Moving house to be closer to family and medical treatment

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Sorry a few typos - a will of it’s own ..

Thank you so much for all your comments. It’s nice just to think am not going mad (or appearing selfish). I also don’t feel so alone in this scenario I find my self in. The misery and anger are quite hard to deal with at the moment. Am going to try the involving other people thing like son/daughter - never thought about the cancer nurse. Yes it’s a long way down to treatment and I’m not a natural driver - I actually had a couple of panic attacks on the drive to my daughters last week. That though is part of stress with work p/t husband childcare duties etc. I’ve seen a new estate that would fit the bill - my son has also said he wouldn’t mind moving there as his house isn’t suitable anymore. Am going to keep drip feeding info about it in - then keep my head down ! Maybe I can let you know how I get on.

I agree with Peasblossom. Make it about both of you if you can, and the positive aspects of moving both now and in the future. Try not to focus on the negatives of his diagnosis/prognosis - he will be feeling extremely angry about the loss of his health and uncertain about the future , and of the impact on you. How is your relationship generally ? . If you are unable to have a really frank discussion about the future and the impact of his health difficulties on you both then you and he may need someone outside of the family to talk to. I wonder if there is a Macmillan nurse or social worker involved who could help facilitate an honest discussion ? He may just well not be able to face any of this right now, and need support to make some changes if that is the right thing to do . If he is really happy where you live then is going to be hard.

It’s a reaction to his illness. We lived in a rural area when my husband became ill. It was an hours drive to the hospital on a good day and much more in traffic.

After the initial period of hospitalisation I wanted to move but he didn’t. It would have meant admitting that the treatment might not work and that everything was not necessarily going to be OK. He needed to believe it was going to be alright to get through it.

Also the whole thought of moving, selling, having people round, looking round other properties was just too overwhelming for him to cope with

I gave in. We stayed put and I bore the brunt of the increasing trips to hospital and the emergency dashes. Now I think I should have been more assertive. But I think I should have put the emphasis on me and what I wanted rather than my fears which he didn’t want to talk about.
So maybe if you put it in positives that you want now like I want to be near the grandchildren, I want to see more of my daughter, I want to be closer to a library, shops, whatever, he might think a little differently.

I hope all goes well with the treatment ?

A work colleague made a similar decision some years ago and moved to a very rural area, at the time her husband was quite against the idea for various reason i.e poor public transport, very little shopping / medical facilities. In the winter it wasn't uncommon for them to be cut-off totally for several days at a time but they did the move.
Both healthy and mobile at the time.
My ex colleague now wants to move back....her health has deteriorated and trips for medical treatment are needed weekly, it's looking like she'll soon be unable to drive and if anything happens to her partner or the car is off the road, it would be hugely difficult for them.
In a way, his feelings are the same as your husband, lots of anger, he's refusing to discuss the issue...on the last occasion he kept saying "I told you this could happen".
I think it's a combination of things..moving home is expensive and stressful, you know that moving to a new place is unsettling so it is easier to make excuses not to move, to stay in the status quo, for life to carry on as it is (his illness will come into play here).
Sorry I have no pearls of wisdom though!