When sexism and ageism combine...

I'm 62, and don't mind being addressed as "love", "dear" etc. When I'm out with others, I don't like being addressed as "guys", nor do I like "girls"

Hello, I really dont mind any of these expressions of kindness or even affection for the elderly woman. I dont want to be sir. What I really object to is not being seen at all and people making decisions for me. Like Jean can look after the children, Jean will wash up and tidy up, Jean can do this or that. It make you look like a mean person when you dont want to do these things and why should my children assume that I do. Also would like women to feel they can enjoy each other as women and be good company without the assumption that your are gossiping. The labels that are put on you when you get older is really dehumanising. Older women need to find an identity that fits and makes them feel they have a place in society, respected and even loved as being old brings so many gifts. Being called darling, love, sweetheart are generally traditionally kind and I even like it sometimes.

When I'm asked how I'd prefer to be addressed I always say Madam and nobody ever takes me at my word .
As ever, it ain't what you say it's the way that you say it!

I do not like to be called "madam" and the last time I was my reply was that I did not run a brothel.

Victim blaming.

But thanks for explaining what I think Aveline. I'll just keep quiet now so as not to cause any trouble.

Yes it is. If people weren't offended by what others say then there wouldn't be trouble.

Its not about being offended.

?‍♀‍

If I saw a sign saying take an old bag shopping. I would now it meant to use an old bag. Why would anyone take offence at that. People have become so sensitive to innocent comments. We are breeding a generation who take offence at the slightest thing. Life has become so easy people need to find something to moan about.

They would have something to moan about if they didn't have all the labour saving devices and all the tech.

Unless someone calls me a rude word I really don't care. It's nice just to talk to people.

FarNorth

Oldwoman70 is it only the odd-job man you call 'young man' while you remember the names of all your other staff?
If so, he might be secretly peeved.

Just come back to this thread so sorry for the late reply.
I don't have "staff" - just the odd job man and the gardener and yes I call him "young man" too (but in his case as he is in his 20s as far as I am concerned it is accurate) The odd job man has become a friend and would not hesitate to let me know if he didn't like me calling him that

My husband experiences this when he goes to our local co op. If he's wearing a suit he's called Sir but if he's in jeans and a t.shirt he's called Mate.
I don't really mind what people call me in shops but I do hate Hon or Honey.

I can tell if someone is being friendly, or patronising, whether they use Madam, Love or any other form of address, and will react accordingly. The actual word used doesn’t bother me at all. I did notice, when I was briefly using a wheelchair, that many shop assistants ignored me and spoke to my ‘pusher’as though my brain had stopped working, along with my legs.

In my local hospital, unlike some that have been mentioned, the staff always ask if they may use your Christian name. In-patients have a note of how they wish to be addressed written over their beds. It’s a good respectful system.

Sometimes, a shop assistant or office clerk will want to suggest me doing something online.
They often start off by saying "Do you have internet, at all?"
I actually don't mind that, as many people of my age don't have internet, or do have it but can barely use it.
I just assure them cheerfully that I'll have no bother doing whatever it is.

Granartisan

A young acquaintance told me I was 'doing well' to be using a computer at 'my age'.

i think i'd be tempted to reply that he/she was doing well to be able to handle a fork and knife all by themselves. how clever !

I would be happy to get a wolf whistle at 76. ?

I really don’t think I can be bothered to upset. There are more important things to be distressed by - life is too short to be fussy about what you’re called as long as it’s not downright rude!

Chestnut

I would be a bit miffed if someone said 'mind the old lady'.

I was really upset when someone said that about me to a child. I know I use a stick and had a face covering on but I am only 56!

Crispee ?

Sorry, I meant to say Alegrias1.

I agree with everything Allegra1 has said. Allowing people to address you in a way they wouldn't address someone of a different gender, age, class, etc., is the thin edge of the wedge, and if you don't speak out against it, it becomes endemic and continues to influence the way people regard you in general. Language which is demeaning perpetuates a stereotype. A few years ago I complained to Sainsbury's about their slogan 'Take an Old Bag Shopping'. They were using humour (they claimed) to encourage people to re-use plastic carrier bags, but it was clearly at the expense of older women. Sainsbury's received so many complaints, and got such a bad press, that they abandoned the slogan, but shamefully would not accept it was ageist or sexist, despite the fact that attacks like these on a certain demography, older women in this case, are insidious, and when they permeate society we get unfairness - witness the inequality which still exists in women's pay, pensions, etc.

I would've been annoyed by that too Faringdon A supermarket check out boy who was about 18 said to me once "Do you want a bag love?" and I said "No thanks, but do you know it's not politically correct to call anyone Love?" He blushed to the roots of his hair and I felt so awful and wished I'd never said anything

I used to ‘go out’ with someone who called me ‘my darling’ - my response was ‘I may be a darling but I am not “yours” ‘! The relationship didn’t last long!

Faringdon59 I deal with all the ‘dears’, ‘lovelies’ etc with the same response, be it to a male or female. I simply look them in the eye and say ‘thank you sweetie’. And enjoy their confusion! To be fair I think most people use these words absentmindedly and don’t mean any offence however if I’ve had a bad day ‘sweetie’ takes her revenge! ?

I’m so glad I don’t go through life looking for perceived slights, rudeness, disrespect, put-downs, sidelinings etc etc to be angry about.

Has anyone on this thread said they do do this or that they are angry about it?

I heard something this morning that would give some posters here something to get (even more) worked up about.
In the hotel dining room at breakfast time an elderly couple walked in to be greeting effusively by the mature d' with, "Hello young lovers'!!
Judging by their faces they absolutely loved it.

Its interesting the way this thread has developed. OP was discussing how people disrespect her by not using her name and using belittling language towards her. Becuase they have already formed an opinion of her without any knowledge of her and her character whatsoever. That kind of thing has always got right on my nerves.

And a whole lot of people have told her that she's overreacting, that she has no self confidence, that there are bigger things to worry about, that its all a bit of fun. Oh, the irony.

Anyway, I don't do "put downs" M0nica. I tell people what I think. Disagreeing strongly isn't bullying. Telling someone they need to be quiet and stop complaining, well that's more of a grey area.