When sexism and ageism combine...

Yeah, all this feminism stuff. I don't know why we bothered, it's not like it's important, eh?

Let's just not let it bother us

Jo1960

I agree totally

I was trying to agree with a comment up thread and failed miserably! My DD just rang to say my GD has Covid & they're isolating, my back is spasming & the dog's had the runs all over the yard. I think I'll give up before anything else goes wrong!

They used to called endearments now as soon as one says “ you alright love” or “ excuse me dear” it’s taken as an insult, all the PC brigade using and their isms I find insulting.

I agree totally

I’ve had some nasty things said to me in my time, particularly when I was working. I mean really horrible things, not just what you might call sexist remarks which never bothered me. I worked in a man’s world and was on occasion spoken to (insulted) as a man might be. So now if someone calls me ‘love’, ‘pet’, whatever, I’m delighted by their friendliness. It doesn’t make me feel patronised or that they are being over familiar. I couldn’t care less if a man is called ‘sir’ and I’m not called ‘madam’, though I confess to loving being addressed as ‘ma’am’ by Americans! There are so many things in life to worry about. I don’t feel this is one of them. Does your blood pressure no good! Try being called the c-word, as I have, and compare being called ‘young lady’, which at 70 I wouldn’t mind! I just get on with life and as another poster said, ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’. Smile and carry on!

Waiting to get into a shop recently with hubby. We are in our sixties. The door person said loudly she was letting this young couple in. I felt so patronised by her.

Can’t stand interacting with checkout staff so I always use either self scan or self checkout wherever possible which avoids anyone addressing me at all!

I don't mind being called 'love' or whatever, although I can see why many do. When I first moved to Wales, I was chuffed the first time I was called 'bach'. When I was at uni in Edinburgh, I was often called 'hen'. My much older brother in law calls me 'young lady' . I think he can't remember my name most of the time, bless him.

Oh dear! I wonder if I have annoyed many people in the past.

As a teacher and having great difficulty in remembering names, I referred to all male members of staff as 'Sir' and all females as 'Miss', just as my students did. I cannot remember any of the staff being upset and when I had the occasional comment from students, I explained that as I had difficulty remembering names so I took the easy way out to help things along. All my students understood as i was constantly getting names wrong in class so it was just a giggle.

The way people address one another always expresses power differentials, sex, class, age whatever. In Austen’s book “Emma” the awful Mrs Elton addresses Jane Fairfax as “Jane” rather than “Miss Fairfax” and this is seen as dreadfully insulting. But these things change over time. In my youth, neighbours and shopkeepers and so on rarely used first names. It was always Mrs So and So. And children never did unless the honorary “auntie” was put first. My daughter once called her great grandmother “ Lil” and was put right. “What is this Lil?” It’s “Nan” to you! To her children she was “Mum”. Her husband was the only person still alive to call her “Lil”.

I have no issues with what I’m called unless someone is being unfriendly. It would bother me if I was in a golf lesson and others had priority attention over me because I was older or female. In New York, when buying tickets, we were asked if we were wiser citizens which we loved! If I was being called young lady and I didn’t like it, I would say, the first time, please call me Freda and I’m sure he would. Having said that, there are plenty of things that happen that I am disappointed or upset by and so I sympathise with faringdon59 as this is one of those things for her.

Dont ever underestimate what people call you. Of course it has meaning and if you don't want to be patronised inappropriately ...say so.
Keeping silent through fear is what is allowing 'woman' as a concept to be replaced by the misunderstood variously used term 'gender'. Gender being a feeling that we identify with feminity that trumps biology. ...those denying or defying this are labelled transphobic...cf JKRowling et al.

I'm never bothered about what names people call me as long as it's not nasty. I'm just grateful to have someone talk to me.

So there's several posters now telling us to not worry about it. I'll not be paying much attention to somebody whose post includes the line Golf is a sport where women are tolerated because the men like to have 'mens' time on the course and women are a nuisance.

As long as they don't call me mate or try to be patronising I'm fine! I get really annoyed if a young person tries to teach me to suck Eggs!! I was looking at some plants one day at a market stall and a very young man was trying to tell me about how to repot a plant heeven called it by a wrong name! I didn't bother correcting him!

I think every one is obssessed with Isms these days so much so that many feel nervous of upsetting people. I think if the shop worker had called you old lady then that is ageist but lovely is a term used widely by lots of younger people. Golf is a sport where women are tolerated because the men like to have 'mens' time on the course and women are a nuisance. Classic case was my brother played a round of golf with a woman and as she stood up to the ball, he advised her on her stance and advised her to use ladies clubs and not the men's ones she had. She replied it was ok she would be fine. This instruction continued to the next hole when she did a drive out of sight and straight into the hole. She went on to complete the course under par. It transpired she was in the England womens golf team and she had a scratch handicap. I love that story. Anyway good luck with the golf and forget about the terms of endearment.

Language is important and misogyny is rife. I do pull people up on it. I would have asked the instructor publicly why he was referring to me as young lady. Then he may realise. People working with the public need to be very aware of terms used. I work at a University and the latest change we had, our name on the headed paper now has an option for “pronouns used”. I think this is very respectful and fully support it. Why not? So I have my pronouns used: she, her. It is rude to address a male customer as Sir and a female one as luv. It is almost always women who are put down and unless we pull people up on it we are accepting the casual sexism.

My mother is a sprightly 101 year old Covid survivor as well. As my father was a professional footballer many years ago. The young carers call her their ‘WAG’ she finds it hilarious as do we. They do it for fun not all the time obviously but it brightens her day

I don’t have a problem with being called young lady or lovely. When out with my husband someone called me his ‘Thai bride’ and that was upsetting! It was also one of many names I’ve been called so pick your battles. It really isn’t worth getting upset about.

I sometimes think it depends on whom is saying it. I'm a Brummie by birth and if somebody from the Black Country calls me LOVE or somebody from Nottingham or that area calls me DUCK then I don't get offended but if it is a Londoner calling me LOVE then I do. Not sure why but there it is.

A young acquaintance told me I was 'doing well' to be using a computer at 'my age'.

Gramps47

Perhaps we men shouldn’t speak at all for fear of upsetting you. Is that what you’d prefer!?!?

Oh come on, just enjoy the conversation and relax, ease up on yourselves - and on everyone else - and enjoy life. Smile and wave!

We're not upset. We're angry.

Just like I get angry when men tell me to get over myself.

It doesn’t bother me what people call me. Because it’s not meant to be rude.
There are 2 young men at work, that occasionally will call me gorgeous, now, I know I’m not and so do they. But it makes me feel good.
My Dh has always called me bab (local saying). I know some people hate being called bab, they think it’s common, but it’s also a word my mom called me. So for me it’s affection. We’re all different I suppose.

Just think of the amount of people a shop assistant deals with in a shift. They are expected to work quickly to keep queues down. To address everyone correctly would be impossible. Sir, for most males would fit, but Madam to a young female could be offensive. In the UK we are not accustomed to the standard Miss, Madam and Sir used in the USA which I like by the way and of course we now have all the gender issue needs. Perhaps shop assistants should speak to customers at all!

Perhaps we men shouldn’t speak at all for fear of upsetting you. Is that what you’d prefer!?!?

Oh come on, just enjoy the conversation and relax, ease up on yourselves - and on everyone else - and enjoy life. Smile and wave!