Black Dog 30

I go into N and P forum Sweetpeasue, because discussion can cut the fears down to size express frustration and find hope - it depends if it works for one or simply on interest. I go on limericks too now and then but not very good at word games….and often living with and caring for a DH comes up in other threads.
Do you think that the heat brought on that nasty attack today ?

(It makes me realise I haven’t had to face that challenge - yet - although DGD is always a cause for concern)

I’m all for lazing around and you are right it is too hot for much. I dropped off to sleep whilst “just lying down” earlier, and had only done a shop and a Costa.
Yes! I did my sheets today and they were dry in 6 hours, and tomorrow it will be towels.

In this weather which feels sort of holiday-ish for me, I recall the lovely times I had with Ex with great pangs it never could work out, before he became so clearly coercive and MH ill beyond coping as he would not, in a second episode, take his meds at all and denied he was ill and I could not cope with someone I’d loved so much being so destructive to me - …
we had some amazing holidays and cycles and walks before he got destructive. Everything always my fault - put downs - withdrawal of love as punitive spending all our money crazily - the usual stuff in gaslighting.

EllieAnne The Cohen song was “come healing”. And it was a live performance of Cohen on U tube.

Do you have 5G on your mobile - because if you plug in earphones you can listen to anything you want on U tube. (Or bluetooth, ie ear buds and an enabled mobile, but thats more techie. You could listen whilst you cooked or did house work? Or when having a coffee? You are right about the hot weather putting one off eating - one really is less inclined, and it seems like you do need to watch out for that.

I’m glad you are being cooked for tonight!

Maybe DD’s commitment to Ukraine and Ukrainians is needful for her. Her channel for caring and passion when she cant easily do it with N and D. I know quite a lot of people politically like that: you feel part of humanity but it’s your outlet. My cousin is like that.

HVDY that sort of betrayal - I do find it hard to understand how a marriage or partnership can ever recover. My goodness, the three doors away thing! Yet we can never know what was happening really in another’s marriage and the “why’s”.
In my early 20’s I had a partner and betrayed him in that way. We were living together in a shared house situation. It was the 70’s, a very fluid time. I was fond of him but didn’t really love him - he had ideas about permanence that I had absolutely no idea were in his head. We had got together and it was stabilising and supportive mutually but in my heart just not a lifetime partner, that came later.

I can feel your intense love and caring for animals - it comes from every bit of your being.

Scaredycat have a good last day. Back soon for the furry welcomes, and well done for making this trip when you haven’t been as well as in previous times.

Doodle I hope you get a decent sleep tonight. I sleep better than most in this weather given what I read from others, but it gives me dreams.

Still thinking of you PurplePixie and as ever nadateturbe

Oh Scaredycat Ive 'boobed' again.
I meant - humerous not numerous!

Scaredycat Im so pleased youve had such a lovely time. You always make the most of every day and deserve the rewards from your efforts. You are quite an inspiration to us after all youve been through and your posts are so positive and often numerous. Look after yourself and safe journey home.
HVDY Its not at all stupid to care for all animals as you do. Ive learnt many animals in war torn countries need help and it beggars belief how humans can be cruel to defenceless creatures.
I did some washing -bedsheets n pillowcases- at least they all dry on the line ! Oh I couldn't join your DH in such a hot meal today!
EllieAnne How very kind of your DD to be involved with such a cause. I hope it wont disturb her too much as I know her MH is poor. Sometimes it helps a little to know we can do something ,though you are quite right about it easily taking over. Learning the language must take a lot of time and effort too. I dont know what will become of the Ukrainian people - theres so much heartbreak. What a wonderful idea for Christmas gifting- we all have as much as is reasonably needed as we get older. You have brought up your girl to be such a thoughtful person.
Doodle The heat can easily bring on headaches . Bad enough here today but certainly nowhere near what you are having to contend with there. Heat rises so living anywhere above someone make it ten times worse too. Sleeping is so difficult .You're right it does help to pray for others - I just wish I could be certain of being heard.
While at kitchen sink after tea when we were washing up. DH had a strong chest stabbing pain plus the tightness thats angina. He took spray and it got rid of tightness though left a dull pain where he gets stabbing. Still has awful pain above right hip. Try to sort it when Xray result comes through.
Wishing yourself and all here a decent nights sleep.
Night all.x

Evening all. Sorry it will be a short post from me too. I don’t feel very well. Headache and odd. I’m sure it’s the heat and lack of sleep last night,
Sweetpeasue of course you’re worried about your Dh. His health issues have been going on for so long. It’s sad when the health issues affect your quality of life.
I pray every day for all sorts of people. So many need help. The ill, the lonely, the hungry, those in war zones. It does bring you down if you look at the news.
Ellie Anne can’t you get a CD player for your bedroom so you can enjoy it in your own time?
Will catch up properly tomorrow hopefully after a good nights sleep.

Hi all
Sorry this will be a little post. It’s been very hot today and I,m extremely tired- lovely day but done in.
Just wanted to say after catching up on your posts that you really are such kind sensitive people and deal with whatever life throws at you with grace and courage.
It’s our last day tomorrow - it has gone so quickly but so grateful to have been able to do it.
Hope you all sleep as well as possible despite the heat.
Love to allxxxx

More likely to have a glass of wine!!
Sweet pea sue my dd has friends in Ukraine and Ukrainians here and gets very intense about it. She’s learning the language.
She’s always been like this if she gets involved in anything she gets a bit obsessive which I worry doesn’t help her mental health. But I can’t read too much about it it’s too upsetting and I feel helpless. For Christmas she asked for donations to a Ukrainian charity so I did that.

Wyllow3 Son1's ex was devastated when he left her (they lived 3 doors away from us, so it was especially difficult). She'd cheated on him. He then got with their next-door neighbour - then went on to have GDs 1 and 2 with her (a different type of person altogether). DH and I went to the ex's wedding, and I used to visit regularly (she now lives 22 miles away). Hope you got your shopping ok. It's the only thing I like about shopping - the aircon. I think you're right to keep contact with D to the bare essentials.

SweetpeaSue Of course you aren't alone in your worries. This may sound stupid, but I worry about animals - all animals - in wars, factory farms, strays, and cruelty cases, etc. That's why I feed any that come to our garden - foxes, hedgehogs, birds and the odd cat who looks unwell (as Jaffa once was). This weather is too much for me - like you, I've been lounging around and not doing much.

EllieAnne Weeding and vacuuming is hard work. You've been busy. You aren't eating much at all. Will you have dinner tonight?

It's been a long, boiling-hot day. Did some washing, cleaned the kitchen. That's all. 34 degrees here, apparently going to be the same tomorrow. DH is just cooking meatballs with mash and veg . x

EllieAnne Glad you're getting some warmer weather at last and nice enough to get in a walk. Hope you dont catch your DHs cold . Its good to drink plenty in the warm weather. I dont think the empty calorie , non nutritious food days can harm if its just a one off. Hope the headache soon clears.

Wyllow I love the music of Leonard Cohen. I used to listen to it when I had a cd player in the car but I cant really listen to it in the house. The only cd player is in the room with his computer.
It’s been warm here again today. 2 days in a row!
Dh had another blood test today but has a bad cold. Think he must have picked it up at the surgery as he hasn’t been anywhere else.
I’ve managed to go for a walk then stopped at the cafe for tea and a scone and read my book.
Did some weeding this afternoon and hoovered my car.
I’ve got a headache now but realised I have not eaten much today. A scone a jam donut which was in the freezer and wasn’t very good and a satsuma. But I have been drinking ok.
Wyllow I can’t see the video you posted

HVDY Thankyou for your kindness. It somehow helps to know that Im not alone in the worry about world' s problems and that concern about the path some nation leaders are taking us.
I know we wont be alone with health problems- just hate to see DH struggling every day. Can't see an xray on his hip will be much use but need to wait for results before I can do anything.
What a lovely lunch that was!
Wyllow Thankyou for that Leonard Cohen link. Such comforting words.
Also wise words about our nearest and dearest .
You have got Q D sussed now and need to protect yourself from being dragged into anything else that takes you back. Youve done amazingly well .

Been out this morning for shopping but done a lot of lazing around reading a bit. Too hot for much.
Take care everyone.

Wise post there, HVDY.

Sweetpeasue here's one for you, with love...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUB1O2cT2gM&list=RDMUB1O2cT2gM&start_radio=1

there are matters out of our control. I'm very political and historical knowledge - maybe that makes it easier to cope with events as the sort of winds of change do come and go over time, and I have people to talk it over with,

But atm yes I do limit what I watch and thats the way to go. Believe that love of our nearest and dearest matters every bit as much to humanity.

I wouldn't want to go to a farm in this heat, HVDY. Its lovely that you have not lost bits of family but gained as regards your lunch yesterday, credit to you.

Spot on re D. since she is in hospital sent a how are you (medically) but sticking to that sort of conversation.

I stayed up far too late last night singing along to u tube favourites so very tired, and no probably not the park. Earlier, I did one fifth of my long (expensive) resin path as, as long as it's weed free, the rest of the garden looks acceptable! I use dabs of Weedol which I dont' like chemicals wise but...

Got the big shop, but Sainsbugs is air com.

ScaredyCat LG is such a happy, easy child. She didn't want to go in the sandpit at the park - perhaps because there's no shelter from the sun there - and she fell asleep in the car coming home, and continued to sleep for another hour. You really do make the most of your days, which I think is great. I ought to do that (but I'm too lazy and like lounging about).Son2 believes in filling his days off work with things to do - he and his mate have gone away for a couple of days to visit museums and an air show.

EllieAnne Glad you had a bit of sunshine yesterday. It's been really humid and too hot here.

Wyllow3 It sounds as though D wants to be your friend, but you don't need her friendship, and I think you're right in wanting to stop communicating with her. The Mr A situation has taken up so much of your time. Will you go to the park today, or will it be too hot?

Doodle What a shame your art class is finished for a while. Will you keep in touch with some of the people who go?

SweetpeaSue You and your husband have been through such a lot of medical troubles, and you fought so hard to get him seen by doctors. I hope he gets a diagnosis for his aches and pains soon. As for Ukraine, it's all so awful, but those things are beyond our control. Like you, I despair of all the bad and sad things that are happening all over the world. It worries me that the grandchildren are growing up in a world like this. I keep telling myself that there are so many good things in life, and to limit watching mainstream media. I never watch the news on TV, but read it online.

DH and I saw Son1's ex yesterday, with her husband and son. Her parents live next door, so we saw them as well. We had a delicious lunch - homemade sausage rolls, quiche and pizza, with salad and pasta. She's always made us very welcome.

No day centre today - some of them are going on a trip to a farm (I've been there a few times with LG). Hope ALL BDers have a relaxing day x

Im feeling very low indeed. Dont think Im coming over as myself.
Im so worried about DHs pain all over his body. I know others are much worse, though Im also concerned about our own lives being so affected. My DH is only 71. I feel Drs aren't doing as much , as we're older, though not very old.
Just so fed up of this world we're in.
So upset about Ukraine. I get regular reports about the Ukrainian people and its so disgusting how they are living with no help from America.
Sorry, not helping others on this thread I know.

34 is really hot, Doodle. No wonder you are wilting. there is no easy answer for you as your flat sounds a bit of a heat trap. Even the hospice doesn't sound very cool. I would miss the art group so much. ]

I always hated that things stopped over the summer. Sometimes if it's a group that has some members who want to meet together they can meet up in someone's home, but the trouble with an art group is space and table space.

*Sweetpeasue the more I interact with D the more I realise how all over the place she is emotionally. She wants to sort of justify what she did because she is unhappy I "outed" her and frankly still has sympathies for "poor MrA. We can get on in other ways and it's clear I have to set boundaries and thats it, but not only that, I have realised that other Q's are not happy with what she did - but took time to reach that conclusion and didnt want to rock any boats until I forced the issue.
I dont think I have in y life ever managed such a challenge - and won out in the end as I persisted.

I've run away from a couple of situations with this level of challenge - left a well paid job as it was a knives in the back situation, lies spread - this time, at 75, I didnt.
Live and learn.

I hope BD's sleep as well as you all might. xx

Wyllow Yes, it was stifling in the car going to book group- takes a while for air- con to kick in. Sorry, must have got it wrong about Quaker D . I thought she was trying to make amends . Seems she may just wanting yo go over and over stuff and you dont need that.
Doodle Our book group ended today for the summer hols too. I hope you can find something to do instead - some other meet ip with friends perhaps. My book group friend that I met last week suggested we meet up again week after next. Thats the end of that boring book now thank goodness.It will be going straight to a charity shop. Hope you manage to sleep tonight . Maybe with the ice sheet?

Sorry the remarks about your eyes and Mr A we’re for you Wyllow somehow your name went missing.

Thanks Scaredycat for starting us off again. So relieved someone was on the ball. Thank you for being brave.
Your day sounds nice but rather hot. Yes a walk near water would probably have been better. Another scorcher here again today. I’m wilting. We went to the hospice for lunch which was cooler but still overpowering. I’m so drained.
Yes the party was lovely and cool in the shade.

Your eyes sound so painful. Hope you get some relief soon.
I’m glad you are trying to out and end to D’s conversations. You need to be able to converse with other Quakers about something else now. This Mr A business has taken over your life. If only they’d sorted it out properly at the beginning.
HvDY yes we’ve been 34 today I think. Blinds shut but still so hot. I’ve got an ice pack on my feet and two fans on but I’m still hot. Did you have a nice lunch? Hope you found somewhere with air con.
Ellie Anne sitting in the garden reading sounds very pleasant without the heat we’ve got here. Trouble with comfort eating is that the weight piles on. Bullying at school makes things worse. Could you take your DGD shopping and buy her some healthy snacks that she could eat instead of the junk food?
Sweetpeasue yes still baking here. I’ve got an ice sheet for my feet which helps. Sorry you felt so bad yesterday. Hope today was better how did book club go? Are you still reading the book you didn’t like?
It’s art tomorrow. Our last one of the term. I will miss it and the company over the summer holiday.

Oh thank you Scaredycat.
Now be good and back to the lovely beaches and paddle, because I suspect all of us would find it far too hot. May be evening drives for "the sights".

It's the secret eating that so hard to stop EllieAnne and of course if she gets bigger she will hideaway more. She could do with some help really but I don't know whats available. Its meeting some emotional emptiness thingy but all are so different? Can you have a google of where she lives and see if there is anything going? a nice peer support group?
The temperature where you are is a bit desirable:

I did go to the gym but much watering is needed with no energy I overdid it.

BUT - told Quaker D no more talking or WhatsApping it over after she suggested an hours meet up (shudder) this morning and suggested she take "stuff" to a mutual friend she utterly trusts and will put her as right as possible. And will stick to it HAD ENOUGH. And she reacted well by next WhatsApp total change subject (I'm OK about her sending loads of stuff as fair do's she is having check ups in hospital nothing serious but her imaginings we can be besties round her place - well, planet Zog time!

Aw Sweetpeasue I'm amazed in this heat you got to the book group at all...the heat takes its toll. Makes me frustrated as at 40 would have been bouncing around but there we go - any vulnerability the heat will just make it stronger. Lying around is necessary?

HVDY at the end of thread 29 you mentioned you were going for lunch with previous DiL and family - I hope its gone well and natters were good.

(No, anti b's are out. Blepharitis is nether an infection nor viral)

We have sun today but it’s not too hot. I sat out reading all afternoon and did a bit of weeding.i hope we get a few days at least. It’s the
Son and family do have an ok diet but it’s the rubbish Dgd eats in secret that is the real problem. I’m not sure why her mum has put on weight.

Hi all
I,ve cooled down a bit - still frazzled though🥵
Wyllow- So glad you,ve booked a hols. Yorkshire is such a beautiful county - my DH is from there.
Walking by the river and having a coffee sounds perfect. I love to hear you doing happy things like that.
I feel as you do sometimes- much as I love company there sometimes comes a point when enough is enough.
Your Zoom meeting sounds like it helped and gave you food for thought.
HVDY- a nice day with LG -does she get on OK with the heat.
My DS hates it and he has to work all day in it as he is a sports coach.
What a shame your DGD has problems too. Your DS does his best by the sound of it but I guess sometimes the other girls all go to the shop after school. I remember being 15- it’s so in between neither adult nor child.
Hope you have had a nice day- you sound very fond of your DS ex. You have a big heart.
SweetPeaSue- Sorry about your lack of energy and low mood again- at least you rallied enough to get to book club. The heat is so draining though isn’t it.
EllieAnne- I,m sorry your DH isn’t well - hope he soon gets the haematology appt. But he does have to help himself as well - you have too much on your plate.
Ah bless your DGD she is so young to feel as she does. It shows what regard she has for you to confide such intimate thoughts and share her worries with you. Yes it would help her if her Mum could join her in a bit of healthy eating.
Doodle- the party sounded wonderful. A lovely day in a lovely place. Glad you enjoyed the food too. Just what you needed.
It has been so hot here today. We went out to a town that has a wonderful castle/fortress but oh the heat was awful. I felt about 150 when we got back in the car.🥵
Should have walked on the beach in the water instead. Never mind I,m terrible at trying to squeeze as much out of our days as possible.

I wasn’t sure whether to start the thread again but got brave and just went for it.
Love to all and take carexxx

Oh no HVDY Those sort of temperatures are not normal at all. We shut the curtains at back of house on a morning where the sun is, then close blinds/curtains at front on the afternoon. I think its best way.

Thanks for starting the thread Scaredycat

I cant 'see' your posts on other thread until I come out of this one so sorry if Ive not replied to questions.
I know one was how I did jacket potatoes. I dont think I do them properly either but I put a couple in microwave for around 4mins then finish them off in air fryer for about 20-25 mins to crisp up skins.
HVDY I do feel sorry for you and anyone else where its hotter - I cant bear the heat and its 24 here. I hope your DH goes on ok with the enlarged prostate - good they are monitoring it.
Doodle Hope you're managing in this heat - awful for you. Heard someone on TV say they put ice cubes in hot water bottles. Hope youve been with friends today too. Not sure if its your art day.
Wyllow Glad there might have been a breakthrough with Q D . I hate atmospheres. Pleased youve arranged a holiday- sounds really nice and Im sure it will do you the world of good to have a different place to explore. Oooh those eyes sound really horrid. Do hope theyre a bit better today- must make you feel very miserable. Will antibiotics help?
EllieAnne Hope youve got some warm dry weather where you are by now.

Been to Book group today. I was so down yesterday and so tired I wanted to crawl back into bed as soon as I got out. I lasted till afternoon then I just had to relent.
Hope everyone is ok.

Thanks for starting the thread, ScaredyCat. I didn't know how to. It's boiling hot here (32). We've got all the blinds shut to try to keep the house cool. Have you had a good day?

Hi all
Just come in from a tiring and mega hot day and hope you don’t mind me starting
Hope you are all keeping as cool as possible- except Ellie Anne who I hope has warmed up a bit!!
See you laterx