The annexe question

No answers to your questions OlderNoWiser. Although it's something I wonder about for the future so l will be interested in your replies.
I wanted to express my admiration for you and your DH's attitude to his illness.

The decision is yours and yours alone - your family may have opinions and advice, but go with what you want to do.

If it were me, particularly if I were only 55, I would want to be independent, but know that the offer would still be open in five, ten, twenty years time, should I change my mind.

My dear husband died three and a half years ago, when I was 73. The first few months without him were very strange, but I got used to it eventually. I had to change my routine to suit a different life, learn to do things for myself or get help from a professional instead of just mentioning that this or that needed fixing, cook and shop for one, come home to an empty house (it helps if you leave lights on and a radio on) make decisions without a consultation, and so on.

I was (still am) fit and well, and not in need of help daily from my family. I see them often, and they are at the other end of the telephone if I want to chat.

My advice would be to do nothing in a hurry. Don't burn your boats unless you are quite sure that you will be happy with the new situation for the next thirty years, because chances are that is how long you will live.

Also, in addition to above advice, although it may seem inconceivable at the moment, you may meet someone else and that could be awkward in an annexe.

I agree with Elegran's post.

I am the same age etc etc as you, and I can only answer for myself, but no way would I want to think about living in an annexe at this stage, but that is just me.

It must be comforting to know they care and want to help. People say don't make a big decision for at least a year after becoming widowed.A year goes fast and there is no rush to decide. My heart goes out to you and your family.

OlderNoWiser I posted too quickly, I'm so sorry that you are living with this sadness

We're doing the annexe thing but I'm 68 and DH is 70. I don't think I would have been so keen when I was 55 and still working. It's lovely that they're thinking of you but can you really make a decision while you are still enjoying time with your OH?

I would sit on it - play for time and just let them know how grateful you are to be asked but it's too soon to decide.

Years ago I bought a house from a couple who had persuaded his father to move into an annexe to their house. Ten years later the son was made redundant and needed to move. They couldn't find a house in the new area that they could afford that had an annexe. Father had to go to live with his sister. He was heartbroken, as he had been the sole gardener for the half acre that came with the house and had many friends in the village, but his annexe was not one that could be sold separately.

My sister decided to buy a house with her DD and SiL. I made her have it all drawn up with a solicitor, so that if anything happens, she gets to keep her annexe (converted stables) and also some land. If she remarries/wishes to move, she has to offer them first refusal of her house.