Overstaying lodger!

Sorry, made redundant last June, after 18 years, not 18 months ago.

I'm not sure that the lodger and DH work together any more as Annie says at the bottom of her first post that DH was made redundant 18 months ago but has since found a new job. Unless she works at his new work place? Still shouldn't make any difference though to the fact that she has well overstayed her welcome and must now leave.

"If you are going to have the mother of all rows, have it with her, not your husband."

Why not with him? He got Annie into this unpleasant situation. He needs to be made aware how it's affecting her and that the woman has to leave.

Possible problems at work have been suggested, as a reason for him to keep his head in the sand.
Tackling the situation calmly and firmly, rather than leaving it till Annie blows her top to the lodger, could help him avoid future problems with the woman at work.

You've had lots of good advice on here, Annie. You must act on it, hard though that may be. I feel it goes against your nature to be harsh, but I'm afraid this leech is taking advantage of that. Do it today!! Get those boxes packed and in the garage, empty her stuff out of the kitchen, take down the curtains, strip the bed, remove her towels, get the locks changed (or put one on " her" bedroom door with just one key that YOU hold). Subtlety doesn't work on her, you've got to be TOUGH. Can you get your son on board to support you as DH can't or won't.
Be strong, and good luck. We're all rooting for you on here.?

Jane 10, yes & we are a formidable bunch too!

As she is a lodger in your home she has very few rights to stay once you have given notice to leave. You are allowed to simply change the locks and arrange to handover her things. She has no right to stay until she finds the perfect place

There is information about right and duties on Shelter's website
england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/eviction/eviction_of_lodgers_and_other_excluded_occupiers

The biggest problem seems to be your DH - will he allow you to lock her out?

The Grans are massing behind you!
Get lost girlie!

She has had plenty of notice but she is trying to drag it out to find the "perfect" place (probably doesn't exist anyway).

You need to keep emphasising that she needs to be out and that you will be using the room.

Annie, you have given her sufficient notice already. Even if she finds the perfect place today she must go by the Easter. She has plenty of friends and if they are true friends they will put her up in the meantime. Don’t let this prick your conscience, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Stick to your guns, girl, you are doing the right thing. She must be gone by Easter, don’t weaken now.
And I can imagine all hell will let loose when she is gone. If it were my husband, I would be seething about his lack of support and backbone.

Does your husband still work with this woman? Is he holding back a bit because he will find it difficult at work to have a row with her about moving out of the house.

The weak link here is the husband; he enjoys her company, purely in an avuncular way I think, but won't take any active part in asking this woman to leave. Remember, she came originally, temporarily, at his instigation because she had only four weeks to leave her previous rented accommodation, and couldn't find anywhere suitable.
She has little inclination to find anywhere else and will shortly be playing the sympathy card, for his benefit.

Men don't like women crying . You could have a little weep in front of your husband, in private, saying how upset you are and how you need his help. He might end up supporting you for the sake of peace.

I would print out a letter stating that she has been given notice to vacate the room and failure to do so will result in legal action being taken. This might just prod her to move. There are people, like this woman, making a habit of remaining in properties long after they should have left. Sometimes it ends up with costly court cases to remove them.

Can you enlist the support of a close friend or other family member and if your ultimatum doesn’t have the desired effect, tell her you will box up her belongings and put them on the doorstep/in the garage or have put in storage.
She needs to know you mean business and March is flying by.
Do not leave it till Easter weekend!

I'm with easy bee, except I wouldn't even give her that time frame. This weekend for packing, out on Monday to a Travelodge. Even if she found somewhere to rent this weekend it would be about a month before all the paperwork was done.
She might even be rejected as a tenant if the checks don't add up.
It has to happen now or not at all!

It is shameful that you are being made to feel like the 'big, bad wolf', frustrated and angry in your own house, because of the poor behaviour of your lodger.
You have given her notice to quit which she is ignoring, she has abused your hospitality and is presuming on your kindness and good nature. You have to get tough as your husband is proving to be a bent reed and is not prepared to take action. You will have to be Very Blunt.

Tell her she MUST choose somewhere to rent by this Saturday, as landlords need time to check references before she moves in, Friday 31st March at the very latest.
Put packing boxes in her room, then I, because I am not so nice as you, would start by reclaiming my kitchen cupboards (contents placed in her room) and tell her I will start clearing out her room beginning March 26th. Otherwise, she will go away for Easter, your family will 'borrow' the room, and she will return more entrenched than ever.

If you are going to have the mother of all rows, have it with her, not your husband. It is very sad that your kindness should be abused in this way.

Oldwomanis right, the time for tact and diplomacy has passed. You have to take a stance with both of them and issue the ultimatum. Time to put up or shut up I think.
Shame on your husband for not supporting you.

However it goes against your nature, you are going to HAVE to take action now, if you want her gone. They think you are weak and unless you do more now, she'll still be there in a year. Have you got a friend you could confide in, who'd back you up? She could come round and sit in the room with you, with them, and just talk about the family visit to you. Then ask OW, when exactly are you leaving?

As Old woman has said the time for treading carefully has long gone. I am afraid that with people like her they will just take advantage (mumsnet has a rude but apt name for them).
Shame on DH for leaving it all to you & not actively backing you up.

You have been incredibly patient with this person. Time to get tough. When they are settled having a cosy chat or watching TV, switch off the TV, stand in front of them both and let them have both barrels. Tell her you want your home back now, you are no longer prepared to put up with her taking advantage of you. You have to make her life uncomfortable - don't leave them to have their cosy chats alone, interrupt and start a conversation with your DH which she cannot join in with (talk about family or people she doesn't know). If she has things in other rooms, bathroom or kitchen for instance, move them into the room she is using telling her you want those rooms for yourself and your DH. Tell your DH you expect him to back you up on this.

The perfect place? Of course she hasn’t found the perfect place - she’s already in it!

She’ll just have to find a make do place while she looks around. Give her the cards of storage places so she knows how much she has to pay come Easter when she has to move into the Premier Inn.

Have you spoken to your DH about it again? He needs to know how strongly you feel about this and that you need his support in getting your own home back, before Easter.

You both need to tell her the definite date when she has to be gone.

Suggest she looks at spareroom.com or Airbnb, to find somewhere temporary until her perfect place comes up.

Make your place as un-perfect for her as you can, there are some great ideas from Cherrytree.

Go girl!!

Anniechip, I would look at Cherrytrees post and start doing something now.
Get rid of this woman or before you know it she will become’ill with stress’ and you will be persuaded to let her stay.
Start stripping her room out this weekend .

Make her want to move out.
So what if you appear to be the bad guy, TBH I would have left her stuff out on the front garden by now, I think you must have the patience of a saint.

Perhaps you should have the mother of all rows now? Tell him and the cuckoo exactly what you think of the pair of them. Make life as miserable and unpleasant as you can for your unwelcome guest and tell your husband to support you fully or invite him to start looking for lodgings himself.

Sorry!