When sexism and ageism combine...

I volunteer at a vaccination hub and I have been called love, sweetheart, darling, pet, hen , miss and just about any other term of endearment you can think of both by men and women . I really don’t mind at all as it’s not meant unkindly. I grew up in Yorkshire where just about everybody is called love and I can’t get worked up about it .

To be honest I don't care what people call me as long as it's not a horrible word. Must admit I am guilty of calling people darling or sweetheart especially if I have talking to them a long while. A workman called me lovey he was from Leeds and it's something they call people.

Don't think people use familiar language to be horrible just think it's the way they talk. Depends what part of the country you where brought up. And a lot to do with how our parents spoke to people. I'm 63 . My mom didn't like it if anyone said she was old . She would say older never old. She was 90 when she died.

Language is changing all the time and am amazed at what some young people say to mean things are good. They use words like sick. To me sick means ill or to vomit. But not to the young.

Remember mom was on her 70's one of my brother's friends gave her a lift home. She told my brother he's a lovely boy and his friend was with him. They are always together and smartly dressed. My brother said he is Gay , mom said I know he's always a happy boy.

Will end with that.

I’d feel irritated if Im Honest

So don't put the blame on the people who don't want to be patronised.

It’s the wolf whistle/cat calls thread all over again

I don't actually think that I would have noticed.

Yes, it is the different mode of address that annoys. if we all get the informal version, then we are all pals and on an equal footing. If some people get the formal and derefential greeting and some don't, that is an -ism. If thin people were "sir" and "madam" and fat people, male or female, weren't, it would be discrimination.

I don't mind being called all the pet names that exist, but don't ever treat me as if I'm a decrepit, useless old woman----just because I am old It unnerves me.

The propensity to call older women by diminutive pet names is so engrained that people don't think they are being rude or supercilious. They think they are being "nice". Its not the "way" that you say it.

They are being patronising, even if they don't know it.

If everyone's "dearie", I don't even notice, If I'm "dearie" and the guy in front of me is "sir"; not good.

Yes. It is when you move from one area to another that you become aware of the local universal term.

I still think there is an element of it in the way that men are often addressed as though they are superior beings, women often as though they are not, in the same conversation about the same sale or financial transaction. The powerful man buying, the dependent woman being bought something, by her protector?

Aveline

Amazed you're so worked up about this. I'm not so insecure of my identity and worth that it bothers me.

Aveline
That’s exactly what I wanted to say.
Most of my working life was in a predominantly male environment ( printing) I’ve had it all said to me ?
I would just laugh at them. Nothing better to deflate the male ego ( and anything else ?)

I agree with Baggs. Of course, as always, it ain't what you say it's the way that you say it. It's quite possible to be extremely insolent in saying 'sir'. Similarly, 'love' or 'dear' can be said very kindly.
Personally I don't call anybody sir, dear, madam or whatever.

It doesnt really oil the wheels of ackward exchanges if it makes people uncomfortable.

One can tell if someone is being rude or supercilious.

Something to oil the wheels of awkward exchanges.

I don't think it's always about power, elegran, otherwise everyone wouldn't call everyone Love in the part of Lancashire where I grew up, Pet in the northeast, Pal in the part of the west of Scotland where I now live, etc. I think these terms are just short exchange padders with a positive intent.

faringdon59 Perhaps you could have laughed at the first "young lady", as though he had been very witty, then said "But I am an old lady! - and I have a name. It is XXXX.

Baggs

Alegrias1

But this isn't what was complained about in the OP.

erm... yes it was

I do not see any reference in the OP to what she called the golf instructor. I very much doubt anyone called him sir.

Verbatim quote from the OP. Final paragraph. Forget the golf instructor.

In a supermarket queue last week the man in a suit in front of me was addressed as sir but I was called "lovey" three times during the transaction process.

Aveline

Why not Alegrias it's what I really think? Basically don't sweat the small stuff.

That's fine for you "Aveline" and if it doesn't bother you, no worries. But your comment about how you're not so insecure of your identity and worth that it bothers you implies that those who do care are insecure in their identity and have self worth issues.

I can assure you very strongly that "insecurity" is not something I have ever been bothered with. Experience of being underestimated and talked down to, now those are things I can talk to you about. A different form of address for someone who looks like a nice old dear says that the speaker thinks of you only that way.

So don't put the blame on the people who don't want to be patronised.

It may not be misogyny or sexism or ageism, but it is some kind of -ism that differentiates between one person and another.

Should we label it Powerism? Men are powerful, so get "sir", which from one man to another indicates deference to an older man or one in a senior position, and from a checkout assistant indicates deference to a valued customer.

If women are powerful (in the forces a superior officer) they get madam or ma'am. When they are merely doing female chores like food shopping or taking the car to get an MOT, they are no more powerful than equal (if that) to the female checkout assistant, and definitely inferior to the alpha male mechanic who will service the car and tell her how many arms and legs it is going to cost.

Or if they did it was through gritted teeth. Perhaps you should have tried that, Faringdon? it might have done the trick.

Alegrias1

^But this isn't what was complained about in the OP.^

erm... yes it was

I do not see any reference in the OP to what she called the golf instructor. I very much doubt anyone called him sir.

But this isn't what was complained about in the OP.

erm... yes it was

FarNorth

There's really no need for checkout operators to call customers anything. Hullo / Good Morning etc should be all that's needed.
That golf guy was rude.

Rude? Perhaps. But I doubt it.

I reall don't mind m'dears or loves (love is common to all ages and from all ages where I grew up), but the lately common "Stay safe" or "You take care now" do set my teeth on edge. Because, well, one does in any case. It doesn't need a pandemic.

As someone on GN used to say: I don't mind what you call me as long as you don't call me late for dinner.

There's really no need for checkout operators to call customers anything. Hullo / Good Morning etc should be all that's needed.
That golf guy was rude.