De-cluttering, the never-ending process

fancythat

*For some reason I can’t motivate myself when there is someone else in the house. *

I would find that difficult too.

You couldnt shut the door on him and get on with things?
I appreciate the problem.

He wouldnt or couldnt help?
Again, if it was my situation, there is not an awful lot another person could help with. Just bits and pieces.

That’s right. It’s not his house. Not his memories. He does help with heavy jobs that I can’t do and says if there’s anything you want me to do just ask but there’s something irritating about someone sitting and watching tv when I’m trying to do things. He also retired years before I did and I used to have to go to work and leave him watching tv, too! My head feels all cluttered when there’s someone around all the time. And he doesn’t seem to notice the mess and says you could clear that in a day easily. His own house is a typical man’s pied a terre.Pre pandemic we used to go on days out or to the theatre and cinema a lot but now we just tend to be stuck at home. I have the grandchildren tomorrow and mentioned that I was going to take them for a cake at a local cafe and he said I’ll meet you there. But I wanted to take them on my own.

Yesterday my grandson spotted seven huge tubs in the loft and today my granddaughter helped get them down- all part of Mr Cabbie’s collection, so I need to sort them asap. I just want everything gone now, but there is so much sorting to do, including things the family have asked for but not yet taken.

Specialist auction for the collection, quality auction for other good stuff, general auction for general stuff, give away, charity shop, recycle, tip. It is overwhelming, and help is only very occasionally available.

For some reason I can’t motivate myself when there is someone else in the house.

I would find that difficult too.

You couldnt shut the door on him and get on with things?
I appreciate the problem.

He wouldnt or couldnt help?
Again, if it was my situation, there is not an awful lot another person could help with. Just bits and pieces.

I have another problem with my decluttering. My partner and I don’t live together but, because of the pandemic we obviously had to be together 24/7. However, even though he now stays at his own home, which is just up the road, he still comes to my house each day and sits in the living room till @ 9 or 10 at night. He also walks our shared dog, something I can’t do as much because of my dodgy knees. Now, I know this is peculiar to me but, when my children were still at home I always did my housework after they’d gone to bed and major cleaning or decluttering was done when their father was away in business, which was a lot of the time. For some reason I can’t motivate myself when there is someone else in the house. It isn’t as if it’s because we sit and talk because I’m usually in a different room. I don’t know how to get back to how it was before when he didn’t come round every day. I’ve always made it clear that I’m someone that likes to have time to myself. I’ve asked him to have our dog at his house for a few days saying that I can’t get things done because of the dog, but she isn’t actually a problem ( she just sleeps all the time and doesn’t have the telly on!). I know at some point I need to spell it out in black and white but I’m someone that has to build myself up to something like that and then I just tend to explode! He will do jobs on the house for me that I can’t do if it involves a bit of brute force. He also does the shopping and visits his son. Apart from looking after my grandchildren or grand dog in the school holidays I don’t seem to get out and meet anyone. He’s just taken the dog back to his house as the grandchildren are coming here tomorrow and I have to totally blitz the house. I know I can do the work when he’s here but for some weird reason I don’t. (Just needed to get this off my chest: don’t expect any solutions other than saying something to him). I don’t understand why I can’t motivate myself when he’s here. Right from when I first knew him I found him to be very controlling but he is a genuinely nice kind person.I’ve just had a new door fitted and I quite like the fact that he doesn’t have a front door key and am putting off having one cut!

It’s been checked and it is a dangerous form of asbestos.My ex is a train engineer and is pretty knowledgeable. My opinion has always been that it’s best to leave asbestos alone if you’re not coming into contact with it. Removal is going to take three days. It’s close to gas pipes that can’t be isolated and there’s a lot of wiring in there too. It’s like opening up a Pandora’s box of problems! It never even crossed my mind to remove it until he said it needed doing! It might need removing if anyone moves into the house in the future and want to reconfigure the house, but it will also need rewiring as well at some point. I just want to make the house livable in and warm. I’ve reached a point of thinking that, as no one in my family has the time to help me declutter now I might as well leave it to them to sort out in the future and spend the time reading books and watching box sets!

Maybee I hope your ex knows that the asbestos is safe, can you get an expert in to check for you?

Nearly 1 bookcase shelving sorted 6 carrier bags of books to take somewhere.
2 bookcases still to sort, once I find somewhere to take the books, if all else fails it will be off to the recycling centre.

My ex has now decided that the asbestos doesn’t need removing: he’s worked out a way of reconfiguring the garage without disturbing the asbestos! But that means that there’s no urgency now to clear the garage out. The window people have caulked the window but I much prefer using Polyfilla!

Maybee, that is very overwhelming and a bummer to deal with, well done for grabbing the bull by the horns and once done, that will be for your future. One day it will all become easier

Oh Cabbie, thankgoodness for helpful and kind grandchildren. Your husband would be so proud of him, looking after his grandma

It is time for me to have a break, this weather turns me into a project machine. Not de-cluttering this time but eyes open for anything I will never need

After an unproductive day yesterday I have really got stuck in this morning. Good use of a very wet day. My grandson is coming to help tomorrow, which has spurred me on. He is going to help with electrical and electronic devices, of which there are so many, plus all the cables, instruction booklets etc .we are going to take the most modern ones to cash converters. GS is worried that his ancient Granny might get short-changed, so he has looked up values and will do the talking!

I just sat and looked at all the mess yesterday in a comatose sort of way. There are cracks around the two windows that have been replaced. The window company are coming out today to fill them, but it means that those two rooms are out of bounds for now as there will no doubt be more dust created. The quote to remove the asbestos from the porch and garage came through yesterday. Along with having to replace the garage door because of the asbestos removal it will use up a huge chunk of my savings including money put aside to replace my car and boiler when necessary. I’m a bit overwhelmed by it all. Plus the fact that I seem to work better when the weather is good: the current weather has put me into hibernation mode!

That is a big job doodledog. 2021/22 I had my whole interior decorated in stages, moved all my furniture by myself, helped by having quickstep flooring. I used a pry tool from amazon and felt pads for the heavy stuff but eventually every item of furniture got sticky -back big felt pads underneath, now I can just push without risk of scratching the floor.

The whole process was very disrupting and unsettling to me by myself, it started in june and only finished in january and the whole time was spent in muddle. I only really de-cluttered after that

Thinking about it, there have been stages of de-cluttering and obviously some when moving family homes, easy (ish) then, as I had a husband. The biggie was 2006 from large family home and garden to town house, skip was needed. 2010 an easy move to village with husband.

2019 a most difficult move as a widow. In between 2015 and 2019 I de-cluttered like crazy but did not do enough and brought things here that I have since removed, not furniture fortunately. The man at recycling said it was very common to see people there after moving in, hardly anyone estimates correctly

Satisfying yesterday, the four bags have gone and another heavy bag resides in the big bin, I am on a `use it up `mission now particularly sewing but I have slowed my pace of work and am still de-cluttering eg yesterday, another top and two patterns out.

I have booked a decorator to do all four bedrooms before Christmas, so need to get rid of as much as possible before then. I am away next week but plan to get back on the case when I get back, and aim for a bin bag a week for donation and as much as possible for disposal. I hate doing it but will be happy when all the bedrooms are finished. I did downstairs last year, so when I get this out of the way there will just be the kitchen and bathroom to go.

MayBee70 😢 I’d feel the same 💐

I am having a clear out of my entire house. Everything in cupboards, drawers, loft. The entire lot.
While I have time. While I am able.

Mine is clutter too. Not legacy.
Books I no longer want to read. Papers I know longer need or want to keep. Old electrical items. etc.

Decluttering is a very appropriate and positive expression, it means actually physically doing something that helps with a transition to a different stage of life. These stages happen over and over as we progress through life and through the ages to old age. The physical act helps greatly with the emotional process of letting go.

I am finally off out today, to remove my latest de-cluttering, it has taken me most of a week to gather the things and all are from my sewing room. Yesterday I released over thirty patterns and have 5 black bags of items ready in my car

I have just been to an event in a village hall. All the crockery was bone china, mix and match, good quality stuff. Apart from have to wash it up by hand, what a lovely idea, making good use of china people just don’t want any more.

Just been helping a friend who is downsizing to take stuff to the charity shop. I spotted a lovely little jug and some plates and as she had said to take anything I liked I did. Oh dear …

I had a photo of all of my dolls and teddies but, when I cleared out my mum’s flat it wasn’t there. It still upsets me thirty years on. I think that, because I left home in my late teens she just assumed I wouldn’t want it.

Change the word 'Decluttering' to something more positive

'Possessions Purge'
'Paraphernalia Repurposing'
' I am Liberating my Legacy Items'

The memories are MORE important than the items, So take a photo of what you are deciding to remove, then remove it but its memory is captured

Cabbie it's the least I could do after all your wise words about claiming PIP .. Plus all the help you have given to people even when your husband was in hospital. 🌹

Whiff, what a lovely post. So kind. Thank you.

Cabbie letting go off things is a important part of grieving . I know when I was moving house it not only decluttered my home but my mind. I let go of things I had held on to after my husband died things I thought I had gotten rid of. It was upsetting to find all his hospital appointments and letters but letting them go was freeing. I finally let go of the letters and cards I had when he died in 2004. I read them all at the time but then they just sat in a cupboard. I put them in the recycling without looking at them and glad I did . It's still very early days since your husband died don't be hard on yourself. Took me 8 months before I could let go of his clothes and only because my daughter helped me.

I started decluttering Christmas before I put my house on the market March 2018. As I decluttered I packed what I wanted to save. Should have moved house September 2018 but buyer pulled out on exchange of contract day. Next buyer pulled out 4 days before exchange in March 2019. But finally moved in August 2019. Luckily they kept the bungalow for me.

Even when I moved still brought to much with me things I didn't want or need.

Having to declutter now as because of my health things that are to heavy for me have gone. Mostly to my daughter but some things to friends. But I love my decluttered life.

You feel emotional about letting go it's because you feel you are letting a part of your husband go. It's normal. But your husband is always with you in your heart and mind. And the love you shared will keep you going through the coming years. Like I said it's still early days since your beloved husband died. Don't be hard on yourself. But you have to do what's right for you to make your life easier. He would want you to do that. It's still very new to you having to make all the decisions on your own and it's horrible . But as they years go by it does get easier . But the loss and love you shared will never die. Take good care of yourself.

Today a charity came and collected four items of furniture, three from the bedroom, made by DH’s grandfather, and one from the landing. I appreciate the space. I have never liked the items but they had sentimental value for my late DH, so he would not hear of getting rid of them. So why did I feel emotional when they left the house? I suppose I felt another part of him had gone, or was I somehow afraid he would come home and be furious with me? Stupid, I know.