Leaving

Thank you everyone, I’m glad you all seem so positive about your moves, I hope my poor husband will eventually feel the same.

I struggled when we moved from our home where we had our DS X 2, it gets easier but it's like leaving a piece of you behind. Good luck in your new home ?

Granarchist

We moved last week from our home of 40 yrs into a bungalow we have built in our garden. We sold the original house to our daughter and son in law. While we built the new house we rented a tiny place so we had to declutter big time which has been a huge bonus now we are unpacking what remains. My biggest problem is trying to ditch zillions of photoalbums from my husbands family. Also box after box of books. OH has not even missed any of them but now refuses to part with them. suggestions welcome!!

We've moved from a 5 storey house to a maisonette a quarter the size. We did get rid of quite a lot of "stuff" including books and big furniture beforehand, but still have a lot of china, books, and kitchen paraphernalia which has since been stored in boxes, spare rooms and the garage.
Now our renovation work is due in a month so we have to clear the flat and it is actually much easier than it was the first time. My children can take what they want, crockery is going to a local clubroom and charity shops are open again. We even have a place locally where books can be left to find a new home. There's still going to be more than we need but once the place is modernised and I can see how much space we actually have then we will HAVE to get rid of the rest. I think that this pressure will help, expecially since some of our original removal boxes have never been unpacked so obviously not missed.

We moved last week from our home of 40 yrs into a bungalow we have built in our garden. We sold the original house to our daughter and son in law. While we built the new house we rented a tiny place so we had to declutter big time which has been a huge bonus now we are unpacking what remains. My biggest problem is trying to ditch zillions of photoalbums from my husbands family. Also box after box of books. OH has not even missed any of them but now refuses to part with them. suggestions welcome!!

This thread has come at such a useful time as we are in the process of downsizing to live in a granny annexe next door to daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren. Moments of panic vie with those of excitement. Husband and I both go up and down in mood and at time the whole thing seems so daunting. Your posts have really helped. Thank you everyone.

We moved from the place and house we had for 30 years. I really enjoyed doing up the new house in lockdown and now am very happy with lovely neighbours and a friendly new community. No regrets at all!

Bluefox. We moved house November 2020 over 100 miles to an area we didn't know very well. Nearer to our son and his family.
Haven't missed out old home of 22 years at all. Thought it would take time to get used to a bungalow after a house. But we love our new home. Despite missing a few family and friends.
Had lived in that area all of our lives.
Look forward to your new home. Good times ahead!

We did it when DH retired. It has been a positive experience.
We were missing the family who had left home the house was too big and the dining room was never used.
This house is ours just big enough for visitors but much easier to clean.
The neighbours are friendly and we soon felt part of the community, we joined village clubs and coffee mornings preCovid.
We now have beautiful new places to explore within a short distance. Small walks, long hikes are on the doorstep.
It also gave the positive side of getting rid of a lot of possessions that were just gathering dust.
This feels like our home, not the family home we had and the family enjoy visiting us. Good Luck

It was the best thing we ever did.
We brought our family up in our previous house and had happy memories and sad ones too.
We were moving to live in an 8 birth caravan while we converted and extended a stable in an orchard for our new home. A big change from a spacious four bedroomed bungalow. I was determined not to cry as we drove away from our old home.
Actually we loved being here from the moment we arrived. Our house is designed specifically for two people and is quite lovely. The garden gives us enormous pleasure. I have two green houses and a potting shed. My husband has an office in the garden. We are tucked away and very private and not overlooked due to a high brick wall down one boundary and high fences and trees and a long drive with tall solid gates part way down the drive. Our neighbours are wonderful. There is a newsagent/food shop/off-licence across the road from the bottom of our drive. The owner is lovely and if my husband is more than half an hour late collecting the morning paper he rings to make sure we are o.k. He has become a good friend. If we go on holiday he has keys to our house and collects the mail and puts it on the dining table as do our new next door neighbours.Lovely people too.
We are both fit and well just older than our neighbours. There is also a village facebook site and it is wonderful to see the generosity of people happy to help each other out with almost anything. We have treated moving here as a great adventure. I don't miss anything about our previous home. It is strange that our children both married with their own houses and families refer to this place as home, yet they have never lived here. I guess 'Home is where the heart is'.

I was 2 weeks old when I moved into our family home, there had only been our family who had ever lived in it. My mum left it to my sister and I so I gave her money in exchange for her half after I left my ex. A lovely new start or so I thought.
My neighbours had their house like party central most weekends, now these guys were in their 60s, not teenagers. Music pumped, drink flowed and then the singing commenced. I worked Sat & Sundays and I was totally exhausted in work. Plus their dog howled every time they went out, it was dreadful.
I decided to move, it broke my heart at the thought of it, but it was either that or my health.
The day I closed the door of that house I was so upset, but my memories moved with me and I love where I am now. I got myself a detached bungalow with the loveliest neighbours around me. I know I definitely did the right thing, it's a new chapter of memories now.
The icing on the cake is that the couple who bought my old house have rowdy screaming kids, a couple of dogs and the noise is supposed to be horrendous from it so an old neighbour told me. What comes around goes around....
Good luck with your new home and I hope you have lots of happiness in it

When my ex husband left me over 20 years ago, I had to sell the family home that we had lived in for about 15 years. I was so upset but actually found that I wasn’t leaving all my memories behind, I took them with me. Once I’d left I didn’t miss my old home at all, I just concentrated on my new life. My present partner and I moved 2 years ago from a house we’d lived in for about 18 years and it’s been great fun getting this house how we want it, again concentrating on the present not the past.

A home is not the bricks and mortar. A home is your shared memories, snapshots of shared moments, your family.
If you're really struggling , spare along hard thought for those without a home, in war torn, disaster struck and displaced states and thank your lucky stars that you're moving by choice me not being torn away by force! There you go- I bet you feel lucky now!?

We moved from the area both our families had always lived in toe be near one of our children.
Felt odd for a while but we are so pleased we did especially in lock down. More countryside to wander in , joined U3a and made new friends.
Look forward and enjoy the change. ?

We moved from our family home of 20 years to a new property in a better area nearly 7 years ago. I was sad to do this, especially as the last place was where we primarily brought up our children. I love the new area we are in and it’s still close to everyone we know but I just don’t have the same feeling for the actual house and both myself and husband keep looking on Rightmove. I don’t know why this is, as we have a lovely house, but it just doesn’t feel the same. I struggle with empty nest so maybe it’s that. Good luck.

We downsized in September from the house we lived in for 32 years in a village in the country ,where we brought our children up ,..
Into a bungalow in town .
We love it. We don’t even think about our old home.
The change will do you good . We are making new friends .
I’m sure it’ll be a new start for you as well .

You want positive so be just that !
We are building our forever home in Cornwall and our present home will be on the market next week. I love our house , we bought it in 1996 , not been touched for years so loads to do. My son , then 10 , scowled and had to put up with months of refurb. Since then it has become the focus of extended family gatherings - kids growing up, laughter, also pain at times.
We have nurtured this house and it has nurtured us .That said I will not look back and simply hope the next family will feel the warmth and enjoy.
So, on to the next adventure !!

We moved from the home we had lived in for 30+ years.
We moved to be closer to our family well we are half way between them both. It was hard but don't have any regrets. Hope all goes well for you both.

I really loved our last house - and wasn't too thrilled about moving here. We really needed more space, though, and didn't have much choice.

As soon as we made the move, though, I soon forgot all about the old place and settled in here.

In 2013 we sold the flat I had lived in since 1980 and where DH and I had lived together since we met.

Financial necessity forced us to do so AND I cried buckets over it. Especially as the solution wasn't one I cared for at all to start with as it entailed going to live on a motor boat!

Financially it made sense and was the fulfilment of a lifelong dream of DH's.

I loved it, which I had never thought I would. After 3 years afloat we bought a house in a part of the countryside where we can afford to live and we are both so happy that we made these changes.

The transition was hard - for us both and harder for me than for DH.

It is natural to feel sad and disorientated at leaving the place where you have lived for so long and brought up your children.

To be honest, after moving in here, which concided unfortunately with my sister's death, I felt very down for some months and felt that life was not exactly over, but that the prospect of old age and death was really all we had to look forward to. That feeling passed too.

Realistically I know that at 70 the longest part of my life is quite obviously behind me, that we have both slowed down, and that there may well be problems to come, but that does not mean, repeat NOT that life is not still fun, even with the pandemic and the nasty international situation and that life is not still worth living and enjoying. It is.

Give yourselves time to adjust and allow yourselves to be sad at what you are leaving, then go on and make a new exciting home and life for yourselves. Enjoy it -and try from now on to look on the bright side of this change.

I promise you there is one. Good Luck.

We left London for West Oxfordshire when my husband was offered a good redundancy deal in 2000. (Being self-employed, I can live anywhere). Going through the old house where we had lived for 23 years and brought up three children made me intensely sad I realised that, had we stayed there, I would have continued to be sad. As it happened, two out of the three came to live in the new house, one for three years and one for five. But even without that I knew it was the right thing to do. We moved from that house a year ago and I don't feel sadness for the twenty years there either. We are now in a new chapter, possible the last chapter of our lives, but it can still be of an adventure story.

Over my longish life I have moved 7 times as a child and 19 times as an adult. The worst one as a child was when my father got promotion and we had to move to Hertfordshire from Yorkshire. I had to leave everything that meant most to me, go to a school with a different exam board, felt bereft at leaving my closest friend who I had known since I was 2 for 11 years and my beloved grandmother and the small farm she ran and where I felt so happy and at peace. My parents didnt think to explain that I could still be close friends, even though it would change in style. As an adult, I have moved abroad and in Britian, but at least was more in control, but I have lived 20 years in my home in north yorkshire with my lovely husband. I had my big garden on 3 levels and am a galanthophile and so had a whole range of snowdrops, also hellebores and planted trees etc. which gave me great joy over the years. He died 5 years ago and for health reasons I had to move to this small ground floor flat a few months ago. Practically speaking , it was the best thing to do and allows me to have at least as much ability to live my own way as I can. But moving to a place where Brian had never lived seemed particularly hard, and whilst cutting down on furniture it was leaving the garden that was the most difficult. I am a singer and have had a piano since a child and I had to leave it behind, which was so difficult to do. However the tips I have gleaned over the years that may be of help are these. Get some graph paper and draw up a plan of your new property, and check you have it correctly. Then measure up all the furniture you have and cut out small to scale plans of each piece and write the name on it , or put a number and then list the numbers and what they represent. Double check that you have the correct size plans of the new place and measure up any awkward corners where you might have difficulty getting something round such as upstairs. Then you can spend quite a while trying various pieces of furniture in each room. Firstly put things where you just fancy putting them, then look to see if they will fit in and give you space to move in between them and not be too enclosing. It can be good if you each do it on your own first without the other looking, so you can do your own juggling without being influenced by the other. Like a jigsaw, you move things about and mentally try out a variety of possibilities. You can also try something quite different to the present set up and may come up with something new. You will be a little sad when you realize that some favourite piece < like my piano _ will not fit in , however hard you try. That will give you time to accept that once you move this piece of furniture will not be coming with you. Once you have both worked out your own choice, then you can look at each others layout and compare and change and work out roughly what you think will work . The great thing about this is that it is so much easier to move bits of paper about not actual furniture, and when you do actually move you have a good clear idea as to where you want things to go to. Another small pleasure is , no doubt there is some furniture, ornaments , curtains etc that you dont really like but if they have been presents you feel you cant get rid of them. A little white lie , i feel is acceptable, so anything usable, just not your taste, can be taken to a charity shop ( I would go to a different town if family are likely to see the cherished ornament in the window !) and you can actually have the great pleasure , which I did once, of waiting until no one else is in and then smashing the hated ornament with a hammer or throwing it into the dustbin . Save them for a stressful day and it is very satisfying bashing it or jumping on it or cutting it up or whatever!! I would not set out to deliberately lie but if the donor asks you what happened to the little ornament , you can just say it got broken/lost in the move. Then hasten to add that actually there wasnt room for any more things and so you wont be replacing it, to avoid being given a replacement. If you have a garden at your new property, ask permission from the sellers to take photos over the time it takes to get to the moving stage. They dont need to be there , so long as you are allowed to just go into the garden and take pictures. Print the pictures, and write the date on the back and the weather and time of day you are there. Try to carry on doing that when you have moved and just keep them to one side. You will have lots to do when you get there and the gardent wont have high priority. So come the winter or autumn and on a horrid day you can get all the garden pictures out. Group areas of the garden together so you will end up with a view of for example a corner in shade. By looking at your pictures you will see if it is total shadow, or if it gets morning or evening light etc. This will help you on deciding what you might plant there and then I would suggest that you put the plants in pots in the area , not planting them for a little while. Then when you look out of the windows you will see where they are and if you have a good vision of them and how wind affects them etc.Then in years to come if you open your garden for the ngs or some charity, you have all these pictures of the garden and its changing moods over time . So back to the house stuff. I always had a small notebook in which I wrote down the dimensions of each room, the amount of wallpaper rolls needed , the curtain lengths (somehow you never find that the curtains from a previous house ever fit the new one!) . So as a woman with champagne taste but beer money, I would have this little notebook with me all the time, and wherever I went had it with me. So we once kept a room without anything in it for some months as we could not afford to change much but I was determined that one room would be our taste, which allowed me to put up with wallpaper I didnt like in the other rooms. So would go to charity shops, look at wallpaper sales and did very well by looking out for high quality end of run wallpapers. Check that the pattern is the same for each roll, and I would buy one extra roll to cover any shortfall and got lovely paper. Once we lived in a very big old terraced house that went back miles , with high ceilings etc. It needed 33 rolls of wallpaper for the hall landing and staircase . I kept looking and eventually found a simple little patterned end of stock roll, which also helped to deal with bumpy walls and it was £1 a roll. I bought the box and had 36 rolls for £36. It did that hall and was enough left over that when we moved again it did a small box room until we could afford what we wanted. Sorry I have been going on a bit, but do hope these ideas may be of help. The notebook for the house we were leaving , I gave to the buyers , with a few pictures of the garden at different times, the bakers butchers etc that we used, any tradesmans contact numbers that they might need, and left them a box of various odd rolls of paper etc that might be useful for them, with things like nearest library , the contact for local gardeners club, and the garage we used for any reparis. It gave then a little help when they first moved in and then they could make their own minds up. So perhaps some of these ideas might be helpful for your husband. He might be happy to do the plans and check the sizes etc. Starting up a new little house book for the new place and also putting sticks next to plants in the garden that you might want to dig up or split and take some with you. If you are moving quite a distance I booked a bed and breakfast for the first night near the new home. That way if there is any delay on the furniture arriving or it is quite late , you can do as much work as you feel up to on the day, buy takeaway fish and chips or curry and then know that you will be able to go and have a shower and a decent clean bed with a cooked breakfast and then you will face the day refreshed and be able to make a better job of it. I found that between 6 weeks and 2 months was the time that it was good to have a few days away, but dont go back to the old property area. We would go to the dales or to the coast, and just rest and have a little walk. I think you need 3 or 4 days away . Then when you go back to your new place it is the beginning of it feeling like home. I do hope that this is of some help to you. You do still have each other and that is the best thing of all . I wish you all the best in your move.

Well I think I’m going to slightly disagree with some posters. I dreadfully miss my beloved second house, which I left 20 years ago due to divorce. I loved that big old place so much and I’ll never get over it. I’ve had 3 homes since but I’m still nostalgic for it ?

having moved lots of times ,the place that was the most difficult was 16 years in the home where my children grew. empty nest stuff, took me a few years to recover. i can only suggest to be grateful for the time spent in the house,and look forward to
new times.it is a very common experience, how many older folk stay in places for the memories till it becomes too big,
to heat, clean,repair.

Pammie1

Gutenberg

Leaving a family home seems like a bereavement - not the bricks and mortar so much but of such an important time of life that is now, effectively, over. It's all tied up together. I think it's important to be able to talk about this. There is a danger of trying to jolly someone up when actually what they may need is to wallow in it, to grieve, to talk constantly about it with someone willing to listen, in order to get through it, to come to terms with it and to reach the other side. There is a danger of the party who is feeling most lost to feel that they cannot say what they are thinking because the other party will be fed up with them for persistently looking back. But talking is good even if it doesn't move things forward. Perhaps that conversation of 'was it the right thing to do' needs to be had over and over again, gently but firmly, and with the opportunity to mourn the loss of times past before grasping the future for all it has left to offer.

Really well put - this is exactly how we felt when moving from our first home after 24 years. I was the one with misgivings and it did help to talk about it - even in the knowledge that it was a done deal and nothing would change.

unfortunate choice of words, it is gut wrenching but not at all bereavement. There is no choice when a close family member dies and when sorrow goes deep down and stays forever. A house is just a `thing`

A year ago we moved from a house where we had lived for over 25 years to a bungalow close to our daughter and grandchildren. The bungalow needs major work to make it right for us but I'm glad we moved - as other have said - before we were too old! The move was stressful and hard work, and no doubt the renovations will be too, but I'm so pleased we moved when we did. The benefits of a much smaller garden and no stairs (apart from up to a rarely-used loft storage room, which is much better than having to go up a ladder and clamber into the loft!), a short stroll to the local mini supermarket and bus stop, plus seeing our daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren more often, are huge compared to the temporary upset of moving. When you have doubts, you have to focus on the benefits of the move and think about how life will be better once it's done. Good luck!