Moving at 70

Yes, sons (and daughters) can be brutally honest, can't they? I do agree with others, though, that your son was only telling you the truth. My own son and his family are nearby but we rarely see them now the children are teenagers. I don't mind, they have their own lives to lead as do we, and I know he would help out if it became necessary. IMHO downsizing in your own locality is probably the best solution. It is probably a daunting prospect on your own so it would be good if your son or a friend or another relative could lend a hand. I wonder if Age Concern have any advice to offer? You could try looking at their website or giving them a call. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I was 68 when I downsized from the family home after 48years! I could no longer manage the upkeep or afford the gardener. I moved to a sheltered flat, the removal men did everyhing for me even down to taking my curtain poles down in the old house and putting them up in the new flat! it was an excellent service. Im central to all local amenities as Im still in the same village, I have a private patio and theres comunual gardens which are looked after, theres a regular window cleaner to. We have a comunual lounge with activities, so my social life is far better than it was.

I was thinking of moving nearer to my family but after all the pros and cons decided that I am better off here.

I think, like some of the others above, that you are being rather hard on your son. The points he made are quite sensible, and the danger of moving near to family is that they may, for various reasons, need to move away themselves.

Sons do tend to be pragmatic, overly so at times I think, and the pointing out of practicalities can feel quite harsh but be meant kindly. I agree with other posters, being isolated in a village may not be the best for you and it is hard to move away from the familiar. I'm not sure of the distances involved from your current home to your family's area, whether part of your thinking was to just be closer to them for the future. Your home has been your home for what sounds like a long while and there will be so many memories there. Don't blame yourself for not moving sooner, immediately after a bereavement is often the worst time for a major change. It sounds to me as if you would benefit from some real world input from someone who knows you well but who won't try to impose their views on you. It can be daunting on your own. Is there a friend or family member who could look at alternatives with you? Would your son or daughter in law be willing to help with planning without taking over? If you have always been independent they won't perhaps realise how daunting this feels at the moment. There have been some good suggestions here, hope you can get some help with your decision and be able to feel less worried soon. It would be good to know what you decide.

Plenty of people move in their 70s. My uncle moved at 89. He organised it in the same efficient way he had organised every other event in his life. So 70 is not a particularly advanced age to move.

You may not want to buy a flat, but if you are fit and healthy, you could move to a bungalow or simply buy a smaller house. I have friend your age, who was widowed 2 years ago. She has downsized from a big family house with a large garden to a smaller house with a smaller garden. She has enough bedrooms to have family and friends to stay, somewhere to sit when weather permits, but evreything is now manageable for someone on their own.

Is the house too big for you? Could you possibly rent a room in part exchange for some housework and possibly supermarket shopping? Could you shop on line as I do?

I have a small garden at the rear which is now paved over. I have an expanse at the side and front and get a fellow to cut the grass fortnightly. Be careful, some charge a fortune and do not do a decent job- I am lucky with this chap.

DH insisted we give up having a gardener when he retired. The situation became very tense as I felt he would soon tire of it. I suggested that we cut down to once a fortnight. I think DH has cut the grass once in his retirement and I have a scruffy garden. I suggest that you try out several people ,independent gardeners or franchises like Green Thumb and find what suits you cost wise and time wise. The whole point in having a garden is to enjoy it not be a slave. Also ask how you can make it more manageable. Perhaps offer an area as a veg patch for a younger family in exchange for a regular hedge and lawn tidy.

Thank you for your replies, I was just so tired after spending 3 days tackling hedges and pruning, doing jobs that I never noticed 10 years ago just drain me. Of course my don must enjoy this period in his life, before he knows it the time will have sped past. I have always been too independent and have begrudgingly come to the conclusion I have to get someone in to help and sort out this next step. So I will take note of your excellent suggestions. I do tend to leave things until they get too much.

There is a lot to be said for staying where you know people. How big is your garden? - big enough for you to split it and "infill" with a bungalow or log cabin-type dwelling (some of these are super)for you; and sell off the house and the rest of the garden. That way you have a smaller garden, you stay where you know people and you have a bit of money left over to make the rest of your retirement more comfortable.

I am not sure that your DS is actually saying that you would be a hindrance - more that your built-in role caring for the GC has passed, that the transport links there are not good and that you would need to start from scratch meeting new people etc.

These are hard decisions. We have just moved from a community where we felt very embedded and supported, but where the practicalities of life were becoming insurmountable. I do miss the community - and this is something very important for you to consider - but we are young enough to travel the 20 minutes to meet up with our old friends and also to make new relationships here. We too did a lot of weighing things up, but on balance we feel we have done the right thing.

I do hope that you are able to find a suitable solution for you.

In other words, I would be a hindrance now not a help.

You're putting words into your son's mouth here - IMO he was merely pointing out the difficulties of you moving to a village, at age 70, where the bus service isn't great, and he and his wife have their own lives to lead.

You don't say whether you live in town or country and what distance you are from your son - why don't you just downsize in your area?

If you don't need any help, just a small garden, then downsize to a small bungalow, where you can live as long as possible.The lawn can be converted to crazy-paving or gravel with groups of pots to plant up.This would allow outside space to relax/ hang washing etc.and you could have a pet.
If you like your area at the moment, then stay there, your DS doesn't need you so don't go to a village with no amenities, choose a larger village if you prefer to move away with a good bus service.?

Is the house too much or just the garden? Could you pay a gardener and stay put? Are you a bit hurt by your son's reaction? Try and consider all possibilities.

Luckylegs9 start looking around at all the possibilities. I went to look at some newly converted sheltered housing the other day, not because I wanted to move there but because I wanted to know what they had done with the building. The flats were amazing, whilst I was there people were gathering to have lunch in the on-site restaurant. It was very lively and jolly (but expensive). If you can't see anything you like you can always stay where you are.

My Mum moved at 80 to a garden flat, in fact we have toyed with the idea, there are plenty of garden flats available from tiny courtyards to gardens where someone comes in to do it for you. If you have a reasonably social life where you are my advise would be to stay in the same area. Being a hindrance to my offspring is something I never intend to be if at all possible!