Whether to upsize

Why should you move to accommodate them? Can you guarantee your offspring are staying with you for the next five years to make it worth while moving? If your adult children are moving out next years, wait and see what living conditions are like then!

My DB and SIL brought up their family in a small 3 bed house. After the family left home, they moved to a large 4 bed house which gave room for their adult DC and partners (or other family members) to stay, and also plenty of entertaining space. They are very happy they made the move.

We moved 2 years ago from a Victorian house very near the town centre to a 20 year old house on the outskirts of a nearby, much smaller, town. The house is not hugely bigger but so much more practical with larger, brighter rooms plus an en-suite and utility room. We love it. Moving was hard work, especially as we made a conscious effort to ditch years of rubbish that we didn’t need and that really paid off as this house has no clutter (plus a double garage to store any ‘stuff’ that we could bear to part with ). The house is so much easier to look after. We moved because we knew we couldn’t live in the old house if either of us became unwell and decided to make the move while we were still fit enough. I’m so glad we did.

Madwoman11

I would stay where you are because you could move and have neighbour's from hell, also it isn't practical to be getting a larger property as we get older - think of the cleaning and upkeep.
You could get bed settees or similar for extended family visiting.

That (not the neighbours of course) depends on budget and income....money solves many problems!
So far as neighbours from hell, I had around 5 years of hell because of a hellish couple who moved in to the lovely estate I live on....staying where you are doesn't mean that your neighbours will stay too! Happily for me my neighbours from hell moved again.

Is there any way you could knock walls down so you have more entertaining space? It sounds like that's more the thing you are looking for rather than more bedrooms. I'm addicted to programmes like Love It or List It and often it's the small downstairs rooms that are the problem and all is much better with a bit of knocking through.

i would move in a heartbeat from my current house if I could find what I wanted so I would dismiss "leaving the family home" as an issue. Houses are things. Use things love people. You seem to have reasons for wanting to move that aren't just about right now but for the future too. I think it depends on what you can afford to do, how much stress you are prepared to deal with, and finding the perfect option, not just one that "will do"
You might start by writing down what you love about where you are now, and what you hate, and then looking around on righmove and so on to see what is out there that you could afford?

I would stay where you are because you could move and have neighbour's from hell, also it isn't practical to be getting a larger property as we get older - think of the cleaning and upkeep.
You could get bed settees or similar for extended family visiting.

Not moving the layout
Rearranging the layout.
(It's been a long day.)

I agree with Dinahmo, we can puzzle for ages how to redesign an existing home to suit our needs but an architect may think of something which would never have occurred to us.

A neighbour with a house similar to ours had an extension built but an architect suggested moving the layout, including moving the stairs too, which gave more space downstairs.

I've been watching a tv series called Room to Improve, with an Irish architect. Unfortunately it finished today. Anyway, an architect is called in to remodel a house and extend if necessary. Sometimes this involves knocking down down existing extensions. He tends to create an open plan living, kitchen and dining space but not always. It depends upon his clients needs and wants.

If you are happy where you live, why not think about exactly what you need and would like and then get in touch with an architect or two and see what they come up with. Many years ago, when we were doing up our wreck in London, we asked an architect friend for some advice, just related to our bathroom etc and he came up with a very simple solution which we wouldn't have thought of.

Years later we thought of extending our Suffolk cottage so that we could create a second bathroom, amongst other things. Another architect friend discussed what we wanted, and came up with a plan which converted our existing kitchen into a new hallway and shower room, linked to a new kitchen dining room with a utility room. It worked very well. We didn't build it because we moved to France but we gave the plans to the purchaser and he did. We have since seen it and it is excellent.

Don't forget the legal fees, estate agents' fees and stamp duty before deciding whether to move or not.

Thank you for all your responses which are very helpful and have given me food for thought.

Daughter and sister have taken it amiss that I want to get rid of the single bed to make a study for me.
Friends we stayed with have a bed which goes up against the wall when not in use, BigBertha, something like this but a better bed:
Other brands are available

www.furnitureinfashion.net/juist-wooden-vertical-foldaway-single-bed-in-white-p-54004.html?fo_c=2673&fo_k=5348b3e154c4dac6e74accccfe8cd433&fo_s=gplauk&https://www.furnitureinfashion.net/&gclid=CjwKCAjwgviIBhBkEiwA10D2j93yI0LxvCSENC9D3QtpbaJB3ag9SuOuUGpm8A2XC8nH1XCPuOkoIRoC72gQAvD_BwE

Ruby28 unless your rooms are very small you could find that new build homes have fairly small rooms unless you are prepared to spend a lot more money.

Could you cope until the adult DC and partners move out next year and then refurbish your present house, perhaps arrange the accommodation to suit your needs?

I've not heard of community heating and it is only flats around here that have management fees.

I say have a look around and see what is available. If you can afford to get exactly what you want then go for it. By a certain age you know exactly what you want in a home.

I remember friends buying bigger and better when their kids were in their late teens. But they could then afford a more luxurious house with a view, and more entertainment space. Now their kids all have families, our friends can have extended family for dinner without squeezing around the table. It's a really lovely house, and it was a good decision for them.

Don’t upsize because sooner or later they will fly the nest then you will be rattling around in a mansion. In addition you will have spent many thousands on moving, taxation and refurbishing.

Ruby28 moving last year was so stressful I cant recommend it at all. Why not have a garden room/office built. I would decamp there to get away from what DH calls the Mongol Hordes.

We have a 4 bed new build which has great insulation good for me as I am a cold body- no communal heating or billing for heating. The maintenance will be about £160 a year but not until everything is finished so about another year. DH has one of the bedrooms as a study dressing room and I am considering having the third smallest as my study as sharing is difficult. Problem is family coming to stay or not. That room has a single bed- we have two 'boys' nephew aged 22 at uni - unlikely to stay, grandson aged 17 off to uni next year also unlikely to stay with Nanna. Daughter and sister have taken it amiss that I want to get rid of the single bed to make a study for me.
I like having the space even though we dont need four bedrooms as we can escape each other - lockdown was hell - no privacy or alone time and space at all.

We moved from a large old cottage with a very large garden, to a slightly larger four bed detached house with a much smaller garden. The house is about twenty years old. No regrets at all - the house is much easier to clean, being modern - and the garden is easily maintained. Moved to a different area of the country to be near our daughter and have great neighbours and good amenities on our doorstep. The house sale and purchase went relatively smoothly - five months in all and that was only because we accommodated our purchaser with a slightly delayed completion date. Neither of us miss our old house or area. It's a joy to have a change after over twenty years in the same place and house.

I'd stay where you are as you are happy and that's the main thing. Just one thing - if you do go for a new property and it's on an estate watch out for something called Estate Rent. This is apparently a way of getting money out of people in newbuilds to maintain green spaces etc. It's because the local councils can't afford to do it any more. My DD looked into one of these and pulled out of the purchase because apparently this money can go up and up and there's nothing you can do. They seem to hide it amongst legal jargon. Don't get caught out unless you're happy with it of course.

If you have lovely neighbours and a big enough house when the children have left eventually, stay where you are

I can address your concerns about a new build. I’ve have had 3.
Our current one is 4 years old. The builders seem to use sub contractors so it doesn’t matter who your builder is. The site foreman is the important one as he is responsible for checking things have been done properly. Our last house had more “snags” as they call the defects than either of the other 2 but they are all sorted now so you could buy mine with confidence, especially as there’s a another 6 years guarantee in case of serious problems.
My main criticism is it gets to hot. The insulation ensures that it’s energy efficient but it’s difficult to cool it down. Also body heat seems to up the temperature. We notice a difference when the family stay.- You say you will have a lot of bodies in the house.
We have our own heating system not a community one.
Our maintenance charge is £200 a year. That includes things like road repair and street lights which you would normally get of the council. Grass cutting and general care of the estate and playground etc is included. Hope this helps.

I don't understand why you are moving from one four bedroomed house to another four bed. You wouldn't have extra bedrooms.

In my opinion, you should not base your living accommodation purely on occasional visits from family. A friend has a huge five bed house so that she can accommodate her adult children visiting. They must only come for about 7 days a year in total. The rest of the time she has four unused bedrooms.

My son and partner are visiting this weekend for his birthday but due to lack of space in our house we have booked them into a b and b close by. It will be a nice treat for them and less hassle for me.

It sounds like you live in a great place with good neighbours and in a cul de sac. You may regret moving, which is also a stressful and expensive exercise.

I’m with the annex/garden room if it’s at all possible. I’ve seen some gorgeous ones. They were around 60K for the ones with heating and plumbing but that’s favourable compared with the cost of moving nd upsizing.

A caravan or shepherds hut? My in-laws had a caravan in their garden that me and my husband used to sleep in while the grandparents had the grandchildren all to themselves for nighttime and breakfast. Bliss?

I am in a new build and no community heating - I think it depends where you are.

I endorse the comment about the upheaval of moving - it took me about a year of stress (mainly solicitors), buyers withdrawing, and a host of other trials. If it is not essential, I would advise do not do it! You have good neighbours and a quiet cul-de-sac - treasure those - you do not know what you might be walking into!

I would stay, the amount of upheaval and costs involves with selling and then buying another property would for me outweigh the adults being a bit squished, especially as you would still only have 4 bedrooms.
Can you build a small annexe at the bottom of your garden? Then when they all eventually leave next year you won’t be rattling around.
The only Community heating I have experienced was when we first married and our flat was controlled, heating went off 1st of May when it was still cold and didn’t come on again until 1st October when it was freezing.
Good neighbours are a godsend, so is a quiet street.

We moved from our long term family home in order to have a bungalow - OH had PD and I had some breakages. Our home was a large cottage on a very steep hill and it was becoming difficult to manage.

I regretted moving fairly quickly. It was a practical move, but I left my heart behind in our former village.

Since my OH died last year, I moved back to the village - a different house of course - but my heart is at peace. Lots of friends here and a real community.

My advice to you would be to think hard about that aspect and not just the practicalities.

Could you extend where you are?