Whether to upsize

Stay where you are. I have been looking at new builds lately and the thing which struck me immediately was the lack of facilities within walking distance. You may be able to drive now but that may not always be the case. I have recently had a mastectomy and was unable to drive for some time. I was so glad of pleasant places to walk and shops up the road to supplement home deliveries.

No way, it doesnt make any financial sense.

Also, future visits and use for the house may not materialize

Ruby28, I’d echo what Callistemon said. I wanted a study but didn’t want to lose a small bedroom. We saw Studybeds (www.studybeds.co.uk) at an Ideal Home exhibition, and bought one. Lovely big desk, and if you pull the bed down the desk self-levels and slips underneath it, so you don’t have to take computer, printer and assorted stuff off it every time. We got a small double, they also do singles (which I gather they sell to university halls of residence) and full doubles. Delighted with the ease of use and quality ( we got a set of drawers which slide underneath the desk too). Can recommend. As Callistemon said, other models are available, but I only have experience of that one. It gets used maybe 2 weeks in a year, the rest of the time I have my study and craft room to myself.
Ctussaud, a word of caution. We have a 1 single bedroom annex with a sitting area, shower room and kitchenette, over our garage here in west Wales, originally built by the previous owner in the 1960s. It is the width of a path, about 1 metre, from the house. The Valuation Office have designated it a second home as it has a toilet and kitchenette, and our local council have slapped 150% council tax on it, which we expect to go up to 200% next year, which they are allowed to do according to Welsh Senedd law. I gather areas of England such as Cornwall and Devon are also taking punitive second home measures. You just need to be aware of what local legislation there is, or might be in the near future, if thinking of building anything at the bottom of the garden to be lived in

If you have spare funds whynot help your children move out? We have helped all three of ours with their deposits because the mortgages they now pay are the same as or less than they paid for renting. You get to keep your house for family visiting .

I'm not sure what this newbuild four bedroomed house has got that your house doesn't have.

At present you have a family house full of memories in a location you like and with brilliant neighbours.

If you have a budget for a possible move, why not invite a good architect to meet you on site, listen to the pros and cons of your situation, hear what you think you need, look carefully at your house and give her your budget.

You might be amazed at what she could come up with - extending, rejigging, building an annexe, changing the use of some spaces - all possible within your budget and you would still have your lovely neighbours.

If your happy in your community I would stay.there are lots of options.someone mentioned a caravan, what a great idea. Moving house is one of the most stressful experiences ever. De-cluttering can release tons of space by the way!

In your position I would stay put. It is so costly to move and until you know what your ACs are going to do and where, along with how many if any children they'll have it's all speculation. Also I think many folk have idyllic images of everyone coming home together and then find that doesn't happen, making the space you have adequate anyway. Certainly have a look at bottom of the garden studios or loft conversion etc but where you are sounds lovely.

There is a lot to be said for good neighbours, a community you now well. I think that looking in to ways to have more space in the form of a garden room or annexe even converting a garage is worth doing than all the upset of moving away. A friend of mine bought a place in December 2020, brand new and the outside is still unfinished, they are still looking at a building site there are all sorts of snagging issues and most of the work has been done on the cheap. It is all looks over substance.

Don’t upsize. Sounds to me you are taking all the responsibility. Let the family control their own life’s.
This is not your responsibility. How will they learn to cope if you keep taking the lead.
Stay put and when they come they can share accommodation.
It’s difficult to find friendly places to love.

I'm about to upsize, more space during these covid times, allows us to have family round occasionally with fewer risks as we're not so crammed in. Can't see this risk abating in the near future.

I think stay put plus a caravan or cabin in the garden might be the best answer. Is there a Premier Inn not too far away?

We moved 200 miles south from a rural town in the north 8 years ago to be nearer to ageing parents. We moved from a 4 bedroom house with a large garden to a 5 bedroom new build (on the edge of a larger town) with a much smaller garden and have no regrets. Our 2 children and 5 grandchildren can come to stay without us feeling squashed, and it is wonderful. The new build is very well built and so warm! Heating bills much lower, (no community heating or management fees). Sadly both parents have died within the past 2 years - both mid 90s - but we have no plans to move back up north as we love living here. Good bus routes and shops nearby too - something which we didn't have before. The move from north to south cost us some money - but it has certainly been a worthwhile investment.

Don’t buy new. We did and had issues with drug dealers on the estate, had 3 raids in a year and houses were boarded up looking bad. Neighbours all had children making 10 in all the houses behind ours so no peace in garden. road noise was another issue, developers promised a noise bun but it won’t be effective with the trees until they are grown up in about 20 years time. Parking became a problem and permits were issued for some houses not others. Management charges were not the same for everyone. Garden was overlooked more than we expected, we had bought off plan so ground levels dictated this. Last but not least was the snagging which took ages to clear and some people had really bad issues.
Stay put when the adults go you will have more space and have a clear out! Good luck whatever you decide.

Why go from one 4-bed home in an area you like to another 4-bed somewhere unknown?

You say "The adult children and partners should be moved out over the next year." That will give you more space. Once they have homes of their own it will be very unlikely that they will all be visiting at once, and if they do so, it will only be for a week or two at a time - squashing in will seem like fun for that length of time.

The caravan or annexe would seem to me to be the best option. It would be an extra bedroom when needed, and when you have no family visiting you could use it as a home office.

Stay where you are! Encourage kids to move out!

Might I suggest another way of looking at things. I have done 10 years of hospital car driving 3 days a week and have seen and heard from so many people who ended up having to move somewhere that was not of their choosing due to health reasons or unable to drive any more etc. So might I suggest working backwards really. Where would you and your husband like to be if you were retired and had any health problems.? You do not mention how old you are and how many years you expect to be working. Could you think what is the best for the two of you given a worse scenario of perhaps less money and not so fit. Naturally you want to be able to be with your family but you do not know what life has in store for your children. They may need to move for work or by choice. It could be a possibility that you put lots of work and money to a bigger place and then for unforseen reasons it does not work out. Have just been reading an interesting article where a couple had an architect make plans to be able to change a house round so that they could live on ground level if necessary. Not that you need to do it now but if you looked at this sort of thing you could see if this house could be flexible and allow you to continue staying there over many years. One possible idea for more sleeping space is would you use or enjoy having a motor home? If you checked out the bylaws I would think that you could have it on a drive and it could provided visiting family with sleeping accommodation , and you with the opportunity to travel about a bit on holiday. I think flexibility is the important bit to look at and actually some of these travel inn rooms where you pay for a room only might be more useful for the visitors where they can be with you for as long as it suits you all but can go back to a hotel and play their choice of music or whatever so that you are able to arrange meals and get togethers to suit everyone. I had a friend who stayed in a 3 bedroom house "so that the children would always be able to visit" They used to come to stay once or twice a year and never more than a week at a time. She worried about bills, house maintenance costs etc. After thinking about it and looking at possibilities she moved down to a one bedroom flat, and her family have stayed in a travel inn close by and see her for all the days they are over. She has less worry, the family are not having to spend lots of the time mending and sorting out problems and they are enjoying their time together more and she is definitely better off financially. I do not say this is a better idea than any other but do think it is right to look at as many alternatives as you can on paper and work out what it will cost you and whether one scheme will make life easier for you in years to come or whether you want to put that on hold for a few more years . Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Married for over 40 years in a large 4 bed roomed house and family living with me has gone up and down in size and no doubt will continue (having children, then they grow up and leave and sometimes have returned with extras e.g. baby grandchildren) currently granddaughter and great granddaughter living with hubby and me. So my home space depends who has been living or visiting with us. I love the house and my neighbours so if needed space would do garden room instead.

i do not own a house but one thing i have noticed from friends and family is that newly built house have smaller rooms, you may still have a 4 bedroom house but may not have the space to put everyones things in each room, a good friend recently moved from a concil to a newly built council house and the place is so much smaller, they often say it feels like the house is closing in on them, please consider what you like about your area, transport, shops, doctor and neighbours, you may end up having a big 4 bedroom house and just the two of you rattling around in and wanting a smaller place when you are older, as you say, some of the kids will be moving out.

I would consider the area . We were looking earlier this year at properties and came across a couple that moved from an area near London to the outskirts of Winchester. They regreted moving to a quiet area - the house is up for sale . There is nothing wrong in wanting an adventure or moving to another home but consider it carefully

I think I’d be staying, as you say they will be moving out next year, you have nice neighbours too, you live in a quiet area, so surely when they have moved out there will be more space for you, I’d be staying,

I'd probably stay - like the area/good neighbours etc.

You say your adult children will be moving out - there's no guarantee they will want to stop over with you in the future.

Maybe look re-planning the rooms new furniture to make the most of the space. Rooms for occasional use don't need as much furniture for instance.

Our house is designed for two people. We love gardening and didn't want to take up precious garden space by building all over it. We have permission for two more bedrooms and two bathrooms but we don't want them. We are building on one ground floor bedroom and bathroom so that we never have to leave. The only people who come to stay are our daughter , her husband and twin teenagers. We long ago worked out that it is much more convenient for them to stay at the local Premier Inn. They can leave their stuff there while they visit. They have en-suite bathrooms and some sort of deal where they can eat as much breakfast as they like. My daughter is very organised and books several months in advance and gets rates as little as around £30.00 for a family room. We look after their dog. Compare that with running a large house for maybe four visits a year and there is no competition.

don't do it! I sold my 2 bed bungalow and moved to a 3 bed house so both my sons could move back to save for a mortgage.
one stayed 3 weeks, the other a few months.I didn't get thanked for it ,i struggled to sell the house in 2010, lost money on the sale,so no, don't do it.Let them sleep in a caravan or shed in the garden!
think of yourself first.

It’s very sensible to give yourself a bit of breathing space before you make this big decision.
For what it’s worth, I did the opposite, downsized and moved right away from an area I’d lived in for decades to be with my daughter and granddaughters. I wish I’d thought things through a bit more before taking the plunge!

When I lived in Suffolk an elderly lady bought a beautiful old hall house nearby. She'd moved from Kent I think, to be near her daughter who'd also moved to Suffolk. A few years later daughter moved back and the lady followed her.

I think that often friends and neighbours can be of more benefit as we get older because children are usually out at work and don't always have time. One friend became ill and it was friends who took her to the doctor and then hospital. Although two of her children lived in nearby towns they both had jobs and it would have taken them about an hour to reach her.

Over time most of us build networks and support groups and ACs and GCs have work and/or school to occupy them and can't always be around.