Gransnet forums

Health

Black Dog 30

(477 Posts)
Scaredycat Wed 08-Jul-26 15:53:35

Welcome. This thread is in support of those who wish to share their mental health problems as they affect their daily lives,share aspects of our lives supportively and give and take support. And is a continuation of Black Dog 29.
It’s been going for some time, so this is a jump in at the deep end.
All are welcome- don’t be put off by some of us being here long term - people come and go

Sweetpeasue Mon 03-Aug-26 23:18:07

Doodle Im so tired. Just crept downstairs to let DH sleep Thankyou for that hug. I know you understand so well about health worries.
Glad you had those beautiful dogs to look after you. Tbh , and I whisper this--
I think some cats can look at you a bit spooky.
HVDY We had chicken and salad too. I cooked chicken crown in air-fryer ( over cooked and tasted like rubber!). DH overturned our own bucket of potatoes - not enough so had to trip out to Aldis for some tiny new pots. Boiled altogether and our own turned to sludge! Fished out the Aldi ones to serve ( all 6 of them) and they were raw inside!
Yes, DH keeps everything in huge folders in wardrobe. Its a nightmare. ( think hes on autistic spectrum actually).

Can't sleep. Come downstairs and had another alcoholic drink. I wish I could just zonk out and have some peace.
I know many of you will understand those times, which is why I can say it.
Tomorrow is another day ( as Scarlett said in Gone With the Wind).

Sweetpeasue Mon 03-Aug-26 23:23:39

Wylliw Hope the early MH support call went well. Also that you continue to get that support as long as you need it. X

Wyllow3 Mon 03-Aug-26 23:50:19

Yes I adore iced coffee HVDY. I have coconut latte. I’m glad you have a radar key for emergencies. TMI I can squat easily….I don’t think I will watch “filthy House”, however I have decluttered to move so many times and its a wee house….well done on the clothes there tho. That was a good day there getting things done.

Rain! Well, we were supposed to be having it for 2 days this week and it’s gone!!! 2 hours in the night is all! It was too hot. In fact, it’s going to be hot as the day wears on instead. Grrrrrrrrrr. I was so looking forward to to it for the garden..and me

I shall look him up, nadateturbe. He sounds great. In the day I listen to a guided meditation which helps me relax and sometimes doze. Aw….its maybe a matter of finding the right cleaner? It is such a relief to know things are taken care of and above all releases what tiny energy you have to do what you possibly can. Do you feel they might meddle or things are sort of..too personal?

I love Leonard Cohen. “Healing” is wonderful, and “Anthem” which has once of the best lines ever….

*Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in*
Here is “healing” for everyone
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUB1O2cT2gM&list=RDMUB1O2cT2gM&start_radio=1
You are right. 17 degrees is nice. Pop a cardi on weather and not too hot to sleep.

I bet your children smile at the advice 😉

That is a wretched day, Sweetpeasue - crawling through the paper work when it was on the mobile. I think A Would Have Had a Word or Two on that. Shut down, distract gently, spot on.

Doodle, that is dreadful! Your church broken into - I hope there wasn’t a lot of damage or items missing. Oh how can some people 😡. Glad they will resume on Wednesday, but still… how did you find out - get there and be sent home? I find I stay up late when its the cool of the late evening but I don
I don’t really want to wake up too early either so we seem to be night owls.

Goodness me. Please don’t get eaten! This would never do, lack of Doodle.

Today has been altogether strange.

I got to the Park to meet my CPN at 10am for stroll and chat: then was going to gym necessary exercises. (I have to do Kegel ones as well)

A no show. Get on the phone.
No, no appointments this week, it’s next week.
No no I say I would not have booked next week I am coming back from family and it was a phone call when I was at my calendar. And the lady I spoke to had actually arranged for the appointment by coincidence! Tell my psychologist pease I said - it worked, plus of course an error made. 1pm

I have to acknowledge however that with the MH system in the state it is, I am incredibly fortunate in the little corner I find myself in. Its rare. And yes nadateturbe things are easing post the assault and all the wretched ho ha. And reflecting, why did I let them get away with not dealing with it for so long, why was I not more assertive, why did I let D deny it had happened and not shop her to Safeguarding blah blah, but one is afraid of being criticised yet they had denied my very integrity. For months. A faith group that should have known better.

I had to drop by the garage as a warning had come up, on the motorway on Friday, more hassles, and just went to sleep after that for 2.5 hours.

But the good bit was I then got going and went to the gym!

Had a nice sauna too and then even better found I am just down to a weight that I’d put on earlier this year. Not a lot: enough. So of course I ate choc at home. 🙄

In tomorrow morning to see how folks are getting on x

nadateturbe Tue 04-Aug-26 04:49:50

Oh you poor thing Sweetpeasue. I hope you got to sleep again.xx

Sweetpeasue Tue 04-Aug-26 08:47:17

Nadateturbe Thankyou ,I did eventually. Sorry you too were up in early hours. Not good for your illness.

Just waiting for call back from GP .Stomach churning as have to beg for F2F and DH will answer it and dont want him to get dragged in to saying everything on phone- they try that.
Back later.

Wyllow3 Tue 04-Aug-26 08:58:30

nadateturbe, I have found the meditation you mentioned, and listened to a bit. spot on, calm voice, taking us through the body bit by bit by bit and peace and calm. its good, I have bookmarked it.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=391iDzaNUAU

you might like this one too its similar but of course stick to what works for you.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRlE0HwVcj0&t=10s

Sweetpeasue you in my heart and mind right now. I hope you get what you need today ❤️

I'm rather tired after last night's gym! But glad I got out in the evening which isnt normal for me.

Wyllow3 Tue 04-Aug-26 08:59:47

(I like the way he says, "*I am safe, I am safe* it makes one feel secure, nadateturbe.)

HowVeryDareYou2 Tue 04-Aug-26 11:05:37

Doodle What kind of people break into a church angry. Was there much/any damage done? I like dogs but am wary of them. The dogs who were guarding/looking after you sound gorgeous. Alsatians and Retrievers are both very nice family dogs.

Scaredycat Tue 04-Aug-26 11:14:25

Hi all
Wyllow- yes DD is only 5 minutes walk away- well 10 now as I am turning into a snail - a fast snail but a snail nevertheless!!
Moving has been the norm forever in our family too but doesn’t make distance any easier does it.
The rain has disappeared off our chart too and none forcast for the foreseeable future🥵
Hopefully those niggling thoughts that plague you will fade away- you have much to look forward to not back.
Glad you got out in the evening - it’s so much cooler and quieter then.
HVDY- Radar keys give you that bit of confidence don’t they- toilet planning has been top of my list for so long😩 I got mine off Amazon.
You did a lot of work yesterday- I feel guilty . I had to stop after a while yesterday and DH did the rest. The heat is wiping me out.
We had the same tea as you yesterday - thank goodness for salad.
Maybe your Son1 dog is just feeling fed up with the heat- I do hope no one scared her.
Perhaps we should all do a rain dance- everything is crispy now and it’s flippin hot again today.😩
Doodle- How wicked are some people- I,m so sorry about your Church break in- it’s beyond belief.
Yes we all miss GD2 - she is a dear soul. Thankfully she has a really kind MiL near her so DD knows she has support.
Wow you had 2 Furry Grandogs to see after- what a lovely thing to do. The cat was only doing what cats do and checking you out. Don’t think she could swallow a whole Doodle.
Nadateturbe- so good to see you posting. You bear your illness with such courage and have a very big heart to think so kindly of others.
I,m another one who speaks to my children ( in their early 60s)
With the Are you warm enough - don’t do too much etc etc
Those Radar keys are very handy . I got one last year from Amazon as sometimes urgency is a problem.
SweetPeaSue- Oh dear you are exhausted. In this hot weather cooking is just another stress we can do without isn’t it.
As for the paperwork I sometimes think men are on a different planet!!
Waiting for a phone call from the GP is torture isn’t it. I do hope you are treated kindly when it happens.
Hope Aunt enjoyed her Birthday also your Son. That’s a milestone Birthday for him.
Take care of yourself .
EllieAnne- what a beautiful peaceful scene. You have a good eye . I think the clouds make the picture. It is a lovely hobby to have I,m sure you could make a great photo book with some of your shots.

Went to see my friend yesterday afternoon - not great news from the consultant but hoping that things will improve with some different treatment. I feel so sad for her.

Love to all - mentioned or just reading xx

HowVeryDareYou2 Tue 04-Aug-26 11:16:43

SweetpeaSue Oh dear, your dinner didn't go to plan. Is your husband a bit of a hoarder? DH's sister is - she's kept every one of her bank statements and payslips for 25 years. Cats can give menacing looks - Jaffa bit me last night! He's only got 2 "fangs", so it didn't hurt. I hope someone from your surgery rang you back ok.

Wyllow3 Good job you got the car query sorted out. I bet the gym is fairly empty at night, is it? We haven't had any rain yet either.

I was awake a lot all night - palpitations and coughing. DH went to feed the cats, so I went back to bed - and didn't wake until 10am!! I hate being up so late. Back later x

Sweetpeasue Tue 04-Aug-26 17:18:25

Wyllow Thankyou for keeping me 'in heart and mind' - a lovely thing to say. Your gym is such a great place for you and a real help to keep your body and mind together.
Your words to Nadateturbe from that song 'I am safe, I am safe' helped this morning - was on a knifes edge waiting for GPs call so I kept saying them to myself. Hope today has been OK for you.
Doodle I can only echo the sentiments of everyone here about your church break in - such a despicable act- just cant understand those people. I do hope there wasnt too much mess left to clear up or precious and loved sacred things taken. Hope youve been OK today - its s warm here this afternoon - 20deg - but nothing like where yourself and Scaredycat are.
Scaredycat Yes it was a milestone birthday for son yesterday ( me too in September!) Im like everyone here, still talk to son's like theyre little-' make sure you put suncream on' ect when theyre off on holidays. Though we need it here this summer dont we. I am sorry about your friend having bad news from consultant - shes been through so much. Its would be so good if her new treatment works , I do hope so.
HVDY Jaffa has only 2 fangs . Oh dear ,those menacing looks. The friend I visited a couple of weeks ago was looking after her DDs cat and she just sat in front of me staring without blinking. I was a bit nervous then it came over and rubbed itself against me purring. My friend said she must like you as she's been very shylike and doesnt normally do that. Oh my that was a bad night for you wasnt it. Wonder why you had the coughing but also the palpitations? Are you still checking the BP- hope thats dropped a bit. Nowhere DHs not as bad a hoarder as your friend , goodness - all thise wage slips and bank statements.
EllieAnne Hope youve been OK today. Are you getting warmer weather yet? We could do with some more rain here - had some showers this morning, the first for weeks.

So we actually got a F2F this afternoon. GP is writing to this Vascular dept and making sure theyre aware that DH has had pain ever since the stent op and his past history. She says theyll have his records ( those that were from out of this area when he went to York) though the Rheumatologist didnt when we saw him last. Anyway ,feel better that the Vascular dept will have more info though still anxious that they will be dismissive as they were initially - which caused us to go private. GP said we should be hearing from Vascular soon since the radiogist had said it was urgent.

Hope everyone has been OK today.
Love to all.x

HowVeryDareYou2 Tue 04-Aug-26 19:47:59

ScaredyCat You keep active, that's the main thing. It doesn't matter how long it takes to walk. I really ought to move more than I do - I swept down the stairs today, hoovered all through down here and mopped. That was quite enough. Sorry your friend didn't get very good news from the consultant. I hope a different treatment will be beneficial.

SweetpeaSue Did your son enjoy his birthday? I do sometimes get palpitations (an ECG last December showed that I have ectopic heartbeats, but nobody has treated it, so I'm not worried). I think the coughing was to do with the heat and the dust from hoovering. I used my inhaler, and it helped. I'm pleased you saw a GP in person today. Why don't doctors communicate properly with each other? Hope your husband hears from the hospital specialist soon.

It's too hot and humid for my liking. DH is out with Son1 this evening. Hope all other BDers have been ok today x

Doodle Tue 04-Aug-26 20:07:02

Sweetpeasue then you are anxious about your own or someone else’s health your mind can’t relax from it. Every twinge or pain you wonder what’s going on. Oh yes I know that feeling.Sometimes you just want to stop thinking.
Good you got your face to face and some action is being taken. Hope you don’t have to wait too long for an appointment
Thanks all about your kind thoughts for our church. I will find out the extent of the damage tomorrow. I’m hoping it’s not too bad,
HVDY I had ectopic heart beats too. Before I had my pacemaker. They weren’t the cause of me having a pacemaker though. I was very scared when our son said they were getting a German shepherd puppy. I had visions of being attacked every time we went there. So far from the truth she got big doleful brown eyes and is so gentle.
Sorry you didn’t sleep so well last night. I hate being late in the morning too.
Scaredycat our son’s cat is quite small and looks very sweet. It’s all a con. She’s bitten all the family and sunk her claws into them. They are so good with all the animals. She comes to them for a stroke and then when she’s decided she’s had enough she attacks. They’re all braver than me though. I avoid her.
I’m like you I have a plan of where the nearest toilet is wherever I go.
Wyllow we all received the news about the church by email, I will find out more tomorrow.
Glad you got to the gym and sauna. Hope you did get to see your CPN. I too think you were let down by your Quaker group.

Wyllow3 Tue 04-Aug-26 22:50:11

Being a snail on a hot day is probably wise. But inevitably mature snails look at the young whipper-snapper snails whizzing along. Or daring to jump. I think I notice more around me moving slowly Scaredycat but it must be frustrating.
Yes the rain came..and went. I’m younger than you but have to stop in the heat too. Let DH carry on.

It’s so hard seeing your dear friend struggle. Age brings knowing that people around us can be “better” but not made well xx

Ooo, naughty Jaffa biting you, HVDY what brought that on?
That really wasn’t a good night, tho you did lie-in, and I hope you sleep better tonight. That was a pretty good achievement domestically when you were tired. Thankfully you have the inhaler to hand!

I don’t speak like that with DS. I rather think his wife takes that role. 🤫 H sometimes ventures bits of advice to me. I restrain from being huffy.
I am very glad you got the F2F after the anxious waiting. I’m glad that there will be better joined up information.
If the appointment doesn’t come soon, you can contact this GP - and say, it hasn’t happened.
A huge, well done to you. I know it wont take the anxiety away, but helps a little. You also now can say to 111 “we were told it was urgent and….its a crisis now..”

How old is your son? Mine is 45.

I hope tomorrow brings some reassurance about the church, Doodle. I must admit I don’t really know how a pacemaker works?

My, a gorgeous puppy. The family must adore him. My goodness the cat is a hazard tho, unless you are used to her.

My being let down by my own quaker group is ameliorated at the moment…

(Tho I have fits of sudden anger at the one who “denied” my truth but have to stand down from any expression of it - tho if confronted I would speak of it)

..is ameliorated by my Quaker Zooms. Tonights Tuesday group was/is very tender. We have a woman whose husband died fairly suddenly and recently, and a man with terminal cancer, and most of us come as we are single in one way or another, or wheelchair bound. The kindness and tenderness is heart warming. I feel part of it. MY losses have been different in part: profound depressions are a loss of selfhood of course.

Today was a lovely one. I didn’t have to hurry but walked with a friend in the botanical gardens in a leisurely way as the sun came out, noticing the changes, then I went to the gym and bumped into a very old and dear friend from my fine art degree course and she told me where she hangs out at the weekend. Some sadness there, she has depression but not like mine, and avoided me after a certain point, well it scares some, or they feel too vulnerable, but the warmth was there.

My nose anti-b has nearly cleared my bleharitis up. I had hoped after googling as it was possibly mild MRSA induced after January’s hospital stay. He’s letting me stay on it as it’s topical - unless induced thrush kicks in of course, fingers crossed.

Tomorrow, dear BD’s. Go in the Light.

EllieAnne Wed 05-Aug-26 00:05:00

Thank you Wyllow. I need that light.

Wyllow3 Wed 05-Aug-26 00:49:59

🫶🫶 Ellie Anne

HowVeryDareYou2 Wed 05-Aug-26 09:40:57

Doodle German Shepherds are beautiful dogs, aren't they? I don't mind dogs, but have never wanted to own one. Cats are so much easier. Cats do bite or scratch when they've had enough of being stroked. Most don't like being touched on their belly, as it's apparently sensitive to them. Jaffa's small, for a male. He chased off a much bigger cat the other week.

Wyllow3 I slept much better last night, thanks (and didn't wake for a wee until 4am). Jaffa's eyesight isn't great, so he sometimes bites or scratches when he's afraid - he sees my hand, in the dark, and thinks I might harm him. He's obviously been hurt before we got him. It pleased me to know that you'd had such a lovely day yesterday. The park sounds so nice. Might you see your old friend again? Go to where she likes to go?

Had a better sleep last night, with the fan on. Got up at 8, which was good. DH out for breakfast with friends. Not doing much today but renewed the car insurance (£80 less than the company we've been with for 3 years) Might do a bit of weeding. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Wyllow3 Wed 05-Aug-26 11:31:52

I'm glad you had a better night, HVDY. I can understand now you describe it why Jaffa made the move he did. Poor Jaffa, but you are giving him unconditional love - with some boundaries - and thats what matters.

Insurances - I have everything with the AA, and they are so very good to deal with - UK call centres, not kept waiting, and maybe most importantly for me - if you have a problem with the insurance company, they will take the load off and fight for you. it does cost a bit over the odds, I admit, tho they give price comparisons, as they are not an insurance company but are finding one for you.

I'm just so tired having stayed up far too late again. Silly thing too do as I always pay for it the next day. But today I just have a haircut at 2.30pm and a light gym, dropping round to see a friend after, the last one before packing tomorrow and driving on Friday.

Scaredycat Wed 05-Aug-26 12:09:51

Hi all
HVDY- I think you do loads- I,ve just done a bit in the garden and house while DH cleaned the windows and my car- I,m done!! We have had a hosepipe ban for ages and he got this thing off Amazon that you can fill a bucket then sort of pressure wash with a little squirter and some foam.
I had ectopic beats before I started AF- I could feel it in my pulse and an ECG confirmed it. I so admire how you deal so calmly and logically with any symptoms that crop up. Ads have helped me not panic like I did.
Poor Jaffa-how could anyone hurt him or any cat. My boys love belly rubs and roll over to ask for them. I,ve never had such daft,soppy cats before.
Glad you had a better sleep - it was sooo hot here last night.
SweetPeaSue- yes those words from Wyllows song were beautiful.
Sometimes thinking of our children’s ages seems impossible -
Where did that time go. Now you have a milestone Birthday . My BD is in September too- I shared it with my dear youngest son.
Thank you for your kind words for my friend. Yes fingers crossed for her.
So glad you got your F2F - there should be some urgency this time. They have all the facts.
Doodle- I hope today isn’t too distressing - it’s so sad that your lovely Church was violated as it was.
Your Sons GS sounds a lovely girl- not so much the cat. But all cats are lovely- even the nippy ones.
Is it soon when you and your friend go on holiday? Hopefully the weather will be less extreme when you go- as long as you can get your toes in the sea!!
EllieAnne- sending a hug.
Wyllow- yes I never thought I,d turn into a snail - I used to walk fast and far and loved it. Those whipper snapper snails must enjoy it while they can.
Age does bring a lot of knowing but human nature makes us want miracles sometimes.
What a gentle heart warming Zoom you had yesterday. People with empathy and understanding. Loss of any kind is damaging - it’s how we cope with it that counts.
As you say depression eats away at the person you were.
Glad you had a walk- just comfortable companionship - priceless.
Nadateturbe- may you have some time to enjoy this weekend.

Love to all- new friends and old

Sweetpeasue Wed 05-Aug-26 15:32:22

Doodle I think German Shepherds have a bit of a certain image with police using them a lot. I expect most are lovely, well behaved dogs- its the owners that dont often realise they need exercising and not left home the whole day. Oh yes, Scaredycat reminded me in her post that your holiday may be coming up. Hope its soon and you have so.e nice weather. Im sure theres no one better than your good friend to go with.
HVDY I remember that ECG now . As long as you're not too worried, keep an eye on it though. Glad the inhaler helps you . I didnt realise Jaffa's eyesight was bad too. It was a wonderful day for Jaffa when you found him ( and you too of course) . He came at just the right time after your dear Mr Cooper.
I hate renewing contracts - insurance and the like- really hate it. You'll be pleased thats out of the way and with a cheaper deal too.

Lost some messages so back later.

HowVeryDareYou2 Wed 05-Aug-26 18:25:07

Wyllow3 Jaffa's a lovely cat, and loves to cuddle up next to me at bedtime. I can forgive him for scratching me. He's never been like that with the GC, but LG knows not to touch him when he's sleeping. He's just had freshly-cooked chicken - he sits and waits near the cooker until it's readygrin. Doesn't it feel good to have a fresh haircut? I love the feeling but dislike being at the salon. Glad you're going to see your son and his family. You need a break.

ScaredyCat I decided not to do any weeding, but sorted out a few drawers that had a lot of photographs. They're all sorted out now. I keep birthday/Xmas/Mother's Day cards from my sons; I've got them for the past 10 years. I should bin them, but I don't like to. It was too hot yesterday. Cooler and a breeze today. We haven't got a hosepipe ban here (Severn Trent water). IF we get one, will carwash places have to close?

SweetpeaSue Mr Cooper was my bestest boy. Such a lovely cat. Jaffa is a nice cat, too (and I tell him so every night). I deal with all insurance, tax, anything like that, including booking trips and holidays. How have you and your husband been today? Still got Fluffball?

Sweetpeasue Wed 05-Aug-26 18:26:44

Wyllow Thankyou - yes I feel better now the Vascular dept will be getting the full facts about DHs chest pain.
So glad the Quaker zooms are going so well and it does sound like a lovely group of people. You need to feel safe and part of the group after such a bad experience with the other one. I hope though you can still go to both too and feel comfortable.
Make sure you get lots of rest too , inbetween all the packing and prep for Friday . I so wish you a lovely time with your family. Glad the antibiotics have been working- having eye problems like that must be miserable.

Sweetpeasue Wed 05-Aug-26 18:43:40

Scaredycat Think Ive heard of that squirter- wash thing. Is it really good? DH was thinking of getting one a while ago. Men love all these gadgets dont they. Ah so are you a Virgo like me? Oh thats so poignant to share your birthday with your youngest son. How dear to you and special that makes your birthday- though Im sure your son is never far from your mind all the year too. You have had so much sadness in your life and you always sound such an optimistic and fun person. Very young at heart.
Nadateturbe Thinking of you too as always.
EllieAnne Plus a hug from me too along with Scaredycat's. Hope some of your friends have been more helpful than they seemed.

Quite a non day today. Out for a coffee .Changed bed and did a little wash. DH dyed my hair with a new hair- dye and it didnt cover all the white ( saw in small print it said * up to 100% coverage) grr.

Love to all .x

Sweetpeasue Wed 05-Aug-26 18:48:43

HVDY I know Mr Cooper was sooo v special to you. 😊
DH has been the same . Both of us quite lethargic with the ongoing set backs and takes us a while to 'get going' on a morning. Will have F back tomorrow and Friday.
Been so windy here today.

Doodle Wed 05-Aug-26 19:44:54

Scaredycat your comment about hoping I can dip my toes in the sea made me laugh. We’re going on a cruise, if I can dip my toes in the sea it means we’re sinking 🤣
Church is ok, one stained glass window broken but it was a smaller one. Mostly just senseless destruction. Cupboards and drawers ransacked. Doors and locks smashed. Fortunately they concentrated on the offices rather than the church itself so although a lot to clear up nothing of value was taken or destroyed.
Sharing your birthday with your youngest son must make it a bitter sweet memory. 💕
Wyllow your Quaker zooms sound lovely. More what one would expect, listening and support for others,
Glad your bleharitis is better that must be a relief.
HVdY glad you slept better. I have the fan on at night too hot otherwise. I remember Mr Cooper and how sad you were to lose him. Lovely you’ve got Jaffa now.
Sweetpeasue DGss German shepherd is so gentle but she has been right from when she was a puppy. Very protective of the family but not in an aggressive way she just likes to herd them all together so she can keep an eye on them.
Have you ever thought of leaving your hair go white? It’s very popular these days, is it only white in places?