Over many years I have moved 19 times in Britian and abroad. 6 times were as a child, the rest as an adult. I have always had itchy feet, wanted to see other places and live in different societies, but the attitude to stuff definitely changed over the years.
I had a friend who went to live in Bulgaria for 2 years with only what they could pack in the back of a ford cortina!! That in those days included the fondue set, if you remember those times. So early on, I was not concerned with possessions and there were few things that mattered, but I had pictures and a couple of small things of my granny. She was a very important person to me and after she died these things became even more important to me and I carried them like a talisman, so when things were difficult I would look at them and think "what would she have done"
Life moved on and I was quite good at being ruthless whilst I lived alone, and then when I married, things began to gather more. Lived in Portugal for 2 years, and we rented a flat out there so didnt collect much furniture, and had Pickfords Removal who were excellent, and when we came back they even made sort of wardrobe boxes which had rails in them, so you literally took clothes out of a cupboard and hung them on the rails and then hooked them in the packing cases.
So life and moves went on and of course many things collected over the years. I found it harder to ditch stuff , whether we were moving or just attempting to clear things out. After some hard times I became quite depressed and things got harder as I used to be able to be ruthless, but then couldnt trust my judgement, and found making decisions very hard. Yet I felt out of control and panicky if someone suggested they sort it for me .
So, my husband came up with a plan that worked for us. He was a good sorter out! So he would decide to sort a drawer or cupboard out. Then whatever he wanted to throw out , he would put on a tray or on a table. He wouldnt pressure me but just say when I was ready to have a look. So that rather took the pressure off, and there were many times that I was able to just look through and say yes it can all go. There were a few occasions when I would find the important spare bit for something and rescue it, but in general this enabled us to sort quite a lot of things out.
In the beginning I felt I was being unfair , leaving it to him, but he said he enjoyed getting something sorted, that it caused less stress etc. I was always the gardener, so would often go and do something there whilst he was sorting out, and I was always able to be quite ruthless in the kitchen and those sorts of cupboards. So it carried on until he died.
I stayed in our home for some time, but having done hospital car service, I knew that I needed to move to where I could still run my own life more easily and so the hardest move of all was from my house to a ground floor flat. Made even harder because this was during covid, so could not have any family help or anything. I did the best I could, but having to give up my piano was very difficult and endless sorting things out I did give up in the end and brought about 8 packing cases of things that I just could not cope with sorting out before I moved. It took me nearly a year to finally get through everything and I know I need to go through things again and get rid of more stuff
So looking back over the years, there have been very few times that I have regretted getting rid of things, but one or two things have travelled with me all the way. I found that wherever I went the windows were never the same size, and it was simpler and easier to leave curtains and fittings when we sold a house and got new ones wherever we moved to. I am still a book hoarder, despite giving very many away, and of course in particular my sheet music. That is very expensive to buy and sometimes it is out of print so have always been glad that I have kept it, despite my husband moaning about how much I had.
So now I feel I am in a different place. Having got rid of much of the furniture and so forth, my attitude is that I dont expect my family to want a lot of my things. Well I wont be here to worry about what they do with it, and so there are one or two pieces such as my very good special music drawers, that they know I want my musical friend to have ,etc. So I still need to clear out general clutter, but will continue to enjoy my books, paintings, music etc etc. Anything I no longer want is passed on to the charity shops, and we have quite a few nearby. So I keep a bag for books and whatever I decide I no longer want and once it is full, I take it to the next charity shop. I know of a womans refuge, where sadly sometimes women have to leave in just what they are wearing, and so once I had admitted to myself that I was unlikely to get into a smaller size again, I washed and ironed a lot of T shirts, jumpers, and trousers plus a couple of winter coats and offered them to the shelter. There were some very good quality things, and the lady in charge told me that they were all very useful and they were glad to have them.
So, I plod along now and dont have a set day or time to clear more stuff away, but accept that my place will always look untidy to some people, as I will have two or three books on the go, the cards or the chess set, and whatever else I am involved in at the moment. But who cares? I live alone now and so think at the age of 79 I am entitled to do as I please within reason. I have to say that when I go into an immaculately tidy room with not a sign of any interests, Unless they have a secret cupboard that everything disappears into, I think I would be very bored living like that , but each to their own! I have a couple of things that galvanise me into sorting out a bit more. One is when I have lost something and in the process of finding it get rid of quite a bit of rubbish. The other is occasionally decide to move things around so I learnt many yeasrs ago to MEASURE the space and double check before I actually do change stuff around. These days I will plan and check a move, and then sort as much as possible out so that the next time family or friends visit I can ask them to move things for me as I cant manage to do the moving myself.
I have always written on the back of photos, who is in the picture and the date taken. I still have a lot of very tatty looking bits of paper with writing on them,in a folder but they are all very important to me. I have very ancient love letters from my husband, a recipe written on green paper by my mother sent to me in Damascus many years ago. A long list of snowdrops I had in my collection with a drawing of all the flower beds in the garden and what was in them. They are of no interest to anyone else but I occasionally look at them and enjoy the memories they bring.So I just say , clear what you can but dont let anyone stop you enjoying something that has special meaning to you. Its your life not theirs!!
