When sexism and ageism combine...

Some people are awfully prickly! It makes life so difficult! It occurred to me that the golf instructor probably worked mainly with men and was accustomed to calling them by their first name regardless of age, but may well have been brought up not to address an older lady by her first name, quite rightly. Therefore he didn’t know quite how to address the OP and perhaps thought he was paying her a compliment. You’ve got to look at it from his point of view as well. Of course he should have asked everyone at the outset how they wanted to be addressed but perhaps he hadn’t learned that lesson. I wonder if the OP would have taken umbrage if he’d automatically used her first name, as with the younger lady. I rather feel she would ... I came to the conclusion years ago that you can’t please everybody and you’re lucky if you please anyone sometimes!

WE'RE NOT OFFENDED. We're angry, discriminated against, sidelined and ignored

Pay attention.

What is the matter with everybody. It's only because 'somebody' decided it wasn't politically right to use these addresses that people complain. ~Think back all you older people and that includes me at 85 when a wolf whistle made our day, when being called darling, sweetheart, love was a figure of speech and not an insult. Ask yourself 'WHY? this offends you, only because it's become the thing to say.
Carry on lads, most of us love it, and after all it's difficult to erase language you've grown up using as ordinary. They are not insults. If they said hello wrinkly then I could understand your not liking it. Grow up please.

JohnD

Just a thought. Did you know the man in front? Even though he was young he may still have been a titled person and could be addressed as Sir.

Oh, FGS.

Yeah, the checkout person knew that.

Anyway if he was a titled person, assuming it was a Knighthood, it would have been Sir John. I suppose at least the checkout person didn't call him Your Grace....

I am not in the least insecure @Aveline. I do like to be addressed with a degree of respect. ‘Hun’ is a common one these days and that particularly sets my teeth on edge. I’m happy to be called my my name (first or last) or ma'am, madam, but I don’t like being called love, lovey, darling etc. I tolerate it, but I don’t like it. Most of the time when I encounter it, it’s not sexism though as men get the same terms. I would take a very dim view of being called lovey when the bloke in front of me had been addressed as Sir! Maybe it jars most when we’ve had a successful professional career where we would never have been addressed as lovey or hun and suddenly we are ‘old women’ and treated differently!

Just a thought. Did you know the man in front? Even though he was young he may still have been a titled person and could be addressed as Sir.

Some of us understand discriminatory language and object to it. Some of us don't care.

Those who don't care don't get to tell the rest if us to get over it, that we have too much time on our hands or that its sooooo difficult for them in this PC world.

Too much time on your hands

cci53
I agree with you I detest the 'bless you' term.

I would have been quite happy to have been called ‘lovey’ or even acknowledged by the very grumpy sales assistant in the supermarket yesterday. Perhaps, as it was 7 p.m. she just wanted to get home? It was the first time I had been shopping since 12th March 2020. I now understand why my son always goes through the self checkout.
I think with the golf instructor I would have asked if he had a problem with his memory or eyesight. I would have inserted my name every time he called me young lady.

I also dislike being called young lady as I am so obviously not. It draws attention to the fact that I am old and it tells me the person saying it feels awkward or sorry for me being old. Just call me madam or Mrs or miss. In fact why call me anything? It feels like they think I should be treated differently. I also hate it when people speak to you in a loud voice possibly expecting you to be hard of hearing, or assuming that you know nothing about modern technology. It is very patronising and insulting and makes my blood boil.

I don't mind what I'm called but what I do find really offensive is when I say something to a younger person and they respond with :Oh, bless you'. I find it annoying and I don't get why they say it. Example, recently got a phone call about house insurance renewal. I said I couldn't talk because I was on my way out to get my second vaccination. The response was 'oh, bless you'. Why???? Presumably because I'm old?

Why didn't you just tell the golf guy your name? He'd probably forgotten it.

why use any form of address at all if you don't know someone's name?

Exactly.

Or if you should know it, just quickly say "I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name."

Why is this thread in HOUSE and HOME ??

Don't know if this is true or not, but I once read that golf stands for 'gentlemen only ladies forbidden'. I guess there are plenty around who have this attitude.

My sister used to say “Don’t call me ‘dear’ call me ‘expensive’”…. Love it! ?

I agree with you faringdon59. It only dawned on me recently why being called 'young lady' on occasion made me squirm a bit, then realising that I am now at 'that age' and being pitied, mocked, patronised, belittled - which is it? Some little words are so packed with connotation. There are differences in how men and woman are addressed, which just perpetuates the inequality. I also hate 'my good lady wife', but am ok with 'the boss'! ? It is right to speak out because sometimes people need educating about the language they use. My 2 year old grandchild corrects me when I say 'sweetheart' and 'darling' and tells me to use their correct name! Sir/Madam is ok I suppose and at least suggests respect, but why use any form of address at all if you don't know someone's name?

I don't like being called "my dear", I find it very patronising, but I have yet to think up a good retort, so I usually grin and bear it.

The only name that ever really upset me was 'F..ing lamp post", as in "Look at that f...ing lamppost". I was a 5" 8" 14 year old at the time... I remember loving being called 'dearie' when I came back to Aberdeen aged 11 after a very difficult year. It felt so warm and welcoming. I did blanche a little when my fiver was referred to, by a shop assistant in England, as 'that f...ing Haggis money'.

Why not just call the instructor young man, lad, mate, sunshine or whatever. This politically correct tightrope is a nightmare.

Personally I don’t mind I fact I am guilty of calling everyone ‘love’. However reminded me of my dad years ago....didn’t mind what he was called so long as it wasn’t late for dinner!!!!

What annoys me most about this post, is what the OP doesn’t say anything to the so called perpetrators but comes on here to moan about it. If you don’t like it say something about this silly first world problem

When working in outpatients, it was very easy for us to say "take a seat over here, sir" - for often we did not know the names of patients whilst they were waiting. It sounded polite and respectful.

However, there is no "english" equivalent for a lady. In America they would say "take a seat over here ma'am" and it sounds perfectly OK. But in the UK this just sounds wrong.

What would us ladies like - do you mind being called madam? It is nice when shop workers address us by some name or title - but what exactly do we want (assuming they do not know our given name).

I have always objected to "young woman" or "young lady" because in my family and I think not only in mine, it was used by my father in particular as a form of rebuke when my sister and I were children.

Addressed as either young woman, or young lady we knew we had done something the grown-ups disapproved of.

I believe this usage was fairly usually in Scotland.

I have a name and a style and I see no reason why I should not be addressed as Mrs + surname, or failing that by my given names and surname.

However, it has been common in Britain to address women and girls as hen, duck, love, lovey, dear etc, for years and this will only change if a sufficient number of women object to this usage every time it crops up.