Buying home with your adult child.

Sorry, never in a million years

A friend who is in her mid 60's has bought a house with her son & dil. She has always had it all to herself as the son is in the army. I think it was for financial reasons, but wouldn't like to ask.

Have you divided the property at all so that you each have a private space, apart from your bedrooms?

BTW If you are new, welcome!

We did give ir serious consideration last year and we came to the conclusion it was a no.
I was worried sick that I had to tell my DD. fortunately my SIL came to the same conclusion first and told us so. Phwee. Potentially difficult situation avoided.

I moved my family (including the au pair) in with my parents in law for a year. The house was large and we made a bed sitting room of our own in the (huge) attic room, with children having their own rooms on the floor below. I shared the kitchen, cooking and shopping with my mother in law and I can honestly say that we never had a single disagreement. In fact we are all agreed that it was one of the best years of our lives. My children have wonderful relationships with their grandparents and it brought me even closer to my wonderful in laws. I think the important thing is that we have very similar attitudes, values and lifestyles.
I get on very well will my own mother, but we don't actually have much in common so it would be more of a challenge to live with her.

Don't do it.

I would not do it either unless it was on a granny flat basis with good physical privacy and sound legal conditions that I have rights to live there for life. I have heard too many horror stories.

I turned down the offer of moving into a granny flat a few years ago. I thought then - and mostly I think now - that I wasn't ready for that, though I could do with living closer to them, but not in their pockets.

It sounds wonderful, but sadly rarely seems to work. I love the idea of it but know the reality would exhaust me. They all come to stay with us for three weeks every year, I can just about manage that. I can have my own space, but just when you need a rest they get bored and come to find you. You must all adjust eventually, but financially it could be a minefield, I have seen and heard of some real horror stories.

The granny flat would have to be soundproof, triple locked and preferably with a moat. I love my grandchildren but....

dogs my DH and I live with my DD, SIL and DGC after selling our house and buying an old farmhouse which we are refurbishing and once finshed all six of us were moving in together, but after living together I doubt vey much if it will happen and due to their work situation the travel is going to be too much.
It is fantastic enjoying part of your DGC lives that you wouldnt normally see but it is very tiring.
It may be better from the start as it is a joint home but personally I still feel like I am staying in their home and at times long for my own space. I feel its like going back in time still bringing up my children but 2 of them are now adults but you wouldnt think so as they are every bit as demanding as the DGC. My day starts at just after 6 and I can till be running around after 9 at night so my advice to anyone who is thinking of doing this think long and hard.

I lived with my in laws for 5 months when we first married because the house we were buying fell through. It was horrible until we moved out into our own place. I am currently going through a divorce and am thinking of renting in my home town for a year to see what happens and then buying a house with my younger single daughter as she can,t get on the house buying ladder because she,s in an expensive area. I thought I could let her have money towards. A house I could live in in a while when I,ve decided where to move to permanently. We both want to live near older daughter who has the grandchildren/nieces we love to see. So wouldn't,t be living in the same house as SIL and grandchildren but very near.

A good friend bought a house with her mother and they divided it into self contained flats. They both lived their separate lives, but my friend travelled a lot for work and her mother provided a built in house sitter and, as her mother got older, she was able to provide her with any help she needed.

It worked excellently for over 20 years, ending only when her mother died.

My DS and I have discussed this from time-to-time, more as a what-if then a shall we. Rather then live with him and his family I'd prefer to live closer. So I could be on hand to help out more. though I do go and visit every other month - I live on the south coast he in a suburb of London. I think if we lived together we'd kill each other eventually, we are far too alike.

Our eldest son suggested last year that we each sell our houses and buy a large property together, but we knew it wouldn`t work. They have 2 boisterous teenage boys, and 2 even more boisterous , noisy and destructive dogs, and we and our daughter prefer to be a bit quieter nowadays.
Many years ago, when we were looking for a house prior to getting married (in a hurry!), my MIL said that if we didn`t find anywhere, we could live with them, but she would rather we didn`t, as she`d had one of her daughters live with her when first married with a baby, and it just didn`t work out. She said her daughter burnt her saucepans, expected to cook her hubby`s tea before MIL cooked for the rest of the family, and also the little boy started calling her Mummy!

I used to fantasise that if I was a ever on my own my sisters and I could turn a large house into bedsits with a communal living room. I have now come to conclusion that I'm really quite intolerant so perhaps it will be best if it stays a fantasy.

When my son got married he and his wife lived with us for a short time - I think it was a couple of months. We lived together so harmoniously that I actually forgot we'd done it.

DS and DIL lived with me for five months after they relocated from London, it was absolutely fine but there were no children then. DD also came and lived with me for three months and she was a delight to have around. I think we get set in our ways as we get older and I don't think I could live permanently in a household with very young children.
Gold medal to glass

I loved having sons and partners living with me (not all at the same time) after they came back from working abroad. After each son went off 'down south' to work, each partner stayed on here as they had temporary work pending job interviews. It was lovely having a younger woman in the house - just like the daughter I never had. They became my very good friends and nowadays make me very welcome in their homes.

DS1 & his then partner stayed with us in our family home for 18mths just prior & after the birth of their baby my DGD they had their own front lounge & bedroom & en-suite and the use of the kitchen when needed,I never knew how baby stuff could be spread over so many rooms and was so glad when they moved out to their own house even though I did miss the presence of a little one.Not everyones cup of tea but sometimes needs must.

I couldn't/wouldn't do it either but I have neighbours who have lived in the same house with three generations very successfully for thirty-odd years. And they all seem so sane and happy!!! Other neighbours have recently combined children and grandchildren into their home and they seem to be thrilled by it, both houses are always busy with people coming and going and it's nice to see this idea working so well. It wouldn't work for me though - I like my space and privacy too much!

That's the main difficulty with this idea; we are all so very different, and what works for one won't for another. Only you know your daughter[and yourself of course.] Also, it may be the only way forward to combine money for a house for you all. Think carefully about legal implications, put the deeds in your own name if YOU are paying for it, or if doing it jointly, then both names on the deeds.

I've decided to have a bedsit in the house that my son and his wife are imminently buying. There are no children living with them - that's something which would be a challenge!
I live in private Sheltered Housing in London and yearn to join a smaller
community (I was born in N. Wales).
Currently I care for DGS for 12 hours, twice a week and physically I can't
manage much longer. By moving I can sell up and half can pay for Nursery costs - he already goes twice a week and loves it. Son will get the
other half. I already help both children financially and live v. simply, so
I will have more money in future, with no Flat costs, not less.
I have a huge amount in common with son and wife, with their Nursing,
and feel it's the right move. I am also realistic in the expectations that
it won't always be sweetness and light!