Help calm me. House buying and selling stress. Part 6

Busy days are good whiff, they make us appreciate quiet days.

It must be the coming of autumn but I do think that there are very many independent older people out there who are starting to feel the effects of confinement. Gardens will need less or no care soon, many of us have done as much downsizing and maintenance as we can. So now what? Its being pro-active or go into a winter decline

You are very very fortunate to have all this free transport whiff, it was a very good choice to live where you live now. Hopping on a local train would be my idea of heaven

Its grey and wet today and I need to make some important tweaks to my budget. I lumped all incomings together as one sum that I added early every month and ditto with the regular outgoings. Naturally that is not working, I need to see the pinch points on my bank account eg I have one today and have had to transfer some cash back into it. It is going to take quite some time to unravel the outgoing portions but I will do it referencing past statements. I have also added a monthly amount to my bills calling it food and sundries. Adding to my reduced savings is going to be a slow process I fear, a sum at the end of every month if I can manage it

Trying to be positive we've been decluttering and using freecycle to get rid of stuff. Highly recommended as a way to dispose of items.

Well we did have a buyer for the house but no more. There are so many properties going on the market now that those in a position to buy immediately can take their pick. They dropped us for something larger. Both disappointed but at least we didnt have a property lined up as we were going to rent.

Like you Craftyone I am going to be more pro active and go out more. Now I have the inside of the bungalow as I want it. Everything in its place and all excess items for the charity. When I can get hold of the one I want to donate to. Phone calls ,messages left and emails filled in and still not answered. But I will keep trying. Then I can tidy the garage. Getting in touch with my home improvements guys next week as haven't heard back from the 2 men who do paving. See if they know someone or if they can do it and see when they are coming to fit my new gate.

I would like my green house up before winter. I can decide what staging I want in there and get it. Also can store my compost in there and pots. But keep my tools in the garage.

Had a busy day yesterday. To be honest don't know where the morning went. At least got more paperwork sorted on the afternoon. Had a Sainsbury's delivery poor man was soaked. Made a chicken stew. And as I am looking after my grandson for a few hours a chocolate Victoria sandwich with chocolate fudge icing as filling and topping finished with chocolate drops to take with me.

He has a cold so might not be chasing me round as usual. My daughter offered to change her appointment because of it but said no. If I catch his cold so be it. Never miss a chance to spend time with him.

As I don't know if I will ever see my son's boys. I now have 3 grandsons with him but they have decided not to tell me when the baby was born or his name. And been told they want zero contact with me. And if my daughter in law is still spying on me on this thread. Hope you are happy you got what you wanted.

Tomorrow I am going out for the day and will be using my pass on the train for the first time. Need to go by bus to the station and the a 20 mins journey to go too a lovely village my daughter took to me last year as she wanted to go to the antiques shop there. Very pretty place lots of independent shops including a cheese shop. Going to treat myself at the tea room or one of the cafes. It's great you get a free bus/ local train pass at 60. Can go as far as Chester on the train for free. That's why I don't mind paying the extra council tax. As I am better off with bus and train fares what they are. Would have to be 66 for just a free bus pass in West Midlands.

Well going to get up now.
Have a good day everyone.

I see that Franbern, I am always glad to come back here after childminding. It is especially difficult with builders in, no matter how good they are. Sometimes I need to be programmed by other people to make me appreciate being on my own again

Today has felt like a loose end, not like normal at all. I have been watching wood carving on youtube, need to get my mojo back for that. Carving school starts soon but I am not going back yet, I really don`t feel it is a safe place, too many classes, too many people and narrow spaces and to be frank, one dark toilet used by many elderly men. There is no way that spaces full of wood can be cleaned properly by a lone older man. DS said straight away that I should not go, it reinforced my instinct. I am best off in open airy places or even in big airy places, at least for now

At the moment, I can think of anything I would like more than to be by myself. All the builders are lovely people, but I am finding it hard to have someone in the flat with me all day every day,.
I am thinking ahead to next week, when they will finish and for the first time in months I will be totally by myself - no daughter and g.children just to pop round to. All back at school. I am thinking of having some time out at somewhere like Clarks Village. Be good for me to learn to be totally independent again.

We did a visit to a local NT property a couple of weeks back. all went well. Just in the gardens, but it was very pleasant and we were fortunate that it was lovely and sunny whist we were there, as we got back to the car the rain came.

now thats a thing, sounds like a great course loopyloo. I think I will look up some courses. I need to fill some time

Brilliant , Crafty. I have just heard I have a place at the local community centre on a flower arranging course. Never done one before so will trot along with a pair of scissors and some foliage. All I can think of is ivy. Have loads of that
It was either that or advanced Latin but that would have been a lot of work.

I have decided to be pro-active, tbh I am fed up with being on my own here day after day, both my neighbours are away again, often overnight. I will be glad when more neighbours come into the development. I am sitting with dgc for a few hours on friday and on saturday I have booked a space at an NT property, I did check the weather first. There is only so much de-cluttering and gardening and baking that I can do

So I will see how that NT visit goes and then I will book one a week at various properties. I must get my welly boots out, I do remember it being muddy last time.

Thanks for your reply Shandy. I bought mine with Currys so hopefully if anything goes wrong it would be easier to contact them than Lenovo.

Whiff - I do like your paragraph about "before I moved I was someone's wife/widow/mum etc." I think that resonates with many of us here. Having a house which is just mine with no-one else's tastes to consider as well as being retired with a chance to follow my interests is really a big, positive life change -though daunting at times!
Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts on this.

Good luck Shandy, you certainly deserve some.

Sounds good Shandy. Will keep my fingers crossed for Saturday.

Maytime2 I've finally got through to UPS, I have to wait in from now until 7 pm for it be collected

Maytime2 I forgot to add about the laptop - I held on the phone on the technical support line for nearly an hour, I was cut off three times. When I got through a young lady noted the problems and said she would arrange for it to be collected by courier - but I had to print off the collection label, sent by email with instructions.

Without this old Mac that would have been impossible, I did have a look at printing from my phone with AirPrint etc but couldn't work it out. It will be away a minimum of 15 days, and it will be wiped clean - unfortunately I hadn't backed anything up, including letters I wrote my children in the event of my death, luckily I had them printed out already. Hope you have a usb so you can back up now! Hope I can reload Word when it comes back, I've still got the card with the code.

we crossed posts Shandy, saying this about your own journey, its like saying it to a friend and it helps to let it out

Hugs from me

This decision is shandy`s and only shandy`s, all we do is nudge and steer. This end stage of coming to terms and moving on is probably the hardest decision in our lives and like birthing and dying, it has to be alone, people around, yes but the journey is solitary

Morning all, the Mac is behaving very erratically so I'll be quick, I keep getting the waiting beach ball!

I just want to say thank you to each and every one of you, especially crafty one for starting it. I would have been lost without this thread, I remember finding it for the first time and feeling so glad to have somewhere to share my experiences. Thank you all for holding my hand through one of the loneliest and hardest times of my life.

I think most of you might know that I moved from Twickenham to Northumberland because my husband was promoted to Director, he couldn't turn it down. I left my £25K pa lecturing job to move here in 1999, my husband thought his job would now be office based and he wouldn't have to travel any more during the week. The plan was that I would find a part time job that fitted around the children, and we'd renovate the house gradually. Eight months in his MD was on gardening leave, and my husband was transferred 200 miles away. He loved it here and wanted to commute, so I was suddenly left alone all week in a huge crumbling house with two tiny children. He was so tired when he came home at the weekend the renovations just didn't happen, I did what I could but it wasn't enough and we had to get trades in. I did get a part time teaching job but was made redundant after six years, losing my career identity hit me hard. I missed everything about London and was homesick for many, many years. My husband did make a huge effort when he had his holidays, which were rare, I'm glad the children had this special time with him.

My best friend in Amersham has been very supportive and has listened to my moans over the years. She would like me to be nearer to her so I could see her more often, I now haven't seen her for four years. Unfortunately her house sale has fallen through yet again, but she hopes to be somewhere within a two hour drive of her granddaughter.

After my experience of Kent, which I didn't like, perhaps I might prefer to be miserable in a familiar place. I am still going to Devon and will have a good look around, but do appreciate the positives of staying locally. I have a fantastic vet for my pets, a great dentist, mechanic for my car, and I see lots of people I know every day. I think I've got used to the lack of facilities now on-line shopping is so easy.

I'm seeing a newish build (2000) locally on Saturday - it has fields behind, but the Duke has plans for 60 houses to be built on them. I won't put the link as the owners may be members on here. I'm seeing it second, so the first viewer may offer, we'll have to see. I could walk to the pub/railway station/beach from this property, and I could manage the drive to the vets etc.

I'll report back!

Enjoy your day

ALT57 your last sentence made me laugh. I give myself a good talking to when I have wobble . Tell myself to pull myself together and get on with things.

I live in the north west. Can get very windy and the only place I've been where you get horizontal rain. But the plus side won't ever get snowed in again. That was a regular thing where I used to live in the West Midlands . The February before I moved here August last year got snowed in for a week.

I have told Shandy57 in PM all the good places here. She has a bit of news but that's hers to tell as she told me in a PM . She may post on the thread.

Just a quick comment. I have lived in the north east, the north west and am now in the south. The north east was much colder, but drier, than the north west. I honestly don't notice much difference in temperature between the north west and the south. There are some lovely areas in the north west, Southport for one, with huge beaches and very reasonable prices. Just a thought.

Yes, all the best to everyone who is thinking of moving. I must admit I am quite envious that people have the freedom to choose almost anywhere in the country. We are tied in with family commitments and my DH s job.
And I am a Londoner....
However I have lived in Switzerland which was wonderful.
Northumberland sounds beautiful. Perhaps Shandy would be happy staying there if she was in a more modern small house or bungalow that was easy and cheaper to keep warm.
Please don't consider a leasehold property. It's going to cost us about £50,000 to extend this one. Although the government is proposing changes.
Also we have 30 year old sash windows that are very draughty. And very high to clean. So I don't.
I get emails from country living and dream about buying a Scottish castle.
Now that would be draughty.

As you know I only comment on here sporadically but I'm another who is encouraging Shandy to complete the final leg of her journey and buy a house in whichever area of the U.K she thinks she can be content.
I say content because I want to echo Crafty's previous post where she mentioned the stages of widowhood and how one finally came out the other side with acceptance and contentment. Not happiness exactly, because life can never be the same but contentment does give you peace of mind.
That's my take on it anyway.
Change of subject completely - Shandy have you been able to sort out your Lenovo computer? I bought one not long after you so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will be O.K.

I think the whole essence of this thread is to have sympathy for those who are contemplating a move, those who are in the process of selling and those who are establishing themselves in their new homes. Some days all it takes is a quick sentence to offer support, other days there is more to consider. It all comes right in the end.

I also do not comment but have read this thread with interest. Sometimes tough love is needed to get someone to take action.

However, Shandy is coming to her own decisions in that she has visited areas that she thought she would like but has found them lacking and discounted them.

I think I have read correctly that she wants to leave Northumberland because of the cold winters. Maybe a compromise is needed and some where between south and north would be better.

I have the same problem in that I could move any where in the UK but as there is too much choice I am stuck to what/where to go.

Anyway, I wish I had a Whiff to give me a good talking to