When sexism and ageism combine...

As I am I in my present circs. (first time ever living alone etc)
I am just grateful for someone to talk to me..

why take offence? now if they said something along the lines of "f.... you.....etc" I would cringe at that... or blasphemy

just makes me shudder.

I do understand your issue. It seems easier for some to use endearments to women rather than men, but I think the grocery clerk wouldn't have even realized they were lessening your social stature by using this. Perhaps a light comment such as 'If he got a sir, then I would like a m'am, rather than a lovie'.
That would bring it to their attention without rebuffing their intended friendliness.

Looking at it in a different light, perhaps you look very approachable and are worthy of a 'lovie'! If you were stern and imposing, them maybe you would get a m'am.

In Gloucester young shop assistants call you "My Love". To me it sounded patronising but to them it was just the natural way they addressed everyone.

FarNorth

Baggs that's fine, but in a situation where other people are called by their names, or where a man is addressed as 'sir' while you get 'dearie', maybe you'd have liked it less.

I might indeed but the OP does not make clear, as far as I can tell, that she was the only person spoken to with an 'endearment' or supposed falttery. If I'd been in the same situation as described I might well have replied with a" Yes, of course, Young Man" (or Old Man if he was young).

Pondering this problem (which it really is for some people) while I was cooking this morning, it occurred to me that the use of 'endearments' could be more about the person using them than about the person at which they are directed, a smoothing over of social awkwardness on their part, if you like.

In the case at the hospital that I described, I imagine quite a lot of people going with injuries need reassurance and kindness as well as the right treatment. I suspect that's why some nurses use dears and darlings and it may become habitual. I really believe their intention is fundamentally good.

I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt anyway. Being called dear, darling, young lady and such like does me and my dignity of self absolutely no harm whatsoever. If I think someone is being patronising towards me I might think them a patronising bastard but I certainly wouldn't feel patronised.

Maybe I've just been lucky or maybe I've just 'gone all Tao' (three people on three continents have suggested as much; I didn't think that up myself) and it all goes over my head. Saves a lot of angst anyhow.

Baggs that's fine, but in a situation where other people are called by their names, or where a man is addressed as 'sir' while you get 'dearie', maybe you'd have liked it less.

I had a tetanus jab yesterday (polio and diphtheria boosters in the same jab) as I'd cut my finger rather badly with a garden tool and hadn't had a tetanus jab for at least a couple of decades. During the conversation with the nurse who rebandaged my cut and gave me the jab she called me darlin'. SHE WAS BEING NICE so obviously I didn't mind one jot. In fact, I probably only registered it because of this thread and all the pent up offence taking some people seem to keep in store.

We conversed about other things too, such as the effect the pandemic had had on the small injuries unit that I went to, working hours, etc., etc.

In situations such as described by the OP I would, if I was bothered by it, have addressed the problem head on. It doesn’t need to be done aggressively, but simply state the problem and then provide the solution; i.e. ‘I don’t like being called ‘young lady’, please use my name in future’.

I think you need to lighten up. Strewth. I’d be flattered to be called young lady. Different norms here, obviously.

I don't think anyone's ever called my husband, Sir. Is this a common occurrence in some areas? Maybe he just doesn't look like a Sir.

Oldwoman70 is it only the odd-job man you call 'young man' while you remember the names of all your other staff?
If so, he might be secretly peeved.

I agree with the OP I would find the 'young lady' form of address quite patronising.

Oh dear - I call my odd-job man "young man" (he is in his 50s) - I never thought he might be offended by it (he does smile) Where I come from it is normal for shop assistants to call everyone, male and female "my love"!

I don't care what people call me as long as they call me.

He probably just couldn’t remember your name
It seems he can remember everyone else's name.
Strange.

I wonder if he'd say "young man" to a man whose name he'd forgotten.
Or maybe he'd say "I'm sorry, I forgot your name" .

If I’m in a part of the country where the use of love or pet or hinny or hen or anything else like that is prevalent, I’m sure I wouldn’t even notice.

But if I’m in any situation where someone is talking down to me, I notice. I’m sure that most of the people aren’t intending to be offensive, or dismissive, or anything like that. But the act of calling only a particular section of society by “pet names” is rooted in discrimination and assumptions about that group’s abilities. Women in our generation have spent decades trying to get the same treatment as men and still people think its OK to create boundaries between us where men are “sir” and we’re “lovey”. It’s not about being offended; the person on the checkout doesn’t know anything about me, I don’t expect them to. But they can't assume that I don't mind being called by a pet name. I don’t make any assumptions about her capacity, or ability, or anything else, and I expect the same courtesy from her.

So they don’t need to know if I’m offended or not (There’s offended again. Other adjectives are available). Just don’t assume that anybody likes being “lovey” and we’re off to a good start.

How would they know it offends you if you don't say anything. I do not believe the terms are meant to be offensive, in fact, quite the opposite.

I quite like being called love, pet, etc.

I really think it depends on the circumstances, the person, the tone of voice, their expression, and the whole situation. A normal polite exchange between two people in a public place is of no importance to me at all. They can use any term they like (within reason!) I don't think I'd even notice if they called the man next to me 'sir' because am I bovvered? ?

MawBe

He probably just couldn’t remember your name - you know, multitasking...men.. etc
Better than being referred to as “Grandma”
TBH I really think you are allowing yourself to be over sensitive- as Eleanor Roosevelt said, I believe,
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Smile, answer “Yes, pet/love/sonny “ or whatever!

People who patronise me don't make me feel inferior.

They make me think they are a bit dopey, actually.

If an instructor thought it was ok to not remember my name after a month of lessons I'm not sure what I'd think of him. Useless, maybe?

He probably just couldn’t remember your name - you know, multitasking...men.. etc
Better than being referred to as “Grandma”
TBH I really think you are allowing yourself to be over sensitive- as Eleanor Roosevelt said, I believe,
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Smile, answer “Yes, pet/love/sonny “ or whatever!

If it bothers you that much just say so.

The older I get the better I am
At knowing when to give
And when to just not give a damn.

I am with you 100% chestnut..

Yes no one can talk of anything because covid. My mil died on Christmas day last year, we managed to talk about what was on TV that very day

MerylStreep

Exactly Kitty
We’ve had 14 months of crap upon crap, how many people have died and the op complaints of being called young lady
?

What a ridiculous post. Why don't you pop over to the gardening threads and tell people there not to complain about weeds CoZ PeOpLe ArE dYiNg ?

Exactly Kitty
We’ve had 14 months of crap upon crap, how many people have died and the op complaints of being called young lady
?

Oh for goodness sake!!