De-cluttering, the never-ending process

I lie awake worrying about the clutter I will be leaving for my children to deal with

This is something we all seem to realise nowadays. I’m sure it wasn’t an issue years ago. Probably our GP’s had less ‘stuff’, and family/friends were keener to accept furniture, clothing, bric a brac etc.

‘Keepsakes’.

But we all have much more definite ideas about what we want in our homes now.

I lie awake worrying about the clutter I will be leaving for my children to deal with. I have de-cluttered for two family members and know how exhausting it can be and yet a lot of my excess possessions seem to give me security and discarding them is hard. Maybe not having much as a child has made me a hoarder.

The comments on charity shop processes are interesting. A long chat with staff at the local Salvation Army was very reassuring. They have local projects to support and house homeless people, a large hostel and an outreach service for those in need in the community. They were very clear which items and clothing are diverted to the projects and what is considered saleable condition for the shop. It was also explained areas vary. The local hospice (huge) shop are happy to take electrical items as they have PAT testing available and also a local warehouse for storage. We donate items across a number of shops according to the item and the needs of the shop.

When we moved here we only brought what would comfortably fit. Ten years later that has changed and a there is a serious need to reduce the contents of the cupboards. I’m doing it gradually as I feel like it without pressure. My next task is to tackle cards from our engagement, wedding and significant life events. 56 years worth! The plan is to photograph them with several to a page print the outcome and store in an album with the givers details noted alongside. Next winters project will be to go through the many albums of old photos and reduce them by 80%. No one will want to look at the hundreds of images of views when we’re not here. All are stored in the computer but I do like something to hold and look through.

Gently does it works for me. I actually enjoy the process as long as I’m not feeling pressurised.

Out of my control are the three sheds full of Mr C’s ‘stuff’. It may seem odd but I'm happy to let those be as they are, the contents while largely unused are Mr C’s link to his abilities and competence, he’ll let go when the time is right for him. Our sons are avid tool collectors and would deal with them if needed.

We’re all different for sure. Each gentle sort through gives me pleasure, it’s also far easier to do it as a choice not a necessity.

I'm in my eighth house as an adult. Have sometimes left things behind and, at other times, acquired things. Divorce, remarriage, being flooded out of one, clearing my mum's house have all been part of it. Still have a few of my mum's things in the attic, a box of material/half done sewing projects, and a garage full of tools, gadgets, cables etc that my DH is promising to sort through. Not sure how we've managed to accumulate so much again when we abandoned so much after the flooding!

My mum passed, leaving a 3 bed semi and its contents. Luckily I had 6 siblings, 3 still lived in the NW and 2 were executors. The clearing was done very amicably, the brother and sister executors went around and made a list of items, then room by room we went around and said if we wanted something and that item was ticked off. By then we all had our own homes and the youngest took many essentials. It must be a near-impossible job with few siblings and they do have to be able to agree

I have cleared that drawer and anything to do with printing or padded envelopes has been put in the small printing cupboard. Re cycling is due anytime so stuff has gone out. I did rescue grippy liner for the drawer and that empty drawer now contains usables, essential oils, wax melts etc. That drawer could just be emptied and binned as it is now and will be one day, if I move and further downsize again. A possibility if dd moves in 5 years. I hope it is back to wales but who knows

So another small space done and with no effort. 2 hard backed books taken off a bookshelf. I doubt cs will take them as hard backs take up a lot of room, if not then I will shred all the inner pages for the creatures who live in my compost bins

Diggingdoris

I've lived in this house 52 years, so lots of clutter. Remarried 25 years ago so more stuff arrived with new husband. Then a few years back we both lost our parents so inherited even more clutter! So every shelf/cupboard/wardrobe is full along with a double garage. I don't know where to start. We are both from the 'it may come in useful one day' generation. Wish I had a magic wand!

Do you have family who might like to come and help you?

Or could you do what I know someone else did? He was, and now has, inheriting the family home. Every time he came and stayed, him and his mum would go through a few items.
After about 10 years, the whole house had been done. With them speaking about all the memories along the way.

I am not at the stage of inheriting yet.
Threads like this are thought provoking though.
I have taken in a few bits from a friend. But our house is not the same style as hers. So that has added to me being reluctant, when/if it comes to it, to take in much.

Grandma47 reading your post reminded me of my Wedgwood 'Ice Rose' dinner service. It was a wedding present almost sixty years ago. Used regularly when we were a family.. But for many years, unused. A few months ago I decided to start using this lovely china on a daily basis. I thought I'd risk it in the dishwasher. I'm pleased to say no harm has come to it. I'm enjoying meals using my dinner service regularly.
Great thread Karmalady.

I am tidying an overlooked space today, at least seeing if I can compact stuff into a smaller space. I have a small cupboard, used to be a tv cupboard, ercol,small, low, pale oiled oak finish. It is nice and could be used anywhere, even as a bedside unit one day

It holds my printer inside and has some extra space. I will see today about moving the likes of A4, polypockets, postal bags etc. I may well be able to clear a whole drawer in my other tv cupboard which is longer. My tv got wider

I learnt the hard way, no-one wanted the large brown furniture when we did the first downsize from the family home. Everything bought since then has been modular and the same ercol finish in pale oak. They will fit anywhere

Greciangirl

The Salvation Army have their own charity.
They feed and clothe the homeless.
Why would they give away perfectly good clothing.

If you are worried about donating, take clothing direct to the Salvation Army church.

Greciangirl
You obviously didn’t read my explanation as to why.
We don’t have the storage facilities.
Donations are coming in every day.
Good clothing is sold on site or eBay, or Market Place.
Rag is guaranteed money in the bank.
In the past 2 days I have bagged 30 kilos of rag. That is from one small shop.

If people wonder why some charity shops don’t accept electrical goods that’s because the person testing the goods has to be accredited. We are very lucky we have a volunteer who comes in. But that costs him £70 per year to keep that accreditation.

The Salvation Army have their own charity.
They feed and clothe the homeless.
Why would they give away perfectly good clothing.

If you are worried about donating, take clothing direct to the Salvation Army church.

We de clutter on a regular basis - love living in a tidy home and tend to only keep what we use regularly .

I have moved 10 times in my adult life and every time I try and de-clutter a little more.
However I’m still trying to de-clutter more, I’m hoping to have many years left but I’m aware that my children will probably just throw many of my items out so I’m thinking I’ll save them a job and either give away items or sell them . x

Great post, madeleine45… full of wisdom…

granma47

But would it matter if your dinner service didn’t last long in the dishwasher? At least it would have had a bit of use, instead of just being kept ‘for best’.

I have moved 19 times as an adult, including living abroad several times. However those moves were with a company so there was help and big organised removal people.Then there were other moves with just family or only my husband and I. My last move was very hard, to a flat as a widow, with no one able to help due to covid etc. Practically I knew it was the best thing, but emotionally it was very difficult. Added to leaving the home I had shared with my husband, I had to give up my precious garden, my piano and with a bad back was not able to do a great deal for some time when I got moved in. I tried to begin sorting out but found that just the everyday living was taking all my effort and just shut the door on quite a lot of things that do need sorting. However , while family or friends would help, most of it needs my decision as to what to get rid of and what to keep. So it has been quite hard to do, but I have just carried on with every day things and tried not to feel too bad about the unsorted things. Now I am feeling a bit more able to make decisions and so have sorted out a couple of boxes worth of stuff, recycled stuff, given to charity shop and taken a small amount to the tip. So hopefully am now into a better cycle as I can look back at some success with the last box. This morning I had planned to attack another box, but the forecast gave a sunny morning going on to rain in the afternoon and probably rain and cold for tomorrow. So ignored the box, went out to an rspb site and had the pleasure of seeing a little egret and avocets. Such a pleasure and I have no come home and yep it has just started raining!! So am now about to get a coffee and tackle that box!! More daylight and getting out a bit brightens my mood and then I can have a go at the next job. I dont need or want anyone else telling me to do it, it has got to come from me, but feel I just had to stay on a sort of plateau , having coped with the actual move, but wasnt up to doing anything more until now.I think it takes both mental and physical energy to do this kind of work so we need to work to our own timetable and just be glad when another bit is done. Good luck with whatever you feel ready to do Oh by the way in the past , I have deliberately kept several boxes before I gave them away to other movers etc. It is cheering to look and see 4 empty boxes rather than one at a time. You can actually see where you have been .

I've lived in this house 52 years, so lots of clutter. Remarried 25 years ago so more stuff arrived with new husband. Then a few years back we both lost our parents so inherited even more clutter! So every shelf/cupboard/wardrobe is full along with a double garage. I don't know where to start. We are both from the 'it may come in useful one day' generation. Wish I had a magic wand!

I've been using my DM's wedding china dinner set as 'everyday' dishes for the last couple of years. I have only chipped and binned one item so far, others are in daily use. They are really lovely and brighten my mood at mealtimes.

When I was downsizing after DH's Death, almost all (I kept a small set for myself) of a big shed full of my DH's tools and wood off cuts (he was a carpenter/joiner) were collected and are now in use by the Local Men's Shed. They made me a wonderful Scotty Dog planter as a thank you.
DH's best clothes were donated to the Care Home except for his kilts and accessories -now proudly worn by DGS. and finally, a quantity of antique and period items of little individual market value went to the Prop Store in Glasgow, who were delighted with among other things, my old original Apple Computer, a 1920's typewriter and an early HMV record player. They paid a reasonable (think Car boot Sale) price for the items and I have the added benefit of watching Scottish based productions, in hopes of seeing some of the items appear as set dressing in period dramas, etc.

granma47

My husband has been diagnosed with Myeloma which, although non curable, is treatable. It has made us start to de-clutter but one of the hardest things to go is crystal glasses and a Wedgewood dinner and tea service which were wedding presents over 50 years ago. I often see dinner and tea sets in charity shop windows and think they were 'best' like ours and although we could probably use them I don't think they would survive long in the dishwasher. Family, like most, don't want them but they don't mind still storing some of their clutter in our house which they haven't 'got room' for in their own!

This sounds so like us we moved 12 years ago and had a real declutter or I DID. Now 12 years on we are at it again,I don't find it too hard but DH does. Things are looked at and then go back. I had my mother's house to clean out, and DH passed the job to BIL after doing all the paperwork.
Things started to appear from one DD our loft was big, wedding dress in a box like a coffin, out of season children's clothes, and books that we were asked to keep when we moved and have never been collected.
DD2 did take the sewing machine last time and today I found the material I had got for cushion covers no machine now to make them.
Do we use the silver dinner service and china dinner set or do we pass them on and buy modern which I really prefer?
One thing I am glad I kept is a set of plastic child cups etc and knives and forks we keep getting new additions.

I have candles, lots of candles and am burning some now, instead of using my stove. Every little helps. It will help with the heat and will help me eventually clear two more really useful boxes

I will only forge ahead as long as I keep using what I already have. My mother used to save string and I was a post war child, I remember queuing for staples, rationing was still on. My sisters and I are similar, ingrained storage of essentials but I am fighting against that intinct now.

This thread could have been started with me in mind. I have done so much decluttering over the years as my husband is a hoarder. I generally manage to control the hoard by confining it to a couple of rooms out of sight of visitors plus the loft and shed are full to bursting. In the lockdowns of 2020, he was working at the test centres. I took advantage of this by hiring skips and get rid of masses of things. I was shredding papers and sorting out clothes he had not worn for years for the charity shops when they reopened. I was teaching music lessons on zoom too. Exhausting.

Fast forward to now and we are moving house soon. I am in a state of burnout because of working too hard and being a member of the sandwich generation. I am going to semi retire in July. My husband retired last year. There is so much to sort out and get rid of but I cannot physically do it at the moment. My husband is more interested in buying things for the new house than sorting out what he needs to sort out. He will have to do it, though. He is a lovely man in most other ways but I don’t like the hoarding. He seems to not see the problem in the same way.

It's a never ending job. I'm 13 years in and still can barely move. Trouble is, I lost mum 18 months ago and there were some of her things that I just couldn't get rid of straight away. Also as an on-off hobbyist, I have so much 'stuff' that's perfectly OK and I promise I will get to use it just as soon as I can move into a larger house, or at least one with proper storage areas. On the odd occasion I have a fit of temper and throw something out, I immediately regret it.

My husband has been diagnosed with Myeloma which, although non curable, is treatable. It has made us start to de-clutter but one of the hardest things to go is crystal glasses and a Wedgewood dinner and tea service which were wedding presents over 50 years ago. I often see dinner and tea sets in charity shop windows and think they were 'best' like ours and although we could probably use them I don't think they would survive long in the dishwasher. Family, like most, don't want them but they don't mind still storing some of their clutter in our house which they haven't 'got room' for in their own!

Since my DH passed away last year I've started thinking about decluttering especially in case I decide to move as the house is large and the garden huge and will soon be too much for me to manage. Can't bear the thought of losing any personal items, clothes etc yet but have been looking at all the stuff in the garage. I just don't know what a lot of it is and whether it might prove useful or not, bits of plumbing and electrical equipment and all sorts. Don't want to leave it all for family to have to sort at a later stage but no idea where to start.

I've had over twenty different addresses in my life, including UK, Germany, Philippines, Egypt and China.... Where I am now, Caversham, Reading I love, and I have no desire to move again...

If selling on EBay or any other site, how definite is it that you receive payment? Have seen comments where either no money is received, or, in some cases, the buyer diesn't get the goods.