Pillow talk

I’m so sorry, I didn’t intend to upset anyone with my post . It just seemed to be related to the question about pillows and widowhood etc.
I am very touched - thank you x

Bizarrely when he died I was almost happy for him because they were back together again . The plaque on the wall in the churchyard simply has the inscription ‘Together Forever’ and their names.

Enough from me … back to the thread

NotAGran55

My dad was a widower for 11 years and he made the bed with 4 pillows and washed everything.

When he died and I stripped the bed I found my mum’s nightie under her pillow ?

I can’t stop crying at that. He must have loved her so much. ?

As I have got older, I find my neck needs support. I bought a long, narrow cushion from John Lewis and it is perfect. But there are no pillowcases to fit it.

Whiff my heart goes out to you.

I have been widowed 17 years. I still have four pillows on our king size bed. I still sleep on my side. The whole bedding gets changed at the end of the each month. As their is only me in it. Had a new mattress and got new pillows for my husband's side. As he had lumps on his scald from the cancer which bled on to his pillows. Still hate the empty bed. I miss even after all this time putting out my hand and feeling him their.

My cousin can't sleep without his wife's pillow the back of him holding the other one . He also sleeps on his side of the bed.

I was widowed at 45 my husband 47. My cousin and wife where both 53 when she died 4 years ago.

I could never sleep in the middle or on his side of the bed.

We all have to find which gives us comfort. The way I do the bed and sleep is mine. We all cope with our grief the best we can. One day at a time. And in my experience it doesn't get easier as the years go by. Just cope better . ?

NotAGran55

My dad was a widower for 11 years and he made the bed with 4 pillows and washed everything.

When he died and I stripped the bed I found my mum’s nightie under her pillow ?

Made me cry, that.

Oh NotAGran55.
I think that is truly lovely.
I hope it gave him comfort all those years.

It's funny but when I read the original post I immediately thought about how "practical but lonely" it sounded to have one set of pillows. I wondered how I might behave if I found myself alone. I thought I would find one set too difficult and thought I would need two sets.
....I thought I might want to take something (maybe pyjamas I pondered) to bed with me for company.

I think your post about your father will stay with me for a long time. ❤

In a very similar situation to yours (3 1/2 years) I do exactly the same as you dansmom

Thank you ladies for your kind comments.
I was utterly heartbroken to think of him replacing it each time he made the bed all those years . Such a simple thing but so poignant.

NotaGran that must have been very sad for you

Calendargirl

Why not wash just the two ‘used’ pillows each time, and swap the unused ones round?

I can understand why you still make the bed with four pillows though.

Because. in my case, different sheets are used to remake the bed and the pillowslips would not match them.

That is very touching Notagran

We usually sleep in separate beds now so I have one pillow each side.

I have four pillows I sleep on my left side facing the door. I sleep alone DH has difficulty sleeping he eventually suggested I go to another room so one of us gets some sleep.
What happened to pillows? years ago it was soft or firm or feather and down. Now there are so many choices of pillows in the shops.

Oh NotAGran that made me catch my breath. I've been widowed 11 years and I still lie on 'my' side, rather than in the middle. I don't make up the other side much but tuck in the sheets to make the bottom sheet smooth.

My dad was a widower for 11 years and he made the bed with 4 pillows and washed everything.

When he died and I stripped the bed I found my mum’s nightie under her pillow ?

I still make my bed with four pillows I swop them over during the week so they all get used. When I go to bed two go on the floor and I move my pillows to the middle.

Bottom not bottle

I’m the same as you dansmom, even make sure I smooth the bottle sheet well on OH side ? even though I’ve been widowed 5 years also.
Daft I know, old habits die hard.

Yes, I sleep alone in a double bed and have one pillow in the middle. I am a hot body so like to move from side to side to find a cool spot. I have cooling gel pads beside one edge and under the pillow.

Why not wash just the two ‘used’ pillows each time, and swap the unused ones round?

I can understand why you still make the bed with four pillows though.