Moving out and finding freedom

I left home at 17, my brothers left home at 15. Had my first mortgage at 19. I'm hoping that my middle aged AC will become financially independent any time soon......

I went away to college aged 18, came home for holidays. I had a tuition & living grant which paid for a room in halls of residence, breakfast, lunch & supper but my parents also gave me a living allowance of £5 a week (1969) to buy anything I needed..from tampons to text books. I always worked in the holidays.
I never went back home to live permanently as I married whilst still at college & did my final year as a day student. My parents continued to pay the £5 until I finished college.
My DD1 left home at 18 to go to uni & did not come home until she & her boyfriend bought a flat..they stayed with us for 18mths whilst renovating it. DD2 went to a local Uni and lived at home (mostly!) but once finished & had a job she moved into a flat share with a friend. She had met her partner by then & they went on to buy a flat together.
We paid an allowance to both daughters whilst at Uni to try to minimise their loans. We also opened Waterstone accounts for them so they always had access to the text books they needed. Both DDs worked during holidays & have been fortunate to have full employment since uni(except for mat leave).

I left home at aged 17 to join the Airforce. On my first leave home, after 6 weeks, my father said 'i've put your things in a
box in the attic'. He had 3 children but I don't think he wanted any of us. I was the last to leave.
My own 4 have come and gone and come back again as Uni and jobs sorted themselves out. I support them financially if
and when needed.

As an army brat I went to boarding school at eleven, other wise I would have gone to 13 schools instead of 10, so by 18 I was used to being away from home, lus prolonged periods in hospital. I went up to university at 18 and by the time I graduated, my father had retired from the army, and my parents lived in Surrey I moved home for a year before moving out to live with friends.

My parents were always supportive, but like most parents in the mid-1960s, could not do much for me financially. I was the eldest of three, so my parents still had 2 children to support and at 50 had just started buying a house and had a mortgage, yes, common now, but not then.

Both our children left home when they went to university. DS needed to get further qualification, MA and PhD. For that he returned home, went to the local university just across the road from us. Lived at home and had a part time job in Tesco. DD went to university in the early 199os when the housing market was at absolute rock bottom and in South London, where she was studying it was cheaper to buy than rent. She had inherited a small some of money that she used as deposit, we guaranteed the mortgage and she rented a room out. We never paid out anything for her flat or mortgage.

If my children were living at home and working, I expected them to pay a small amount towards their keep. My parents did the same and I think children need to learn that life is not a free ride and contribute to their keep when in work, or on benefits and living at home.

I was 17 when married my now ex hubby. No I wasn’t pregnant before anyone asks lol. We were married for 19yrs. My two sons oldest left at 17 but he joined army following in his dad’s footsteps. My youngest was a boomerang he left because he thought he was in love. I knew it wasn’t but he had to learn by mistakes. He was 21 at time. He came home 2yrs later and then he left again when he was 25 to work away from home. He then met his now wife while working away. 11 yrs later both live in two different areas of country with wife’s and grandkids. I helped them in different ways but they know where I am and both know I will always support them with a roof over heads hopefully won’t need one lol

When I read threads on MN where posters ask "shall I charge my DD/DS rent" (obviously posted by people who dont need the money) I am amazed.

My parents really needed my contribution to the household budget. However because of the atmosphere at home I can honestly say that I resented every pound I contributed for my "keep" when I began work at 16. Little of it went towards my upkeep. It mostly went onto my sisiter's back to provide her with nice new school uniforms. My uniform has been from the second hand market to the tune that my grandmother had to step in several times and buy me the necessary school skirts and blouses.

My mother was rubbish at budgeting monthly and was always running out by week 3. She would then ask to "borrow" from me but never paid it back. The only way to get it back was for me to deduct it from her next months money, which caused more bitching. She would hunt through my drawers to see if she could find any spare money that she thought I did not need. It did not occur to her that you cant go to a professional job dressed in rags and with laddered nylons. or that I needed money for fares and lunches.

Our children both left Uni with no debs whatsoever . They did some part time work and we stumped up gladly to help them on their career paths . I even typed out letters for my DS to all the companies I could think of when he finished his course . All he did was sign them and one of them got him his first full time emplyment and put him on the path to a pretty good job . He studied after starting work as well for the relevant qualifications he needed for his job.

When the children were small, we were desperately short of money as my husband became unable to work due to MS. So, all my children learnt very early on, NEVER to try to buy something until they had the money for it.

Has worked well, the only debts any of my children have ever got into are for Mortgage and, of course, Student debts. I so resented this latter, having brought them up with this 'no debt' mantra, I found it dreadfully difficult that the Government was telling them the exact opposite.

The five that went through Uni (at the normal age), ALL worked at evening and weekend jobs the whole time, to help towards living costs. The sixth one did her degree course much later, part-time whilst working the other days, and had the whole course paid for by her employers, the NHS. - so no debt whatsoever. Her only debt, ever, has been her mortgage.

My g.children have all been brought up with the same rules. Those that have chosen the Uni path, of course, are having to take on Uni debts. However, it is noticeable, that they seem to manage their finances, there, much better than most of their fellow students who seem unable to work out how to budget.

It is interesting to note that the daughter who came back to me in such a bad state, (this is the one who eventually did her professional qualification and degree much later), saved all the family allowance for her daughter the whole time, no matter how hard up she was in the earlier years. There is a goodly sum there now, but my daughter keeps it in her own name and no way will let her daughter be able to touch that money until she is about 25 years of age. Will probably be used, eventually, as a deposit for a flat/house.

Good financial management does need to be taught right from the very earliest years.

Being brought up in a home where my parents were constantly arguing about money (or the lack of it) did teach me about the value of money and its management.

Back in the 1950s the only way fancy goods shops in working class areas could sell things was by offering a "layaway" system where you paid off merchandise. We kids were given a little card and when we got our pocket money we used to rush to the local shops to spend it. I always put part of mine against something I was paying off. I can remember paying down a dolls teaset for the magnificent price of one pound ten shillings (£1.50 in modern currency)

My sister and I were assigned jobs in the house and every week my mother put a list inside the door of the larder. As the jobs were done they got ticked off. Leave something undone or fail to do it to satisfaction and you were left short on your allowance that week.

All this sounds very idealistic but my parents were very controlling. When I began working my mother used to go through my drawers to see if I had any spare money she could "borrow". Most of it went straight onto my sister's back. She opened my mail and went through my wardrobe to see if I had bought anything new. In revenge I took out an accommadation address so she never saw any of my bank statements or private letters. I was paid by bank transfer (very few people had bank accounts back then) so my parents never knew how much I earned. I had an entire wardrobe at my gran's house and hanging in my locker at work. I used to go out in an old dress and change when I arrived. Its fair to say that I enjoyed the deception.

My upbringing made me very hard and sharp in my attitude towards money and business.

I moved in to the Nurses Home and from there to a flat with other nurses. I paid my own way and never expected help from my mother. My father died when I was 16.
My own children moved into houses with friends or boyfriends and again paid their own way. We helped out with groceries and emergency funding.

biglouis that's inspiring!

My mum was abusive but I didn't really work that out till I was in my late 30s

I didn't do well at school, was bullied there and at home.

When I reached 18, I found a really good supportive friends group, I'd been working since 15 but was able to do a few more hours without mum knowing and I settled on a college course I threw myself into and I was doing really well.

Then someone spiked my drink, I didn't know but she didn't believe me so I was thrown out.

I was homeless and fell apart for a time, I moved in with an abusive man, attempted suicide and ended up in a refuge and things grew slowly from there.

Finally finished college in my 40s so my bucket list is complete, happy, stable loving life ?

Must add, that my eldest daughter returned to the family home when she was in a pretty bad state, She will sick (had to have an operation), unemployed and with no qualifications. At the time, she considered me the worst mother in the world as I took half of her benefit money. She did not know I was saving most of this.

By the age of 22 years of age, (just three years after this), she was able to purchase her own small flat in London. She now states that the lessons she learned from those difficult years set her up for a lifetime of good personal financial management, and was one the best things I ever done for her.

Think I was quite spoiled. Although I started full-time work when I was just 15years of age, and my Father insisted that I paid a small proportion of that as 'rent', it was never enough actually to cover what I cost.

I stayed at home until I married when I was 21 years old. At one point, I had been persuaded by a friend to flat share. I looked at the sort of place the two of us could afford, and how much we would have to pay, really showed me how fortunate I was at my home. Three meals a day, all my laundry, heating, for a very small amount of money.

With my own children, mostly they left when they went off to university. I any of them did return to the family home, I made it a principle that I took some money from them, even if they were on unemployment or sickness benefit. At least 50% of this money was put aside, without them knowing it and saved for when they left home, when a lump sum was given to them.

We hardly had any board off our two kids. Son left school and went to University and we had to help him financially. When we came home struggled to find work and eventually spent a few years working on cruise ships. When he came home we encouraged him to save to get own place which he did so we took no board. He was 30.
Daughter left school and worked for 2 years so we had some board then she decided to go to University so had to support her. When she came home her and boyfriend decided to buy a place she saved for deposit so again took no board. She was 25.
We were happy they both are on the housing ladder so it was a small sacrifice for us.

I was supported through my training , even though my parents were struggling , I gave in half my money to pay for household bills , but didn’t leave home till I got married . Guess what , my Mum had put all , or most , of my contributions in a saving account to pay for my wedding , I couldn’t persuade her that a low key do was what I wanted . It was really her day , but I didn’t grudge it to her

I left home as I finished my A-levels to move in with my boyfriend (we were soon married). I’ve been self supporting for a long time and never had a penny from my parents. My DC went away to uni. DS came home for a couple of years and them moved in with soon-to-be-wife. DD came home and stayed but she is financially independent and we love having her here.

I like your style and forbearance. Glad it worked out for you eventually. Well done?

Happy independence day!