Black Dog 30

SweetpeaSue That's not very good. Everything seems to involve waiting nowadays. Did you see your friend?

Wyllow3 Yes, I'll be really tired soon. Glad you got out and did both things. You deserve a doze.

Nice at day centre - homemade quiche with salad, then meringue with fruit and ice cream. The usual quizzes. Hope everyone has been OK x

After the disappointment, picked up F and went to the woodland and cafe there. DH only got a couple of hundred yds and the pain in chest was worse so came back home. A bit concerned about going to friends but DH insisted he was OK.
Drove to friends had nice chat .
DH has the pain there continually but becomes severe if he exerts any energy .
I will ring 111 over weekend or out of hrs but we def need to see someone soon. DH even said hed see the junior 'stand in' locum Dr but hes not on tomorrow either.
We're trying to hold out for next week.
Sorry, I m so tired of it all and worst thing is we booked holiday in another 3weeks when DH said we need to do things now while we can. Wish we hadn't now.
Dont worry if I dont post much Im just exhausted.
Hope everyone koko.
Love to all.x

Hi all

Another boiling hot day - it’s horrible. This morning I took my friend to the Oncology dept at the Hospital for a blood test. It’s always so busy - all those poor people. Then I took her to M and S so we,could hve a coffee and she could have a little walk round. Then she got some goodies in the Food Hall. It was so nice to see her enjoying those simple things. We were both knackered afterwards!! I hate feeling so tired but it’s nothing compared to how,she feels.
SweetPeaSue- belated Happy Anniversary- you certainly did marry a lovely kind man. What a fiasco it is for you to get an appointment at your GP. If he is unwell at weekend definitely contact 111 or A & E if not hopefully he,ll get seen next week.
Try not to worry about the holiday- it’s weeks away and would do you good if you are able to go. Fluffball will be a lovely companion for you both - dogs are quite sensitive to how people feel I think.
Doodle- we are going to melt soon if it doesn’t cool down a bit aren’t we.
Yes I miss my Son so much but he needs to be where he is - he can’t deal with memories when he,s here. Not in a poor me way but there are so many triggers.
HVDY-I won’t see my Son until after Xmas but we FaceTime quite frequently. Does Jaffa lay on his back like ours do? They have no shame just lie there with legs akimbo and front legs in a sort of begging position.
Your poor brother his leg must get so uncomfortable. Yesterday at the Mall we saw younger people both male and female with prosthetics such as hard thing to deal with.
That meal at day centre was perfect for this weather. Must be nice to sit and eat together - a good way to meet people.
Wyllow- walking is great therapy isn’t it but not so easy when it’s so hot. I expect you have lovely air con in the Gym. Yoga helps with stress too I believe.
It’s good your DGS is enjoying running with his Dad. My boys used to run with theirs.Any sport or exercise the children enjoy is so good for them,
Hope you had a good snooze and were raring to when you woke up.

Love to all- I,m now going to liberate 2 Magnums who,ve been trapped in the freezer.xxxxx

Evening all.
Lovely trip today to Windsor and back by boat, sunny but cool breeze perfect weather. Windsor was busy but we had a nice lunch and potter about before catching the boat back. Didn’t get in till gone 7. Sorry I’m too tired to post much tonight other than to say Sweetpeasue I’m so sorry you’re with such an awful surgery. Be so much better if you could see a GP rather than phoning 111 but I get your desperation. Don’t hesitate to call if you get concerned.
Take care all.

SweetpeaSue I hope you'll manage to get a GP appointment soon, but as others have already said, ring 111 over the weekend if your husband continues to have that pain. It would be nice if you could manage to get away for a while - you both need a break.

ScaredyCat You are so kind to your friends. I bet the friend today was really grateful to have you there. No, Jaffa doesn't lie like that. One of our previous cats, Stella, used to adopt that position . My brother has had a prosthetic leg for more years than he had his own leg - 43 years (he was 36), and it must be difficult for anyone to deal with. I hope you enjoyed your Magnum. I had a Neapolitan choc ice thing from Asda. It's been cooler here (25) but still felt muggy.

Doodle Perfect weather for a relaxing boat trip.

Going to bed a bit earlier, at 10ish. Son1's birthday tomorrow, so we'll treat him and his girls and SGS for lunch somewhere. Night all x

Thankyou ,Scaredycat * HVDY* and Doodle
Everyone here so kind.

That’s a good meal for hot weather, HVDY. I like quizzes, I just don’t get the opportunity. It gets the brain going. Your poor brother, all those years and when he was young. Its the muggy ness that rises I think not just the temperature.

I am glad you got to see your friend, Sweetpeasue - it’s so important to carry on as many ordinary activities as possible. Yes, please do ring 111 if it gets extreme. Have it up your sleeve. They have helped me in the past.

As regards the holiday…. Firstly, can you cancel it money back? Secondly, if you can, give it a few more days. I just remember that in the past you’ve got very nervous then enjoyed it, but OTOH I know you came back once. DH is right of course - do it while you can, and in the past it has relaxed you both the calm and the view just sitting and having things done for you. Enjoy cuddling fluff ball as much as you can. xxx

I really feel for you *Scaredycat *down south as it’s so very hot for you. Oh, when you have been ill, how much those simple pleasures do mean! Just being able to feel ordinary for a bit was a big gift to friend but it tired you out.

As regards your son - would it work to meet up in a holiday situation, or is it the UK?
There are some triggers one cannot overcome - and it’s so sad for you. Ginormas hugs.
Two magnums!!! 😳 both for you…..?

How nice to get a boat there and back, Doodle A breeze and the river. But tiring. You seem to really like Windsor, it sounds a good pottering around place. I hope you get a decent sleep in the heat.

It was about 23 degrees here after a cloudy morning. And a nice breeze. I like the park, it’s both lively in bits and the by the river walk and lots of people watching. I had my new hat on, its got chin ties and shades my face. It’s a bit sort of safari like but softer.

Later I had a short and peaceful Quaker Zoom. Very good for me and away from any issues left over at my own meeting.

Lunch out tomorrow I think, it depends on friend.

Our forecast today is 16 with showers and maybe a thunderstorm. So I would happily swap places.
Doodle I love the sound of your boat trip. Water is so peaceful.
I’m still struggling with the whole situation. No appetite so eating rubbish and I’m not sleeping well.
I’m meeting friends for lunch today and can’t back out because I am driving.
A couple of trips to hospital this week. One for blood test and another to get prescriptions as it wasn’t ready the day we were there. It’s only a 40 minute round trip but involves several scary roundabouts and is always busy. Then there’s the hospital parking !
I’m still full of dread about dd and cats but trying not to think about it.
In bed on I pad and drinking tea but I need to get up and get on with the day.
Sweet pea sue I hope dh has a better day.

Wyllow3 I do online quizzes sometimes. My general knowledge isn't good, and there are gaps in my memory (since the stroke). I like logical puzzles, such as on The 1% Club. I'm fairly good at those. Yes, the muggy weather is draining. It's better today and due to be 22 degrees, which is bearable. Hope you get out for lunch with your friend.

EllieAnne I hope you'll be able to relax a bit and enjoy a nice lunch. I don't envy you having to go all that way to feed the cats (I wouldn't do it, myself). I'll be feeding the 2 cats at Son1's tomorrow and for a few days, but that's only 2 miles away (and they see to Jaffa for us). I don't think you ever put your own needs first, but perhaps you should.

Up at 6, done a few bits and pieces and watched a medical programme. Out later for lunch. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Have a lovely lunch, HVDY. It is truly nice your rellies live near to you.

I'm nervous as this is a new friend and it's different from the odd coffee at the gym.

Dear, dear, EllieAnne. Your life is so hard and complex at the moment I'm not surprised you just sort of froze up. Do go ahead with the lunch, if you can xx

Look, this is just my personal opinion, but I think you need to tell DD that because you are having to take Dh to hospital and so on

"I wanted so much to help, but I can truly not look after your cats as we arranged before, a lot has changed, I'm having to take your Dad to the hospital a lot and its unpredictable"
She will have to adjust, it's what happens when our parents get older. Don't please assume it will "turn her against you"

xx

Wyllow3 We're extremely lucky to have family close by. Our sons have always been homebodies, and we've always had a close connection with them. Why did you feel nervous about your new friend? Did you go out for lunch?

DH and I met Son1, his girls, and stepson for a lovely lunch at a pub that serves home-cooked meals. I had Caribbean chicken with rice and veg. We gave him a giftcard for Matalan so that he can get some clothes (he never spends money on himself), and a few gluten-free snacks. Afterwards, we went to a country park for a walk. GD2 is 11 and went on the zipwire thing and the climbing frame. I got the kids an ice cream, then we went our separate ways. Nice, easy day. Hope everyone is ok. It's too warm here. x

It went fine. Believe it or not, I haven't gone out for a meal with anyone for a very long time indeed and this friend is new. (I don't count McD with family when I was there)..just some cafes.

So a comfy quiet sort of low level gastro style pub. Cool..Very simple, cod loin pan fried beautifully fresh and cooked, sampire, new pots, crisp veg - tum wanted simple. FriendT had "Seitan Burger"(?)
"tandoori glaze, coconut raita, gem lettuce, gherkin, tomato, rosemary potato bun, rosemary fries" but it looked like green lumps". 😬 But if it's quiet at lunchtime (it never is in the evening, it has lovely south facing gardens with room for kids to run around) it's a place to go again.

Nice idea, the Matalan gift, HVDY now I hope he does get stuff for himself. Good easy relaxed day there.

How are other BD's? Wilting down south?

(I managed to twist my thigh yesterday climbing the stairs hurts but an easy walk eased it so thats the way ahead. Also my lovely cleaner came today with good advice for me I trust her, as well as a lovely clean house.)

I nearly fell out with one of my best friends today. ,she started on at me not to go to dd because I’m too tired etc and just say I can’t go.
This is dds only break from a very demanding job and she’s not been away since last year. And her cats are her family so she won’t put them in a cattery. Then she starts going on to the friend we were meeting that I’m not well enough and not eating properly.
This friend does everything for her dd financially. They live next door to each other and live in each other’s pockets which I would never do even if family lived close.
But it’s not ok for me to help mine out even though it’s not ideal at the moment with dh health issues.
I’m torn enough inside with worry about the drive etc.
I’m so tired of it all.

Of course you are worn out with the clash of needs in your family. You need to meet DH's needs, and want so very much to meet DD's. You feel torn and no easy answer.

People sometimes give well meant advice according to their own situations. (As I did, because it's a Hobson's choice I would feel I had no choice to resolve but the way I suggested).

She saw you tired and wondered if you were taking care of yourself?

Maybe the friend hit the wrong note for you, making it sound all so easy . When it is not.

Although you would never want to live in each other's pockets, well I would feel a pang about how close they live to each other, I admit, when she dished out the advice you didn't want to hear. xx

Wyllow yes I do wish my family were closer but she has no experience of dealing with a dd with mental health problems so doesn’t understand that you will do anything to help. I’ve got so much going on in my life I will probably have a break till in a better place. Xx

HVDY many happy returns to your son. Sounds like you all had an enjoyable day out.
Wyllow Windsor is my nearest biggish town. Not huge and lots of the shops are souvenir shops as you can imagine but there’s plenty of places to eat and things to look at. It’s about 30 plus minutes away by bus straight into the town centre.
Ellie Anne I’m sorry your friend was a bit insensitive. She probably thought she was helping you by saying you were too tired to go. Of course what you do is entirely up to you but some people have an opinion about everything. Hope things are ok between you now.
Sweetpeasue hope your Dh has been better today. It’s been cooler here which helps I think.

Scaredycat it’s good of you to take your friend to the hospital. Can be quite tiring.
I understand about memories and triggers but it must be hard for you having your son so far away,
Well done for rescuing the Magnums. Will you need to rescue two more tonight.🤣🤣

Doodle it's good to have little wanders in places with historical things to see and shops to peek in and I expect many cafes.
Perhaps Scaredycat has run out of magnums 😳.

EllieAnne. You are right, your daughter has special needs x. I hope you find your way through x.

Yes, pleasantly cooler, in fact, "just right".

Thinking of those missing today, see you when you pop in.

Wyllow3 Glad your meal out with your new friend was so enjoyable. Her choice sounds very unusual. Not heard of that before. I envy you having a cleaner. I sit here and look at the state of the skirting boards..... and must make an effort to do them.

EllieAnne You're trying to do the best thing for your daughter as well as help your husband. Your friend probably - like me - worries that you're not taking care of yourself. It isn't meant as a criticism, but concern. My family live close by, but I certainly wouldn't like to be next door to them.

Doodle Thanks. He's 45, which seems mad when I think of it. Never been to Windsor, but it sounds great - lots of interesting shops and plenty of places to go for food.

Up at 6 and unable to get back off to sleep. Might visit my brother today. It should be pleasantly warm today. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day. x

Here it's going to be a pleasant 20 or 21 degrees.

Just right. If you visit your brother, I hope the cooler weather helps him a bit.

I don't know what I'll do today, but The Leg with the new muscle pull probably needs the gym for some specific stuff.

I hope it's less stifling for BD's down south.

I couldn't have done without a cleaner in the depression, and tbh, as she and I are close emotionally, we still both welcome that side. Mutual support.
It actually struck me yesterday that the meal and coffees cost more than 2 hours of cleaner.
So I label it 'treat' to ward off any left over guilt, "I should do it myself's".

I think the other aspect, (that concerned my mum and made it impossible to get a cleaner for her when needed) is that I trust N to go sorting personal stuff and looking in drawers etc if needful.
When we found mum a cleaner, she followed her round anxiously all the time and made it impossible!

Hi all
Yesterday was still boiling . DD came over for the morning whileDH and SiL were playing Golf. Lovely to have a long catch up. When she had gone I then went food shopping and wore myself out. We usually go together but thought DH would be worn out after Golf. It was only goodies as Had a delivery in the morning. I,m still not very good at knowing when to stop so was done in😩
Doodle- Boat trips are so relaxing aren’t they. Especially when you end up somewhere as nice as Windsor.I went there many years ago and liked it very much.
We do what we can for our friend and yes it is tiring - our roads are so busy here. But it was so worth it to see her enjoy her trip out.
The freezer rescue work continues - maybe lollies tonight.
HVDY- I love that your boys are homebodies- it’s wonderful they are so close .i,m happy for you. I hope your son enjoys getting some snazzy stuff with his voucher. He sounds very kind and unselfish. What a lovely Birthday outing. I wish I was younger and could do,a zip wire!!
Perhaps your DB will be a bit more comfortable today. Apparently it’s going to be hot again here.🥵
I too would like a cleaner . My DH does help me very much but I know what you mean about skirting boards and don’t mention furry fluffs every where!!
EllieAnne- when trips involve bits that make you nervous the anticipation is often worse than the doing. Hospital parking is there to try us I think!!
I understand your wanting to help your DD as much as you can because of her health but your health matters too. Of course you must do what is best for you but it’s a lot for you to take on as DH is as he is. Your needs are important too.
SweetPeaSue- I do hope DH is not in pain this weekend but please don’t hesitate to get help if he is.
Keep the holiday booking for a while - it would do you both good .
Hope Fluffball is seeing after you both.
Wyllow- my DS visits in the Winter when he has a work break.
A week is long enough for him.- we all love to see him and DD and he are very close. It is sad but he is happy with his wife and dogs- he,s lovely.
So pleased you enjoyed your lunch with your new friend.
It should help your confidence to venture out to new places.
Be gentle with your leg at the Gym.
Your cleaner is so much more than that isn’t she.She is to be treasured - what a lovely lady.
Nadateturbe- thinking of you.
PurplePixie- how are you?

Love to all mentioned or just reading

Oh, it's so frustrating having to "stop in time" Scaredycat. Lovely long chat with DD, there. Yes you need a cleaner N in your life! Because, and this is the heart of it for me, it releases time/energy to do anything else but cleaning. Never mind her tidying skills. And as I live alone, feeling "looked after" that little bit.

Knowing your son is happy there is at the heart of it all, isn't it?
Or happy enough.

I've been to the gym and did a longish but take it easy session. I've cracked the "know what to do" with new leg problem thingy wotsit with yoga so thats good.

Siesta needed. Sleepy.

Quick pop in . Sleeping badly - only 3/4 hrs last couple of nights and unable to sleep in daytime too. Mind so overactive and trying not to think worst.
Really sorry for those having a bad time still . * EllieAnne* nice words there from Scaredycat.
Sending love to all. Xx

Evening all
Been to the hospice for lunch today. Really nice sitting by an open door and nice breeze.
Wyllow I got my cleaner when I broke my wrist. She just comes once a month and in between I do bits and pieces. I don’t make much mess. I get too exhausted to do all my cleaning in one day like I used to. Since Dh died I’ve lost interest in cleaning. It’s not the same when you’re doing it for yourself it was different when it was our home.
Hope your leg problem eases soon.
Scaredycat still very hot here. Nice you got some quiet time to chat with your DD. I certainly think you need a cleaner. It’s not easy keeping up with things as you get older, I can’t do what I used to,
HVDY both our sons are over 50. I find it hard to believe at times. Did you visit your brother?
Sweetpeasue I know what that overactive mind is like. It doesn’t give you any rest. Worries going round and round. I know you’re concerned about your Dh. Hope tonight is a better night and you have a peaceful weekend.
Ellie Ann you are brave to do a trip you worry about so much. I don’t like driving and hate motorways.

I’ve been concerned about you Sweetpeasue. I really understand why it’s so hard, one thing after another. Just…take best care you can, yes you must be exhausted.xx

You’ve got something there about doing it for yourself, Doodle. Also - if we did the housework too, then we’d be stuck indoors when wanting to get out, see people. One can have a different attitude about homemaking. Once a month is probably fine for a flat. But I am messy, also, she actually helps out with the gardening now.

I can picture you sitting in the breeze with your recollections. As for age of sons, how on earth did it happen we ask?! I can recall being 50, after all.