Help calm me. House buying and selling stress

Oh marymary62 there is no stress like it, is there? Try to keep the end goal in sight and tell yourself all this upheaval will be forgotten once you have moved. I was part of the gang on here 2 years ago and both our son and daughter also moved during lockdowns, so I understand what you are going through. You have offered what the house is worth TO YOU and that is what is important. Don't dwell on that anymore, it honestly isn't your biggest concern unless you can only live off bread and cheese from here on. We paid top whack to move to Devon, just before covid, but luckily we were selling high in London's crazy market so it cancelled itself out. Our son and his wife were buying and selling within the same county during lockdown 2 and had far more problems. People were bidding £30k over the asking price in a rush to leave the cities before the stamp duty holiday ended, so the heat was really on and surprisingly this has continued.
You can't do anything about the distance, we were 4 hours away, but you can work off room measurements and floor plans to decide what you want to take and what you want to buy new. Don't fret that you haven't picked up problems, the surveyor should be able to spot any disaster areas. But really nothing is insurmountable and if you read the gang's posts on here you will see that we nearly all had new bathrooms, new gardens, new flooring, new appliances etc. etc. anyway. That is part of the fun of moving and so rewarding. It's like having a baby, you get the worst bit over first then enjoy the rest!
Now go and make a cup of tea and start sorting out stuff room by room.
Every best wish.

Ah Josianne Thankyou so much for your kind words . I am trying to keep the end in sight and to get excited about living nearer my two daughters ( both also trying to move very stressfully and one of them is unwell and also going through a divorce ) and my two little grandchildren. I am desperate to move while they are still little (20’months and 3
1/2) to enjoy that time before they do their own thing! Covid put paid to the plans last year and now look where we are re house prices ! You are so right though I do need to focus on the bright future ahead. My DH is so wonderfully optimistic and a half full cup is always full to him - he didn’t really want to move but is embracing this totally now with enthusiasm so I need to quit my moping about paying 10% over an already high asking price, be grateful that I can do that without having to live on bread and water and just get on with living ! I risk sounding awfully over privileged and a right grumbler. I’ll give myself a good shake and get on with it . Thankyou !

marymary62 Can quite understand and empathise with your feelings of not being able to make decisions!!

I am usually a strong decisive person - but when in that horrible process of selling and buying - I found that every time the sale fell through, I was devastated as I so wanted to make that move - BUT every time, things seemed to be going smoothly - I was terrified that I was making the totally wrong decision and could only think of all the disadvantages.

I was moving - as you are - some 150 miles away. From a house to a flat. Never having lived outside of London in all my life. It was a big decision and a one-way journey. I had nightmares in which I saw myself, the day after the move being in tears and saying 'what on earth have I done?'

In fact it turned out the opposite - and from within 24 hours of making that move, I just marvelled as to how fortunate I was and how wonderful if all was. Even now, nearly two years later - I find myself thinking this every morning when I wake!! About a month after I moved, my daughter found me in tears one day and when she asked what was the matter I told her I was having a panic attack as to how close I had been of not making the move - and how much of a disaster that would have been for me.

Do take on board that in the first twelve months after moving (as others have said), money seems to go through your hands like water - always something to spend on - probably between twenty to thirty grand!! I am still spending, but it has slowed down and I now have to save up for work I want carried out.

Having had new lovely Karndean flooring laid throughout my large Living/Dining Room and hallway - I am now having the two bedrooms sorted out by the same company. It is the upheaval which is the hardest - fortunately, they will be doing each bedroom on a different day - a fortnight apart.

A second viewing - close to time of actually removal, is useful for doing final measurements and then a plan as to where you want large furniture placed. Also, mark on your own plan exactly where such things as electrical points are placed. I kept a large shopping bag in which I placed ALL my electrical extension leads, etc. Took that in my car, so they were easily available to me right from the start.

I also found it took away a lot of the worry and hard work to use a removal company that also did the main packing for me. Okay, they do use more boxes than you would if you did it yourself, but I found it an immense help. I do have a large display cabinet and many items in that are irreplaceable and quite delicate - I did pack those myself. (unpacked them after I moved din and then had to re-pack them when I was having the new flooring!!!)

It is probably one of the biggest and most expensive things you have ever done - however, you can see on this site - that all of us who have managed it are so happy in their new homes.

Be prepared for worries and stresses over the next few months - try to stay positive. Use a Solicitor (if possible) who is close to where you live now so that paperwork etc. etc. can be taken in by hand rather than trusted to the post.

You will be asked many, many questions by them about your existing house - if you do not know the answer just say so. A form from your new property should show you exactly what things are being left (light fittings, curtain fittings, curtains, blinds, kitchen appliances, etc. etc.) Also where electrical and gas meters are placed, etcDi

'Do not linger on what you are paying for the new property. Just think about how lovely it will be when there and close to your family. Do keep coming on this site so we can all follow your journey.

GOOD LUCK

Thankyou Franbern that is all so helpful and very sweet. I’m just grateful I’m doing this at 66 with a helpful DH - we’re leaving a beautiful big house we renovated and a large garden I designed and planted 13 years ago in Northumberland for a small bungalow and much smaller garden in the Peak District where as you may be aware prices have rocketed ! I need to be rural as I was brought up on a farm and have lived rural or semi rural all my life . We’re not getting any financial benefit from the downsize at all but hopefully it will be easier to manage and cheaper in the long run re our income which is important . It’s not quite where we wanted but we weren’t prepared to wait years for the right place and it’s near enough shops and public transport and only 20 minutes from family . DH is convinced electric driverless cars will be around before we can’t drive ! Meanwhile I’m planning to get an electric bike to get me to and from the railway station 3/4 mile away ! I feel like I’ve been preparing for this moment since my grandson was born 3 1/2 years ago and now a bit overly emotional about it all! It’s wonderful to hear everyone’s stories.
Now what do I do with all my very many terracotta plant pots small and large? Is it worth moving them at all?

I'm in Northumberland too MaryMary62, you are the first person on here in the county too.

Ditch all the pots, just bless someone with them. I sold at auction and had already moved out to a rental, the auction house refused to take their sign down and as the house was empty people started stealing from my garden. I offered my neighbour my very large heavy garden pots (I couldn't believe it, he emptied the soil out on my gravel path and walked away!), and lugged the smaller pots and garden ornaments down to the rental cottage garage, snails and all. I ended up choosing to keep a few favourite ornaments with sentimental value and gave all the rest away.

Oh dear Shandy57! Reminds me of a move years ago when I said a neighbour could have some plants - I saw him in the garden 39 mins later digging up a beautiful flowering Heather I was still enjoying !I want moving for 3 months ..... . I will just take my ‘special pots’ and leave the rest for the new people if they would like them.

Good plan Marymary62. Neighbours can be very odd when you are moving, I offered mine the sleepers - they came back with a list of my ornaments they'd like. I was quite taken aback.

I'm new on this thread but like others, I'm in the limbo between having my offer accepted and waiting for my buyers to sell their house in order to purchase mine.

I came on today to ask if anyone knows of a check list of 'Things to do when moving house' When DH died I was given (by the Registrar) a very helpful list of who needed to be informed of the death and how to contact them. I am thinking about e.g. Electoral roll, bank accounts, Insurers, Council tax, driving license, passport, HMRC. TV license. ect.

Anyone know of a comprehensive list, as I'm sure to miss something important?

Our daughter and sil have been a year in their new house now and just discovered they had been paying insurance on their old London home!! Needless to say they didn't get much of a refund for forgetting to cancel, so watch out!

Granny23 anything you pay out every month or any payments you receive. These are companies etc you need to contact. Don't forget as soon as you exchange contracts you are liable for the building insurance on the property you are buying even though it's still covered by the vendors insurance.

If you have already had an offer accepted on a property you want you can research who will give best price for insurance, utilities etc now .

Have you started decluttering and packing if not start now it takes longer than you think.

See previous page for things I wrote they may help you.

Wish you lots of luck. But be prepared for the fact it may all fall through. But still start decluttering and packing viewers don't mind seeing boxes .

Afternoon all, raining cats and dogs here and cold in the bungalow, I'm glad of my new sheepskin boot slippers

@Granny23, I like Phil Spencer, and found this list, as well as the website, very useful. It is scary that you are threatened with a '£1000' fine for not changing your driving license etc, totally unnecessary during such a stressful procedure. If you have an IFA do remember to change your address with him/her, as well as the platform that handles your investment.

www.moveiq.co.uk/advice/moving-home-tips/timeline-for-moving-house/

I meant to add if I had my time again, I would pay the extra for a packing service, several people on this thread have sung their praises.

Just found it, I used this small list for address changing, plus my diary.

www.bbc.co.uk/homes/property/moving_notifychecklist.shtml

When you complete you will have to sign up for an account with the utility suppliers the vendor used, then 'switch' from them if you want to. I had trouble here as Octopus couldnt' read the smart meters at first.

Good luck, I wish you well for your buying journey. My best friend waited six months for her seller to find somewhere and has just given up - when she rang the estate agent to tell them it seems the vendor had phoned them to say she couldn't find anywhere as now priced out of the market.

Thank you Shandy - exactly what I was looking for {smile}

I also had a big exercise book I made notes in Granny23, invaluable when the removals company disputed the quote they'd given me.

Thanks that info is great ! I’m sitting here wondering how to decide what ornaments to get rid of. I don’t have many but I think I’ve hung on to things because they were my granny’s or my mothers or someone gave it to me and there are only a few things I’ve actually chosen myself . But I seem incapable of putting aside sentimentality and feeling clear about what I want - and excited about getting rid of things at the same time ! I don’t want things stuck in cupboards and I won’t have as many rooms to ‘dress ‘ I could take it all and then see but I really don’t think granny’s wash jug and bowl are going to fit anywhere ! How did you choose ??

I know how you feel Marymary62, I'm the worst person for this and dithered for ages, some are sentimental, some are charity shop buys. I'm an addictive collector, mainly art nouveau/art deco.

It's very difficult and I do regret some of the things I donated to charity. I actually went back to the shop to see if one thing was still there but no luck.

I did bring all of my mother's carlton/beswick ware with me, but packed it into my car, so didn't have to worry about the removal men dropping/breaking it.

However, when I got to the bungalow, the only place to put 'ornaments' here would be on the bay window sills, and I don't really want to advertise my collections.

After a few months I photographed all my mother's collection, squeezed two pieces in the memory box I have for her, and gave all of the rest to Oxfam. I don't have any mantlepieces or fires here which makes my 'dogs' redundant, but I'm hanging onto them for the minute.

I still have about six boxes I need to cull, as well as glass art deco hanging lamps I need to decide about.

I would recommend photographing and packing the items you think you could live without, and see if you miss seeing them for the weeks leading up to the completion. If you don't, just drive down to the charity shop with the box.

And I have got granny's wash jug, bowl, vase and soap holder out in the guest bedroom We'll have to see if it survives the guests!

Family ornaments are difficult to let go of, but I am down to the final few after our move. Just say to yourself life doesn't move backwards, and who in the next generation will want this or that item after you?
I did, however, have a rash moment, became too ruthless and sold family jewellery which I now regret. It's a fine balance.

To those who are in the process of decluttering to moving. Charity shops are very picky about what they will have. Only take furniture with fire retardant label attached or safety glass. If you have a branch Emmaus or a community transport charity they will take anything. But found large charities won't take a lot of things.

Things like cut glass aren't worth anything and a lot of old china people don't want. If you are down sizing be ruthless what you might like and want to keep isn't worth it. Sentiment just means more things to clean. Also future generations won't want it.

Moving is stressful enough and sorting out pre moving can be upsetting especially if you are doing it on your own and you come across things you had forgotten about.

I thought I had been ruthless but once in my bungalow found stuff I brought with me that I didn't want or need.

I sold all my excess jewellery as my children wouldn't want it. Paid for the double bed and mattress for my second bedroom.

Loft ,garage and garden shed have all got to be empty for your move.

Moving takes longer than you think when you factor in actual time it takes to get exchange and completion dates. Plus all the sorting out and packing.

Informing all those that need to know about your move and setting up all new services. Getting a home line and WiFi can take longer than you think. So as soon as you have exchanged and got firm completion date get them set to action on day of move.

Don't expect the property you are moving into will be clean so make sure you have cleaning supplies to hand and toilet roll and soap. Make sure you have a supply of light bulbs some people take them with them. Madness I know but some people are horrible.

When I left my house it was clean and left a note pad full of information about the house.

If you are moving into a property that has been empty for a while get a pest control company in and get it checked out.

My bungalow was clean but they didn't tell me about the mice. My bungalow had been empty for a year. I should have realised it would have had mice but last time I moved was 1985 with my late husband. Also thought people would have the common decency to tell me.

Once in your new home the hard work starts all over again but at least you can take your time. Also it's fun choosing colours and new things for your home. Took me 2 years to have everything done.

Use local tradesmen as they will be cheaper than big companies. And ask for recommendations from people who have used them.

Remember until exchange your sale and purchase is not safe. Anyone can pull out even on exchange date that happened to me the first time. 4 days before exchange same thing happened.

Moving is stressful,heartbreaking and expensive but well worth it once in your new home.

Good luck to all movers or those thinking about moving .

I was pretty ruthless when I was chucking out prior to moving to my new home in March. It gives a feeling of freedom.

I got rid of lots of my OH's things and it felt hard at the time; but they were things I did not need (or even know how to use with some of them!) and it made no sense to keep carting them around with me - better to let someone else enjoy them.

I still have stuff in the shed though - pictures in boxes and I do not know what to do with them.

I think the thing to do is to have a "first pass" and get rid of all the definites; then launch into the "second pass" and be more discriminating about what you keep.

Thanks everyone ! My daughter also talked some good sense into me - she knows I love granny’s wash jug ( and so does she but she is divorcing and moving to a smaller home herself and with a 3 year old it’s not the time!) so she’s pointed out that if I’m worried about space I should get rid of some very large glass vases instead and excess cooking things etc - items of no aesthetic value and no sentiment. Sometimes it’s hard to the wood for the trees! I’m also employing my mother’s maxim of if it’s ‘neither use nor ornament ‘ it goes.
Books too - I rarely read them again so just keeping a few and some reference books - I know everything’s on line but it’s nice to look at a gardening or flower book . DH will have to cull his tools but he is already planning an extension to the garage ..?

Just thought I'd pop in to say we are still waiting! ..Vendors Solicitor not responding to ours and Executors aren't communicating with EA. I could scream.

Ah poor you kissngate, I remember it well. What is it with solicitors that they won't communicate with each other? It's like they are in fierce competition. In France when we sold the same solicitor acted for both vendor and purchaser, so much easier.
I think the EA needs to put pressure on the Executors. They must be wanting to tie everything up.

Hang on in there kissngate, sounds as though you are going to have very short notice for completion when they all get their act together. Are you ready?

My vendor wasn't the person I thought she was, she told the EA various stories about 'working her notice' and 'her retirement' and delayed completion costing me another two month's rent and bills. Onwards and upwards!

Gosh - reading all these posts reminds me of how things were for me a year ago - it all turned out fine in the end - just thought I would slip that in for a bit of encouragement!

Some of you may remember the saga of my thoroughly hopeless solicitor. Well - I thought I would never here from them again, but last week they rang and I groaned inwardly. But ...... they rang to say that in the final settlement they had taken too much from me and were going to credit my bank account with £1400 !! Another example of their hopelessness for mischarging in the first place, but I am prepared to forgive this! I did point out at the time that I thought it was too much, but they said it was money owed for abortive sales.

I did not even ask them where the error lay, just pocketed the cash, which has come at a very good time when I was getting new curtains for the new house.