much of a cook at all. Glad you had a good day. You get on so well with your cleaning lady friend. She sounds like a nice person. Did you go far on your bike? It was good weather for being out. Hope you have a lovely time with your granddaughter tomorrow. What might you do together?

Doodle Those anniversaries must be very difficult. My brother's son died 2 years ago (day before my birthday), and he keeps dreaming about him. Day centre lunch was beef stew, mash and veg, then rice pudding. Tasty! What are you up to today?

EllieAnne I'm glad you got out with a new walking group. Did you go far? Some of those people may belong to other clubs or groups as well. I've got a few mascaras, but my favourite is by E.L.F. and doesn't clump. It looks really natural.

SweetpeaSue I must get around to buying some new plants. I want to get something to attract butterflies (therefore caterpillars) and bees. The cardiac nurse will be able to relate your concerns to the specialist, which is good. I hope she gets back to you with some information/advise.

Nadateturbe Wondered how you are.

Dentist this morning - just a check-up, but I get so anxious. Jaffa's having his claws cut this afternoon (a bit late as he's already ruined the settees and now my 11-month old bed). Little devil. Hope everyone's day goes as well as it can x

Hope you don’t mind me just dropping in. I’m so down in the dumps. I’m sick of being Fedup. Trying hard to keep going and DH doesn’t help. Any advice?