When sexism and ageism combine...

I’m so glad I don’t go through life looking for perceived slights, rudeness, disrespect, put-downs, sidelinings etc etc to be angry about. It’s so much more pleasant, and there’s so much more happiness to be found, that way. Doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat or accept genuine rudeness or disrespect, just be someone people are happy to pass the time of day with in their usual way without worrying if you’re going to take their intended pleasantries as insults. It’s a version of feminism that doesn’t advance the cause one iota and, sorry if it upsets you, but I find it rude and arrogant.

Alegrias I am confused. The people who do what you say are doing exactly what we are discussing - treating people with disrespect - and compounding the error by trying to bully them.

You treat them the way you treat anyone like that - with a courteous put down.

I WENT INTO AN ASDA STORE ABOUT 2 YEARS AGO I SWEAR THEY WERE HAVING A COMPETITION ON HOW MANY ENDEARMENTS THEY COULD USE TO THEIR CUSTOMERS.IF THEY WERE MINE WON LOL

M0nica

Addressing anyone, man woman or child, with disrespecct is not acceptable ever, no matter what the circumstances and regardless of whether you are big-headed, supremely confident or a timourous mouse.

Alegrias your remarks sound, to put it mildly, like the arrogance of those who think they can disregard other people's feelings and walk over them roughshod.

Do they? I think you might be a bit confused.

What about the people telling others they are touchy, that there are bigger things to worry about, or that they don't have sufficient self confidence to deal with a bit of banter?

How would you describe those people?

The golf guy couldn't be bothered to learn and remember faringdon59's name...

Addressing anyone, man woman or child, with disrespecct is not acceptable ever, no matter what the circumstances and regardless of whether you are big-headed, supremely confident or a timourous mouse.

Alegrias your remarks sound, to put it mildly, like the arrogance of those who think they can disregard other people's feelings and walk over them roughshod.

No-one has mentioned being called 'guys' which is disrespectful in some instances. I do not want a young shop assistant to say 'you guys might prefer this model' when talking to an older man and his wife, or to a couple of women! The term 'guys' seems to be used for anyone now and I don't like it.

If a man is addressed as 'Sir', logically a woman would be addressed as 'Ma'm' but too many touchy women are offended at the term. Being polite requires customers to be addressed as something. Lovey far better than 'Hey you'.

Funnily enough I hate being called 'love' or 'dear' although I would hope to have to wait for several more years to hear the later as I'm only 53, but I don't mind some other terms of endearment I regularly hear.

Earlier this week I went out to lunch with my 24yr old son and our server called him 'sir' which he told me he found to be quite strange.

'How else is she supposed to address you?' I asked. 'I don't know, but it feels odd' came his reply.

Men can called 'mate' all the time and m'duck is a local term used for men and women. I was called a lovely lady yesterday when out for lunch so I'm happy ?

My husband’s pet hate is being called mate or pal in that condescending manner in fact he will just say look I’m not your mate . He’s quite confrontational like that ! It is about being condescended to though as OP suggests .

Actually, many comments on here have rather upset me. I have loved being called love, pet, hen, etc, and ticked pink to be called ma’am by American service personnel, thinking people were being really nice, now find that they were disrespecting or patronising me.
When I was working, we had a lot of Sri Lankan trainees who always addressed me as Madam, with the emphasis on ‘dam’. My male colleagues were Sir. For certain, this was a mark of respect, but I tried to discourage it as not being our cultural norm here. Gave up trying in the end

Notright absolutely spot on? !

For Coco51, obviously.

Well I'm here and Farringdon59 doesn;t seem to be so I'll respond.

Don't be so ridiculous. What on earth does this mean? We can't talk about anything that annoys us because the world is a terrible place?

Grow up.

Names don’t worry me too much, although the phrase ‘Take care’ drives me round the bend. I’m not in the habit of being careless.
The thing that gets me mad is ‘heightism’!
Tall people asking me if I need help reaching items on top shelves in supermarkets/supermarkets and other stores stacking items at ridiculous heights/general references to my height (5’0”). If it were a disability it wouldn’t be allowed. I don’t really think about my height until someone mentions it! (Actually that’s not quite correct - I went shopping yesterday for a wedding outfit to a large outlet store and was told that there was now only one supplier who catered for petite fittings?). I know children are growing taller nowadays, but there are still lots of women under 5’3”!
I have found Dannii Minogue’s range on QVC which looks promising.…

Faringdon 59 Kids are being killed in Palestine, starving in Yemen, kidnapped in Nigeria, Covid in India and you get arsey about being treated in an affectionate way?

Sometimes it just gets ridiculous!
One transaction in a shop can often get you called three or four different names - lovely, darling, hun, sweetheart, dear.
I treat it as a game sometimes, usually responding with my Cornish heritage with a few me ansome, dear lover, right are ee, or just make up the first endearments that come to mind.

Ilovedragonflies I must remember that next time I feel the need to point out an address I dislike.
Very recently, a (not young) assistant in a shop in Cornwall asked my DH,
“All right there, my duck?”
He just ignored her. Perhaps that’s the way to go.
If you think they’re being discourteous, sexist, racist or whatever, just ignore them. Mind you it won’t stop them. They’ll think you are being as rude as you think they are.

My children (age 30+ now) tell me I have a 'withering look' when I want to get a point across. I am practicing this more and more by:
smiling wryly and knowingly
giving a slight patronising (or is it matronising?) squint
saying 'hmmmmm' quietly as I walk away

Sarcasm is one of my main talents, as are passive aggressive remarks too, so I'm told!

There are so many ways to hone our talents and plenty of opportunities to use them - go ahead girls/ladies/fellow womenfolk, dames, mesdames and sisters

As one thread pointed out if you are confident in who you are and stand tall who cares what anyone else cals you, it's their issue

If you go again and he addresses you in the same way, try laughing and saying, "Oh twinkle/sweetie-pie/honeybunch, I'm xxxx. Have you forgotten?" And call him twinkle/sweetie-pie/honeybunch (whatever you choose) until he remembers!

There is an astonishing number of very supple people on this thread, all bending over backwards!

Life is too short (ha ha especially for this old lady !).....I have absolutly no objections to being called old lady, young lady, missus, luv, pet, ducky ....whatever !......why do some people take offence unless it is a rude name ? ...ha ha ....I bought something in a shop the other day and was asked if I was over 18 .......I said no, so the shop assistant said laughing, then I can't sell it to you .....ha ha ....she did ! makes life interesting !

JohnD very flipping likely!

Sorry, I'm hogging this thread.

Stop apologising for people who don't know how to interact with older women. If everybody in a group is being called by their first name, I expected to be called by my first name. If everybody else is "Sir", I expect to be "Madam".

I'm going to hang the washing out before I self combust