Anhedonia!

Okay. Thanks, for that.

I had never heard of anhadonia but through you I've learned just what an awful, literally devastating condition it is.

Both Age UK and The Silver Line have a service where they match you up with a volunteer for regular weekly or monthly phone calls. This is just for a chat but it could develop into a 'phone friendship.'

There's also an organisation which pairs up an older person to hear a child read over the phone. No areas or surnames are shared and it's a weekly arrangement during term times.
This is arranged by Silver Stories and it connects different generations.

Just a couple of suggestions which may help you. It will connect you to others without the need for you to leave your home.

IanMcKlatchie

*SixAndAHalf*: Thank you, for your reply/link. I'll go and take a look, now.

It might look like he is trying to sell his book but there are lots of You Tube videos which are free, seem to make sense and possible lessen the feeling of isolation.

Hello , I personally think all of us suffer from this to a degree , my solution is swimming ! But of course our friends die or are ill , there are funerals to go to , the news on TV but we mustn’t forget to be grateful to be here but yes it’s very hard at times , hope you feel better soon x

SixAndAHalf: Thank you, for your reply/link. I'll go and take a look, now.

www.drscotteilers.com/

This person seems to talk sense and has lived experience.

I am not promoting him or connected to him.

BlueBelle: "Do you have any friends Ian, it’s amazing how helpful it can be to just go for a short walk, listen to the birds, listen to any noises that tell you you are alive."

I have no friends, I'm afraid. However, when the real Summer gets here, I'm going to start forcing myself out of that door and see if the fresh air, change of scene and exercise help against this accursed condition. Time will tell.

"Do you like making things we have MENS sheds and ‘mending things’ groups that help others I find helping other people gives me a feel good factor that I need."

That would involve regular outdoors trips and, at least for now, I really don't feel that I would be up to it. I like the idea that I will, one day (hopefully), be able to join in with group work of that nature, though.

"Set yourself some goals, say to yourself today I m going to walk to the nearest lamppost and back, tomorrow I’ll go to the second one and so on."

I'm a firm believer in such methods. Well, I was a firm believer in such methods when I was recommending them to others. Now, that I'm the patient, I've donned my professional coward's costume and it's a perfect fit. But, I intend to get out of that front door during Summer, if it ever decides to arrive.

"I'll tell you a funny story my friend was having help with severe agoraphobia. Her mental health worker was getting her to walk a little further each day and they got as far as going on the underground, just one stop to start with she was doing well and then one day the train briefly got stuck underground, and the health worker had a panic attack and my friend had to get her home."

I love it! It kinda proves that our mental health workers are humans, after all - it's no longer just a suspicion!

"The fact that you’re talking to us and taking stuff on board is a really good start and you are ‘feeling’ things because you’ve expressed your gratitude."

There are still some feelings inside me. Anger, sadness and gratitude, yes.

"Keep chatting we're all here for you."

--------------

BarmCake: "I have this condition and take Mirtazepine and Venlafaxine."

I'm sorry that anybody should have to suffer from this - I really am.

"You really are in a difficult situation health wise. I often feel as if I'm dead but still going through the motions of living."

It is, in fact, the worst mental health predicament that I have ever found myself in. I've had mental health troubles, now, for over 55 years...it started in High School, in fact. There have been bad times before, but I was always able to apply pastimes/hobbies or other pleasures in the fight against it. For this case, I can't rely on that. Every former hobby/pastime/interest/reward/pleasure is now utterly out of reach for me. I can look at DVD movie cases and feel nothing, whereas I'd previously said to myself, "I'll put a film on - at least, it will distract me." I can't do that, now. Read a book? They mean nothing to me. I see the print. I see the words. They mean nothing other than what they say. By the end of the first paragraph, I've no idea what that paragraph just told me. (I read only non-fiction.) There are packs of cigarettes in this house and some lighters...they mean nothing at all to me. (That's no great loss, I'm glad to say.)

So, all my healthier former interests must be repeatedly "sampled"...just a little...then put aside. That's the general basis of "Behavioural Activation" therapy - the best CBT that can be used against Anhedonia (I call it "AnnieConda" because it chokes the life out of the sufferer's life). So, that's the one I'm going to turn into a programme of "sampling" my former interests. It sure makes more sense than just doing nothing but moaning that I'm cut off from all of them.

"I tailor my life around my condition and don't beat myself up about staying in bed all day, eating too much or being unsociable. I just wanted to say 'I hear you' and hope you get some kind of spontaneous remission. Where there's life there's hope."

The struggle goes on. Thank you, for your reply.

Every reply has been most kind, and they are appreciated!

I have this conditions and take Mirtazepine and Venlafaxine.

You really are in a difficult situation health wise. I often feel as if I'm dead but still going through the motions of living.

I tailor my life around my condition and don't beat myself up about staying in bed all day, eating too much or being unsociable. I just wanted to say 'I hear you' and hope you get some kind of spontaneous remission. Where there's life there's hope.

Do you have any friends Ian, it’s amazing how helpful it can be to just go for a short walk, listen to the birds, listen to any noises that tell you you are alive. Do you like making things we have MENS sheds and ‘mending things’ groups that help others I find helping other people gives me a feel good factor that I need.
Set yourself some goals, say to yourself today I m going to walk to the nearest lamppost and back, tomorrow I’ll go to the second one and so on
I ll tell you a funny story my friend was having help with severe agoraphobia. Her mental health worker was getting her to walk a little further each day and they got as far as going on the underground, just one stop to start with she was doing well and then one day the train briefly got stuck underground, and the health worker had a panic attack and my friend had to get her home.
The fact that you’re talking to us and taking stuff on board is a really good start and you are ‘feeling’ things because you’ve expressed your gratitude.
Keep chatting we re all here for you

EllieAnne: Thank you, for those kind words. Enjoy church!

Thank you for sharing Ian. I’m sorry you are feeling like this and don’t know enough about medication and therapies to help you but I do understand the lack of meaning in a faith you used to have. I’m trying to hold on to mine so when I go to church tomorrow I will be thinking of you.

Wyllow3:

"If you are under the care of a psychiatrist then I wouldn't suggest particular drugs, because they know a lot more than me: I have cross checked with the one that helps me and ones I know have helped others, and it harms the kidneys."
Aye! Unfortunately, my medication limits have been already reached, so it's down to CBT/Behavioural Activation, I think, now. That should be interesting. To gently expose myself to my former interests and not to expect anything...not to look for any actually result: just to do the exposure work and...basically, wait and see, seems to be my way forward. A fresh therapeutic approach might be just what I need - I suppose I'll find out, later this year, if I get any glimpses of life, again.

"And most of all, serious talking therapies that might be suitable are now very very restricted indeed on the NHS - they were fine when I needed to access them but that was 2008. Yes, it is very hard to get them unless you can self resource. If you can self resource, and have a decent NHS psychiatrist, they may be able to suggest which sort. Some people can get visits from a Community Psychiatric Nurse, thats via a psychiatrist again."
I won't be investigating the Talking Therapies route, again, given that they've told me that my condition (which wasn't as bad, back then, as it is, now) is too tough for just talking therapy. I understand that.

CPN: Last year, after a clear set of events that reeked of incompatibility, and incompetence, I had to sack my Community Psychiatric Nurse. He did a few things that ran against my principles and flew in the face of my ability to understand extreme behaviour by a professional in a position of responsibility. The details have shocked a few people, when I've told them - some didn't even believe them.

BUT: I have, since a fortnight ago, however, been set up with a "Key Worker", called Jean*. She's already made first phone contact, last week, and we're starting our official phone chats on Tuesday of next week, in fact. I look forward to that.

"With your agoraphobia difficulties I know it's harder to go out to places or even leave the house at times."
I'll be working on the agoraphobia, during Summer of this year. I'm cautiously optimistic, because the agoraphobia is weaker when the Sun goes down and I think that I can use that.

"I think searching for Zoom groups might be helpful if you are confined to the house. Do try those mens group references."
The given groups involve a whole bunch of guys getting together and that involves me going out when they meet and being in large groups of guys, somewhere, and I'm just no longer up to that. As nice as it sounds, I couldn't do that, right now. For a while, last year, I was...at the psyche hospital, but I couldn't do that, now...things have got much worse for me, mentally. But, one day, I'm hopeful that that, too, will change. I saw it change, last year...I know it will, one day, change again.

"Church - thats difficult one. Sitting there when it seems meaningless is very difficult, and you feel those around you cant understand. All I can say is try when you feel you can. To expect it to be difficult, but to try when you can get out of the house. To see if it can possibly just be "good enough" as opposed to the warm heart that is able to be fully engaged."

When things maybe, one day, change, all of these outdoors things will be reconsidered. I'm going to take things slowly, at first, and work my way up the ladder of activity.
Thank you, very much, for your reply. I am genuinely grateful. I've been given a genuinely encouraging set of replies by folks, here.

I thought such greetings and welcomings had died on the Internet, to be honest!

If you are under the care of a psychiatrist then I wouldn't suggest particular drugs, because they know a lot more than me: I have cross checked with the one that helps me and ones I know have helped others, and it harms the kidneys.

The trouble with MH services includes the fact that a lot of resources, like drop in centres, like supervised art groups, are very restricted. It is easier I know at bad times to be able to relate to others with similar problems.

And most of all, serious talking therapies that might be suitable are now very very restricted indeed on the NHS - they were fine when I needed to access them but that was 2008. Yes, it is very hard to get them unless you can self resource. If you can self resource, and have a decent NHS psychiatrist, they may be able to suggest which sort. Some people can get visits from a Community Psychiatric Nurse, thats via a psychiatrist again.

With your agoraphobia difficulties I know it's harder to go out to places or even leave the house at times.

I think searching for Zoom groups might be helpful if you are confined to the house. Do try those mens group references.

Try ringing MIND HQ up to find out about possible Zoom groups or MH chat lines. they used to do one, I'm not up to date.

Church - thats difficult one. Sitting there when it seems meaningless is very difficult, and you feel those around you cant understand. All I can say is try when you feel you can. To expect it to be difficult, but to try when you can get out of the house. To see if it can possibly just be "good enough" as opposed to the warm heart that is able to be fully engaged.

"Ian, it's good to hear that you are benefitting from our advice and knowing that we care about you."

I'm not used to having people care about me, so it takes me a while to get accustomed to that feeling again, after so long.

"You are never alone, there is always someone on here to chat to."

The other forums online tend to leave depression patients feeling a bit disconnected. Some of the forums are abysmally bad at what they're supposed to be doing. That's why I find this place so refreshing, really - it's delightfully old school, and courteous!

Going Out: My agoraphobia was never expected to return. During the trips between the psychiatric hospital and this house, in my last week as a voluntary resident, there (last year), the agoraphobia seemed to be getting weaker. But, after leaving there and being here for a few months, it started to come back. I'll be working on that, though, this year...all I need are warm Summer nights and...hopefully, out I go. Until then, though, all going out is too close to impossible for me to even consider, at this point. I'll work on it, though. It's been a long time since I did much going out. I don't even own a coat, or a scarf, oddly enough.

Mental Healthcare in the UK is a tragedy - we are sold short at just about every turn. I suppose that we must just make do with what we are given. We can't bring about change in such a system.

"Try to find pleasure and joy in music, reading books, watching uplifting TV programmes/films. Attend church, if that's your thing. You may enjoy the tea and chat after the service."

I can put music on, but it tends to jar on me, right now. TV shows?...no chance. I'd already stopped watching those long before Anhedonia struck. I have quite the fight ahead of me, I suspect. I'm very grateful for the welcome that I have received from the members of this forum/site.

I've heard of "Behavioural Activation" therapy, which is CBT against Anhedonia. I'll be investigating how that works and trying to apply the principles of it to my life, but I'm expecting that it will be tough, and a slow, slow job. If it gets too bad, I'll try to find professionals who might be able to show me how to do a much better job.

"I sincerely hope that you are able to find peace in your heart, a relaxed mind and hope for the future. Take care, you're worth it."

I thank you, heartily, for such kind words. These are scary times. I'm glad that I posted, here...it was a very good move forward, in my opinion.

Thank you, all.

Ian, it's good to hear that you are benefitting from our advice and knowing that we care about you 🤗.

You are never alone, there is always someone on here to chat to.

I would just point out how beneficial it is for your mental health to get out walking in the fresh air. Don't wait for sunny weather, you'll wait forever! Wrap up warm, put on a coat and scarf, comfortable shoes, and off you go 🙂.

Mental health care in this country is pretty dire, keep taking your medication, eat regular meals, drink plenty of water, and get out there. Make sure to talk positively to yourself in your head, turn negative thoughts into self affirming ones. You may benefit from joining a walking group, but if you'd rather walk alone, that's fine.

Try to find pleasure and joy in music, reading books, watching uplifting TV programmes/films. Attend church, if that's your thing. You may enjoy the tea and chat after the service.

I sincerely hope that you are able to find peace in your heart, a relaxed mind and hope for the future.

Take care, you're worth it 💐.

Wyllow3: Thank you for your reply.

The kidney readings were what delayed antidepressant treatment in the first place, for 4 months of utter hell. The antidepressant (AD) that I'm on is the only safe/est one that they can prescribe. I've no idea what the other medications would be that could help...can you tell me anything about them?

I am still under the wing of the psychiatrist who looked after my case when I spent June/July in a psyche hospital, last year, and she keeps in touch by phone, every few weeks. She is the one who told me that only Mirtazepine is safe for me, due to the condition of my kidneys.

Thanks, for confirming that exercise helps. I will be seriously looking into this possibility, during this year, and I hope to make myself stronger in time for the severity of the Winter emotional decline that every human experiences, to some degree, every year. I must try to make myself stronger before that Winter drop. I won't make it through another Winter without some improvement in my condition.

*(Talking Therapies)*: This is pointless, believe me...I've registered with them, twice. First of all, the waiting time bottoms out at 30 weeks. When you get to your turn to begin, you get an early 20s psychology student asking you questions, ticking boxes on her clipboard, then saying, at that 28 minutes mark, "Well, I'll ring you again in two weeks, and we'll....". It used to be more experienced psychology services staff, and it used to be a one hour phone call. Now, it's just the box tickers and bonus hunters. My last attempt with Talking Therapies took 33 weeks and I was too ill, in hospital, by then, to even take part. So, they put me back at square 1 and I never heard another word from them.

Also, since then, when I've contacted Talking Therapies, they tell me, within a week, that my case is far too severe for mere talking therapy, anyway. I never hear another word then, either.

Thank you for giving me the names of those groups: AndysManClub, Talk Club and The Proper Blokes Club. I will be going from sending this reply to you...to Google, to look those up.

Shelflife: Ian , I have no experience of this however please know so many of us are sending you strength , supportive vibes are winging your way. There has been so much advice on here for you , I sincerely hope you are able to glean some comfort from that. Remember you are not a ghost , you are IAN! Please access any help you can, I wish you well in every sense of the word. Good luck - hang in there Ian.

I cried while reading your reply, ShelfLife...thank you for that.

I will be looking very closely at a lot of the advice I have seen in this thread, believe me. I'm fighting for my emotional life, now. Being a member, here, has helped me, enormously, already. I thank you, heartily, for your encouragement and good wishes.

I have felt a fraction brighter since starting to post, here. I thank everybody for that, also.

Ian , I have no experience of this however please know so many of us are sending you strength , supportive vibes are winging your way.
There has been so much advice on here for you , I sincerely hope you are able to glean some comfort from that.
Remember you are not a ghost , you are IAN !
Please access any help you can, I wish you well in every sense of the word. Good luck - hang in there Ian .

It is very profound depression and the looking at yourself and past self "through a glass darkly" - all those symptoms.

1. It might not be the right Anti-Depressant. Are you absolutely sure Mirtazapene is the only anti'd you can take medically
Clearly your system can't take a lot, but it may be a change is needed. there are other non anti-depressant drugs that might help

But I think you need to see a psychiatrist with your condition becuase most of these other meds need a Psychiatrist to prescribe.

Speaking from experience I know that exercise helps a lot but when I was very bad I couldnt make myself do it.

Everyone's recommendation of talking therapy is excellent, Ian. Pester your GP. Well done as a bloke for coming forward and talking emotionally, its often harder.

There are groups around the country where "blokes talk to blokes" about MH stuff. where you will not be alone.

Google
ANDYSMANCLUB, Talk Club, and The Proper Blokes Club.

Calipso: Thank you, for your reply. Unfortunately, because of my kidney condition, I am unable to (1) increase my antidepressant; (2) add any antidepressant to it, or (3) change to any other antidepressant! Mirtazepine, it seems, is the only show in town, for me, right now.

The above advice included exercise and CBT, so I'm considering both of those, for this Summer - presupposing that we will be getting a Summer, this year - fingers crossed.

Many thanks, again.

@IanMcKlatchie
Your current situation sounds really hard. I notice that you are taking Mirtazapine: one of the longer term side effects of this drug can be 'emotional blunting' even though initially it is prescribed for depression and anhedonia.It might be worth a discussion with your GP to consider a different medication to see if this helps.

Cossy: Thank you, for posting that. That story is very encouraging, indeed. The Inner Desolation, as I call it, is a terrible feeling to live with! Also, my congratulations go to your daughter, for making progress against a disgusting condition from which to have to suffer!

Therapy?

My daughter has a personality disorder which has/had detached her brain from her emotions, so she simply felt nothing at all.

Three years on with an amazing therapist and medication she is slowly making a recovery and reconnecting with her former emotional self.

It’s slow, it’s hard, it’s awful but gradually she is working her way back.

I wish you well

Delila: Long ago, I realised that I was too old to have a dog. Back in the 1980s, I had one: "Sheba". She was half Dane, half German Shepherd...she weighed 8 stones. Once, I had to see her put down and I know that I could never go through such an experience, again. My heart couldn't take another of those. I thank you for the suggestion, though.

To...

LoopyLoo: Thank you, for your kind message. I hope to give up the Ghost one day, soon. I will be doing my utmost to go out for some walks (I'm an agoraphobic, also, but I beat it, last year, for 9 x 1-hour walks, at 10pm, UK time. For me, that was a minor miracle).

MerlotGran: "Thank you, for getting back to the thread, on that. My post, I realise, may seem a little weird, at first reading.

Ian, I don’t know if your age, tastes or circumstances make this a possibility, but have you thought of aquiring a dog? Very good for getting you out, and perhaps back into, your old self. Lots of benefits, if the idea has any attraction at all for you.