I am so annoyed about this

It will be part of their training to look out for signs of domestic violence, child abuse etc. Very upsetting for you but they were doing their jobs. As a survivor of domestic violence, please don't dwell on this. Celebrate over 50 years of happy marriage. So many of us have not been as blessed.

Wow, that’s distressing for you.
It feels horrible doesn’t it.
My husband is having iv treatment at home, he is treated in the bedroom and I am often in another room while treatment is carried out. He tells me that the nurses often ask him quietly if he is eating well and ask what he had for breakfast or lunch.
This might seem like general conversation but he says they look furtively towards the door and lower their voices.
Our flat is homely, clean and tidy, the atmosphere is happy and calm. Orlin is clean and his clothes always freshly laundered, normal weight, no bruises. Nothing to indicate that he is not well cared for or in fact incapable of looking after himself.
We too have been happily married for 56 years.
I wonder if it’s a sign of the times that they are all scared of not recognising anything untoward.

Sorry to hear that Sarnia. Must have been awful. I suppose you have a point, better for the majority to feel a bit humiliated so that anyone suffering can be recognised.

I agree with Sarnia that the staff will have had training to look for signs of this, and quite right too. However, in your case, confirmed by yourself, your husband hasn't subjected you to any DV.

I would suggest getting in touch with the hospital and request your records be amended to reflect this. It could be possible that someone could see those notes and contact the police. The last thing you want is you husband being questioned or even arrested on suspicion of domestic violence. Even if nothing came of it, he'd be on the radar.

Sadly fancyflowers and Sarnia

it's possibly not only their training but their experience too.

They can't know how dear you have always been to each other and how caring. Sadly some people can put on a pretence: they have to check.

Just imagine if they had missed something - the blame then would rest on them, wouldn't it?

Sorry it has to come out this way.

xxxxx

LauraNorderr

Wow, that’s distressing for you.
It feels horrible doesn’t it.
My husband is having iv treatment at home, he is treated in the bedroom and I am often in another room while treatment is carried out. He tells me that the nurses often ask him quietly if he is eating well and ask what he had for breakfast or lunch.
This might seem like general conversation but he says they look furtively towards the door and lower their voices.
Our flat is homely, clean and tidy, the atmosphere is happy and calm. Orlin is clean and his clothes always freshly laundered, normal weight, no bruises. Nothing to indicate that he is not well cared for or in fact incapable of looking after himself.
We too have been happily married for 56 years.
I wonder if it’s a sign of the times that they are all scared of not recognising anything untoward.

I suppose it must be a sign of the times. When you think of all the stories of abused children, they are probably on full alert to anything untoward.

I still find it annoying that they assumed DV just because my husband happened to be standing there.

Actually I think that is as dangerous as under reacting, and handled badly. Did they raise concerns with you before you read that in your notes.

Galaxy

Actually I think that is as dangerous as under reacting, and handled badly. Did they raise concerns with you before you read that in your notes.

No, they didn't raise any concerns at all. In fact, they could have asked me about DV once the ambulance set off to the hospital, but nothing was said.

LauraNorderr

Sorry to hear that Sarnia. Must have been awful. I suppose you have a point, better for the majority to feel a bit humiliated so that anyone suffering can be recognised.

There is always such criticism towards Police, Social Services, medics etc when a tragedy happens that they are probably erring on the side of caution.

BoggledMind

I agree with Sarnia that the staff will have had training to look for signs of this, and quite right too. However, in your case, confirmed by yourself, your husband hasn't subjected you to any DV.

I would suggest getting in touch with the hospital and request your records be amended to reflect this. It could be possible that someone could see those notes and contact the police. The last thing you want is you husband being questioned or even arrested on suspicion of domestic violence. Even if nothing came of it, he'd be on the radar.

Very good advice.

In what way did anything they did help support fancyflowers if she had been experiencing domestic violence.

Wyllow3

Sadly fancyflowers and Sarnia

it's possibly not only their training but their experience too.

They can't know how dear you have always been to each other and how caring. Sadly some people can put on a pretence: they have to check.

Just imagine if they had missed something - the blame then would rest on them, wouldn't it?

Sorry it has to come out this way.

xxxxx

But it would seem they didn't check they just went ahead and put DV suspected on her notes.

Without speaking to fancyflowers they took it upon themselves to log a suspicion that seems to be totally wrong. Of course we hope they don't miss things, but not to have even gently probed whether there was any basis to their suspicion is very worrying.

I'd definitely be demanding that note be removed.

Galaxy

In what way did anything they did help support fancyflowers if she had been experiencing domestic violence.

Exactly it rather looks as if they were passing the buck.

I fell off my bike some years ago and had a badly bruised face. They would not allow my DH to be alone with me. We laughed about it later and even at the time it didn't bother me as I felt I was being safeguarded. Better that than ignoring the signs.