Should I love or list my home of 26 years?

I just want to add to take a bus ride from where you might be looking. I did that today and haven`t been on a bus for a few years. It was lovely, almost an hour but it wiggled its way through small populated areas and I soon realised just how many places I could get to, including a very good shopping centre and other transport links

I was able to see further and better while on the bus and there were very many lovely homes including bungalows that, perhaps, I would have looked at if I had known how nice the areas are. I used to see area on rightmove but had that ridiculous prejudice from never having seen the quieter areas, so never followed anything up

I love where I live now and that has been reinforced today, the bus stop is just 5 minutes walk from me and from there I can get to so many places in somerset and beyond and that is my backup if I ever need to give up my car.

It isn`t all about going out for shopping, I have good local shops. It is about age old stones of cathedrals and abbeys, moats, smiley people, atmosphere and just chatting at the bus stop. Outdoor markets too and today I discovered two more, close by, on a bus route. People I chatted to told me about them, how good these markets are

Four years on from moving and I am still on a discovery journey, thanks to the bus. I feel as though I have been very lucky

Anne, it feels as though you are on the cusp of a decision. I think you know the practicalities ahead and the awful thought of perhaps not being able to drive in future. Have you checked that taxis are still available because people here have great difficulty in getting a taxi when previously they were commonplace

In your place I would get myself out in my car and go and have a good look around every small town closer to your son, a market town if there are any. Shops, buses, a library, doctor and then drive there, park up and get the feeling of the place. Does it feel friendly and will people stop and talk? I did that when I was looking and knew straight away that this was the area for me

You don`t have to worry about the emotion of leaving your home as it sounds as though the walls are saying that it is time to part ways

Get busy, before autumn. Go and look, see what area you might like, with your practical head on. Then have a glance at house prices, to see if you can afford to live there

In the meantime start de-cluttering and preparing and assume that you would go to a much smaller house, perhaps an apartment or bungalow

Keep us in the picture and don`t put if off any longer

Karmalady,
Hope you don’t mind me contacting you. I will soon be 80, but you wouldn’t know it. I have been in my house 55 years, I know every inch. My d has estranged me and my son lives in a quiet village. My house is a bit of the beaten track if you haven’t a car which I have, otherwise it would be taxis. I’ve always loved my house, garden now too big and neighbours not very nice, they don’t maintain theirs.. My son wants me to move nearer but I don’t see my dil, we get on, never a cross word, but she’s all her family, it would mean it’s easier for my son if I were in need, but there are no shops handy, six mile drive and I would be cut off. I have friendly contacts here and belong to different things, but nothing I mind leaving. My dearest friends either dead or moved to be with families they are close to. Always been so busy looking after children and parents, but now it’s just me. I would welcome your thought as an outsider looking in. Anne x

It has become important for me to not become emotionally attached to my house. Yes I love it but I could leave it and that might happen in the future. I am between the two dds. One may well move back to Wales and then the the dds will be nearer each other.

My main family home of 32 years was in s wales and we moved to somerset, between the dds. It was my husbands wish to get a fully eco house and we did in a small village and I am grateful that we did and that it was his last home. Once I was widowed, I was without that rudder so became 100% focussed on being practical ie what if I cannot drive. Buses, shops etc close by became important, while remaining equidistant between dds

If the future means that dd2 goes back to wales and of course that depends on jobs etc then I will up sticks and follow. I may well be 82 then and moving/downsizing will be a whole new ball game. In the meantime I am very slowly refining what I own but still splashing out on my glorious hobbies, which are also a good route to meeting people

If I learnt anything from the last house, it was not to splash out too much money on things that would be left behind eg my beautiful new kitchen, the best I ever had in my lifetime and only enjoyed for two short years and only as a widow.

Also decorating, this house has to be easy to upkeep so my paintwork is the same all over my house, it is a lovely soft white eco paint. Had that in my last house and the shade never changed in the time we were there. When I left, I filled all the screw holes and touched up with a small pot of that paint, which colour matched perfectly. So I keep up with paint maintenance, if I see anything I have marked, then a quick cover over with a mini disposable foam `brush` and job done

I'm a big believer in downsizing before you need to. Once people are in their 70s, they don't want to be doing all that cleaning or gardening. And the expense...

If you go with the "Love It or List It" theme, you would first work out two budgets.

Budget 1 is what you can afford to spend on the house if you stay. You would spend it to make the house work better for you, drawing up a costed plan first.

Budget 2 is what you can afford if you move.

You follow through on Buget 1 whatever. While the house is a mess you set your criteria for what you would want if you move and go, physically, to look at those that come within what you can afford. None of them will exactly reach your criteria but it will help you prioritise what matters.

Then, if you decide to stay you will have a house that works for you and doesn't worry you.

If you decide to move you will, without doubt, have adjusted your criteria and have a more saleable house.

I have an old very big house which is in need of a lot of repairs it still has original windows from 1875 it needs a lot of money spending on it but I can’t bear the thought of moving and it is in such a handy position close to everything I need So I will stay and pray the house holds out for ten more years I can’t see me needing it much longer than that
It would break my heart to move

I'm always on a mission to sort things out and move next year - it's always 'next year' - and looking for a suitable place to move into (very few and far between - most I dislike). The cost of repairs and upgrades has to be considered with (or against) the considerable expense of moving.

I've had so much done, new roof, windows, wiring, central heating, kitchen, bathrooms, solar panels etc. - and could have a lift installed if necessary. Friends have moved to more practical accommodation - but don't enjoy living there. Still, I'm under pressure to be closer to family, so I'm forever undecided.

The prospect of redecorating, yet again, is depressing though - same old rooms, third time lucky? Also, having new windows again as they approach their end of life. It will have to be a very special new place, full of charm and character, to make a move worth it.

Having moved in 2019. It cost approximately 20k for the legalities, fees etc, plus removals, plus setting the house up as my permanent home and that included the garden, shutters, wardrobes, flooring etc. I would say another 30k over the three years it took to really settle in. Included was full interior decorating with good quality paint

It is all done and dusted now and on-going costs are as low as could be. I am especially appreciating the easy care productive garden I made for myself, the excellent storage, my sewing room. Also the very good insulation means I am comfortable all through winter and being ten minutes walk from shops, transport and facilities was a very good practical decision. Yes I miss my last home but being in a fairly isolated village was just not appropriate at my age and on my own.

There were a couple of blips in the first two years, covered by snagging and no cost to myself

Dunne18, did you eventually decide on a solution?

House prices around here are falling and the market is fairly static. DD1 is in ‘the business’ and says it’s £20K or more to move - that’s a lot of paint and paper. Only you know if moving is really for you or not though.
Wasn’t there a thread recently where it was reported that folk should budget 1% (?) of the house value for annual maintenance?

We are in the same position. Love our house but it needs work done to it. I feel if we spend any money on the house it will be completely gutted by the next buyers so at the moment we will have to stay put

My husband died 18 months ago. My Dd had just moved back from abroad with her two children. She was staying with us. She has stayed and altered the 4 bed house to accommodate their needs. I retain a large bedroom and on suite. I plan to stay in the house. It suits us all at the moment. Maybe she will move out if it doesn’t in the future. Sometimes houses need to adapt to changing circumstances. I the meantime we are altering the house and garden to meet our combined needs. Think creatively.

I suggest something I used to get students to do to look where they might want to go for work. Take 2 pieces of paper each. Then individually make a list of good points for moving and on the other bad points. As you think of them write them down and then fold over the paper. do that for a few weeks and dont discuss with each other . Then take a wet day and in a reasonable frame of mind and sit down together and open up the papers. firstly if you look at each list you will see specific areas that go together such as "no stairs to climb" and "prefer to use energy to be in the garden" etc so that you will gradually see emerging the patterns and things that matter to you each. Then look at each others lists, and you may find things that the other has not noticed. Having done that you will be able to see what matters most to you both and what worries you have for the future. That at least will give you a starting point to think of what might be best. For me it is locus of control. I hated leaving my home especially my garden, but being in a ground floor flat allows me to have my independance and spend more time doing what i want to do rather than what has to be done. Other po9ssibilities to consider . Could you convert the house so that you live downstairs and the upstairs is a flat to provide income and help with costs? Try staying in winter time - not when it is nice and sunny - for perhaps a week in any area or town that you have considered living in and check out what it is like at that time. Transport. is there good public transport if you come to a time when you could not drive for any reason. What hobbies and pastimes are important to you and can you still do them if you moved. If you do this I think that you will gradually work out what really matters to you and have a better overal view of where you might go next. If you think of another town to move to, try and get some contact with such as a garden club or anything you are a member of now and find out what differences there may be there. Even at the most negative you will end up with a list of places or things that you do not want to do and this will be a help. You might be surprised at what you find out actually does matter most of all to you both. Good luck

Not quite the same as I am younger than you and the situation was different but similar. When my husband died, I was rambling around in his big house. I found it difficult to maintain and keep warm. I found that while people would stay now & then not all at once so all rooms were not used at once. It was not decorated to my taste as my late husband hated colour. It was smack in the middle of town which was closed to shops but in a cul-de-sac where everyone was in and out of each other’s homes ( I hated that ) The back garden was massive but minimal. The front garden was paved in stone which I hated.
I actually had my own 2 bed home which I had rented out, its much smaller with no stairs. When the young girl who was renting it, gave notice. I sat and weight up the cost of fixing my late husbands home against moving to back my smaller home. There were pros & cons on both sides. I decided to move back. It took time to get used to less space but I love it now and feel much free to do the things I love as I don’t spend as much time cleaning or trying to tidy up the gardens and drive. It’s easier to decorate and make my own and is so much more cosy.
People still stay but again it is never more than one room that is needed and I do have a massive lounge would I ever need to give up my bedroom.
It’s much cheaper to heat and much more stainable. It is more on the edge of the country so greener. Most people work and although its friendly, no one is walking into each other’s homes, call me unfriendly but that suits me.
For me I made the right move but you need to weigh it up with the future in mind. What is perfect now may not be in 10 years’ time . Take your time do your sums, research as much as you can, talk to each other and family , consider what your suport system look like. I knew mine would be limited as my family are busy and dont do Support well . Work out what you need and what you could live without and what life will look like when you both retired. For me nature and sustainability are key features to how I want to live.
Try to be logical and practical, as well as emotional andsentimental . Good luck I hope you work out what you want /need to do

We downsized 7 years ago, I was 71 and DH 75. We loved the old house but it had an enormous garden and upstairs. We are now in a bungalow, it has a similar number of rooms, but the rooms are smaller and the garden it much smaller. We have nice neighbours, near good buses, what more can we want? It does need new bathroom (which we can't decide on) and possibly new kitchen! We will probably be here for up to 5 years.

new bungalow?
Are there such desirable buildings?

Goodness, I don't think any have been built here since the 1960s!

Maybe think about what you need in 5 or 10 years’ time? We have just moved to a new bungalow, and, yes, moving costs are high, but so are maintenance costs of older houses.
I would suggest you get the house valued and see what you think after that. Good luck!

Racingsparrow

We are both in our seventies and moved from a house to a bungalow 4 years ago. The costs of moving are substantial. You have to consider Stamp duty, estate agent fees, solicitor fees and mover fees. In our case these added up to over £ 20,000, nearly 10% of the value of the house. That would pay for a lot of renovation work.

I was shocked when the estate agent who valued our home and showed us a couple of properties said removal costs would be about £35,000!
The places he showed us were in worse repair than ours and, unless we could have bought and renovated one before moving from our present house, we couldn't face the upheaval.

Have your house valued as it is then work out the cost of the work that needs to be done.Have a look at smaller properties in the area. You may find it's better to sell and move than to renovate and you may find a property you just love. If you don't and you decide to stay put you will know you have explored every option.

Go with your heart. We had a lovely three bedroom semi and best of all, a beautiful garden that took 30 years to make perfect. We knew that various jobs needed doing, a new roof, kitchen etc. In the end, we decided to move to a town ten miles away. I felt that our old house was perfect for a family, but we didn't need the space anymore.
We now have a small bungalow and garden, but it suits us as a retired couple, and there is a new area to explore and a new garden to create. To be honest, it felt like a load had been lifted from us and we have had no regrets at all.

We are both in our seventies and moved from a house to a bungalow 4 years ago. The costs of moving are substantial. You have to consider Stamp duty, estate agent fees, solicitor fees and mover fees. In our case these added up to over £ 20,000, nearly 10% of the value of the house. That would pay for a lot of renovation work.

I had a house I loved and had been there for over 40 years. Last year I decided I didn't want the hassle of all the maintenance that needed doing and downsized to an apartment with a balcony. No garden to tend, no maintenance needed, it is such a relief and I am amazed to say I have not missed the house at all.

Sell and downsize we live in a beautiful three bed bungalow love it! Just buy a bungalow in the same area if you like it there.

P.S. It's worth comparing the cost of moving (which can be high) with the cost of repairs and re-decorating. It may cost less to stay where you are. And repairing and redecorating will help sell the house, when or if you do decide to move. Good luck!

I don't want to suggest what is best for you - I don't know and I hope you will stop worrying and reflect and find what you really want to do. Not what you think you 'ought' to do - it's your life and your choice. But I will tell you that I am older than you and live in a fairly large house and absolutely love where I am - and will not be moving until I have to (which may be never) The space means I can have lots of family to stay, which is a joy, and I am not far from friends I've known for a long time. When I came here I was not young! But decided to live in a place I wanted to live right then, and not for an unknown future which might never arrive. That is my experience - but you will decide on what is best for yourself and I wish you happiness whatever you do.