Whether to upsize

Stay where you are. I have been looking at new builds lately and the thing which struck me immediately was the lack of facilities within walking distance. You may be able to drive now but that may not always be the case. I have recently had a mastectomy and was unable to drive for some time. I was so glad of pleasant places to walk and shops up the road to supplement home deliveries.

You are happy where you are, although a bit cramped.

You expect your adult children to move out in the course of the coming year, which will leave you, your husband and your father in a four bedroomed house.

After your children move out, you will be three adults, presumably occupying two bedrooms, which will leave two rooms free for when your children visit.

You don't mention either your age or that of your father, but with three adult children it seems reasonable to assume that you and your husband are approaching retirement age.

You have good neighbours and live in a quiet street, so quite honestly, unless there is no public transport and no shops nearby and you are looking forward to the time when you and your DH should not be driving any longer, there is no reason on earth to move, and good reasons for staying where you are.

Why burden yourselves with a mortgage now, and a house that will very soon become too big?

How likely is it that all your adult children will come to visit at the same time? Are there no B&Bs or other reasonable accomodation nearby if they should all decide to come at once?

Finally what kind of retirement are you planning? Do you really intend it to be focussed on your family? You have done your duty by them by all accounts, and however much you love them, they should not be the only thing occupying your now.

Keep them squished! If you make them too comfortable they'll never want to move out :D

We upsized on retirement and haven't regretted it, we have room for AC and GC to stay and better facilities around us, but time goes on and we are beginning to find the care and maintenance getting harder. However because we moved up we can now afford to move down if we need to and stay in the area. You want more space but with AC moving out soon you need to test how you feel when they are gone.

Kimski44

One thing not mentioned so far, is the total lack of parking facilities on very new-build estates. My mum bought a new build 30 years’ ago and then, they were still in the business of providing garages and off road-parking. I have been buying lots of toys for my little granddaughter recently off fb marketplace and a lot of young couples live on one of the many new-build estates here in West Sussex. The roads themselves are extremely narrow, there is virtually no visitor parking and if you do park, you will often get a neighbour asking if you would move your car as they can’t easily park themselves - which must be a nightmare for them. Unless you are on a prestigious new build estate, comprised of very large homes only, where this probably won’t be so much of a problem, then this is definitely something to be considered. A drive around any new build estate built in the last five years will give you an idea. I don’t think it will be a problem if it’s just you, it’s more for if you have a lot of visitors.

Agreed!! My daughter lives on one such newish estate and it is horrific trying to park!

There are some 4 bed houses there with a garage and one parking space - there could potentially be 3 teens + mum and dad so effectively once they hit 17 there could be 5 cars to that one property! Crazy .....

I would stay put. You said the adult children will be leaving within a year. It’s unlikely they will all visit at the same time so your space demands may be diminished.
Have you thought about a cabin/caravan type thing in the back garden, it may help you.

We just downsized from a big bungalow to a 2 bed bungalow. I don’t regret the down sizing but I regret moving from the area. All my new neighbours are a lot older than us and everyone knows everyone’s business and there are a lot of snide comments about money.

We moved ten years ago from a 3-bed terraced house in a London suburb, where we had lived for nearly 30 years, to a 3-bed cottage in a small village 100 miles away. No regrets whatsoever.

The cottage was adequate for just us, but we knew our AC would be visiting with their families so we extended the ground floor to open up the small rooms, enlarge the kitchen, add an extra bedroom and two bathrooms. This increased space may also benefit us in the future should we need to use walking frames, wheelchairs or a downstairs bedroom. Our children's families have expanded since then so we still don't have enough bedrooms to accommodate them all at the same time, but with sofa beds etc we manage. The house still has a cosy cottagey feel and is not too big for the two of us, and the village is a lovely place to live with good amenities and transport connections. The only way we're leaving here is in a box!!

With an ever increasing population and what appears since Covid. more people working from home the market for larger homes has increased. So no I do not believe you would regret switching from one four bed to another four bed.
Goodluck*

We moved from a bungalow we loved, because my FinL who lives with us wanted a bigger garden. I regret it all day, every day. Our 'quiet bungalow on private road' now has an unlicensed garden centre on one side and a young couple who moved in with 2 children who scream all day, as does their mother...and swiftly added another two children. They also decided to self build an extension and 4 years later are still awaiting completion.

Also, modern builds are not large, and will almost certainly be smaller than an older house, plus simply moving with stamp duty etc will cost you. Our move cost £25000.

Bought a 4 bed new build 12 years ago. Decision to upsize was due to family living all over the place so when visiting having to stay over we were a squashed up. Small scheme of 120 all detached properties, edge of golf course and woodland park. Whilst 4 bedrooms, two public rooms, large conservatory I would say rooms in new build are smaller than older houses. I though only wanted sleeping space and the 4 rooms can all accommodated large beds with not much furniture. I haven't missed my oldest area. You both work from home, that alone must create a need for space, never mind the family. Choose you're area carefully. One downside, and some would say I am a grump, is that in new housing there can be a lot of children about with resultant noise.

It sounds to me like you're not thinking about moving area - so any close friends and community stuff that you're involved with are still going to be available to you - so no problem there

Not sure exactly what you anticipate needing for offering supported living to age 16+ Young people - but it does sound to me as though your heart is set on having more space.

We have just relocated from one end of the country to the other and have bought a much bigger house (5 bedrooms and 2 reception rooms plus large kitchen dining room) - although there are only the 2 of us living here full time.

The extra space and bedrooms mean we can have a dressing room and I can have the luxury of a much longed for craft room that I don't have to tidy up every time I finish a session. We can also have 2 bedrooms purely designated as guest bedrooms so friends and family can come whenever they feel like it, without causing a major upheaval to get ready for them.

We've just had friends with 2 - 8 year old twin boys stay here for 5 days - the extra space helped make it much easier than it would have been in our previous much smaller home.

Looking to the future there are spare rooms for "live in care" should we ever need it!!!

We took into account the cost of a cleaner, help with the garden and window cleaner, so the extra effort of maintaining a larger house and garden is taken care of.

There were lots of things to think about and we started off with a list of "must haves", "must not haves" and areas that we were happy to compromise on.

We made sure we were fully aware of all our income and expenditures and made sure that we weren't going to be over spending. We set a budget and started looking at properties until we found one that we were happy with. Because of the location, we had to sell and rent in the new area. It sounds as though you could start looking from the comfort of your current home.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

One thing not mentioned so far, is the total lack of parking facilities on very new-build estates. My mum bought a new build 30 years’ ago and then, they were still in the business of providing garages and off road-parking. I have been buying lots of toys for my little granddaughter recently off fb marketplace and a lot of young couples live on one of the many new-build estates here in West Sussex. The roads themselves are extremely narrow, there is virtually no visitor parking and if you do park, you will often get a neighbour asking if you would move your car as they can’t easily park themselves - which must be a nightmare for them. Unless you are on a prestigious new build estate, comprised of very large homes only, where this probably won’t be so much of a problem, then this is definitely something to be considered. A drive around any new build estate built in the last five years will give you an idea. I don’t think it will be a problem if it’s just you, it’s more for if you have a lot of visitors.

It just seems like the wrong time to move? You've already said that your adult children and their partners should be moving out in the next year - and, personally, I'd make sure that it all feels very cramped to make sure that they've got the extra incentive to do so! Why not wait until they've moved and then make the decision? I know someone who moved into a much larger house (with 7 bedrooms!) picturing lots of family get-togethers and grandchildren running around. But it hasn't worked out that way - most of them have stayed fairly near so don't need to stay; they spend alternate Christmases with the other side of the family (partners) and are generally too busy to visit much (full time jobs, shopping, housework, kids). Most of the time she and her husband are rattling around in it and feeling lost. Hold steady and maybe revisit the decision in a year's time?

We moved when our children left home, releasing capital to help them all get homes. We moved to a less expensive area and bought a house that had three spare rooms and plenty of room for bed settees so that everybody could stay at once. This very rarely happened! Now we have downsized to a maisonette close to most of our family as we know they'll probably not stay overnight when they visit.

A cul.de sac with lovely neighbours, adult children moving out? Noo! Stay. Things change all.the time with young people, they can decide to emigrate or be childless, things rarely turn out as you think they will. You need to make the decision about yourself and your own needs now and in the future, not about adult children or potential.grandchildren.

Don’t move if you like your present house and the adult children will be moving out in the next year. The cost and stress of moving should be considered.
Our neighbours extended their house to accommodate growing children. The children have now left home..

Years ago when our family visited some slept in the caravan and the children loved to sleep in a tent on the lawn but now they live far away and don’t visit much. Would have been a waste of money and effort if we had upsized to accommodate them.

When DH retired we extended our house, adding an extra bedroom with en suite, extra living room and doubled the size of the kitchen. It works for us because I like the area we live in and have had the same neighbours for fifty years.
Down sizing in old age was never on the cards, you need extra space as you age, not cramped conditions.

I agree with others who have said that knowing your neighbours and that the areas is lovely is worth so much . Have you thought about one of this garden rooms ? I went to a BBQ at a house that had one and it was fantastic. They are so much more advanced now. As others have said an architect could probably maximise the home you have . Just hope you enjoy whichever choice you make .

DD’s new-build has one large bedroom with en-suite & 3 teentsy ones. Room for a double bed but no wardrobe, etc! 2 thoughts:- you say you’ve extended, but have you extended into the roof? Also, I have friends who bought a caravan which they keep in their garden and which is ideal for visiting family - quite often the ACs sleep in the house & the youngsters in the caravan, which they love. Many areas, however, have strict rules about caravans being kept in public view.

We live on an estate with community heating. It makes the service charge expensive but we have no bills for heating or hot water and don't need a gas supply unless we have gas for cooking. Also no worries about boiler breakdowns or servicing

Personally I would not upsize to cope with what sounds like a temporary shortage of space - you may well need to downsize later and both these sales and moves would be very stressful and expensive.
You'd effectively just be moving sideways into another four bed house which seems a bit pointless. The idea of a large well-built and insulated cabin with shower and cooking facilities in the garden sounds excellent and it is likely that, if it is ostensibly for an elderly parent, there would be no problems with planning permission.
Leaving your community sounds as though it would be a real wrench too.

Do try to hang on.
I feel your pain having been there over the last couple of years but coming out on the other side here.
Last one due to move out in six weeks - phew-
So now two of us with the reality of 3/4 bedrooms and just the visitors to accommodate. They too are a regular occurrence, but always welcome.

Unless your garden is unmanageable I would stay put. We have been trying to find a house with enough space for visitors and space so that we don’t murder each othe, but finding a modern house with decent sized bedrooms has been a challenge ( especially new builds

Please work out the costs of moving and especially fees, which are invisible but will be considerable: solicitor, surveyor, removal firm. Then price up a garden office/ annexe and if possible put a bed in plus loo and shower, otherwise guests will have to tramp across the garden to your house if they need loo in the night.

If your grown up children are about to fly the nest, I personally would be reluctant to spend a lot of money buying a bigger house. Question you need to think about is, are they likely to stay local? If they are no need to worry about accommodating them. Even if they are moving away how often would they stay?
If you’ve space in the garden I’d been inclined to install a summer house or similar to use as workspace or even a retreat. Maybe you need to get a professional in to look at the space and maybe resign the layout.
In a few year (don’t know how old you are) it could be you visiting your children. I think any spare money I’d be more inclined to help the children move out unless of course you all want to stay together.
With regards to neighbours can you increase your off road parking.
Sounds like you’re an ideal case for Kirstie’s love it or list it