Finding a house where community may exist

I have been lucky enough to have made and remained friends with two former neighbours despite having moved away. I've lived in places where no one spoke. At a minimum I think one needs to know neighbours well enough for simple passing of the time of day as we all come and go plus a bit of mutual taking in of parcels/cat feeding/noticing what's going on in the sense of realising a burglar is about or if you've not been seen for a while/appear to be away. The latter stemming the development of obnoxious smells in the neighbourhood!!!

Of course there is a balance to be found between managing people who are intrusive or bossy and developing some level of relationship with those one is living beside. I have lived in several places where there were vibrant Neighbourhood Associations and where campaigns needed to be fought over developments, flooding and loss of amenities. It was very rewarding working with others on these matters and definitely better than a neighbourhood where you never see people from one day to the next. Given British reticence I reckon it's better to try for a head start if you can by finding out as much as poss about the neighbourhood in question.

My long standing OH and I recently moved, and I must be honest, having neighbours about wasn't on my list of priorities. Neighbours can be an awful burden if they are too intrusive, noisy, lively or slobbish, etc, etc, etc. To some extent you take pot luck with the neighbours you get and even the nicest can move away. We have elderly pensioners either side of us now and have offered both our telephone numbers in case of any emergencies. Not what I'd planned for us exactly but both sets of neighbours are pleasant. Our priorities were decent sized garden as OH loves gardening, a bus route, shops and medical facilities not too far away and reasonable access to children and grandchildren. We've ended up in a great little market town with a cinema, theatre, leisure facilities, lots of parks, flourishing societies, all the above on the list and we are a ten minute drive from open countryside. We absolutely love our new home. My fiancé would be in his element if there was a pub within staggering distance, but you can't have it all. I think neighbours cannot be one of your first concerns, although I will admit to scanning gardens and house frontages in the road in which the house we fancied was. Very Hyacinth Bouquet I suppose, but that was my only concern about neighbours. I am perfectly OK with being on smiling and waving terms only with my neighbours. I don't want it much friendlier than that as I'd rather join clubs and societies and socialise on my own terms. We're all different so working families making up a neighbourhood wouldn't be my first concern. Good luck. I hope you are as lucky as we've been in finding your forever home.

Think about what it will be like in 10 years time to live in any property you are looking at, will you still be able to climb the stairs, drive, tend the garden, do the shopping etc etc etc? Then decide if it's for you or not.

Having downsized twice & moved areas I agree with the advice already given. My 1st move was November 2011, from 4 bed large house, large garden, inside M25, near Heathrow to Somerset. We moved to a Hamlet, no local shops & scant Bus Service, very friendly area. We bought a Park Home & Residents were very welcoming.

2nd move came after I was widowed, I moved to be nearer DD & her Family. I moved to another Park Home in a small (tourist)Town near Dartmoor, SW Devon. Many Residents introduced themselves when I moved in. Town has Tesco, Co-op & Spar plus Deli, Greengrocer & Butcher, several Pubs. Lots of Clubs & Societies to join, I'm planning joining WI.

There are frequent buses & good road network. I have a Post Office & General Store within walking distance. Doctors Surgery has a Volunteer Driver Service for those without transport which also covers local Dentists & Hospitals.

Advice regarding not being on a hill is a bit difficult in Devon!! but if you have nearby transport links it's ok. I have milk etc delivered, groceries delivered & my newspapers. I was 10 months when I was not allowed to drive (DVLA Medical reasons) but I survived, Pharmacy also delivers.

Every-one at least says hello & people are very friendly, a good mix of Devonians & incomers. I love it, my last move, my forever home. I believe you will know the right house when you see it. I moved without anywhere to live (cash buyer) but within 2 days I had viewed, made offer & had it accepted this was Feb 2015 - I could have hunted for months but this was meant to be. So good luck

Ha ha Jenro, thanks and do message me. It's not far from Cheltenham!! I suspect it's not wise to say more publicly. I am appreciating the responses though, very interesting. Yes rosesarered, as far as I can tell from school collecting time and from the local Co-op, it absolutely is all families around here and of course quite rightly they'll all be wrapped up in immediate concerns and have wider family living nearby. There are some older folk who have been friendly in passing but they are all born and bred as opposed to incomers.

I would go for a village every time....very friendly, especially in the South West, lucky you.Estates are for families, I wouldn't want to live on one as we are retired.Good Luck.?

You can send Azie a Private Message, Jenro by clicking on the tab on her post.

Dear Azie09; I think I can identify where you live. I might be able to help.I'll try to contact you via Gransnet administrators. If it's the town I think it is you should not give up too soon but try to get more information from the Town Hall about clubs, societies etc in the area as people are surprisingly welcoming. We bought a house in one of the villages and have been delighted to find that many outsiders have arrived here over the years and are very welcoming to other incomers. The housing is varied and because the village is not big at present it is easy to get to know people. Two estates are planned at either end of the village, which may change this, but it's worth thinking about. If we manage to meet, however, I may suggest looking again at the town where you are, especially if you are not a car-driver.

Downsizing means just that,fewer bedrooms smaller garden. No lawns to cut or hedges to trim. Don't buy a house with extra bedrooms, in case visitors want to stay, if they want to see you they can stay at a local b+b!
A local shop is essential also on a bus route.
It s surprising how you get used to a smaller house but a ' shed' or similar a good idea for DH !

Kim I found my local GN by entering in to google..
'Local Gransnet' and my area.
It just came straight up.
If that doesn't work, perhaps email GNHQ for a link to your area

Good luck.

My husband had three strokes out of the blue several years ago, and I was so glad of the fact we were in the range of half an hour from hospital. He survived and did well. I'd never ever live more than 39-40 min from a hospital for there are many conditions when it is crucial to get to a hospital. We originally were 50 miles from a hospital, and many died on the way in the ambulance.
We downsized cos we lived on a hill and the garden was too big. This was good but we didn't think it through properly. We wish we were on a local bus route as we may not always be able to drive. Also I wish we d got a bungalow, as my husband has had to have a replacement hip and knee.
Also, try and suss out the age groups of the neighbours, we are the only older ones in our street. Though they are nice folk, not our age group. It's a huge decision, take your time, we rushed it too much.

I would seriously consider lokking for alternative rental accommodation asap, Azie09 - don't be bullied by your landlord into buying a property which you aren't completely happy with. Do you really need 4 bedrooms?

Don't allow yourself to be pressurised by either your OH or the landlord, it's not the end of the world if you have to wait a few more months to make a final decision.

My theory, as I get older (and older) is never live where you can't walk to buy a loaf of bread, or catch the bus to do so. Communications not involved with driving are vital.

hello br0adwater! Interested in your comments about having difficulty with the local gransnet route. I still haven't mastered it. Could you possibly talk this dunderhead through the steps, please?

This is so interesting. EmilyHeartburn thank you for that link, it needs quite a bit of study. Maybe there's a gap in the market for an agency to help us oldies relocate.

I am the mover and shaker in my marriage. We moved to downsize; because we lived backing onto a river and I lived in fear of being flooded out having nearly been; because two of our three children have emigrated; because the city where we lived had become so much busier and because friends had moved away or changed and it felt increasingly lonely there and time to change.

We moved out because we had a good buyer who was on the verge of her first birth and we moved to a holiday let in what I now know is a posh village. This is the Cotswolds! The owner of the holiday let made a big deal about places to live and not to live locally. We have ended up renting in one of her no go areas and I am horribly conscious of this. We had a house we thought we were buying but a combination of a bad survey and the realisation that the house was on a busy road and had a huge garden that was going to require lots of work plus the house needed lots of work, meant we pulled out and ended up in our rental.

As I said before, having mooted the idea of buying the rental, the landlord is now putting the squeeze on, firstly with his named price, secondly by saying if you don't like it, I'm selling anyway so please take two month notice to leave. The landlord also tactically (I think) takes weeks to reply to emails or phone calls, he says he's terribly busy. I don't trust him, DH would trust a serial murderer! What a story folks!

I think I have become terrified now of making the wrong decision. We've looked at so many houses in the last six months and there's always a problem. As a former neighbour and friend once said to me 'houses are on sale because there's something wrong with them, people stay in the nice ones!' A bit of an exaggeration I know but I am amazed at how things have changed in the last ten or so years. House pricing, the effect of London money, the shortage of housing, it is a minefield.

I actually like the town we've moved to a lot. I realise I just don't know what to do now about the situation we're in and faced with silent streets I am terrified we'll make the wrong decision. I am very aware of how vulnerable we are, if one of us gets ill or dies, the other will struggle. DH of course doesn't see this at all, typical man. I must stop going on, I sound like an idiot, I feel like an idiot!

You must consider, as others have mentioned, how you will cope if no longer able to drive. I am assuming that this will be your "last" house and it should not be too large that one person left cannot cope. Doctor, dentist and local hospital should not be far away and you need local shopping. You do not want to live some place where the buses run x3 a day and you are stranded after 5pm.

Do you need a large garden because that has to be maintained and that can be difficult when elderly. I would choose the house first and worry about friends afterwards.

I live in London in a cul de sac and get along very well with 50% of my neighbours- looking after each others houses if on holiday etc.

We moved some years ago from a cul de sac where we all knew each to a road in the same town where people say hallo but that is it. I still visit and go out with friends from the cul de sac and miss it very much. I was brought up in a village and wouldn't go back there for the reasons that Teetime has mentioned. It might be worth looking online to see what activities are available in the area of your choice - our council for example highlights all sorts of things. However I do think that access to transport is vital as we get older so bus / train or whatever suits is worth considering. Also as others have advised, avoid hills! Good luck

We have looked after a Father, died at 96 and cleared his house out. We looked after a MIL and spent Two months clearing out the house she lived in ( and all the stuff precious to her) and sorting out a home for her. We have a 96 yr old step MIL and 93 year old FIL living in their own home going from crisis to crisis, and I dread clearing their house out.
The last few years have been a 'eye opener'
So we are downsizing and being realistic. We are looking for somewhere that I would not be afraid of living on my own. ( my MILs nursing home is full of women) We need to be within 20mins of a hospital and the location must be big enough for us to meet people and start over. ( Certainly not a small village with no facilities) Walking distance to the shops would be good although we are computer literate and could internet shop.
I am also going to see that there is no rubbish in my house ( already started clearing) left for my DC to put in a skip or take to a Charity shop.

When I see people my age ( pensioner) moving to remote places with huge gardens I think OH Dear ! who do they think is going to do the garden when they can't do it? We have gone hundreds of miles to cut lawns and hedges all because of our selfish old folks had no planning in place for their old age.
Their mantra has been ' I want to stay here and die in my own home' Never mind that staying there has been at the considerable expense of their own aging children. My Father and my in-laws have had their heads firmly buried in the sand.

azie we found that life in a small village was restrictive and lacked variety it can of course also be very clicky and intrusive if you like your privacy. We moved to a small market town and have found that there are lots of different communities depending on what activities you get involved in. There is also the benefit of having everything to hand without having to get the car out for the smallest purchase and the public transport is good. We live on a small development and don't see many neighbours but we get on with our chosen activities some together and some apart and it takes time to build these up. I would opt for a market town every time even though they may not be as pretty as a village and I would buy rather than rent if that were possible - house prices are going up a little bit now.

If your house is in a cul de sac maybe there is an opportunities to get a residents group going? Then you'd get to know the neighbours. We live on a controlled estate with some communal grounds so we have to have a residents association, we also have a facebook group, a summer BBQ and other events. There is a mix of young families and those with grandchildren who have been here for years. It is a nice community, but someone needs to take the initiative.

www.housinglin.org.uk/

sorry forgot to paste website.

There is a lot of good advice already about not living at the top of the hill. Live near shops on a bus route where you can get to the chemist and the GP etc when you cannot drive.

However if you explore this webiste you will be able to look at all sorts of papers about downsizing as well as somewhere it has a post code finder for local different types of housing from retirement flats, to sheltered accommodation etc. This research will increase your knowledge of housing options and range of ideas and even if you decide to buy the house you are in you will be happy you explored options and have an excellent idea of what is available locally.

We moved in 2015 from a village in Northamptonshire where we had been for 30 years and had lots of friends to a very small town in North Wales to somewhere which is newer, easier to clean and heat, slightly smaller but still has four bedrooms for when friends and family visit, is two mins walk from a pharmacy, shop, Post office, hair dressers and bus stop, has two pubs and lots of groups to join as well as being in beautiful countryside, only fifteen mins from the sea and 25 from our son and his family. We had looked in other areas nearby but found North Wales the most friendly and much cheaper so it released some money so we can do things we want to. Don't rush your move and, although you won't want to, think about what would happen if your partner died and you were left on your own. Make a list of what you want, you may have to compromise a bit but don't over the things most important to you, you could end up resenting your husband if you move to accommodate his needs and not your own

We decided in our late 40s to move to the Lake District as we had holidayed here for years. We had already paid off the mortgage so we rented in an area we knew well but kept our home incase it became not the dream life we'd hoped. We moved in an October and the first winter was hard due to the weather and general settling down. We eventually bought our own place nearly 2 years later but not in the town we initially thought would be our ' ideal '. It is hard finding a way in to form friendships but eight years on we are glad we did. When looking to buy especially if you think that quiet village with just a pub or a small shop will be the ' one ' think ahead to needing the doctors,nearby shops, a bus route when your older and perhaps less mobile. The head should rule the heart.

The south west offers you many options, so you need to narrow it down to location and amenities. The size of the house and garden is less important because you have the countryside and the seaside on your doorstep for outings. Village cottages can be attractive: small is cosy and quaint, but just check they have enough natural light.
I'm sure you'll make friends once you settle in. The area attracts many retirees from all over the country so you won't be the first or the last!