Relocation

Hi Bez E is in the twilight zone she has finished school and waiting to go to 6th form college.She has found it hard to fit in,and being mixed race is somewhat a rarity in these parts,and it is true about the need for being careful with what you say to who,but I am a chatty person who can speak easily to people,I just think that it is an inbuilt lack of trust in strangers here that is the problem people have jokingly said that 20 years is around the time newcomers get accepted,I am quite happy with my own company ,but OH is a lot younger than me and is at work it would be nice to have company on days out when my bus pass finally arrives...am getting on my own nerves today and hate not having a sense of purpose as I am used to being busy and active,but thanks for the support and warmth today [tea] [cake]

thanks nfk sloe and dusty am having a bad day today,when I have the car and was able to volunteer I am ok out and about and pottering that the lack of social contact wasn't so obvious,not having the car now and not seeing a soul all day and knowing that there isn't a friend to call on and say shall we?...the nearest smallish town is swaffham and am equally distanced between Norwich and kings lynn,we have looked for exchanges but swaffham is hard to move too as bus links are good and things are localised.If you have family near it is helpful,and I truly love Norfolk for the scenery and the peace.I will continue searching for something but lack of transport makes it so difficult,and the trip to the local pub is not for the faint hearted as a deathly hush falls as you walk through the door I swear the tumble weed blows through.I am sure you will love Norfolk sloe as you will have a lot in common with other people who have horses.

down that is very sad and it must also be very difficult to get to grips with such a new life. Did the little one find school OK and was she accepted? Has she now finished all her schooling or is she just in holiday before starting a college.
I dare say that because of your situation you would be extremely careful in how you approached people and what you said - maybe this made you seem a little unfriendly too. Do you still have any support from People who assisted in getting your new life underway? You are in a difficult position and I so sympathise - some areas are inhabited by people who have such a network of friends and relatives that they do not notice the needs of a newcomer. I have had this myself when I moved 160 miles away and was on my own with a new job eventually etc. I have no idea really of a solution as I found only one reasonably close friend although I eventually had a number of acquaintances - it is a bit easier now we are in France. A pity that you are not in Yorkshire as my DD has recently moved there completely on her own for several reasons and finds life difficult althoigh she jas a very good job. She has started to make a few friends but friendships do take a while to build.
I send you hugs and wish you luck. X x x

There's plenty of space south of Kings Lynn. But they're a rum lot over there!

Ooh, I like Dales ponies!

I'm North Norfolk and we're friendly around here, but I suspect you're looking more to the west or south if you need to get out! It takes an hour to get from here to Thetford!

Oh, Down, I'm so sorry things aren't working out for you, it must be miserable being in an isolated position where your neighbours treat you with suspicion. I had that when the boys were very small, we were on the outskirts of a Midlands village where everyone seemed to be related and I actually had people pointedly turn their back on me as I pushed the buggy to the local shop. Luckily we met a few other 'incomers' who were lovely and we joined a very welcoming dog training club in the nearest town, however I wasn't sad to leave when we came up here. Is it worth looking for another move where you could be closer to more amenities?

I hope your experience isn't indicative of Norfolk as that's where we're moving to. We want to be near our son and family, but need to make our own lives there as well, we can't just rely on them.

We've looked at a few places Dumpling, they do seem to be around. We don't need loads of land any more, all we have now is 3 Dales ponies, two of them in their 20s, and agree on the practicalities when we're talking about it, all the stuff about being within easy reach of shops, doctors etc, but DH turns and bolts when he spots another house on the horizon .

I've just lost a post I made, just wanted to say that I couldn't let you be the last to post and I'm quite good at doing that myself.

I wanted to say that I'm so sorry that you feel so very low today. You come over as a naturally positive person and maybe the fact that you can't be yourself and chat openly makes it much harder to make friends, especially in a village that doesn't accept 'outsiders'.
Is there anyway you could do telephone volunteering? Or move? I'm clutching at straws here!

Thank goodness for GN eh?

Can you exchange again? Perhaps to a small town? We're not all so standoffish? Honest!

our relocation was for entirely different reasons we had to move from our roots to flee from violence ...any one who knew me on here as nelliedean may remember my story,we literally had two weeks in which to decide on an area pack up and go,we chose Norfolk ..nt much time to do homework choose schools for E we where under police protection and had to be buried away where we couldn't be found,leaving all family and longstanding friends behind.In the first village we where treated with suspicion and with a school age child and need for secrecy made making friends nigh on impossible apart from U3A there where very little activities and although trying U3A,found that I just didn't fit in or feel welcome,especially as the groups where held in homes of the other members....school gates didn't fit in outsider and too old.We did a mutual exchange this village is exactly same but everyone is related and now I have retired OH needs car for work,and I find limited bus service,not yet got bus pass limited funds and expensive teenager..in between 6th form college and leaving school ...no work for her she has handed out CVs as very little work unless you know somebody and the work is passed through friends and families....I am crawling the walls,have had to give up volunteering because of car /bus situation as it was 46 mile round trip and it also became impossible with paying car parking and petrol in advance as I couldnt afford it as I have to wait a month for expenses to be paid....that is our experience we have no social life.....sorry to say that today am feeling quite pathetic and sorry for myself,I am proactive book club was unsuccessful went for a year and joined in with activities arising from it but stayed very much an outsider,same with needlework group...WI am terrified of joining after last experiences.....so I would say do your homework before hand ...sorry about the whinge and moan feeling like Billy no mates today.....and now I will probably kill this thread off just like I do all the others..

If you need a paddock or two Ginny you'll have a bit of a buffer from the outside world. Such places do exist on the edges or within easy reach of towns. I fear though that if you want to be within reach of London such a property won't come cheap!

We moved to Devon three years ago (gransnetters saw me through the house selling / buying traumas!) and have never regretted it. But I think a bit of "future proofing" is necessary - being not too far out in the country, perhaps, near to medical services, shops and supermarkets without having them on your doorstep etc. etc. it really is the best move we ever made - and DD and two oldest DGC are ten minutes away.

I'm finding this a fascinating discussion and hope your move goes well Granny1.

We are planning to move from our home of 30+ years. We have a small farm in the NE and our nearest neighbour is over 1 mile away in any direction, but we have reduced our farming activities and will retire completely at the end of next autumn. Our move will be to East Anglia, within child minding range of our grandchildren, and it will be much easier to get to London (other son) and Hertfordshire (MIL). We are hoping to be closer to 'civilisation' when we move, but we still need at least a paddock for the 3 horses and DH keeps growling 'too near people' when we go to look at anything!

It all makes sense in my head and, when we're with the grandchildren it breaks my heart to leave them, but I'm finding the prospect of leaving our beautiful home in its amazing setting very daunting. I'm also worried about DH, he doesn't do hobbies, what will he do with himself? It's good to hear positive stories from those who've done it.

I moved after my OH passed away. It was a complicated and stressful time but I've been settled in my new flat for nearly a year. Two of my sons live quite close but I try not to rely on them if possible.

I tried lots of groups and some were great and others not so good. I have settled with 3 which I enjoy and am making new friends. I have a local shop which sells essentials, a big supermarket about 5 mins away, a library also 5 mins away and the doctor is within walking distance.

I takes time to settle in to a new area and I only moved about four miles so you have to be patient and not expect it all to be wonderful straight away.

I feel alarmed when I watch relocation programmes and see couples buying properties miles from anywhere. I can't help wondering how on earth they'll cope if one of them falls ill or dies or if they can't drive because of ill health.

I live in a suburb which is as big as some small towns and the city centre if about 5 miles away. The only flaw in the plan is I now live a long way from the central hospital but you can't have everything. Careful planning and compromise are the key.

We are only about an hour and a quarter/half away from where we used to live and so can easily keep in touch with old friends- it is a consideration.

We choose a small market town too *Letitia, and it's worked brilliantly, although we didn't move to far so we've been able to stay in touch with old friends. The advantage is being able to walk to the shops, doctors, dentist, etc. and there's plenty going on with diverse groups to join. We used to live in a suburb of Norwich but had to use the car for everything.

Grandmac - Please think very seriously before giving up your own roof and four walls. When it goes wrong as it almost certainly will eventually, (no matter how close you think you are to your family member), life becomes an absolute misery on an almost daily basis with no redress.

It's as true now as it ever was that you can't have two queen bees in one hive.

You do have to take care with where you choose and think to the future. A small village with poor public transport and few facilities will be difficult. It is a well know problem in Cornwall, a couple move to somewhere they loved on holiday and it is fine to start with but then one of them dies, the other suffers from ill health, public transport is poor and they are miles from hospitals etc and quite isolated- with 2 hours travel before you even reach Exeter.
I chose a small market town that lots of other people choose so plenty of 'in comers' and lots of activities. Public transport to 3 major towns ( 2 of them cities) and I can walk to doctor, dentist, shops etc.
Do the homework first and find out what the new place offers.

The last thing I want to do is be negative but two of my friends have moved to be near their families. They have both experienced problems.

My single friend who lives now in a tiny village in Devon lives across the road from her DD. Her DD's marriage has just broken down so there is much angst. My friend used to live near a bustling town she now lives in what she calls Outer Mongolia with one Post Office Shop and a sporadic bus service.

The other couple moved to a seaside area to be near their GCs. However the children were growing up fast and had their own activities and weren't available to see their grandparents as much as they had hoped. The couple decided to move back here to the Thames Valley but could not afford the prices of the properties here, so have now moved to a completely new town and have had to start again.

I have learned a lot of lessons from these two examples as follows.

Make a list of all the things you will need in a new home town - good bus service, nearby shops, WI, U3A, hospitals. Also to bear in mind GCs grow up fast and have their own lives.

I have decided to stay put for as long as I can, but for those of you who decide to make the move I hope it goes well for you.

We moved to a new area 5 years ago and it is great.
Much the easiest time for making new friends as lots of others are doing the same thing and not tied down by a job.
Join U3A and other organisations. NWR is good for women. Lots of volunteering opportunities.
Good luck.

It is quite different moving to somewhere new when you are older than when you were young. When you are young you make friends, acquaintances, whatever easily – where you work, at the school gates, at toddler group, on the PTA, walking the dog and so on. Potential friendship is isn't quite so easily available when you are older and, perhaps, less likely to be involved in local stuff.

I have moved to the other side of the world in order to be with my only daughter and her family. That is just fabulous, if exhausting. However, I didn't initially make friends so easily as I had both in London, where I had lived most of my life, or in the North-east where we moved to for the three years before we emigrated. That had nothing to do with unfriendliness, just a rather different lifestyle. Two years down the line, I have people who are part of my life here, if not exactly bosom buddies. It works and, of course, I stay in touch with family and friends in the UK as well as on Gransnet.

It's always going to be a step in the dark but it always possible to shine a light.

This is a good discussion. I am currently trying to pluck up the courage to relocate and it is interesting to read other views and also the views of those who live with multigenerational situations.
SPF

Thanks dogsdinner. I had already thought that I better enjoy my solitude while I can, as I think my daughter might be worse than my granddaughter for wanting to chat. I won't mind too much but will lay down some ground rules about when I really need some quiet time.

I have never moved away from my family home but, due to the fact that the S.O. and I are both married and divorced we don't have any mutual friends. I felt very aware of this last week when we were on holiday. We're both very chatty and get to know people when we go away; the S.O. probably more so than me, but, when we went for a meal each night at the pub, although we seemed to know a lot of the locals [expecially the ones with dogs] there were other holidaymakers having meals with friends. How is it possible [or is it possible] to make mutual friends when you're in a second relationship? He has lots of friends as he was born and bred in this area, but they are 'his' friends. All of mine were very much my ex's friends and I no longer see them. I don't lose sleep over it, but it does make me feel sad sometimes. He seems much happier with it being just him and me most of the time. I didn't get on with my local u3a group when I tried it. We will try a walking group at some point but you can't 'make' friendships happen, can you. We did a two week coach holiday last year and I did enjoy the dynamic of being part of a group, but we're not planning to do that again for a while.

To Grandmac. I share a house with my d and her two children plus assorted pets. Although I do have my own rooms no closed door seems to keep the little ones out. Be prepared to say goodbye to quiet time on your own and any privacy. On the plus side you will never be bored.

Thank you so much for all the positivity. Just what was needed! Will let you know how we get on.