Overstaying lodger!

Start looking in the property to rent sections of local paper, online etc . Have a talk with her and tell her you need your home back so Grandchildren can stay and that you are willing to help her look for accomodation.

Agree with others what do your family think could they speak to your oh as well . Good luck with what you decide .

Really? You have allowed your husband to bring a much younger woman in the house and for a pittance if a rent? Maybe I have a suspicious mind but I see this as very dangerous as he clearly prioritises his need to have this woman close over his desire to have his grandchildren close - sorry but I can’t grasp the idea that this is a platonic relationship and even if it were two’s company but three’s a crowd - you must get her out and be straight with your husband - if necessary involve your own daughter.

Certainly the most important issue is your husband's attitude ! He is not considering your views or feelings or your life ...things like sitting in your lounge and watching the tv you want to watch. His lack of consideration and care is palpable!!

Regarding her behaviour I would not tolerate washing and stuff hanging around. Remove it, bung it in a plastic bag and chuck it on her bed. Anything left around place on the floor in her room. Dirty dishes into her room as well! If dishes/cutlery run out, buy paper plates and serve hubbies meal on those with plastic knife and fork ...explain she hasn't washed anything up!!! Keep one plate, knife, fork etc for yourself and use those! Sounds so petty but maybe impacting on his comforts is the only way to wake him up to what is happening.

If you have him on side, then it is a case of telling her together that it is time to move on and give her a date..preferably with some options for rental to look at as suggestions! Good luck. You have been remarkably tolerant !

I agree with everyone who says tell this woman to bog off!!
Your husband clearly has had his head turned by this tresspasser in your life. How dare he allow this to go on for a week let alone a year!
You will need to be strong enough to stand up for yourself and your marriage. Give this female a month to find somewhere else to live, in writing. Have the backing of your daughter for support. If your husband sulks allow him to do so, in the dining room on his own, whilst you watch what you want on your TV!! Good luck ?

What! Vacuum through all their sports programmes. If she leaves wet washing in the machine, say she is not to use it again, find a friend or a laundry. I would say you want her to leave within the next couple of weeks, it was only supposed to feel a stop gap. I do wonder at your husband wanting her there though. Think Peaches and Granny knot were spot on. I would hate someone invading our lives like that.

Your Hubby has to step up to the plate.

...he should ask her to leave.

And you know what to do until he does.

Totally agree with other posters who are amazed at your patience and tolerance for this lodger and the situation in general. Also agree that your biggest problem is likely to be your husband. You need to have the serious and possibly quite difficult conversation/s with him before you speak to the lodger. If she senses that there is some disagreement between you and your husband I suspect it will be milked for all it's worth-to her advantage not yours.

You need to be very clear about your position to your husband and have a reasonable but non negotiable exit date. When you do give the lodger notice she needs to know action will be taken if she doesn't leave. It was always intended as a short term favour and you do not need to give the lodger your reasons why she needs to leave. It's quite simply your house. But I don't think it's going to easy. Best of luck.

unbelievable: you are NOT a doormat or should have been put in a position where you are looking for a way out. There is one - the front door. Hold it open and push your cuckoo out! Heed BlueBelle's warning. I'd be having words with your DD who introduced this young woman in the first place and get her to speak directly to her and your husband and be present when you confront her. You need a united family front. You don't have to declare rent to the taxman btw as it is below the allowance we all can get for renting part of our home. My advice is to be pleasant (dont respond to tears promises to change more rent etc), be friendly but be unmovable - not only to her but mostly to your husband. And I'd be worried if he took her side. You have all the support of angry, concerned 'grannies' of all ages and sexes (as I know men use this site) everywhere so be bolstered by that and looking forward to hearing you've done it and we can all give you a massive pat on the back!

Don't delay giving notice because it can take time if she doesn't go voluntarily.
There is site called Landlord Advice UK which has a free advice line and is worth reading
landlordadvice.co.uk/

What a lovely person you must be to have put up with this situation for so long. However it is time to stand up for yourself and claim your home back.
Maybe I am being overly suspicious but it all sounds so wrong on every level.
I would be firmly telling (not asking) my husband that she leaves on her own asap or he'll find his bags packed and they and the television can find a place together to watch the sporting channels.

DH clearly has no say in what goes on in his own home. He says they need the money and he enjoys the company but, never mind him.

There is no reason to explan anything at all to the lodger, just give her notice.

What you and DH say to each other after she is gone is up to you. You seem to have been sidelined willingly for quite some time. The lodger is not the only woman out there willing to keep your DH company, never mind the sport on telly time to step up your game.

Sounds very suspicious to me, if my OH behaved in such a way he would also be told to go with her if he didn't like her leaving! If yours kicks up a fuss it would just confirm that something more is going on than simply enjoying telly together - and I would stop moving out of the room when they put that on.
Be strong, tell her she has a month to find somewhere else.
If he sulks tell him to grow up and act his age, he should be a shamed of himself treating you like he has and certainly has some making up to do.

I agree with you Bluebelle.
Being extra nice to one’s DH shouldn’t be a reward for bad behaviour!

Jalima your post has made me jump up and down
dont upset your husband just be extra nice to him and suggest all kinds of things you can do together even if it means watching sport
Are you honestly suggesting Annie is to be the adoring little wife fluttering her eyelashes and bringing him his dinner on a tray This poor woman has been like a saint for a year while he has been at best a blinded old fool and at worst a cheater even if not sexual he has totally cheated by disrespected his wife to get his entertainment with a young lady and in front of her in her own home not even noticing that she’s sitting in another room It’s squirm worthy words fail me totally

The problem is your husband! He’s allowed you to be sidelined, and given this woman implicit permission to disrespect you. You need to deal with him. Tell him how it’s making you feel, and insist that he supports you in moving her on! Good luck!

Anniechip, this woman's attention will have flattered your husband and fanned his ego no end. Remember when Vince Cable fell victim to a couple of young females journalists some years back and made himself look like a silly old fool? I hope your H can come to his senses.

And disregard any sob story about no where to go or needing time to find somewhere. Not your problem. Her exit may be hastened if you can get your daughter to stay with you over the coming weeks.

No, she must go - and your DH should be keeping you company, not her.

Give her notice, but don't upset your DH - just be extra nice to him and suggest all kinds of things you can do together, even if it means you watching sport.

You do not have to justify why you are asking her to leave. As a lodger in a family home you just give her notice and that is that. If she cannot work it out for herself, she is fool. To be on the safe side give her written notice and ask her to sign and date your copy of the letter. Check signature and date carefully.

Give her a month to find alternative accommodation and on the last day insist that she returns her keys before packing and leaving. If she doesn't, put her belongings outside the door in black bin bags and change the lock.

As for your husband. Words fail me. I would suggest that you tell him his enthusiasm for the lady in question leaves you very uneasy and you are not prepared to countenance a menage a trois. He may have no such intention, but it might give him a scare.

We had this situation many years ago when an acquaintance of my son moved in for 3 weeks 'until he found somewhere permanent'. Eight months later and long after my son had moved out again this man was still here. No rent, room a tip with clothes all over the floor, overflowing ashtrays and empty asthma inhalers and food on tap - my husband had had enough and told him he had to go. He packed up a week later and moved in with someone else down south. Strangely we were talking about him a few weeks ago when my son was here and he said he'd heard he'd done this several times over the years so obviously feckless and a user. Tell her in no uncertain terms you need your house back and she needs to go!

Annie He............. will probably sulk- but I have experienced that many times and lived to tell the tale!!

By taking control of this situation in a calm, but assertive way, you may well find that over time, your relationship with DH actually improves and the sulking fits diminish.
Don’t rise to any bait that’s thrown at you, don’t become defensive, just stay focussed on what you want and have every right to.
Remember too the trick of changing someone’s behaviour.
‘Praise the good, ignore the bad’.
Ignore his sulks and he will eventually learn that they don’t get him anywhere!

From an earlier post: Invade the cosy sport watching sessions with a loud crackly newspaper and talk all through them.

I do not like the sound of this at all! Agree with the others, give her ,say, a months notice and then she's out. 1`

On the subject of hidden cameras, there are some incredibly discreet ones, also sound recorders, I know of one that looks exactly like a key fob.

I would simply serve notice to her - give her a bit of time leeway to let her find somewhere else. Tell your OH that this is what you are planning to do - don't ask him!

So pleased we've all helped to strengthen your resolve AnnieChip. I look forward to a blow by blow account of how this goes hearing how this all turns out