Ideas for use of DS's bedroom.

Here's hoping your son got the results he needed Ruby'

claire Thank you, that is an idea for after I've had some time on my own. We have a few theatres in our town, and we are near Salford too for the theatres there, so plenty of opportunities for renting out a room, which I am allowed to do. I don't know how I will feel being on my own so if I do find myself a bit lonely, this would be a good compromise.

Daphne My DS is taking some of his stuff but his stuff which he leaves behind can be put to one side to accommodate someone else. As I have said before, the room is very big. I have the smaller bedroom although I have plenty of furniture in mine too. Social housing have remarkably generous room sizes in their houses. No box rooms here.

I believe OP lives in a Housing Association property so subletting would presumably not be permitted.
I fear OP may be getting her hopes up about the amount of space she will gain -her son may have gone, but his stuff won't have!

Depends where you live. I turned mine into an occasional room for theatrical lodgers. They normally only come for a week or two at a time and you can always say no if family are coming to stay. Actors and theatre workers always seem to be friendly, respectful of your room and undemanding. I've enjoyed their presence as well as the extra income but am now downsizing so probably won't be continuing to supply digs.

He might think you've set a booby trap

I usually go round with the magnet when I've been sewing as the DGD always seem to run round in bare feet when they come.
Not that I do much sewing these days, only if they ask me to make something.

Good idea Jalima I don't want to prick any feet or paws.

If you are using it for a sewing room, a good tip is to buy a large magnet to pick up any pins and needles from the floor (the vacuum doesn't always find them!!).

Hi all, thank you so much for your kind messages, especially the pandas, lovely.

It was the Friday 22nd my son was off with me, not on my birthday. On the day he was actually very nice. We spent time watching tele, having party food and spending time together. Today we have had a heart to heart about how we both feel about the changes we have and are going through, puberty and menopause, although what a 19 year old male is doing going through menopause, I have no idea!

I got upset, twice, he said about me missing him when he isn't here, we discussed my symptoms, physical and emotional and his changing hormones, it was very bonding and made us understand each other a bit better. We do tend to use a lot of humour between us, it's just sometimes it all gets too much.

Anyway, thanks again, I hope that next year will be better and my health will be improved a little.

I will, of course, make sure his room is available for him when he is home, but in the meantime I am sure using it to sew some clothes or whatever wont be a problem for him.

Sorry you have had such a disappointing birthday ruby. The car is just metal, so as long as you or anyone else wasn't hurt the car can be fixed. Your son sounds as if he can swing from awful to bearable or maybe sometimes quite nice. Just so sorry he had the awful head on today. Agree with a previous poster he may be scared because you are unwell, not an excuse though. So a birthday hug from me and a wish that the future is very much more comfortable for you. .

It's ok Jalima and I don't want to be snitty.

I do feel the media, or whoever coined he phrase the bedroom tax got it right though. I have some sympathy if one person is living in a 3 bed house that could provide a family home, that individual should be offered a one bed property. the problem is that so few are available. Most of the folk I know who are affected though are single dads who were allocated two bed flats, because there are so few one beds. This was often years ago, before they even had children but in the subsequent years the "spare" room has been used for children with dad having staying contact, often three nights a week. Mum is probably also in social housing, she'll get the housing benefit, I've no argument with that . However, for the numerous dads who get £75 a week jobseekers, it's impossible for them to find the £15 needed to pay for the "unused" bedroom. It isn't unused, it houses their children. Some councils have got round the problem by designating the 2nd bedroom as a study or storage space. I wish they all would but of course, they need the revenue and they need the 2 beds because of the housing shortage.

sorry, just feeling a bit stroppy.

It is all very well advising from the point of view of someone who owns their own house, can afford not to downsize etc etc.

And 'bedroom tax' is just something coined by the media for a cut in housing benefit for an unused bedroom - an under-occupancy reduction in housing benefit, which rubylady may not receive anyway.
I am not saying I agree with it at all btw.

Jalima, I am very fortunate in not having to worry about the bedroom tax. Unlike many friends and family who do worry, a lot about that tax. I don't feel you need to be a socialist to term it the bedroom tax, that's exactly what it is. It isn't just a 'hypothetical stick with with to hit the tories, unless you are actually living it'. It is a reality that impacts on huge numbers of individuals, children and families.
I don't want to hijack your thread ruby lady but I didn't want to let that one go by without a comment.

rubylady you have to do what you feel is best for you, but it would be nice to keep an open door, a bed (even just a bed settee) and a welcome whenever he decides he might just pop home again for a visit.

You probably didn't have to pay what the socialists term 'bedroom tax'.

It's just a hypothetical stick with which to hit the Tories unless you are actually living it.

My sons room remained his private area until he left home for good.

As DaphneBroon says, the car is just metal; if you were not injured that is fine as long as it is driveable.

Sorry you have had a rotten birthday and some to brighten your day. And with a candle (just the one! we don't want to set the place on fire!)

If you feel like downsizing then that is what you must do; however, it would be nice to have a room or a bed-settee at least for when strop-head decides to behave like a normal human being, which I sincerely hope he will.
Mine could be quite obnoxious when they were that age but have turned out to be very civilised, caring and nice grownups, I must say.
Although at 18 I think illness of a parent frightens them.
You must have said something right over the years and I am sure he will remember all the good things when he has come out of the tunnel and realised what the real world can be like.

Best wishes

Birthdays so often bring disappointment and sadness when we remember happier days and all too easily feel neglected. Your son has been thoughtless, rubylady but deep down you know he loves you, it's just that teenagers, especially boys, usually would rather poke pins in their eyes than show it. Of course we hope for better - but rarely get it
Take a deep breath and face the challenges ahead of you with the courage and determination you have shown down the years. Never mind the car- that is only bent metal and these things happen when we are * stressed*.
You have a lot on your plate, don't waste your energy looking back if you can possibly avoid it. You are strong, you are woman- onwards and upwards!

Oh dear, kids! Who'd have them? [ruby]

Hang on in there Ruby if all else fails hug the dog.

ruby I'm sorry that your birthday has been rotten. You've got a heck of a lot on your plate right now and I wish I could make things better for you. Hope you can get some sleep tonight and you feel a bit brighter tomorrow (well, later today now).

Do you know, on the kids birthdays I used to stay up late until they were asleep and then decorate the living room up with balloons, banners, paper chains, streamers, the little confetti stuff, hovered up so it is nice, lovely wrapped up presents and lots of cards. Favourite food bought in for breakfast and out for meals at tea time, celebration stuff, cinema or whatever. Nearly 30 years I have done that. And I get nothing. Boy, do I feel loved. It's sh*t and then some.

Nope, I am sorry but he is going. And he won't be back to live neither.

After the festive season, I have decided to look for a ground floor flat or bungalow. My health really isn't improving and when I am alone it will be harder for me to deal with it with stairs so I am going to sort it out before I get too bad to move. No bedroom tax then at all.

My finances are my own business, not going there on here. Sorry but I've just got a year older and not very happy. I pranged the car today, went for a cervical cancer check, got upset over my dad, only getting a card off my son today and apart from a lovely present from some GNers Thursday, the only other present I will get is from a lady on ebay who wrapped a personal dvd player up I had bought and sent a card too. The kindness of strangers. No family will bother, my daughter wont bother. For once I am not in a good place on my birthday. My son told me earlier that I didn't care about him when I home schooled him for 4 years. So no, he will not be returning to live. I have had enough. He can go and be obnoxious with someone else other than me. While I sort out my own life, I deserve it now at my age.

Maybe those who had their grown up children coming back home didn't have such abuse to deal with or serious illness (I am still waiting for open heart surgery). Maybe yours treated you with kindness. If that was the case and I was cared for by him, then of course he could come back but he can't wait to get away. I give up, I really do. I have never felt so low going into my birthday.

I had 'boomerang' kids! They went and came back several times but thankfully, in middle age, they are well settled. You can never tell when an offspring will return for a bit more than a flying visit.

Mine is a sewing/computer/library room. I leave my sewing machine set up so instantly available. My laptop and printer have their own space and there are shelves for my collection of books. DH laid a lovely bamboo floor so easy to clean. I love 'my' room but realise how fortunate I am to have it.

Gagagran makes a sensible suggestion Ruby, don't count your chickens. What if his grades aren't what he'd hoped for and he needs to stay at home for another year (or more). Most students come home during the holidays and has already been said, they often bring a pal or three with them.

I don't know about your financial situation but we found supporting ours through university very expensive. As you're in social housing, the bedroom tax will be an issue I expect.